SWF Main Event 2/7/04
SWF Main Event 2/7/04

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event, tonight looks to be a huge night, with quite possibly the BIGGEST main event match in this show's history! Dean, tell the good folks what we've got lined up!

Dean: Certainly Vance. This addition, just ONE WEEK away from No Escape looks to be off the charts with the following five matches:

Kings of the Street will take on Crazy Phil & The Janitor, with Phil & The Janitor's PPV title shot on the line!

JuJu & Petey Pizzazz will take on the Unlikely team of Boppo The Clown & The Mercenary!

Octane will face Captain Fantastic, which is said to have the winner in title contention once again!

Silkky Smooth will face Xavier Hawthorne III!

And, in our big main event, all 3 members of Cash Inc will face The Suicide Brothers, & a Mystery Partner! Who will the Suicides choose? If any of the several names that have been brought up in the rumor mill are their choice, it's gonna be one for the books!

Vance: Let's KICK IT OFF!

Silkky Smooth vs Xavier Hawthorne III
Silkky looks pumped tonight, and he dominates, until Ayatollah Sheik wanders to ringside, which provides enough of a distraction for Xavier to take control. Silkky finally manages to rally, and it isn't long before he hits the Silkky Slam, which, immediately after, Sheik jumps on the apron to cause another distraction. His plan backfires, as Silkky sends him flying off the apron with one good shot, and quickly goes for the successful pin attempt!
*Winner* Silkky Smooth

Post Match: Sheik recovers, and interrupts any sort of victory celebration, and he and Silkky fight to the back. I'm glad these two will get to settle their issues at No Escape!

Backstage, Generation Gap go to Extreme's office, upset that Tex cheated to beat Danny last week, earning the Good Ol' Boys a 6 Man title shot for No Escape. Extreme says he's sorry, but the referee's decision is final, so he can't change the decision, but he lets Generation Gap put any stipulation on the title match they wish. After a brief discussion, they decide on a steel cage match!

Octane vs Captain Fantastic
Octane starts fast and furious, but after quite a beating , Fantastic scores with a clothesline to take control. Fantastic shows some great power, executing suplexes and slams on his significantly larger opponent. Octane refuses to stay down, and when Fantastic tries to get him up for the Crime Stopper, he jumps down, and nails a DDT! Octane, in a horribly foul mood, lifts Fantastic back up, whips him into the ropes, and runs full tilt at him for a vicious avalanche splash! He's not done yet though, he picks up Fantastic once more, this time, kneeing him hard several times, before lifting him up for the Empty Tank, which he basically THROWS Fantastic straight up, and lets him fall to the mat, instead of pulling him back down to the canvas as per normal. That was BRUTAL. Octane covers Fantastic and gets the academic pin, and walks off almost as soon as the three count is finished. I would so hate to be whoever his next opponent is, he's just beyond pissed after losing to Petey.
*Winner* Octane

Backstage, The Janitor and Phil are shown talking. A very emotional Phil expresses his concern about losing their title shot, as he will have the chance to prove that he isn't a loser with the title match, and winning the tag belts would go a long way in rebuilding his life, as being tag champs would give him enough money to buy a nice home, and maybe mend fences with his estranged family, by proving that he's changed for the better. Phil also says how he's dreamed of one day winning a championship belt, and that he'd like nothing better than to beat Cash Inc, who've taunted him since day one. The Janitor, touched by Phil's sentiments, vows that he will fight to the very end to ensure Phil has his chance to show the world what kind of man he really is, a good one.

Kings of the Street vs Crazy Phil & The Janitor- Winners Face Cash Inc for the tag belts at No Escape
All four men start slugging it out as soon as they get into the ring , before Phil & The Don are left as the legal men. Phil seems really motivated, as he actually gets the better of Don, drawing a huge pop, and forcing him to tag Tony. Tony is met with some spirited punches, but soon takes control. Phil bows out soon after, and Janitor, honoring his promise, unloads on Tony, to the delight of the crowd. Tony has no choice but to tag Don back in, and The Janitor continues kickin' some major league ass. Soon however, Don cheats by using a low blow, and Janitor is left in deep trouble, because Don hammers away on him. The fans rally behind the Janitor, and a worried Phil looks on, reaching for the tag. Finally, The Janitor breaks loose, and tags Phil, who fights like a man possessed, and dismantles Don, before hitting the Crazy Crusher! The crowd just about lost it, and he quickly goes for the pin, as Tony rushes in to stop it, but Janitor recovers enough to cut him off! 1-2-3! Phil just won the match! The crowd goes APESHIT as Phil and Janitor celebrate. This marks the first time Phil has ever actually beaten anyone, but he has won one time, but was not involved in the decision.
*Winners* Crazy Phil & The Janitor

Post Match: Phil gets teary eyed as the crowd chants for him, and he goes up to Janitor, and says "Thank you", and extends his hand, to which Janitor brushes away and embraces him! The crowd continues to pop huge as they leave.

JuJu & Petey Pizzazz vs Boppo The Clown & The Mercenary
Boppo & Petey start, but when Petey dominates, Boppo quickly tags Mercenary, Petey's No Escape opponent, and judging by his actions, a man he wants nothing to do with, so he tag JuJu. JuJu and Mercenary go back and forth, evenly, but after a few minutes, Octane, in search of Petey slides right into the ring , and makes his way over to Petey's corner, but Petey is long gone by that point, running off through the crowd. The referee makes the mistake of trying to tell Octane to leave, and he gets the Empty Tank! JuJu and Mercenary decide to call it a night, stop fighting , and along with Boppo, run to the back. Octane stands in the middle of the ring , angry that Petey got away, then decides to leave, but isn't happy he couldn't get to his nemesis.
*No Contest*

We head to the back, where we see Cash Inc, and they sit confident, talking about how they know who the mystery partner is, and that "He won't be a problem".

Main Event: Cash Inc vs The Suicide Brothers & ???
Cash Inc make their way down, in high spirits, and the Suicides run down before their intro, without their third man, the mystery partner. All five go at it mid ring , but the Suicides are soon beaten down, and the three Cash Inc members stomp them into the mat. The Suicides are in desperate need of whoever their third man is, and soon EXTREME SUPERSTAR'S MUSIC HITS! EXTREME MUST BE THE MYSTERY PARTNER! The crowd explodes as the man himself walks with a purpose to the ring , clutching a steel chair. Cash Inc suddenly stop beating their opponents, seemingly shocked that Extreme was the third man. BDM and company argue, and we hear them yell about Extreme was certainly not who they expected as the mystery man, which allows Mike and Jack to attack from behind, as Extreme rushes as fast as he can the rest of the way to the ring. Extreme starts swinging the chair, and all three Cash Inc members roll out of the ring. Extreme then turns around and HITS JACK WITH THE CHAIR?! Extreme then blasts Mike, and Cash Inc smile, and Extreme smiles back?! The crowd is IRATE. Extreme kicks the two brothers out of the ring , and Cash Inc reenter, and they HUG Extreme! Extreme has aligned with Cash Inc! The victorious four men strut around, and BDM grabs a mic, then begins to address the crowd, who are hurling anything not nailed down at this new alliance.

BDM(all smiles and laughing): You people are SO gullible! How could you possibly believe that Extreme would risk his whole company to get rid of me! Sure, we've had our differences, but all it took to resolve that was a truce. Extreme, why don't you tell the people how this alliance, the NEW Cash Inc came to be?

(Extreme is handed the mic)

Extreme(grinning from ear to ear): Well, it was true, I did have a problem with BDM here in the beginning , and, yes, the whole Julio Maniaco thing was indeed a way to try and secretly take him out. But, after I won the Rumble, something that shocked even me, BDM showed up at my dressing room, and wanted to have a sit-down, which was after the whole Extrememania contract signing thing actually. So, I explained my problems with how he was doing business, and he explained that he was only doing it as a way to raise the ire of the fans, because we all know, a cheating heel is a surefire way to draw money. I understood, and even commended him for trying to shake things up, for the sake of the business, to which he pitched the idea that we join forces, a move that would certainly draw attention to the SWF, and be beneficial to Cash Inc. I was leery at first, but he then payed me a whole hell of a lot of money, that will go a long way in creating a better product for you all, so I agreed. Oh, yeah, one more thing , in case you were still wondering how this new alliance effects the Extrememania match, it's off! (the crowd boos heavily) And, as the special guest referee for No Escape, I can make sure that The Billion Dollar Man will walk out the SWF World champion! (the crowd boos loudly)

(BDM takes the mic, but is cut off, when the Suicides rush back into the ring , and attack the nearby Jaffe & Joe, while Extreme & BDM rush towards the aisle, and Mike picks up the microphone)

Mike(angry): Hey Extreme, you coward, why don't you want to fight now? C'mon! I guess you prefer to attack from behind huh?

Extreme and BDM are seen, and the camera picks up them shouting things at the Suicides, then the two opt to go back and fight, but when BDM begins to walk to the ring , Extreme spins him back around, and NAILS HIM WITH THE LIGHTS OUT! The crowd seems confused as to what is going on. The Suicides are then shown, cheering , and Extreme gives them a thumbs up! Extreme walks back to the ring , and shakes hands with the Suicides before taking the mic.

Extreme(to the Suicides): Sorry about the hard chair shots, but it had to be done to make our plan work, right? (The brothers agree and says it was ok) Well, well, well, how does it feel to be played BDM? You see fans, while BDM DID try and call a truce after we signed the contract for Extrememania, I didn't actually buy into what he was saying , I was only going along with it, so he could see what it's like to be screwed over! (the fans cheer, realizing that Extreme is true-blue after all) Sure, the Extrememania match might be off, but only because at No Escape, and with me as the referee, The Billion Dollar Man will be forced to defend his title, fair and square! (the crowd cheers again, and we pan to a dazed, but alert, and angry BDM)

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 1/31/04
SWF Main Event 1/31/04

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! Tonight, the road to SWF's next PPV, No Escape, continues, here's Dean to tell you more.

Dean: Vance, tonight we'll see 3 matches to determine the contenders for the SWF 6 Man titles! Each member of the Good Ol' Boys will face a member of the reigning 6 Man champs, Generation Gap, and if they fail to win the majority (or one win, in case of a no contest match), some other threesome will get the title shots, but if successful, they get the chance once more to be SWF 6 Man champions! Also, the two newest tag teams, the Kings of the Streets, consisting of The Don & Tony Ramon, will face Tuns of Fun, the duo of Boppo The Clown & Repo, in match that will be very important, if either of these teams wish to get a shot at tag team gold. We are also told, Extreme Superstar has yet ANOTHER announcement that will raise the ire of SWF World champion, The Billion Dollar Man!

Vance: Well, as I always say, let's KICK IT OFF!

Charles Gunn vs Jimmy Jam
Jimmy comes on strong , taking the early lead after dazzling his opponent with some aerial maneuvers. Too many of those moves prove to be his downfall however, because Charles catches a Jimmy as he comes off the top with a flying body press! Without hesitation, Charles swings Jimmy's body out, turning it into a Gunn Slinger! With Jimmy's own momentum, Charles really planted him into the mat, 1-2-3, it's over! Charles scores one important win for the Good Ol' Boys, just one more is needed for the title shot!
*Winner* Charles Gunn

The announcers recap Petey's win last week, then announce that Octane has a slight concussion, and won't be here tonight, due to being hit with the ring bell. He is however going to be back next week, for an important match with Captain Fantastic, who Petey also shafted out of the TV title shot.

Rory Rogers vs X
X makes a good go of it for the first few minutes, but Rory fights back, and hits the Roundup! 1-2- NO! Unfortunately for Rory, he nailed his finisher too close to the ropes, and X had enough presence of mind to out his foot on the rope. Rory, a little upset, argues with the ref, but then goes back to X, and looks to try the move again, but this time, further away from the ropes. Rory wasted too much time though, and out of NOWHERE, X rolls Rory up in the inside cradle, and gets the 1-2-3! X pulls one out for his team!
*Winner* X

We go backstage, where Tony and Don are preparing for their match, which we learn is NEXT!

Kings of the Street vs Tuns of Fun
As per usual, Repo comes out last, this time as One Man Gang! Once everyone is in the ring , the two teams go right at each other, and Boppo & Repo have things well in hand, before Tony & Don make the comeback. The ref has a hard time getting the obligatory member of each team to leave, but soon help is on the way, as JuJu's pyro goes off, and he comes storming the ring , making a beeline to his No Escape opponent, Boppo. JuJu quickly nails Boppo with the JuJu Driver, as the bells rings for the DQ , and leaves before anyone can touch him.
*Winners by DQ* Tuns of Fun

Post Match: The angry Kings of the Street attack Repo, and hit him with their finishing moves, before demanding the referee count as Don "pinned" him. KOTS (which I'll use for short when referring to Kings of the Street), beat on Repo some more, and kick a downed Boppo before walking off.

We cut to all 3 members of Cash Inc, who are watching the show in their dressing room, and when Jaffe & Joe inquire as to what BDM thinks of Extreme's supposed announcement, BDM laugh it off, saying it's just Extreme "Playing mind games".

Main Event: Tex Gentry vs Disco Danny
Tex & Danny TEAR IT DOWN with a fast paced little match, and each man gets their fair share of offense in. Both keep trying for a quick pin, like X got earlier, and after a REALLY close call attempt by Danny, Tex bails to the outside. Danny, not wanting to wait, rushes out after him, but when the ref can't get them to return, and knowing what is at stake, doesn't want to count them out, goes out after them, he accidentally collides with Tex, who Danny was trying to whip into the ring post, and the poor ref is sent into the post instead! With the ref out, Danny opts to toss a dazed Tex back in, and nails the Disco Drop! But, with nobody there to count, Rory and Charles storm the ring , hoping to aid their partner, who is out cold. X & Jimmy soon come down to stop a potential beat down, and all 3 members of Generation Gap are drawn into a brawl with Rory & Charles, leaving Tex by himself. This proves to be a mistake, as Tex recovers, then drags himself outside, to where the guitar he carries to the ring is sitting! Tex sneaks back inside with his weapon, and pulls Danny from the fray, and LEVELS him with a guitar shot, then rolls him up for the pin! Danny is OUT. By this time, the dazed referee is pulling himself up on the apron, so all the illegal men in the ring hightail it, but not before Rory sneaks up, and rolls the ref inside, where he manages to count the 1-2-3!
*Winner* Tex Gentry

As everyone leaves the ringside area, we go backstage, and see Extreme walking down the hall, apparently on his way to the ring.

