SWF Main Event 1/3/04
SWF Main Event 1/3/04

The show kicks off with a new intro, featuring Nickelback's version of Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting as the new SWF Main Event theme song. When we go live to the arena, we see a brand new set, with a re-vamped aisle, with no ramp, and a huge screen above the entrance. The whole setup looks futuristic, and is mainly chrome. There are many flashing lights and computer graphics to compliment the change as well.

Vance: Welcome to the NEW and improved SWF! We enter 2004 with a new look and attitude! When you last saw us, we had delivered the spectacular Starrcade, and we can still feel the shockwaves caused by that show, and tonight we will see the fallout!

Dean: We sure will! (Gets serious)But speaking of the mayhem of Starrcade, I have to announce that Quow Ling suffered an injury at the hand of Cash Inc at the event, which will sideline him for an undetermined amount of time. We all wish the talented performer a speedy recover. Moving on though, we have some very big stuff lined up tonight! Just look at this:

The Shadow goes it alone takes on The Reverend!

The Sex Connection takes on the team of Boppo The Clown & Repo!

The Good Ol' Boys' Tex Gentry & Rory Rogers meet their enemies, Generation Gap's X & Jimmy Jam!

The other Good Ol' Boys member meets the other member of Generation Gap as Charles Gunn faces Disco Danny!

Also, The Billion Dollar Man is on Petey's Parlor!

Vance: Let's kick it off!

Charles Gunn vs Disco Danny
Danny, furious over his team's (unfair) loss at Starrcade, doesn't wait for the bell to attack Charles. Danny, showing some intensity, flusters the bigger man with his ambush, and stays in control until Charles can finally retreat. Charles comes back in, and slows the pace, giving him the upper hand. Charles' dominance is short lived, as Danny isn't to be denied, and he gets right back in it, and nails the Disco Drop out of nowhere! Danny goes for the pin right away, and gets the three! Danny really stepped up here, showing how talented he actually is, very impressive.
*Winner* Disco Danny

We go backstage where Shadow seems to be walking with a purpose, and stops at the dressing room door of Cash Inc! He tries to open the door, but it's locked, so he kicks it down! Jaffe and Joe are the only occupants, sitting around living it up, and they were startled by the noise. Instead of being upset, Jaffe and Joe seem amused by the intrusion, and ask Shadow why he is there, even though they know why. The silent Shadow just stands there, and by his body language, is VERY pissed off. Joe and Jaffe continue to taunt Shadow, trying to get him to speak, knowing he won't, but when they bring up the vicious (and uncalled for) attack of his partner Quow Ling at Starrcade, Shadow leaps into action, and lays a whuppin' on the two! Shadow just charged in, and began unleashing a flurry of kicks, that end up leaving Jaffe and Joe laying. With his enemies vanquished, Shadow calmly exits the room as we go back to the ring.

Sex Connection vs Boppo & Repo
As usual, Repo is nowhere to be seen, until we hear the sound of Hacksaw Jim Duggan's music hits, and out comes Repo, 2X4 and all. Repo enters and clears the ring with the 2X4, then doing Hacksaw's signature "HOOOOO!" & "USA!" chants. After the ref takes away the 2X4, Beef Macho enters to start the match off with Repo. Foolishly, Repo goes for the three point stance clothesline on the rotund Beef, and ends up running into a Beefy Bomb! Randy runs interference as Beef picks up the pin.
*Winners* Sex Connection

We now go to Petey's Parlor, where Petey stands with JuJu, and he begins the show:

Petey: Hello again people! I'm Petey Pizzazz, welcome to the Parlor. For those of you wondering , yes, I'm still smarting from what Octane did to me at Starrcade, but I have a show to do. Before my guest, and very good friend The Billion Dollar Man comes out, I have to congratulate JuJu on his Hardcore title win at Starrcade, (raises his voice) even though he should have waited to leave until AFTER my match with Octane. Anyways, congrats, the new look and attitude is paying off. (Petey pats JuJu on the back and JuJu then plays up to the crowd before leaving). Ok, my guest tonight is the SWF World Champion, fresh off of a successful title defense in a brutal steel cage at Starrcade, please welcome my close personal friend, The Billion Dollar Man! (BDM enters and he and Petey shake hands and exchange pleasantries)

Petey: BDM, while these people may not know it, we've been friends a long time, and with all the business you've given me, I could retire on it! (both men share a laugh) But back to the matter at hand, what is next for you now that you've beaten Silkky Smooth, fair and square?

BDM: Well, nobody seems to stand out as a challenger to the title, so I'm not quite sure about that.