Extreme Superstar's music hits, and comes out to a big pop, smiling the whole way, and holding a microphone. Extreme waits for the music to stop, and goes right into what he wants to say:

Extreme(in a particularly good mood): As you may know, I'm out here to make an announcement, but not just any announcement, one that is allegedly gonna get under the skin of the good ol' Billion Dollar Man. (The crowd cheers) Well, we'll have see about that, c'mon out BDM.

(BDM makes his way to the ring, and with a mic of his own)

BDM(somewhat upset): I'm getting REAL tired of all these big announcements you keep making , ones that always end being just another way to screw me over. (begins to smile) But, since I ALWAYS end up coming out on top, I'm not too worried about what it is you've got planned, so, by all means, tell me and all these people what it is this time.

Extreme: Ok then. BDM, next week, you, and your Cash Inc buddies will participate in a 6 Man Tag Match.

BDM(not letting Extreme say another word): Against who? (uneasily smiles) I know you too well, what's the catch?

Extreme(playing it off like no big deal): Hmmmm, a catch? Let's see, two of your opponents are the Suicide Brothers (big pop for that), and the third, is ANY partner they choose! (another big pop) Yep, could be just about anyone, someone you know, someone you've screwed over, or someone you've never even seen before. Wait a minute, if it could be anyone (fakes being shocked) why it could even be (the crowd cheers, and BDM looks furious, knowing where he's going with this)....(Extreme points to himself, pretending that he's all surprised, and the crowd pops big again) That match is certainly gonna be interesting , (playfully pats BDM on the back) good luck!

(Extreme walks off as BDM stands still, just totally pissed off)

END OF SHOW

Piledriver: Once again....IT'S MINE!!!!!!!!
Piledriver: The greatest video EVER

Great moments in American History

July 4th 1777- The Declaration of Independence was signed.

January 23rd 1984- Hulkamania was born.

October 15th 1987- Piledriver The Wrestling Album II video was released.

Yes, the holy grail of WWF Coliseum Video releases, Piledriver: The Wrestling Album II, Piledriver for short. You might say, well the WWF released a whole host of videos under the Coliseum Video label, until the change to WWF, then WWE home video switch in 1997, why is this so much better? I'll tell you why. You might argue, what about all the fantastic PPVs like the epic Wrestlemania 3, or all the Best of the WWF tapes? C'mon people, everyone and their mother could get a Wrestlemania on tape, and all the Best ofs and compilations were mostly made up of crappy house show matches and tv squashes. Ok, the ONLY video that I can think that is even close to Piledriver, is the mind blowing Raw Prime Cuts, but that was all stuff you could see on TV. Piledriver however, that had all the top stars of the day in MUSIC VIDEOS! I could find PPV matches and all that on other tapes/DVDs or TV, but to see the music videos for the album (yes, there was an accompanying album too, and I own a copy on tape). I LOVED this tape, like it was my best friend or a dear family member, and watched it religiously every day (several times too, I recall about 5 or 6 viewings once). The tape is only about 45 minutes, and in reality maybe only a half hour or so, so you can get your full fix satiated fairly quickly. I was so happy with the tape, and would watch it all day if I had to, but then something HORRIBLE happened, I forgot it at someone's house, and would never see the tape again. Years had passed since I saw that sweet, sweet tape, but about two years ago, I went into a video store across from where my mom worked (I was there for one of those career shadowing days), and as I always do at those places, I sped to the wrestling section. What I saw almost made drop to my knees ala Randall at the Big Choice video store in Clerks, I had walked into a gold mine of fantastic wrestling videos, the stuff that most places stopped renting a long time ago. As I scanned the videos in awe, I saw the first ever Hulkamania video (WWF's first video release EVER), the aforementioned Raw Prime Cuts, Bash at the Beach 1994 (Hogan's WCW debut vs Flair in one of the biggest dream matches ever. This was before it was available on Hulk's STELLAR DVD release), and then, I saw the box art that had been burned into my mind. There was the greatest individual to ever step into a ring of ALL time (screw you if you disagree, your WRONG), Hulk Hogan, in the white construction hat with an old yellow WWF "block" logo on it, right below the big bold black lettering that said "Piledriver". I couldn't hide my excitement, and I looked around, seeing if anyone else was aware of what an amazing thing I had just discovered, but they weren't, which it's a good thing, people might think I was nuts for being so happy, and they wouldn't be able to rent it out from under me. I then returned the relic to it's place, tore out of the store, back to my mom's work, and DEMANDED to sign up for the store, and we did. I picked up Piledriver, and clutched it with an iron grasp until I was safely at the counter, NOBODY could have pried that tape from my hands if they wanted. That night, I sat in awe, watching Raw Crime Cuts and Piledriver, which might just be about the coolest way I've ever spent three hours. This may be off topic, but worth noting, on other visits (before my mom left that place, and I have never been able to return to the store) I rented Survivor Series 1989, and the aforementioned Bash at the Beach 1994 & Hulkamania video. The reason I bring this up is that Hulkamania video, the first ever WWF video released, was in PRISTINE condition! I was stunned, the box on the display was unmarked, and the video was like new, still shiny, and the label was unscathed, like time had stood still and nobody had ever even watched it. Weirder yet, the picture was PERFECT, I didn't even LOOK at the tracking button once while the tape was playing, it was unreal. This tape, at that time, about 17 years old, but no flaws, I've had to play with buttons for five minutes to play NEW stuff, and still have a bad picture, but this tape, that had been around my whole life, played better than any tape I've ever watched. THAT is why Hulkamania rules, it even runs wild on VCRs! Back to the topic at hand. Thursday, January 29 2004, which would be two days ago by the time I post this (it's about 11:30 on the 30th now), I once again, after about 13 years, was the proud owner of the Piledriver video! I won it on Ebay, and it arrived via mail Thursday, just as beautiful as I could ever imagine, in the original box, in great condition. But here's the kicker, while a lot of older Coliseum videos can fetch around $35.00 a piece, I only paid $9.70, and that's WITH shipping and insurance included! Now, as I once again own it, and of course, watched it that night, I'll review it for you all to enjoy! Also, since I have the Wresting Album that preceded Piledriver (not a video, just an album), I'll review it as a bonus! Piledriver featured 8 music videos, neglecting only two songs from the album, Hillbilly Jim and some lady known as Gertrude's touching (read: lame, ok it's not that bad, Jim is actually decent) Kenny Rogers like duet "Waking Up Alone", and Jimmy Hart's Crank It Up". Now, these should almost in order, but forgive me if I misplace one or two. Ready, as SWF's Vance McMillian would say (and I should know, I created the whole damn thing), let's KICK IT OFF!

Piledriver: The Wresting Album II video review
We open with some doofus who was the producer of the album, and he serves as host. He takes us to the first video, the title track, Piledriver, sung by the infinitely cool, Koko B. Ware.

Video # 1 Piledriver, sung by Koko B. Ware
We have a cool construction theme, and Koko acts as singer on top of some unfinished building project, holding a sledgehammer. I have to point out, Koko is a good singer. But on the construction site, The always awesome Honky Tonk Man drives through in his pink Cadillac, with Peggy Sue and Jimmy Hart, pissing off all the wrestlers who are the construction workers. Playing the workers, and I think this is everyone, Hulk Hogan (who steps in front of Honky's car, holding a sledge of his own, which is enough to scare anyone), Bam Bam Bigelow, Bam Bam's manager Sir Oliver Humperdink, Billy Jack Hayes, Don Muraco (the REAL Rock), Superstar Billy Graham, and even Vince McMahon himself! Another thing is they guys are always hassled by the foremen, played by old school (even for 1987) manager Arnold Skaaland. As the foremen hassles them on the site, Hulk turns the cement hose on him! Then, we see the obligatory shot of women walking by, only to be hassled by the wrestlers, who are on their lunch break, which is pretty funny, I mean, Hulk is so stunned by one of the girls, he is left with his sandwich hanging out of his mouth! And, if that wasn't enough, a surprisingly nerdy looking Vince McMahon tries to woo one of the girls by offering a bag of fruit! We then cut to clips of Koko in action, using his fantastic Ghostbuster (Brainbuster DDT) on some poor jobber, and shown in replay. That move just rocks, and was heavy stuff for the time. Then we see Koko celebrate in the ring, with his Macaw, Frankie, and singing the song to the live crowd. We end the video as the grumpy foremen sneaks into the port-o-potty, and someone begins to raise it with a forklift! This was goofy, but all good fun.

Doofus guy talks about the video for "Girls In Cars", which is also the theme of one of my favorite teams ever, Strike Force! Tito Santana and Rick Martel ruled as a team, and individually, I just thought you should know. Doofy talks to the super cool, Jim Johnston, the man responsible for pretty much every theme in WWF history (and still is today) about the video, he says is a remix of the theme. I recall Strike Force using an instrumental version at one time, so maybe that's what he means, since some guy named Robbie Dupree (I'm sure he had a hit at some point) is doing this version. We also see Strike Force pimped out in big 80's shades, in a red convertible (which appears to be a Corvette) on location of the video. Strike Force is also credited with the song, so I they must be the backup singers, which has always been my assumption.

Video # 2 Girls In Cars, sung by Robbie Dupree (with Strike Force doing backup)
We basically have some typical 80's crap video, and Strike Force doesn't even appear! They showed them before the video, but in the actual video, all we see is the car, that has a Strike Force licence plate on the back, and a slight shot of Tito's (not sure) profile. We focus on the girls in cars, and the singer (Robbie Dupree), who RD Reynolds of the hilarious Wrestlecrap.com described as a Kenny Loggins ripoff (he looks and sounds like him, only like 800 times worse), singing on the beach in a Miami Vice white suit, while seagulls fly around. That's about it, and the Strike Force tease ruined it. The song itself is amusing, as it is soooo cheesy, that it took serious guts for Tito and Rick to use as a theme. No wonder people were so happy for Demolition to beat them for the tag belts, they had wussy music, satin jackets, and well kempt long hair, despite ruling the world wrestling wise, they were pretty lame, even for the 80's. It's ok, after the 1989 breakup Tito would just go on being Tito (but still sported the Strike Force gear (no satin jacket sadly) until he became El Matador, cause every Mexican is a Matador I guess), and Rick became "The Model", which is one of my favorite gimmicks.

The doofus host guy then talks about Honky, and we cut to an interview with him, who talks about his video, for his "hit single", and theme song "Honky Tonk Man". Honky says we will finally see him dance, play guitar, and sing (he always claimed he could, and that he had hit songs that nobody had ever heard. All he ever used his guitar for was blasting some poor good guy with it)

Video # 3 Honky Tonk Man, sung by Honky himself (with Jimmy Hart doing backup)
This video rules, and so does Honky. Honky sings a rockabilly style diddy, and it is great. He's performing at some club, and all the girls are trying to touch him, and passing out. The best part though was him "playing" the guitar, since he had an acoustic one, yet the sound was most certainly electric. Also, there's a cool take on the Hollywood sign that proclaims it "Honkywood". If Honky decided to come back, if only just to sing, dance, and hit people with guitars, I'd be all for it. At the end, we see a disclaimer which says Honky paid all the people in the video, hahaha. There is one thing to be warned about, gratuitous random shots of Honky shaking his ass. Honky is cool and all, but THAT is just unnecessary, and disturbing.

The doofus then segues into one of the best videos EVER (besides Piledriver, Real American (the only one not on this tape, but on Hulk's DVD if you want it, and you do), Honky's video, and the upcoming Jive Soul Bro), that being "Demolition", the theme for the greatest tag team EVER, Demolition (duh!), sung by Rick Derringer, the man who also sung Real American, and the upcoming Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo (with "Mean" Gene Okerlund).

Video # 4 Demolition, sung by Rick Derringer
YEEEEEES! THIS was like my favorite video on the tape when I was little and watching it, and it basically made me a hardcore Demolition fan. It combines cool clips of the Demos kicking ass all over the place, mainly using their bitchin' Demolition Decapitation tag team finisher, with footage of houses blowing up, and atomic bombs going off while people duck and cover. It's so cool, death, destruction and Demolition. It's like those shock films they show people to scare them, it says "Don't f*ck with Demolition, they'll KILL you". I'll tell you, I want a video like this someday, I bet people would be scared stiff when I came walking down to the ring. Hell, if I had the chance I'd bring the Demolition gimmick back, then slap a video like that as a Titan Tron, and be in the new Demos. I always wanted to be in Demotion, and even picked my name, there would be Ax, Smash, Crush (this was all pre-Crush, the original was the REAL team though), and TERROR. You might think that name sucks, but give me a break, I was like 8 when I came up with it. And, to boot the song ROCKS, like HUGE TIME, one of my all time favorite songs type rockin'. Once I get my own car, I'm gonna ride down the street at 3 AM and blare this, which would probably wake the whole neighborhood up, but who cares. If I ever get into an argument at college, I'll set up a challenge for a fight, then have someone blare this music, at which point I'd rush to the place where the fight is to happen, in full Demo gear and makeup, kick the guy's ass, and have a buddy set him up so I can come off the roof of a car with the Demolition Decapitation. It's either that, or do use Real American, and use Hogan gear, that would be easier to come by, or even get the cool spiked shoulder pads that LOD wore, but that's off topic. In closing, the video RULES, the music RULES, Demolition RULES.

Doofy McDooferson then takes us to the greatest pimp to ever live, even better than Dolomite, The Godfather, Superfly, Shaft, or Fillmore Slim (the world's most famous real pimp), the doctor of style himself, Slick! In a hilarious because it's so very wrong way, Slick is talking to us from a restaurant eating FRIED CHICKEN! Yeah, and he probably has some Kool-Aid to wash it down too. Anyways, Slick tells us that HE has the greatest song on the Piledriver Album (and he may be right). Slick intros with a drum roll, USING THE FRIED CHICKEN!!! Slick rules. So we go right into the Slickster's video, Jive Soul Bro.

Video # 5 Jive Soul Bro, sung by Slick
We see Slick (dressed like someone right out of a 70's Blacksploitation film, complete with a cane) walking through what I guess is the projects (it is pretty run down). Slick sings about what a playa, as we today would call it, walking down the streets while everyone disses him since he's no good. We cut from him on the streets and in a studio singing throughout. Slick then gets down for us all to enjoy. The best part (besides the intro, and dancing) was Slick talking about being with a 7 foot woman, going to her house, and this tall (probably standing on something) woman answers, towering over the Slickster. This is the FUNKIEST SONG EVER, and one of my personal favorites as well. If anyone should come back, it's Slick, Teddy Long could learn a lot from him. But last I heard, Slick is a reverend now, something he even played up near the end of his WWF run, turning face and dropping the pimp gimmick. COME BACK SLICK!

We head back to Doofus Maximus, and he tells us about our next video, "Mean" Gene Okerlund and Rick Derringer singing Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo, which was a hit song for Derringer in the 70's or so. Also, there is a surprise (if you didn't see it on the box) person playing bass.

Video # 6 Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo sung by Rick Derringer & "Mean" Gene Okerlund (with HULK F'N HOGAN playing bass)
We have a classroom setting, and the nerdy female teacher (with nerd establishing glasses) asks the bored class to prepare for a presentation by Mr. Peabody (Mean Gene), that is some classical music piece spliced with boring bird footage or something. Gene (looking nerdy as well, with glasses) walks in, and talks about how good his video is, then, the lights turn off, the video starts, and Gene is an 80's rocker! The music starts, and Gene is all decked out in some HORRENDOUS clothes, a blue wig, and silver glasses like Bret Hart's or the ones Doc Brown had in Back to the Future. The kids love it, and the teacher then lets her hair down, takes off the glasses, and starts shakin' it on the desk. We cut to a studio, where Rick, Gene (still in the weird 80's garb), and the Hulkster rock out. We go back and forth, for a bit, and the stodgy principal hears what's going on over the intercom. Basically it's more rockin' until the video ends, and everyone is back to normal, and the once again nerdy Gene smiles when the teacher admonishes him. Hogan, as you might know, is an accomplished bass player, and he was great here, but the video itself wasn't all that unlike other 80's classroom set videos. Gene's getup is disturbing to say the least.

Doofy McGee then talks about Andre the Giant, who the next video focuses on. It is the infamous Vince McMahon (still just an announcer, not publically acknowledged as the owner) sung "Stand Back" an extremely cheesy....umm, I guess rock (Tom Jones style) song, that many say is actually directed at Jim Crockett, owner of the rival NWA (WCW's parent company, WCW hadn't been created yet). A few years back, Chris Jericho actually used a clip of Vince singing this at the WWF's Slammy Award show to embarrass him. Anyways, onto the video.

Video # 7 Stand Back, sung by Vince McMahon
Sadly, Vince isn't actually featured, it's all clips of Andre, mainly his feud with Hogan, leading to Wrestlemania 3, including the match itself. The video is cool for that reason, and to hear Vince getting into the song, trying to go all soft and soulful, then bust into his deep booming "YOUR FIIIRED" type voice that he does, is hilarious.

Doofus with Gallant then intros the final video, which is sung by EVERYBODY, a tune titled "If You Only Knew".

Video # 8 If You Only Knew, sung by the WWF Wrestlers (that's how they are credited)
I LOVED this song, and it was cool since all the tops stars of the day were singing (the ULTIMATE WARRIOR of all people was in the chorus). Jimmy Hart (he actually was a singer, with a hit song in the 60's) and Koko carried the musical end, but Hulk and Ted Dibiase's verbal spat made it for me. Basically, Hogan told Teddy that he didn't have enough money to buy him out, Ted said everybody's got a price, Hogan told Ted he wanted to bust him up, real bad, then Ted said, "Yeah, see Virgil(Ted's manservant)". It was a great way to close too.

Overall, Piledriver rocks.

BONUS: The Wrestling Album Review

On this 1985 Release, there are 10 tracks, and after each one, Vince McMahon, "Mean" Gene Okerlund, and Jesse "The Body" Ventura talk about the song, and intro the next. Also, they play it up as we are hearing it as they record it, saying stuff like "he's on his way to record the track now", then we hear the track, as if it's live. on his face to Ready for this? Ok!

Track 1- Land of 1,000 Dances?!!, sung by The Wrestlers
This is basically a rendition of the tune done by all the WWF wrestlers. It's cool since Vince gets all hyper, Jimmy Hart carries the music again, and Paul Orndorff surprised me by actually carrying a tune?! Wow, that STILL shocks me every time I heard it. The heels and faces take turns singing, like a battle, which is a nice touch. The heels, especially Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff do a good job, intentionally singing as bad as they can. But the highlight was Uncle Elmer, a wrestler with a farmer gimmick, saying "I don't talk to well, but my pigs talk a whole lot better", and in his full heel glory, the incomparable "Rowdy" Roddy Piper flips out because of Elmer's statement, thinking that someone is ribbing him. Piper's hilarious disturbance brings the song to an end, as he goes on a tirade (during the Rock and Wrestling Connection era, Piper proclaimed his hatred for rock and roll), causing Pat Patterson (the 1st Intercontinental, and Vince's "stooge" during the "Attitude" years) to throw him out. Vince, Gene, & Jesse then talk about the mess that the song turned into. Jesse plays up King Kong Bundy while Vince hammily declares that Bundy was "OFF KEY". I should say that during this album, Jesse defends all the heel singers, while Gene and Vince expound on the virtues of the face wrestler's singing, and Vince is great, overacting his praise and dislike. Gene brings up Junkyard Dog's singing, talking it up as great, Jesse disagrees, and Vince tells us that JYD is on his way to record the next tracks, and he Gene is confused by the title "Grab Them Cakes".

Track 2- Grab Them Cakes, sung by Junkyard Dog
Ok, "Grab Them Cakes" basically means grabbing your dance partner's butt. You see, JYD is singing this funky and fun little diddy about this dance he started, in his neighborhood, now everybody's doin' it, cause it feels so...good. Yeah, that's a quote from the song if you didn't know. JYD is great, he had just got a loveable persona that people were drawn to, me included. Sadly, he passed away in 1998, but he left his mark, being one of the most popular wrestlers of all time (him being attacked once got a riot started, and death threats were sent, THAT's how much people loved the guy). I remember that my JYD figure was always one of the ones I played with the most, and he has always been a favorite of mine. As for the song, it's nice and fun, and JYD actually used it as his theme for a while. At the end, Vince and Gene hoot and holler about how great it was, and Jesse isn't impressed. They bring up the next track, by Rick Derringer (only credited as Derringer for whatever reason), and it's dedicated to Mike Rotunda and Barry Windham, the team known as the U.S. Express, not to Jesse, as he thought. Yes, it's, the one, the only, REAL AMERICAN!

Track 3- Real American, sung by Derringer
I know, you say, isn't this Hulk Hogan's theme? Well, originally, it wasn't. But the U.S. Express were gone shortly after, and I think they used it like a few times at most, but being the most awesome song ever, and fitting Hogan, they gave it to him. There isn't much else to say, as my love for this song is already well publicized. I also think that Cyndi Lauper did backup, something I never noticed until just listening to it now, as she did backup and produced under a pseudonym. Here, BEST. SONG. EEEEEEVVVERRR! Jesse gets indignant, mad that the song wasn't directed at him, and Vince tells him to "eat his heart out", BUT WAIT! Gene informs us that just happens to be the title of the next song! Jesse tells us it's called "Eat Your Heart Out Rick Springfield" by Jimmy Hart.

Track 4- Eat Your Heart Out Rick Springfield, sung by Jimmy Hart
This song is very dated, since it's about Rick Springfield, a singer/actor from the day. Basically, the story is Jimmy's girlfriend is in love with him, and Jimmy is mad. The song is ok, also dated, but Jimmy is actually a great singer. The best part was Jimmy doing a pretend phone call to his girlfriend at the beginning, who's mother tells him that she is at the Rick Springfield concert, which makes Jimmy angry. You see Jimmy did the girl voices, so it made me laugh. Afterwards, Gene and Vince put it down, Gene calling Jimmy out on the girly voice, to which Jesse retorts by calling it "voice range". We then intro the next track, "Captain Lou's History of Music", by Cpt. Lou Albano, with George "The Animal" Steele.

Track 5- Captain Lou's History of Music, sung by Cpt. Lou Albano (with George "The Animal" Steele)
This track sucks. Lou rambles about his ancestors creating rock and roll, while George grunts, and we hit some weird 80's music while Lou sings about himself. Vince and Gene actually defend it, since Lou is a face, and Jesse rightfully gets pissed about having to hear it. We then are told of the next track, Hulk Hogan's theme music at the time, simply "Hulk Hogan's Theme" by the WWF All Stars. Jesse is not happy, but he's always been jealous of Hulk.

Track 6- Hulk Hogan's Theme by the WWF All Stars
There isn't actual singing, just someone saying "Hulk" a lot. The song is very 80's, but still pretty good for an instrumental piece, using a combo of piano and guitar. This was actually also the theme to Hulk's cartoon, Hulk Hogan's Rockin' Wrestling. I liked it, because of it being Hogan's, but otherwise, it was pretty good. Vince and Gene, since it was 80's Hogan, go NUTS over it, saying that everybody had to like it. Jesse feigns puking, then Vince and Gene act disgusted as they discover Roddy Piper has the next track. Jesse, feeling better, intros the track, "For Everybody" by Roddy Piper. Vince asks in Gene is ready, and Gene responds with a raspberry.

Track 7- For Everybody, sung by Roddy Piper
It's Piper being the 80's heel that we all love, how can anyone not like that? The tune is rather jazzy, with a sax and trumpets, not rock like Piper professed to hate. It's called "For Everybody", and Piper says "There's only one thing I got to say, FOR EVERYBODY!", I assume the "for"is just the closest word the squeaky clean WWF of the time could get to the F-bomb, so Piper is basically saying "f*ck everybody!". Gene pretends to be sleeping when we return, and Vince wakes him, saying he's got business, my word, GENE is singing next! Jesse tells us Gene is doing "Tutti Frutti". Vince is all hyper, and tells Gene to take it away.

Track 8- Tutti Frutti, sung by "Mean" Gene Okerlund
It's not half bad, Gene sings ok, but Little Richard is obviously better, as Jesse tells him. In a live TV performance, Hulk did bass, but apparently not this version. Vince talks about the next track, "Don't Go Messin' With a Country Boy" by Hillbilly Jim. Jesse is mad, saying he thought is was a rock album. Gene says he needs a little soul, even if it's a country soul. Vince and Gene even give out a heartfelt YEE HAW! To take us to it.

Track 9- Don't Go Messin' With a Country Boy, sung by Hillbilly Jim
It's actually catchy, and fun, plus Jim used it as his theme. Jim is a decent singer as demonstrated on the Piledriver album, but he more or less does a country style rap thing, like square dance singers do. Gene and Vince end up YEE HAWing once more when we get back, and they talk about Brutus Beefcake getting the message of the song, since they had a feud then. Then, they talk about our final song, done by Nikolai Volkoff, making dated references to the Cold War. Jesse says Volkoff is doing "Cara Mia".

Track 10- Cara Mia, sung by Nikolai Volkoff
Volkoff isn't half bad, he's got a deep opera like voice, but then they ruin the song by busting out the tool of all 80's music, the dreaded SYNTHESIZER! Nikolai saves it some, by cutting in at the end, talking about how bad the song it, and busts out the Russian National anthem! I love it when he does that! Vince and Gene are talking over it, all angry and insulted while Jesse wants to hear the song. When we go back, Jesse says it's his turn, and asks to do a "duet" with Vince and Gene! Vince and Gene walk off, and Jesse is left throwing a fit as we end it.

Overall, good fun from the stars of the 1985 WWF roster.

2004 Rumble thoughts
My thoughts on the 2004 Royal Rumble

I'm gonna do this match by match, not a move for move sort of thing, just my thoughts. Remember, these are MY thoughts, don't take them as fact, you might disagree with my opinions, and that's cool.

Sunday Night Heat Matches

Other notes: The Philadelphia crowd was DEAD, or so it seemed, the audio for the whole show seemed down, and that really doesn't flatter the matches, if the crowd doesn't react. The Rumble timer is at 90 seconds this year, which sucks, I want a FULL two minutes! Plus, I noticed a whole lot of Hogan fans out there, I hope Vinnie gets the message. Wrestlemania is 48 days away, so he better be on the horn, calling the Hulkster back, to his HOME.

Non-title-Victoria beat Women's Champion Molly Holly
Victoria and Molly are my two favorite women's wrestlers, hell, I'd rank them as top favorites from the whole Raw roster. I thought it was cool, and was glad to see my girl Victoria pick up the win, especially with the wicked Widow's Peak. That move is seriously one of the coolest moves I've seen in a long time. Victoria pinning the champ hopefully sets up a feud between them, as I'd be totally down for that.

Royal Rumble Matches

World Tag Team title Tables Match-Evolution's Ric Flair & Batista beat The Dudley Boys to retain
It was pretty stupid, the Dudleys are stale as hell, and The Coach got involved. Seriously, people get pissed about HHH, but Coach's sudden dominance of TV time as of late makes him the REAL threat. I'd rather have HHH hold the title, than hear Coach for two hours on Raw each week, then get involved in matches.

WWE Cruiserweight title Match- Rey Mysterio beat Jamie Noble (w/Nidia) to retain
This match was like three minutes long or so, I never had the chance to get into it. I really don't care for Rey, but I like Noble, as a wrestler, and character, so him losing was pretty crappy.

Eddie Guerrero beat Chavo Guerrero (w/ Chavo Guerrero Sr.)
I don't understand why Eddie, one the most popular and talented wrestlers in WWE, had to lower himself to face Chavo, who is a Cruiserweight title contender at best. WWE went for the "drama" of uncle (Eddie) vs nephew (Chavo), but Eddie is wasted in such a feud. Rumor has it that Eddie is set to get the main event push, poised to challenge for the WWE title at February's No Way Out PPV, but this match doesn't really help his cause very much. But, I hope Eddie gets the gold anyways, if anyone can shake off this, it's him. As for the match, it was pretty reserved, well below what me, and many others expected.

WWE title Match- Brock Lesnar beat Bob Holly to retain
Dear lord, don't get me started on why the hell Sparky Plugg A.K.A. Bombastic Bob gets a WORLD title match. Honestly, the guy has never proved to be anything more than a lower mid-carder, yet he faces the champion. The match was terrible, which proved my point, and the dead crowd somehow got DEADER during this....thing. That may sound harsh, it wasn't worst match of the year material, but it lacked any redeemable qualities.

World title Last Man Standing Match- HHH drew Shawn Michaels, he retains
I won't go into HHH bashing mode, but this was far worse than I expected. The two are just weeks off a stellar match on Raw, and while I didn't think this was going to be better than that, I figured it'd be, at least pretty good. The one cool thing was Shawn inadvertently launched himself through the Spanish announce table from the ring apron. I didn't like how they played it up as brutal, since it was pretty standard, just with both guys blading for effect. It was the lack of brutality that made the finish look totally weak, as if both couldn't stand after the "hell" they put themselves through. I understand what WWE was trying to do though, keep HHH with the title, but not make Michaels look bad, setting him up for another run down the line, and in that they succeed, but I didn't like the execution of it.

Pre Rumble Shenanigans:
Austin does what he's been doing since 1841, stun people, and drink beer, this time with Eric Bischoff & Paul Heyman
Yeah, I'm SOOOO tired of Austin stunning people for no good reason, wasting my time in the process. Hey, I like Austin as much as the next guy, but he doesn't wrestle anymore, and his character has gone flat. But, if all this abuse of Bischoff lead to Easy E picking up the phone, and calling in a buddy, a little known guy by the name of HULK HOGAN, setting up the EPIC Austin vs Hogan, that'd make it more bearable, but hasn't been confirmed, yet.

Chris Benoit wins the 30 Man Royal Rumble, last eliminated Big Show
We all knew he'd probably win, but that doesn't take away from it, I was happy for him, as he seemed legitimately honored, and I think he deserves it. This was a VERY well booked Rumble match, setting up several Wrestlemania matches, and not hurting the loser's credibility going into `Mania, now onto what I liked and didn't like about the Rumble. I didn't like Matt Morgan staying in as long as he did. I didn't like The Cat wasting about 1,000 hours dancing around the ring, killing the already apathetic crowd, but at least he got tossed right after. I hated that Big Show stayed until the end, he dragged most of the final moments down, with the exception of the few seconds before Benoit dumped his sorry ass. What happened to Big Show, in WCW, he was only about 280 pounds, svelte for a 7'2 man, plus he could wrestle rather well for a huge monster. Now, he's hovering around 500 pounds (WWE probably exaggerates a tad, he's close to 500 though), and can't do anything, it's sad, the guy could be so awesome if he took off the weight, and applied himself. I want the talented chokeslamming machine from the old days, bring him back man! Sorry about that, I had to get that out. I DID like that Mark Henry went quick, he's probably the WORST possible guy to even be considered for push like he's been getting. I liked Billy Gunn coming back, and as Mr. Ass. I don't care what people say, he rules, and I still have my Mr. Ass shirt, and yes, I've worn it in public. Move Billy to Raw, I want MORE! I didn't care about Foley taking Test's place in the match, sure I'm glad Test wasn't in the match, but I stopped marking out for Foley a few years ago. On top of that, he had to show up to eliminate Randy Orton, thus set up their Wrestlemania match. I was amused by Nunzio hiding outside the ring instead of entering right away, we knew he wouldn't win, so it was cool that he got a little moment in, before he was forced in, then eventually tossed out. I was also so relieved that Brock came out and F-5ed Goldberg, setting up their match for `Mania, and pretty much causing Kurt Angle to eliminate Goldy from the match. I don't care much for Brock, but now I might like him, you da man Brock! But, the BEST part of the whole show for me was this: Kane enters the ring, kicks some ass, but then, BONG! TAKER'S OLD MUSIC!!!! He didn't come out, but we all knew what it meant, he's coming...soon. Kane was rightfully scared, and Booker T used the distraction to dump Kane, who might just have won otherwise. I am a MASSIVE Undertaker mark, and don't hesitate to tell you that I giggled like a school girl when I heard the music, it made my night. We know that he'll be back to face Kane at `Mania, but I hope he waits a long time before returning, maybe not appear until the show itself, since that will give me something to look forward to at the show, which isn't all that appealing to me otherwise. Back to the Rumble, as a match, overall, it was alright, I found it pretty dead at times, with guys like Matt Morgan and Big Show overstaying their welcome, but the Undertaker tease, Goldberg getting owned by Brock, and Benoit's win provided me with some good stuff. I must give kudos though to the WWE booking team, they put a whole hell of a lot of effort, effectively setting up for Wrestlemania, despite my relative lack of enjoyment from this year's outing, they did a bang up job in storytelling.

SWF Main Event 1/24/04
SWF Main Event 1/24/04

Vance: Welcome to another addition of SWF Main Event! Tonight promises to be a big night, with Extreme Superstar & The Billion Dollar Man set to sign the contract for their epic title match at Extrememania! Dean, what else is on tap tonight?

Dean: Well, you mentioned the contract signing between BDM & Extreme, but also:

After Cash Inc's run-in with Crazy Phil and Janitor, Extreme has set up two matches for tonight, The Janitor vs Joe Money, & Crazy Phil vs Jahalaman Jaffe! We are also told, that should either or both members of the SWF Tag Team champions, Cash Inc, lose their match, Janitor and Phil will be awarded a tag title shot for No Escape!

Boppo The Clown will be a guest on Petey's Parlor

Speaking of Petey, Captain Fantastic has asked, and was granted a one on one match with him tonight, where again, the SWF TV title shot for No Escape that Petey won last week, will be on the line!

And: To decide who will face Ayatollah Sheik for his U.S. title at No Escape, the man he cheated to beat last week, Silkky Smooth will try to earn another title shot, but to get it, he must win a 4 Man Elimination Match, facing his friend Randy Mann, and both members of Faith & Devotion, Xavier Hawthorne III & The Reverend in our main event!

Vance: Without further ado, Petey is standing by for the Parlor!

Petey(annoyed): Yeah, let's hurry this along , I have a match to do. Here's Boppo.

(Boppo enters)

Petey: So, you have something to say I take it, (sarcastically) PLEASE, do tell.

Boppo(gives Petey a dirty look): Actually two things Petey. One, since YOU have taken my former friend JuJu under your wing , and brainwashed , which I'll get to more in a moment, I have a new partner, one that will help propel me to tag team greatness! Repo!

Petey: Repo huh? Ok then, do you have a team name?

Boppo(excited): As a matter of fact we do, it's "Tuns of Fun", get it?

Petey(not amused): Sure, you're a clown, he's a goofball, it all makes sense. What else did you have to say?

Boppo: Like I said earlier, you brainwashed JuJu, changing his look, and making him your stooge. The guy doesn't even talk to me now! He was someone I really thought I could relate to, and YOU made him a jerk!

Petey(offended): EXCUSE ME! I made him BETTER. I helped him find his TRUE self.

Boppo(angry): Whatever, man. I just want the chance to bring back the old JuJu, and I intend to do so, by BEATING IT BACK INTO HIM!

Petey(laughs): Suuuure. Anytime pal, JuJu will rip you apart, your lucky he's not here now.

Boppo(smiles): I've got my chance too, I've been given the clearance to face him for the SWF Hardcore title at No Escape!

Petey(upset): WHAT?! Oh, now you've done it, just wait until....

(The sound of The Bee Gees Stayin' Alive cuts him off, and The Don & Tony Ramon walk on set with mics of their own)

Don(to Boppo): Hey, funny boy, you got a new tag team? So do I!
Tony(to Petey): Sorry to break this up, but when we heard the clown yappin' about a new team, one that would "Propel him to greatness", we just HAD to come out.

Don: Boppo, you must've read our minds, `cause WE were planning to make our teaming official. Tony Ramon is now a full fledged part of my "family", and it's time we stake our claim to the tag titles!

Tony: We, the "Kings of the Street", will tear through the tag ranks, straight to the gold, and since you are so excited about your new team, I say we put yours and ours in a match next week!

Boppo: Your on!

Petey: I hate to say it, as this is getting interesting , but that's all the time we've got this week, so we'll see you next time on the Parlor!

The Janitor vs Joe Money
Janitor comes out swingin' and mows down Joe in the early goings. Janitor is doing rather well, and he's really been impressive lately, I must say. Joe ends Janitor's dominance with a powerslam, then works him over in the corner. Janitor soon fights back however, and punches Joe back slightly, then climbs to the second rope, and jumps over with the sunset flip! 1-2-3! Janitor wins?! I didn't see that coming! Now, Phil & Janitor are guaranteed the tag title shot!
*Winner* The Janitor!

Post Match: The Janitor leaves as a shocked Joe Money stares, dumfounded at him, and the referee. Jahalaman Jaffe soon comes to protest the decision, and console his partner. Crazy Phil then suddenly comes blazing down the aisle, and begins to fight Jaffe! The bell then rings, and the referee for the last match stays to officiate!

Crazy Phil vs Jahalaman Jaffe
After a few quick shots, Phil goes for the school boy roll up, and almost steals it! Joe Money, who hasn't even left the ring , trips Phil without the ref seeing him, and leaves the ring. Jaffe uses his partner's illegal help to secure the Arabian Goodnight on Phil, then plants it for the easy win!
*Winner* Jahalaman Jaffe

SWF TV Title # 1 Contender's Match- Petey Pizzazz vs Captain Fantastic
The match starts with Fantastic firmly in control, but Petey then removes the necklaces he was wearing , and wraps them around his fist. Petey just waits for the right time, and clocks Fantastic, catching him flush in the mouth! Knowing that things are going his way, Petey decides to play up to the crowd, and then hits the Piece of Pizzazz for the pin!
*Winner & STILL SWF TV Title # 1 Contender* Petey Pizzazz

Main Event: SWF U.S. Title # 1 Contender's 4 Man Elimination Match- Silkky Smooth vs Randy Mann vs The Reverend vs Xavier Hawthorne III
Before the bell, the two sets of friends, Silkky & Randy, & Faith & Devotion, make some sort of pact to work together. So, the two pairings rush the other, and it works like a tag match, as Faith & Devotion turf Silkky, and concentrate their efforts to eliminate Randy. Silkky makes his return after a few minutes though, and takes care of the duo, but, as he is preoccupied in fending off Reverend & Xavier, Randy sneaks up from behind, and rolls him up for a VERY close two count! Silkky looks shocked, and Randy shrugs and apologizes, to which Silkky nods understandingly. Soon after that, their other opponents in the match make their presence known once again, as Xavier jumps Silkky, while The Reverend scores with the Divine Intervention on Randy, which leads to Randy being eliminated! With Randy gone, Xavier goes to help out the Rev, as he pounds away on Silkky. Silkky recovers quickly though, fights both men off, then evades a double clothesline, and as his two remaining foes turn to him, he lifts them both for a DOUBLE SILKKY SLAM! He pins Xavier, then quickly covers Rev for the win!
*Winner and SWF U.S. Title # 1 Contender* Silkky Smooth

We then go to the announce booth, where Vance and Dean recap the Extreme/BDM feud, and the revelation that the winner of the SWF Rumble, Julio Maniaco, was Extreme all along. Then, we are told the ring is all set up, so we head there for the contract signing

The Extrememania Main Event Contract Signing: Extreme Superstar & The Billion Dollar Man
The ring has been set up with a red carpet covering the canvas, and a desk, that has the contract on it. On both sides of the desk sits a chair, and a microphone propped up, like you'd see at a U.N. meeting. BDM enters first, slowly walking down the aisle with no music, and a very serious look on his face. Extreme follows suit, making his way down without music, and the same serious expression. It should also be noted that both are dressed in nice business suits, ready to do this professionally. Both men sit down, and conduct themselves in a proper manner, before Extreme signs the contract without hesitation, much to the fans delight, and Extreme calmly passes the contract to BDM, who looks leery at the prospect of signing , and draws boos from the crowd. BDM then sighs, before scribbling his name down quickly, which elicits a nice response from the crowd. BDM then stands up, and asks if they are through, to which Extreme removes his mic from it's holder, and stands to speak:

Extreme(nods his head, and smirks): No, we're not quite done yet. (The crowd cheers) I saw how hesitant you were to sign, what was it, did you think I'd slip in something on the sly?

BDM(grabs his mic, annoyed): Yeah, I did actually.

Extreme(smiles): Well, you were right! (The crowd cheers again) You should have looked a little harder, like at the top, where it reads "IF this match is to take place".

(BDM looks puzzled, and inaudibly asks Extreme what he's talking about)

Extreme: You see BDM my friend, this match might not be necessary, because you may not even be the champion come Extrememania, not with the title defense you have at No Escape!

BDM(angry and confused): What title defense?!

Extreme(still smiling): The one where you will take on not one, but TWO opponents, two opponents who you've screwed over, and deserve a FAIR crack at the title, THE SUICIDE BROTHERS! (The crowd cheers wildly)

BDM(furious): WHAT?! NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! IT'S SO UNFAIR!

Extreme(shrugs): Maybe, but you did agree to it, the whole thing was in the contract you just signed! (The crowd cheers again)

(BDM throws himself around some more)

Extreme(smiles): Wow, if you think that's bad, your gonna FREAK OUT when you hear about the OTHER stipulation for that match!

BDM(breathing heavily, in a rage): The OTHER stipulation?! THERE'S MORE?!

Extreme: Yeah, just one little thing , a special guest referee!

(Extreme then drops the mic and removes his shirt and tie, revealing a referee's shirt! BDM is losing it now, and the crowd is on their feet!)

Extreme(serious and excited): Oh yeah, it's gonna be ME, and I'll make damn sure you, or any of your buddies try anything!

BDM(absolutely irate, in a low voice): That's it Extreme, I've HAD IT! You'd BETTER hope I lose the title, because if I don't...... You'll pay. You'll pay dearly Extreme. I'll win that Extrememania match, and I'll run this promotion straight into the ground! I will RUIN you! (slams the mic down and walks off)

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 1/17/04
SWF Main Event 1/17/04

Vance: Welcome one and all to SWF Main Event! We are still in shock as a result of last night?s SWF Rumble.

Dean: The Rumble proved to be exciting , in the title matches, The Billion Dollar Man defeated heavy favorite, Octane to retain his World Title, Cash Inc successfully defended the Tag belts against Sex Connection, JuJu retained his title, beating The Janitor in their Hardcore title match, The Mercenary beat Yeti to hold on to the TV belt, Ayatollah Sheik beat Captain Fantastic to keep his U.S. title, and in the only title change of the night, Generation Gap won the 6 Man belts by defeating their rivals, The Good Ol? Boys. But the biggest shock of the night came in the SWF Rumble Match itself.

Vance: It sure did Dean. The masked newcomer, Julio Maniaco entered at # 4, and put on a marathon man performance, eliminating 8 men to go on to win the match! But, instead of celebrating his hard earned victory, Julio unmasked in front of the world, and shocked us all by turning out to be Extreme Superstar!

Dean: Extreme then revealed that he was Julio all along , only so he could end The Billion Dollar Man?s World title reign from the inside! He went on to say that winning the Rumble would give him the chance to personally take down BDM in the main event at Extrememania!

Vance: With all that looming over our heads, we have to wonder what will happen tonight! Dean, what is the lineup?

Dean: Well, for one thing you can bet The Billion Dollar Man will have something to say on the Extreme Superstar situation, but match-wise, here?s what we?ve got:

Boppo & Repo meet The Janitor & Crazy Phil!

Ayatollah Sheik defends the U.S. Title against Silkky Smooth!

Randy Mann faces Yeti!

And in the Main Event: In preparation for next month?s No Escape PPV, Octane, Captain Fantastic, & Petey Pizzazz will be in a triple threat to determine who faces The Mercenary for the TV Title!

Vance: Let?s kick it off!

Randy Mann vs Yeti
Randy takes caution in approaching Yeti, and his ?stick and move? tactic works for the first few minutes, until Yeti catches him with a big boot. Yeti picks up Randy from the mat by his throat, in position for the Giant Drop, and chokes Randy violently before actually finishing the move, then gets the pin. Yeti finally snapped the losing streak, showing some serious rage there.
*Winner* Yeti

We go backstage where all 3 members of Cash Inc are in their dressing room, talking. A visibly angry Billion Dollar Man says to his friends that he will address Extreme and the crowd later, and Jaffe and Joe excuse themselves to go get some coffee. The camera follows Jaffe and Joe, and they accidently bump into Crazy Phil and The Janitor, who are too busy discussing their match, which is next, to avoid the collision. Phil apologizes, and Jaffe and Joe respond by insulting him and his partner, making rude comments about their financial status. The Janitor and Phil are upset, and a fight almost breaks out, but nearby officials break them up, and Phil and Janitor keep making their way to the ring , while Jaffe and Joe continue to insult them.

Boppo & Repo vs The Janitor & Crazy Phil
As usual, Repo keeps us waiting to see what gimmick he has this week, and we soon find out, as Cactus Jack?s WWF Theme hits, and out comes ?Cactus Repo?, doing the ?Bang! Bang!? hand gesture and wearing a ripoff of the infamous ?Wanted? shirt. Repo enters the ring , only to be destroyed by Janitor, and Phil charges Boppo to prevent him from helping his partner. Janitor soon gets the Clean Sweep to pick up the win! Crazy Phil has finally won a match!
*Winners* The Janitor and Crazy Phil

Post Match: Janitor & Phil celebrate, and Boppo & Repo offer their hands in a show of respect, and they shake! The four exit together in a great display of sportsmanship.

SWF U.S. Title Match- Ayatollah Sheik vs Silkky Smooth
Silkky dominates the early goings, but Sheik rebounds, pulling the ref in front of himself when Silkky tries a superkick. With the ref out cold, Sheik goes for the spike he used last week, and jabs it into Silkky?s face! Obviously Silkky is down after a shot with that, but Sheik continues jabbing the object into Silkky?s face, making him a bloody mess! Sheik kicks Silkky a bit before waking up the ref , who calls for the bell once Sheik clamps on the Camel Clutch.
*Winner and STILL U.S. Champion* Ayatollah Sheik

Post Match: Sheik seems to enjoy the bloodshed, and he gets a creepy look in his eyes as he leaves, staring at the crimson mess left on his hands.

We get an update on The Black Dragons and Freedom Fighter, all of whom have been MIA as of late. The Dragons are nowhere to be found, but medically they are expected out a few months. As for Freedom, he was in fact re-injured in the SWF Rumble, and will be out anywhere from 2-3 months.

Main Event: SWF TV Title # 1 Contender?s Match- Octane vs Captain Fantastic vs Petey Pizzazz
Petey runs scared as expected, but when Octane is preoccupied with chasing him, Fantastic sees the chance to pick up the win, and attacks Octane. This draws Octane and Fantastic into quite the little brawl, as Petey hides outside near the timekeeper. In the ring , Octane tears Fantastic apart, nailing him with the Empty Tank, then sets his sights on Petey! Petey grabs the ring bell from the timekeeper, and as Octane comes out after him, he hits him with it, the ref not being in position to see it, as he is tending to Fantastic. Petey drops the bell just before the ref can see him with it. Petey then pulls Octane in the ring , and quickly pins him as Fantastic begins to stir, 1-2-3! Petey beat Octane!
*Winner and # 1 Contender* Petey Pizzazz

Post Match: Wisely, Petey hightails it no sooner than the ref counts the pin.

We go backstage where we see The Billion Dollar Man making his way to the ring , finally ready to address the crowd.

As the participants of the main event leave, BDM grabs a mic and begins to speak

BDM(looking upset, in a serious voice): Extreme, I must admit, I was impressed with your plan, going under a mask to get the title off me, (laughs) I bet you didn?t even expect to win the Rumble. (more serious now) But you DID win the Rumble, and now have a shot at me, for the World Title, in a company you own, and I have a huge problem with that. So, if you would please, come out here so we can talk this thing out.

(Extreme makes his way to the ring with a mic and little fanfare)

Extreme(also serious): I?m here, what do you have to say?

BDM: Your win at the Rumble, the fact you get a title shot is a conflict of interest, you know it, I know it, and these people know it. It?s grossly unfair for me to have to defend my title against the owner of the SWF.

Extreme: I do see your point, but what I am doing is what I know to be in the best interest of my company, and like it or not, I do own the SWF, so unfair or not, that?s how it?s gonna be.

BDM(smugly): Let me ask you something, I know how bad you want the title off of me, but just how bad do you want to physically take the belt from me? I could easily relinquish the title, but it would probably eat you up inside to have this situation end that way, wouldn?t it?

Extreme(getting angry): Your damn right it would, to think you could get off that easy, makes my blood boil.

BDM(smiles): That?s what I thought. I am entertaining the idea of simply handing the belt over to you, something you would hate to have happen, but if we even the odds a bit for our possible Extrememania match, you can have your chance to face me. What do you say?

Extreme(getting a little more angry): What did you have in mind?

BDM(smiles): Ok. First off, if this match happens, no matter what the outcome, you return to behind the scenes stuff and announcing, no more of this ?hands on the televised product? business. Are you with me so far?

Extreme: Fair enough, but I know you?ve got something else up your sleeve.

BDM(laughs): Your right, I do. Since I have more to lose, it?s only fair you put up something to lose as well. Like, control of the SWF! (the crowd gasps at the suggestion)

Extreme(shocked and angry): I built this company, and don?t think for one minute, that I?d consider putting it all on the line.

BDM: No, no, no! I wouldn?t expect you to just hand it over, it?s a business deal, I would be perfectly willing to pay the cost to buy you out, the exact dollar amount you put in. I could do so much with the name, and recognition the SWF has built, but with the money you?d get, you could start another promotion easily. I?d even be willing to give you your buddies Vance and Dean, plus any five superstars, Cash Inc excluded, to help you build a new company.

Extreme(serious, in a low, quiet voice): It?s not worth sacrificing all I?ve made here.

(BDM turns angry and gets in Extreme?s face)

BDM: C?mon! Just think about it, the chance to beat me up in front of the whole world! I know you want to do it, I WANT you to do it, just put the SWF on the line!

Extreme(upset and quiet): No.

BDM(agitated): Look at me! I?m the SWF champion! YOUR SWF champion, that just makes you sick doesn?t it?! You loathe the fact that I walk around the company YOU made, wearing the very symbol of your labor, the SWF World title!

(Extreme is so upset, he can?t even look at BDM)

BDM(screaming): Your pathetic! What kind of a man are you?! You are supposed to stand up to guys like me, you?re the great and powerful Extreme Superstar, and your gonna let me get away with what I?m doing?! (BDM grabs Extreme?s face and turns it so they are looking face to face) DO IT! PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE! TEACH ME A LESSON! IT?S WORTH IT!

(Extreme?s rage seems to be boiling , and he pushes BDM?s hand off him, but stops at that)

BDM(really angry): LOOK AT ME YOU(expletives)!

(BDM then slaps Extreme hard across the face, finally drawing the ire of him)

Extreme(shaking with rage): FINE! YOU?VE GOT IT! ME AND YOU, ONE ON ONE! (a lot calmer now) I?ll put it all on the line, but under one more condition, in our match, falls count anywhere, there?s no time limit, no count-outs, and no DQs. All bets are OFF.

BDM: Deal.

Extreme: We?ll sign the contract next week, but one more thing, (the anger returns) If you EVER slap me like that again, I swear, I?ll break every damn bone in your worthless body, and don?t think for one minute I won?t.

END OF SHOW

SWF Rumble
SWF Rumble

Vance: Welcome everyone to the SWF Rumble! Tonight 30 men will battle it out in a grueling over the tope rope battle royal, with the winner earning the right to face the SWF World champion in the main event of what is to be our biggest event ever, Extrememania!

Dean: Not only that, we have 6 more stellar matches tonight as well! Just look at all this:

World Title Match: The Billion Dollar Man vs Octane

U.S. Title Match: Ayatollah Sheik vs Captain Fantastic

SWF Tag Title Match: Cash Inc vs Sex Connection

SWF TV Title Match: Mercenary vs Yeti

SWF Hardcore Title Match: JuJu vs The Janitor

SWF 6 Man Title Match: Good Ol? Boys vs Generation Gap

And of course the SWF Rumble, featuring 30 superstars!

Vance: Let?s kick the night off with our first match!

SWF Hardcore Title Match: JuJu vs The Janitor
JuJu comes out first and doesn?t wait for Janitor to enter, and mauls him before he makes it all the way in. Janitor drops the mop he was carrying and is beaten down, before he fights back up, and then kicks JuJu right in the nether region to gain the upper hand! Janitor then retrieves his trusty mop, and nails JuJu hard with it, but JuJu ends up coming back, flooring Janitor with a vicious clothesline. JuJu doesn?t want to waste any more time, so he quickly picks his opponent up and delivers the JuJu Driver to end it.
*Winner and STILL SWF Hardcore Champion* JuJu

Post Match: JuJu celebrates and shouts at the camera that he?s ready to win the Rumble tonight.

We Go to Vance and Dean who comment that with the exception of the injured Quow Ling and Shadow, The current World champ The Billion Dollar Man, and the challenger to his title tonight, Octane everyone is in the Rumble match. They discuss The Freedom Fighter is in, against doctor?s orders (he hasn?t been scheduled to fight since Starrcade due to the injuries he sustained there). They hope that for his sake, he draws a good number, and Ayatollah Sheik isn?t anywhere around when he enters.

SWF 6 Man Title Match: Good Ol? Boys vs Generation Gap
All six end up brawling in the ring , and when the ref finally gets control, Charles and X are the legal men. X controls for a while, until Charles comes back after turning a flying body press into a powerslam. Charles tries for a pin, but X kicks out, so he drags him to his corner and tags Rory. Rory continues the assault on X, until Disco Danny is finally tagged in, and he cleans house, even warding off Charles and Tex, who run in to stop him. Jimmy Jam soon enters, coming off the top rope, landing on Tex and Charles with a dragon attack. The move takes out it?s intended targets, but also Jimmy, and they fall to the outside. Danny takes the chance to hit his Disco Drop on Rory, and as he goes for the pin, X decides to make sure Rory?s partners can?t help him, by launching himself onto the floor where they had fallen! The tactic worked and Danny picks up the win!
*Winners and NEW SWF 6 Man Tag Champions* Generation Gap

Post Match: Danny helps his partners to their feet and they celebrate with their titles before rushing off to prepare for the Rumble later on.

SWF TV Title Match: Mercenary vs Yeti
When Mercenary enters, he looks ready for Yeti, and he is, as he bull rushes the giant upon hearing the bell ring. Yeti is rocked by the ambush, obviously not prepared to be dominated like that. He does recover, and sends Mercenary flying , but it only seems to anger him. Mercenary just keeps getting up, and eventually tackles the big man, sending him over the top rope, and tumbling to the floor! Yeti is again attacked as he gets back in the ring , and ends up being knocked right down to the mat by a hard double axe handle. Mercenary then signals that he?s gonna lift the 500 lbs man for his Mercy Kill! Mercenary may be a reputed strongman, but this is a different story. The Mercenary psyches himself up, and as Yeti tries to get up, he moves in, and hooks him in position, then gets him up! Mercenary did it! The crowd is in awe, and The Mercenary drops Yeti HARD with the move and picks up the win. That was impressive.
*Winner and STILL SWF TV Champion* The Mercenary

Post Match: The Mercenary seems pumped, and relatively fresh after that match, and he promises more destruction in the Rumble.

Backstage, All three members of Cash Inc sit watching the show. Jaffe and Joe comment on Mercenary?s dominance in that last match, and they talk about using the aggression he (Mercenary) brought out of them to win their tag title match, which is next. Talk then turns to the Rumble and BDM says he knows that one of them will win it, but is sad he?s gonna be the one to face them at Extrememania! BDM alludes to having a plan tonight, and asks about Jaffe and Joe?s Rumble entry numbers. Jaffe smile confidently takes out his entry slip first and shows BDM and Joe, who seem impressed. Joe says ?That?s nothing? and shows his entry number, to the delight of Jaffe and BDM. We fade out as they all sit there, laughing it up.

SWF Tag Title Match: Cash Inc vs Sex Connection
Cash Inc get on the mic before the match, saying they will make it quick as they want to save their energy for the Rumble. Beef and Randy attack after hearing this and all four end up brawling , which spills out onto the floor. When things settle, Jaffe and Randy are the legal men, and have a long , and spirited technical showdown. As each feels they are getting fatigued, they simultaneously tag their respective partners, who meet in the middle of the ring and slug it out. Beef takes control and hits the Beefy Bomb! He almost gets the pin, but Jaffe enters and breaks it up! This draws Randy Mann in the ring , and he pushes past the referee to fight with Jaffe. As Jaffe and Randy fight, Joe manages to get up, and retaliates (surprisingly) cleanly, and hits the Payoff for the pin!
*Winners and STILL SWF Tag Team Champions* Cash Inc

Backstage, Captain Fantastic is shown talking with the Freedom Fighter. Fantastic voices his concern about him being in the Rumble, saying that he might hurt himself even worse. Freedom says he?ll be fine, and hopes Fantastic can take back the U.S. Title from Sheik tonight.

U.S. Title Match: Ayatollah Sheik vs Captain Fantastic
Fantastic comes out fighting , bouncing Sheik around like a pinball. Fantastic. Seeing his chance, lifts Sheik for the Crime Stopper, but Sheik escapes, falling behind Fantastic, then lifting him for a SICK belly to back suplex. Sheik then gets that crazy look in his eyes again and hammers away on his downed opponent, and begins softening up his back and neck with clubbing blows, suplexes, and slams. With Fantastic down, Sheik hooks on the Camel Clutch, and Fantastic has no choice but to tap out! Ayatollah Sheik has shocked the crowd again by destroying Fantastic.
*Winner and STILL SWF U.S. Champion* Ayatollah Sheik

Post Match: The insane Sheik grabs a mic and rants how he will win the Rumble and claim the World title, so he can finally have something to represent his own country, not just the United States. He promises that after winning the Rumble, he?ll put the U.S. title where it belongs, in the garbage!

World Title Match: The Billion Dollar Man vs Octane
BDM seems confident, and shows no signs of worry upon entering the ring. Octane?s entrance draws a pretty big pop, and he opts to wait for the bell rather than attack. But, as soon as the bell sounds, Octane is all over BDM, and he ends up knocking him to the outside with a hard shot! Octane isn?t gonna mess around though, he goes right out after BDM, who is running scared from him. Octane eventually catches him and throws him back inside, where he continues to pummel BDM. Octane lays out BDM with a pumphandle slam, and wastes no time in setting up BDM for the Empty Tank. He gets BDM up and plants him with it! 1-2-WAIT! Petey Pizzazz came out from the back and starts screaming on the apron! The ref is distracted, and must stop the count to get Petey to leave, and as he argues with him, a very livid Octane gets up from the pin and walks over! Octane grabs Petey by the throat and begins throttling him! Petey gasps for air as Octane chokes him, shaking him violently, and even lifting him several feet in the air! The ref, not wanting to toss the match out, pleads with Octane to let him go, but he refuses, and as he does this, Petey manages to toss something from his pocket to BDM! It?s a chain! BDM picks it up, and places it around his hand and wallops Octane in the back of the head with it, causing him to drop Petey to the floor, and turn around, dazed. Octane doesn?t fall, so BDM hits him again, this time flush on kisser with it. BDM succeeds in dropping him and picks up the pin! BDM steals another one!
*Winner and STILL SWF World Champion* The Billion Dollar Man

Post Match: As Octane is helped out of the ring , BDM grabs his belt, and a wad of cash from his entrance gear, and goes to aid Petey, who not only hit the floor hard, but is trying to recover from being choked. BDM then hands him the money, and helps him to the back. It looks like Petey was paid for his services!

We go to the announce booth for some final talk before the Rumble. They go over the rules, which are:

-All 30 participants were entered into a random drawing , each man is given a number 1-30, that determines their order of entry.

-Those who drew #?s 1 & 2 enter first, and every two minutes thereafter, the next man comes in, until all 30 have entered.

-You can only be eliminated by going over the top rope, and both feet hitting the floor. The last man left in the ring is the winner and gets a World title shot at Extrememania!

We Then go to the ring for the start of the Rumble!

The 2004 SWF Rumble
# 1 is coming out and it?s The Don! #2 is Petey Pizzazz! Poor Petey had to come right back out after almost being killed by Octane! Neither man seems to thrilled, and they just start tearing into each other! Petey nearly gets tossed but fights back, and hits his Piece of Pizzazz! He then bundles Don out of the ring(Elimination # 1)! Petey takes the time to strut around the ring , and regain his composure, but the clock is already ticking down and # 3 comes out, it?s Charles Gunn! Charles wastes no time in beating on Petey, but can?t see to toss him. They fight, with Charles struggling with Petey, almost having him over the top rope, and # 4 comes out, it?s Julio Maniaco! Julio cautiously enters, and Charles turns focus to him, but gets beaten on. Petey pulls himself to a corner as Julio and Charles duke it out. Julio ends up sidestepping Charles and sends him over the top, but he lands on the apron! Julio simply dropkicks him off (Elimination # 2)! Julio turns his focus to Petey, who begs off in the corner, and thankfully for Petey the buzzer goes off, and # 5 enters, it?s Ayatollah Sheik! Sheik goes right for Julio, but Julio is fired up, and he rocks him back to the ropes and clotheslines him right over the top (Elimination # 3)! Petey takes the distraction time to attack Julio, and pounds away on him. Julio fights back, and as he does, the buzzer sounds again, # 6 is JuJu! Julio might be in trouble here! Julio fights away from Petey as JuJu comes in, and makes a cautious approach on JuJu. Julio attacks but backs away when JuJu tries to get near, knowing JuJu could simply pick him up and heave him right out. Petey gets involved, but Julio pushes him in front of JuJu, and he gets hit, and sent flying over the top (Elimination # 4)! As JuJu looks to see what he did, and Petey yells at him, Julio pushes him over (Elimination #5)! As JuJu and Petey argue on floor, Julio backs into a far corner to recover and wait for the next entrant. The # 7 man soon comes out, and it?s The Reverend! Reverend and Julio fight it out, with no one getting the advantage, and # 8 soon enters, it?s Tripp! Tripp ends up going after the closest man, Reverend, and Julio helps. Julio then wisely backs away as they fight it out. This goes on until # 9 enters, it?s Xavier Hawthorne III! Xavier charges, hoping to help Reverend, who Tripp nearly has out, but runs into Julio, who clotheslines him right back out (Elimination # 6)! Tripp, having seen how Julio watched his back, forms an alliance with him and the two continue pummeling the Reverend, but can?t toss him. # 10 comes in, and it?s Rory Rogers! Rory comes in ready, and he ends up being the one to toss Reverend (Elimination # 7). Rory then begins attacking nearby Tripp, and Julio rushes to Tripp?s aid, and they end up beating on Rory. # 11 soon makes his way in, it?s Silkky Smooth! Silkky helps Julio and Tripp beat on Rory, and he ends up tossing Rory (Elimination # 8). Julio and Tripp end up attacking Silkky, but he tosses Tripp (Elimination # 9)! Silkky and Julio then fight as # 12 comes in, it?s Jimmy Jam! Jimmy, seeing what Silkky did to his buddy Tripp, tries to go right after Silkky, and HE gets tossed (Elimination # 10)! Julio and Silkky then go back to fighting , and Silkky nearly tosses him, but Julio fights out of it, and takes control, brawling back into a corner. # 13 enters, and it?s X! X obviously wasn?t pleased with his friends being dumped by Silkky, and he goes after him, and they fight as Julio tries to recover in the corner. Silkky and X battle it out as # 14 enters, it?s The Freedom Fighter! Freedom comes in a rage, and eliminates Silkky and X at once (Eliminations # 11 & 12)! Freedom sets his sights on Julio, who pops out of the corner like a madman and floors him with an enziguri-like kick, and he drops like a ton of bricks, maybe re-injuring himself! Julio, not wanting to make a mistake, just pounds on him instead of eliminate him, as # 15 enters, Captain Fantastic! Even with the mask, you can tell Julio is panicking now he has to fight with two friends! Fantastic goes right for Julio, and beats him pretty good, but as he goes to toss him, Julio tangles his feet and arms in the ropes, making it hard for anyone to eliminate him. # 16 soon enters, Tony Ramon, who sees how Freedom is still out of it on the mat, and goes to toss him. Fantastic, seeing his friend in trouble, goes to fight with him, and make sure Freedom doesn?t get dumped over. Julio is free again to take a breather, and after being in a good while, he needs it! # 17 comes in soon, Randy Mann! Randy sees Freedom easy pickings for elimination so he goes after him, and Fantastic and Tony end up going over to fight with him, Tony wanting to toss Freedom too. As they fight, the buzzer for # 18 goes off, and we go to a split screen, where a crew member knocks on a door and says ?Repo, it?s time?. We see Repo emerge, dressed as Goldberg , and Goldberg's music hits! Repo does a great impersonation of Goldberg as piped in ?Repo? chants fill the arena, along with the music! We cut back to the ring , and focus on the aisle, where Goldberg?s signature pyro is going off, and Repo emerges! Action in the ring is stopped as everyone stares at Repo! Repo continues his walk, but it?s taken so long , the next entrant is about to enter! The buzzer goes off for # 19 as Repo walks the aisle, and it?s The Janitor! Repo turns around, hearing ?his? music cut in favor of Janitor?s and spears him ala Goldberg! He proceeds to do the mannerisms that Goldberg does after the move, and the crowd is in stitches! Repo drags Janitor in the ring , and the action resumes. Julio is still camped out in the corner, and Repo tosses the Janitor (Elimination # 13)! Right after that, Julio jumps up and tosses Repo (Elimination # 14)! Julio is then drawn back into the fray as # 20 enters, it?s Boppo The Clown! Tony quickly dumps Boppo as he enters though (Elimination # 15). Fantastic soon manages to get Tony out as well
(Elimination # 16)! Freedom is starting to move, and Julio fights with him, and Randy holds Fantastic off. # 21 enters, and it?s Beef Macho! Beef and Randy gang up on Fantastic, and eliminate him (Elimination # 17)! They then help Julio beat up Freedom, before Beef gets Freedom out (Elimination # 18)! Julio then kicks Beef into Randy, who turns around and begins fighting with him! # 22 comes out, Disco Danny! Danny soon forges an alliance with Julio, as they don?t want to be ganged up on by an actual team. Danny and Julio jump in the fight of Randy and Beef, with Randy and Julio and Danny and Beef soon paring off. That turns into all four brawling , as # 23 enters, Jahalaman Jaffe! Jaffe sees his chance upon entry, and dumps Randy Mann (Elimination # 19)! Beef, Danny and Julio then all team up on Jaffe, fighting to get him out as # 24 comes in, Mike Suicide! Mike rushes right in, and ends up tossing Jaffe (Elimination # 20)! Mike then fights with Danny as Beef and Julio fight in the corner. Mike soon dumps Danny (Elimination # 21), and goes to help Julio fight with Beef. Mike and Julio do some nice double team moves, and shake hands, forming an alliance! # 25 enters soon, Joe Money! Mike and Julio immediately go after him, and Beef ends up joining them. Joe fights back, and eliminates Beef (Elimination # 22), but Julio prevents him from tossing Mike! Joe then pounds on Julio, and Mike saves him! Julio and Mike then begin trying to toss Joe, when # 26 enters, Jack Suicide! Jack helps fight Joe, and Joe fights back, knocking Julio back, but leaving the Suicides to toss him (Elimination # 23)! The brothers turn, and Jack is about to strike Julio, but the three have a stare down. Mike tells his brother Julio is ok, and the three shake hands, ready to take on # 27, who turns out to be The Mercenary! The three go right to work, but Mercenary fights them off, and tosses Jack out (Elimination # 24)! Mike and Julio then double dropkick him into the ropes, and try to toss him, as # 28 enters, Crazy Phil! Phil, Mike and Julio continue trying to get Mercenary out, but Mercenary fight back up, and tosses Phil, and Mike (Eliminations # 25 & 26)! As he turns though, Julio dropkicks Mercenary out (Elimination # 27)! Julio awaits the next man as, but you can tell he?s tired, he?s been in for some time. The crowd begins to chant for him, as he is SO close to winning despite entering at the fourth spot. The buzzer goes off for # 29, and it?s the Yeti! Julio pulls himself up, and charges as Yeti enters, and begins hammering away! Yeti fights him off, but Julio backs into the corner as Yeti comes in, and he psyches himself up, beating his head, and rushes with a spear! He doesn?t stop, and pushes Yeti off to the side and against the ropes! The buzzer goes off, and # 30 enters, Tex Gentry! Tex runs right at Julio, who is busy trying to get Yeti out, but Julio moves, sending Tex right onto Yeti! Yeti pulls himself up, and turns to toss Tex, and as he does, Julio charges again from behind! Both Tex and Yeti went out (Eliminations # 28 & 29)! Julio is really tired but for his marathon-man effort, the crowd gives him a standing ovation as he drops to his knees in emotion.
*Winner of the 2004 SWF Rumble* Julio Maniaco

Post Match: Julio pulls himself up, and signals for the crew to, cut the music? As they do, Julio goes to stand in the center of the ring , and bows his head down, then lifts his hand, as if he will remove his mask! He seems to take a deep breath, and drops his hand. He raises it again, this time, ripping the mask off! The crowd is in shocked silence, and all we see is black hair, he then slowly tilts his head up, and we see...........................................................











EXTREME SUPERSTAR!

OH MY GOD, EXTREME SUPERSTAR WAS JULIO MANIACO! The crowd is going nuts, they can?t believe it! Extreme (pointless fact: I?d be remiss if I didn?t mention how long his hair is getting , you can really tell now that the mask mussed it up) then calls for a mic to address the stunned crowd:

Extreme(tired): That?s right, it?s been me the whole time. Why you ask? So that some way or another, I could make sure The Billion Dollar Man loses the SWF Title! And now that I won the Rumble, he will have to face ME at Extrememania! (the crowd beings to cheer wildly) That?s right Billion Dollar Man, you?d better enjoy your reign as champ, because at Extrememania ........it ends.

END OF SHOW

Random Stuff!
Uh oh, it's one of these types of columns! That must mean one thing , I'm bored. Well, last time, I just started running off anything in the news or on my mind, so let's try it again, shall we?

In the search for some decent music, I found some from a few years back in the band Live. I remembered a few of their songs I liked, so I got a hold of those, and decided to give more of their stuff a chance, and have been pleasantly surprised. Live has a really interesting way to blend melodies together, which might turn some people off, but I like the unique style they employ.

So, in spending X-mas money/gift cards, I've increased my holiday haul quite a bit. First, I bought the second season of Oz on DVD, then, the Nightmare on Elm Street boxed set, which reminds me just how cool Freddy is, and High Fidelity, the book that the Cusak movie was based on. Cusak is the man, and I loved the movie, so if the book lives up to the hype of being better than the movie, I might have a new favorite book. That's not all, today marks the release of Freddy vs Jason, the movie that not only lived up to the hype, but superceded it. Most people don't expect much from sequels, but hot damn, this one KICKED MOTHER F'N ASS! Sure, I was so ready to see the film, but never expected it to be THAT good. If plans go my way, by night's end, I'll be watching the hockey masked hacking machine take on the Hulk Hogan of Horror (look alliteration!), while I cheer on Freddy.

Speaking of sequels, I have to bring up the most disappointing one EVER, The Matrix Revolutions. Hating the theater going experience, I usually only make the trek for stuff I NEED to see, and this year that only totaled 3 movies, Freddy vs Jason, Kill Bill Volume 1, and Matrix Revolutions. The first two were among the best films I've seen in a long time, and with the buzz going into Matrix, I knew going to see it would be risking my streak of good movies, that I was hoping would last the year. But, my love of the first one made me want to see the series out, and while the second one was unspectacular, I was still hoping the final one would redeem the trilogy, because logic says that you pull out all the stops for the finale. However, the "brains" behind the films decided to half-ass it, probably since they knew the hype would ensure that people would see the movie anyways. The way the final (and thank goodness for that too) Matrix played out was like some college theology student took over, and laced the movie with so much pseudo-profound garbage, then recycled the big fight scene from Reloaded, before tacking on the most craptacular ending they could think of. After about a half hour of the movie, I wanted to leave, but since I went with my family (who all were in movies they enjoyed), I had to stick it out. I kept hoping that something, anything , would happen to redeem the movie, like they were building to something, well, that didn't happen. Plus, since the movie sucked, I spent it guzzling my mammoth, bucket sized Dr. Pepper, and having to urinate worse than I ever have in my entire life, with an hour or more left in the movie! You might say "Well, you hated the movie, if you weren't gonna walk out, why not at least go to the restroom to pee?" and you make a good point, but I can't stand to miss ANY of a movie, especially one I've plunked down money to see, no matter how bad it sucks. Also, the movie was even more depressing once I began to think how poor Keanu will have to re-build his career after this bomb. Wait! There were a few redeemable qualities about Matrix Revolutions though, so here they are:

1. My Dr. Pepper (even though it almost made my bladder explode)

2. My pretzels and cheese- those were good

3. A woman in the movie named Kamala- That was a wrestler from the good ol' days, who was a Ugandan headhunter

4. Realizing that I could have done the movie better myself

5. Obviously seeing the credits, and getting to pee!

Moving on, yesterday, I was watching the movie Old School, which totally exceeded my expectations, being funnier than I had thought, even though Will Ferrell being in it should have made that obvious. Ferrell STOLE THE SHOW in this movie, and looks to be on his way to take Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler's place as Hollywood's top funny man. Will deserves it too, since he can make just about anything funny, and he's such a pro too, being able to deliver it all with a straight face. In looking at Ferrell's list of upcoming projects, it seems that he is in demand, because he's got like 900,000 films lined up, which is fine with me.

Speaking of Adam Sandler, while he hasn't been able to hit "funny" on the barometer in some time, he still has the legacy of the classics, Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore to look back on. Billy Madison, to me, might be one of the funniest movies ever, and I've seen it (no exaggeration) about 100 times, and STILL love it. I'll never understand why the majority like Happy Gilmore better, it's great and all, but Billy Madison is that much better. I could quote the entire movie if I wanted, and still use quotes from it to this day. Billy Madison is LONG overdue to be put in my favorite movies section of the site, so look for that to be remedied soon.

In keeping with the movie theme this column has taken, let's talk about unsung heroes of cinema, like the people that do amazing work, but don't get the recognition they deserve. Look at the Hollywood landscape now, Johnny Depp, who has been doing incredible stuff since he got his ass killed in one of the greatest death scenes ever in the original Nightmare on Elm Street (his movie debut), is FINALLY getting his due as an A-list star. You have to wonder, who's' next? If I had my vote, it'd be Luis Guzman. Ok, ignore that stupid Fox show from earlier this year that got canned in like a day (not that you'd even remember it anyways), because that's not the Luis that I'm talking about. I want Raoul "El Cid" Hernandez from Oz, Pachanga from Carlito's Way, Maurice from Boogie Nights, and other assorted roles where he flat out saves the picture, like Lance from Punch Drunk Love, and Lou in Anger Management. Guzman is the guy that, no matter what he does in a movie, him being there makes it watchable.

Moving on to another topic, yes, wrestling. We've reach that crucial time of the year, the Royal Rumble-Wrestlemania stretch. It is this time that pretty much determines the course WWE will take for the whole year, with the Royal Rumble winner getting a world title shot at Wrestlemania. And the winner of that world title match (for Raw and Smackdown), is pretty much destined to be THE guy for the year. Wrestlemania is were stars are made, or legacies are cemented, so who wins there in any match is an indicator of things to come, so fans watch closely to see which guys (and girls) are set to stay, or break through to the top. This year's Wrestlemania may be the most important ever though, since it is the 20th anniversary of the event, and you'd better believe WWE is feeling the pressure to do something special. Fans are leaving in droves, so if they can't deliver at Wrestle freakin' Mania (the one show that is supposed to be good, no matter what), they're screwed. The thing I am most looking forward to about the show is how legends who've helped build the show will be incorporated. It's my feeling that they deserve to be a part of it, since they were the ones busting their asses to make it what it is today, so if they get ignored, then me, being a WWE loyalist forever, might just be pissed off to no end. I say screw what the internet says about wasting time on legends, because, you know that as soon as they come out, the fans will pop like crazy anyways. For example, Hulk Hogan. Hulk, who almost the whole internet wrestling community (or IWC for short) seems to hate, came back in 2002, and was unquestionably THE most popular wrestler in the whole damn company (even through some of 2003, until he left), pulling in amazing 10 full minute standing ovations, which I'd LOVE to see anyone else get. If you ask me, that's not bad for a guy said to be way past his prime. In closing, basically I'm saying that guys like Hogan, Savage, Piper, and Bret (if he'll show up) HAVE to be there, even just for a little segment.

Well, I'm about tapped out, thanks for reading!

SWF Main Event 1/10/04
SWF Main Event 1/10/04

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event, a mere six days away from the SWF Rumble!

Dean: With that in mind, tonight should be very interesting indeed. Here's the lineup:

Julio Maniaco faces Boppo The Clown!

A 10 Man Tag Elimination Rules Match with Generation Gap, Tripp and The Janitor facing The Good Ol' Boys, JuJu, and Petey Pizzazz!

Ayatollah Sheik defends his U.S. Title against Repo!

Cash Inc's Jahalaman Jaffe and Joe Money will be on Petey's Parlor!

And the Main Event 8 Man Tag: All three members of Cash Inc & The Mercenary face The Suicide Brothers, Silkky Smooth, and their unlikely partner, Yeti!

Vance: We kick the night off with Petey's Parlor, take it Petey!

Petey: Hello again from the Parlor! I've got a match later, so let's get my guests out here, they are, in my humble opinion, the SWF's premier tag team, and my friends, please welcome Jahalaman Jaffe & Joe Money, Cash Inc!(Cash Inc make their way out and greet Petey kindly)

Petey: The reason I asked the two of you on was to answer a question the whole world has been wondering , what's with the sudden mean streak? First you put Quow Ling out of action, then last week you decimated The Shadow, who I've been informed, will be out for quite some time. Care to explain?

Jaffe(laughing): Those attacks and the "mean streak"are the result of two things, first one being that we were inspired by what The Mercenary told us. We both saw that the man had a point, so we've stepped it up a little.

Joe: The second reason is that we saw the chance to eliminate some of the competition. With The Black Dragons gone, and having just beat the Suicide Brothers, like we will again tonight, we can sit back with our titles and no real challengers!

(Petey begins to talk again, but The Sex Connection come out, with their new theme, Connection by Elastica, and cut him off)

Randy: Me and Beef couldn't sit back and listen to the two of you any longer. No new challengers huh? Well, your looking at some!

Beef: That's right, you and us for the titles, at the SWF Rumble! We know you thought you could get away without defending the titles, but too bad!

Jaffe(upset): You know what, fine! You're on!

Joe(also upset): At the Rumble, you two punks will find out just why we are the best tag team in the SWF!

(We go back to the ring as the two teams stare each other down to end the segment)

Julio Maniaco vs Boppo The Clown
Right off the bat, Julio charges Boppo, but sidesteps him at the last minute, then catches him with a dropkick as he turns around. Boppo falls, only to quickly get up, but is met by a flying forearm ala Tito Santana. Julio tries for a pin, only to have Boppo kick out, and recover, at which point he begins clubbing a downed Julio. Boppo's momentum is short lived though, as Julio kicks him away, gets to his feet, and comes off the ropes to end up attempting a sunset flip. Julio gets the flip, but can't bring Boppo over, and he moves away as Boppo drops down, hoping to squash him. As Boppo sits hurt on the canvas, Julio jumps over with a flipping reverse neckbreaker. Julio then goes after Boppo's legs, and appears to be attempting some submission of sorts. Julio hooks Boppo's legs in what seems to be a Sharpshooter, and then tries to turn him to complete the move. He manages to get Boppo over, but it turns out he is going for the Queen Angelito Stretch! Julio puts the pressure on the intertwined legs, then pulls back on the arms, and it's not long before Boppo gives up.
*Winner* Julio Maniaco

We get the official announcement that The Janitor is receiving the Hardcore Title shot at the Rumble.

SWF U.S. Title Match- Ayatollah Sheik vs Repo
Upon his entry, Sheik takes the mic and insults the crowd as he waits for Repo. Sheik is cut off by the sound of what is currently Kurt Angle's music, but also was the theme of The Patriot, the masked grappler who had stints with WCW and WWF in the mid-late 90's, who Repo happens to be impersonating this week. Repo marches to the ring , with the whole deal, mask, tights, and American flag. Repo ambushes Sheik before the music can even stop, and wallops him a few times with the flag before the bell. As Repo drops the flag and continues the assault, Sheik reaches into his tights and pulls out what appears to be a spike, then jabs it in Repo's throat! Repo falls back, clutching his throat as Sheik inconspicuously hides the object back in his tights. Sheik then calmly drags his prey into the center of the ring where he applies the Camel Clutch, forcing Repo to tap out.
*Winner and STILL SWF U.S. Champion* Ayatollah Sheik

10 Man Elimination Rules Match- Generation Gap, Tripp & The Janitor vs The Good Ol' Boys, JuJu and Petey Pizzazz
Jimmy and Charles start, and soon after, Jimmy nails the Rocker Dropper to Eliminate him! No sooner than that, Rory blind sides Jimmy, and plants him with the Roundup to pin him! In keeping with the fast pace of the match, The Janitor attacks right away then beats Rory with the Clean Sweep! JuJu enters, and he and his scheduled opponent for the Rumble face off, with JuJu dominating , until Janitor discreetly kicks him below the belt! Janitor uses the time to tag in X, who nails a suffering JuJu with a missile dropkick. JuJu falls back near his corner where Petey tags himself in and hits the Piece of Pizzazz on X to eliminate him in short order. Tripp enters to replace X but suffers the same fate as his partner at the hands of Pizzazz, being quickly eliminated. Danny enters to replace his rapidly depleting team, and ends up beating Petey, to the point that he must tag in Tex. Tex fails to stop Danny and falls victim to the Disco Drop and is pinned, evening the odds making it 2 on 2. JuJu enters and destroys Danny, pinning him within a minute of his entry. The Janitor, being the last man left on his team, comes in swinging , and holds his own against JuJu, but Petey enters and he and JuJu hit the Hart Attack, allowing JuJu to pin The Janitor.
*Winners* The Good Ol' Boys, JuJu, and Petey Pizzazz- JuJu and Petey are the remaining team members

Main Event 8 Man Tag- Cash Inc & The Mercenary vs The Suicide Brothers, Silkky Smooth, & Yeti
BDM and Silkky start, and go right after each other, with Silkky taking control. The rest of Cash Inc enter to help gang up on Silkky, drawing in the Suicides to help their partner. Seeing the need to help his partners, The Mercenary enters, but Yeti cuts him off and they brawl to the floor! The ref struggles to clear the ring of the illegal men, and Yeti and Mercenary brawl all the way to the back! Things finally get under control, with BDM and Silkky tagging to Joe $ and Jack Suicide respectively. After some back and forth, Joe makes the tag to Jaffe and he hits the Arabian Goodnight! The other two members of Cash Inc hold off Silkky and Mike as Jaffe picks up the win!
*Winners* Cash Inc & The Mercenary

END OF SHOW

Nash Moments
In my opinion one of the coolest wrestlers, possibly ever, Kevin Nash, has recently made it official that he's parted ways with WWE. So, in tribute, I've put together a list of Nash moments, things that I've always looked on fondly.

Super Shredder!
When I was younger, I LOVED the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and to find out later that the dude who played Super Shredder in TMNT Part 2 was Nash, it made me like him a little bit more.


Diesel Power
Even though it was by SCREWING MARTY JANNETTY OVER, Nash's WWF (yeah, I said WWF, so what? That was the name of the company then) debut as Shawn Michaels' bodyguard was the beginning of a great career. It wasn't his actual wrestling debut, but it was his big break, since he'd no longer have to wrestle for WCW as a lounge lizard, or the great and powerful Oz (yes, from Wizard of Oz). After initially only playing bodyguard, Nash (as Diesel), made the jump to wrestling , and DOMINATED the 1994 Royal Rumble, entering the ring at # 7, and tearing through an amazing 7 guys, one right after another. The unproven Diesel pretty much became a superstar right then, as the crowd started a "Diesel" chant, which made the WWF powers that be take notice. And, ever since then, whenever someone dominates a Royal Rumble/battle royal many people (myself included) refer to it as a "Diesel moment". A few months later, the newly popular Diesel (still playing heel though) won the Intercontinental title, AND was pitted against the WWF's top guy, and World Champion, Bret Hart at that year's King Of The Ring PPV, for the WWF title! Diesel didn't win the title at KOTR, but did win by DQ, so he rapidly growing momentum wasn't hurt any, and he still had the IC gold. At Summerslam (August) of that year, Diesel lost the IC belt, but the night before, he actually picked up MORE gold, snatching the Tag titles with Shawn Michaels! Things started to get rocky for the Michaels/Diesel paring though, they reigned as Tag champs until an incident at Survivor Series in November, where the duo weren't communicating that well in their team elimination bout. The end result was Diesel chasing Michaels out of the building , with Michaels handing his tag title over to announcer Todd Pettingill on the way out, effectively ending the partnership and tag title run. Diesel was now full-on face, and he would win the WWF World title a mere 3 days later, in only 8 SECONDS from Bob Backlund, who coincidentally won the title at the Survivor Series. It was now that the WWF was officially running on Diesel Power, and did so for almost a full year.

Diesel: The video game character
Back in the heyday of Big Daddy Cool (Diesels nickname), we didn't have Playstation 2's or X-Boxes, we had the good ol' Sega Genesis, on which I played WWF Royal Rumble and WWF Raw constantly. It was WWF Raw, where I REALLY dominated, never losing , because of my secret weapon, Diesel. As Diesel, I tore through all the competition, human or CPU. In the Royal Rumble mode, I basically recreated that "Diesel Moment", tossing everyone out to claim victory. I won the Tournament modes with ease, and the Raw Endurance mode was also a cakewalk, and I could beat all 10 opponents with just one of my guys, that being Diesel. Also, for the time, Diesel's animated Jackknife Powerbomb was as close to real as I thought possible, little did I know that years later, I'd be able to play as Nash, looking almost dead-on, and the dreaded Jackknife animated too close for comfort. Even in today's newer games, Nash rocks hard, and I still use him.

Diesel: I'm Back!
The night after Bret Hart ended his only run as WWF Champion (in a killer match, btw), Diesel came out on Raw, disrupting a match between Skip and Savio Vega, and runs down the whole WWF, telling Vince McMahon himself, that he's had enough, and is no longer willing to be his corporate puppet. This was a pretty interesting thing , since in 1995, NOBODY acknowledged on air that Vince was the man in charge EVER , he was merely an announcer. Anyways, Diesel declared "I'm Back!", in essence turning heel, but he also asked for his fans' support, making him one of if not THE first "tweener" in wrestling , meaning he straddled the fence of good and bad, a concept that would be used a few years later in the "Attitude" era. So, Diesel began the quest to regain the title, however, there was another top contender who was poised for the next title shot, The Undertaker. Diesel, being pissed that he was the one to get the title shot, started screwing with `Taker, and cost him the title at Royal Rumble `95 by running in and beating up the ref, NOT a good idea. So, at the February In Your House PPV, Diesel got his way, getting a title shot, this time, in a steel cage. So the match goes along fine, then Diesel decimates Bret, and is about to leisurely walk out the cage door to his 2nd World title, then `Taker BURSTS THROUGH THE RING, AND PULLS DIESEL UNDER! This allows Bret to recover, and walk out himself to retain. With a score to settle, and Wrestlemania 12 a month away, Diesel and `Taker were signed to face off at the big event. In a noteworthy occurrence, on the road to their `Mania showdown, `Taker started screwing with Big Daddy Cool (well more than sucking him under the ring and costing him the title), and had casket wheeled down to ringside during a Diesel match. Of course, Diesel had to see what was in there, so he opened it, and what did he see? `Taker, ready to attack perhaps? Nope, he saw HIMSELF, I'm talking a really, freaky-close, full-sized likeness, which obviously, scared the hell out of him. In the big `Taker vs Diesel match, `Taker won, not only to wrap up the feud, but because Diesel was on the way out, he had signed with the rival WCW. Big "D" would have one more match however, and it would turn out to be one of his best.

The Swan Song of Big Daddy Cool
For his last match, Diesel would be against his old friend/sometimes rival, Shawn Michaels, who had recently won the WWF title from Bret Hart at Wrestlemania 12, and had cemented himself as a face a few months before. To set the match up, Diesel feigned a reunion of the two, only to lay him out after a match. The match was then made not only a title match, but a No Holds Barred affair as well. On April 28th at In Your House: Good Friends, Better Enemies, Diesel and Michaels went at in an all out brawl, the likes of which hadn't become commonplace at the time. Since he was leaving the company (along with fellow WWF star Razor Ramon, which would become VERY important soon after), Nash lost, but did so in a fantastic match.

The group that changed wrestling forever: The NWO
May 27 1996. It was Memorial Day, and the first 2 hour addition of WCW's Monday Nitro, when Scott Hall A.K.A. Razor Ramon stormed the ring during a Mike Enos vs Steve Doll match. Now, to people not in the know, which was a lot of people, since the internet wasn't everywhere then, seeing a top WWF just show up on the rival company's flagship show, that was going head to head with WWF's Monday Night Raw, was HUGE. I remember sitting there stunned, like the crowd, and probably most of the fans watching , as Hall declared "You wanna war? (referring of course to the heated WWF vs WCW war that raged practically WCW's inception, but was really raging then), you got one!". So there it was, the fans saw Razor F'N Ramon, whether acting under orders from the WWF, or on his own, just punked out WCW, their own show. Hall, still not named as such (WWF owns Razor Ramon, Scott Hall is his given name, same deal with Nash & the Diesel name), would show up the next week near the end of the show, take over announce booth, and issue a challenge, 3 of WCW's best vs 3 of HIS guys (basically saying he has two more people to aid him), drawing out one of WCW's top guys, Sting. Sting and Hall have a confrontation, that included Hall tossing a toothpick in Stings face (a Razor Ramon trademark), only to be slapped. Hall then says that the next week, he'll have a little, no BIG (he emphasized big) for him, and WCW. So, around the same time the next week, who should walk out? Kevin Nash. Now, there were two, known only as "The Outsiders", promising to "takeover", and they pressed WCW for who would face them for their challenge, to which WCW boss, Eric Bischoff told them that he'd announce it all at the Great American Bash PPV. At the Great American Bash, the "Outsiders" and Bischoff had a summit of sorts, where the first thing Bischoff did was ask about their allegiance to the rival WWF, which was dispelled (WWF sued WCW, since they had implied that the WWF was behind Hall and Nash's takeover plot, and Hall was still using the trademark mannerisms and accent). Bischoff then announced that the match WOULD happen at WCW's next PPV, Bash at the Beach in Daytona Beach Florida (which happens to be my old stomping grounds). Then, when Eric informed them that their opponents would be announced the next night on Nitro, Hall and Nash were pissed, so Hall punched Eric, and Nash Jackknifed him through a table off the stage! The next night on Nitro, The Outsiders would finally find out who'd accepted their challenge, Sting , The Macho Man Randy Savage, and Lex Luger, but who was their third man? The Outsiders didn't reveal who it was, and when the time came for the big match, the third man was still nowhere to be seen. So, with 2 vs 3, WCW battled this outside threat, who actually dominated the WCW forces with only two men, and team WCW was in dire need of help. With Luger and Sting nearly dead, Savage tags in, and he too ends up beaten. There were a few top WCW stars who weren't choices for this match, like Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, The Giant etc, will anyone of them help WCW? And, when they needed it the most, Hulk Hogan, returning from filming a movie, comes out, and runs The Outsiders off, with poor Savage still laid out in the ring. Hulk prepares for battle, rips the shirt, then, LEGDROPS THE MACHO MAN! OH MY GOD! HOGAN WAS THE THIRD MAN! Honestly, NO ONE saw that coming. We aren't treated to a finish, but after the most shocking moment in wrestling , things just got crazy, Hall, Nash, and Hogan beat up on the WCW team, as the ring FILLS with garbage. Mean Gene, as shocked as the fans, announcers, and everyone else, enters the ring to interview Hogan, and understand what's going on. Hogan then rips the WCW a new one, even telling the fans to "Stick it"! Hulk then declares the trio "The New World Order of wrestling", the NWO. From that night on, the finally named Hall, Nash, and the newly dubbed "Hollywood" Hogan DOMINATED WCW, literally, everything that went on in WCW for almost two years revolved around them. The NWO would beat up whoever, take over the announce booth and call matches themselves, recruit WCW stars to join them (even Eric Bischoff joined), insert their own programming into the broadcast, anything they wanted, they OWNED WCW.

Nash Rocks the Mic
During the NWO days, Nash showed the world just how funny, and flat out cool he was, by cutting some great promos. Nash's offerings on the microphone never failed to entertain, neither did he as an announcer during NWO takeovers of the booth. Ever since the burgeoning personality he showed then, Nash has been gold on the mic.

Nash 1, Goldberg 0
A lot of people were pissed by this next Nash moment, being that Kev' ended the 170+ win streak of WCW World Champion Goldberg , and winning the title at Starrcade 1998. Personally, I HATE Goldberg , and didn't care who beat him, just that someone did it, so I was overjoyed that Nash got the job done. Credit must also go to Scott Hall, since it was him who used a taser on Goldy, allowing Nash to hit the Jackknife to win.

The Deadly Dose of Poison
It was February of 2002, in the WWF, 50% Owner, Vince McMahon was hot off the heels of being humiliated by WWF Co-Owner, Ric Flair, losing to him in a match at the Royal Rumble the previous month. Vince snapped, and he was willing to stop at nothing to get rid of Flair, finally shocking the world by saying that if Flair didn't resign as co-owner, he was going to inject the WWF with a "Lethal dose of poison", bringing back the original NWO! People were stunned, after Hall & Nash's WWF departure in 1996, everyone thought that the door for them to return would be closed forever, Vince had even gone on record to say as much himself, not to mention Hogan, who's 1993 departure jump-started the competition, and hurt Vince a great deal, also being said to unlikely ever return. But, was this just a threat, aimed at getting Flair to give up his part ownership of the WWF? We'd soon find out, because Vince demanded that Flair make his choice on Smackdown a few weeks after the Rumble, and Flair refused to give up his 50%! Now, it was set, Vince would bring in the NWO, who Vince informed us, would return at February's No Way Out PPV (No Way Out? NWO? How about that coincidence?). Unfortunately for Nash, Hulk's GIANT face reaction forced the WWF to turn him back to the Hogan we all love, along with a short title run (making me the happiest person EVER). On top of that, Hall got fired soon after he returned, thus breaking up the original NWO. And, to make matters even worse, Nash couldn't wrestle due to a biceps injury. They tried to keep the angle going but with crappy members like X-Pac and Big Show, the NWO was dead. Nash made one last attempt to "Put the band back together", introducing Shawn Michaels (who retired in 1998, and hadn't been seen in some time), as the newest member of the NWO in June of 2002. That formation of the NWO didn't last either, as Nash suffered another injury (in his return match actually) a few weeks after Michaels returned, tearing his quadriceps, sidelining him for a LONG time (about 9 months), and Vince McMahon publically put the metaphorical bullet in the head of the NWO.



Nash returns
Nash returned in April of 2003, and targeted Raw Champion (simply known as the World Title, Smackdown got the REAL title when they split the show into two "brands") Triple H. What followed was a pretty bland feud, and HHH never lost his precious title. The one cool thing about the feud was Nash just leisurely applying a vintage Jackknife (where he'd just lift a guy, then quickly drop him, not like the usual powerbomb) on HHH through a table.

Well, that wraps it up, but I certainly hope Nash's post WWE career goes well, he has a substantial role in the Punisher movie coming out later this spring , and if it does well, maybe he'll get steady acting gigs.