Petey: I can understand that, onto another topic then, there seems to be a lot of tension between you and SWF Owner Extreme Superstar, care to comment?

BDM(laughs): Oh, that's nothing really. The man just seems to have something against my winning ways I guess. But as I told him, a win is a win, and there isn't a thing he can do to stop me, I earned this title, and nobody out there has what it takes to take it from me. As far as I can tell, I'll hold the SWF World title for a long , long , time, so Extreme will just have to deal with it.

Petey: Yeah.....(the sound of Extreme's music cuts him off, and Extreme enters with a mic)

Extreme(somewhat angry): Sorry to break up this little get together, but I couldn't take it anymore. So, "BDM" there's nobody out there worthy of a title shot? I disagree. I know of one man in particular that deserves a title shot, and he's gonna get it at the SWF Rumble!

BDM(concerned): Who?

Extreme(smiles): OCTANE! (the crowd cheers loudly)

(BDM and Petey are left stunned as we close out this week's Parlor)


The Good Ol' Boys (Tex & Rory) vs Generation Gap (X & Jimmy)
The Good Ol' Boys now have a theme song , which shares their name, and was the theme to the Dukes of Hazzard, performed by Waylon Jennings. All four decide not to wait for the bell and tear into each other before X and Tex are left as the legal men. Tex and X have an exciting fast-paced exchange, but Rory enters as X takes control. Rory's entry prompts Jimmy Jam to come in as well, and Tex takes to the outside to recover. Wait, Tex isn't going out to recover, he grabs a guitar from under the ring! Tex reenters and just blasts X with that guitar! The ref managed to catch the shot, as he was still dealing with Rory and Jimmy. That blatant action obviously causes the ref to DQ the Good Ol' Boys, but they don't really seem to care.
*Winners by DQ* Generation Gap

Post Match: Tex and Rory run off laughing as Jimmy and the ref tend to X.

Backstage, Extreme is approached by The Mercenary. The Mercenary wants to defend his TV title against Yeti at the Rumble to recoup the loss to him at the inaugural SWF Show. He is granted his request and as he leaves, Octane shows up! The big man just walks up to Extreme, and the silent man simply nods his head respectfully, then shakes his hand! It must be because Extreme gave him a title shot at the Rumble. Extreme knows what he means and nods back as Octane leaves.


Main Event: The Shadow vs The Reverend
The Shadow enters, and now he has a solo theme song , Battle Without Honor or Humanity by Tomoyasu Hotei, which was used for the film Kill Bill. Shadow never gives The Reverend a chance to fight back, he basically destroys him, then nails the Flying Wizard for the easy pin.
*Winner* The Shadow

Post Match: As Shadow leaves, Jahalaman Jaffe and Joe Money come from the back and attack him! The duo beat him to the ground, then back away to discuss something. Joe and Jaffe smile, and Jaffe goes to grab a chair from the outside. When he returns, he and Joe take turns beating Shadow with it! Then, they clamp his leg in the chair and both stomp on it repeatedly! Finally, officials swarm the ring and the assailants run off, but the damage appears to have been done to Shadow.

END OF SHOW

SWF Starrcade
SWF Starrcade

We open with Extreme sitting in his office, ready to address the viewers.

Extreme(serious): I would like to apologize for everything that happened on SWF Main Even last week, things have been out of control lately. I take full responsibility for what happened, if I wasn't stirring things up with my "hands on" approach for the televised product, none of this may have happened, but luckily nobody was seriously hurt. Today though, I had an epiphany, the SWF superstars need to get rid of all this hostility, so tonight, in EVERY match, all bets are off, no DQS, no Count-outs, they can fight their aggressions out! Maybe after tonight, we can quell the craziness that has overtaken this company. Thank you all, and enjoy the show.

Vance(shocked): You heard it folks, it's anarchy tonight! Welcome to SWF Starrcade!

Dean: The last SWF PPV of 2003 is here, and boy is it a dandy! Look at this lineup:

4 Corners Elimination Match- Julio Maniaco vs Yeti vs The Don vs Tony Ramon

The SWF Hardcore Endurance Battle Royal- Xavier Hawthorne III vs The Reverend vs Boppo The Clown vs The Janitor vs Crazy Phil vs Repo vs Tripp vs Randy Mann vs Beef Macho vs JuJu- Two random men will start, the winner of that will face the next entrant, the last man left is the winner!

SWF Televison Title Match- Captain Fantastic vs The Mercenary

SWF U.S. Title Match- The Freedom Fighter vs Ayatollah Sheik

3 Team Elimination SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Black Dragons vs Suicide Brothers vs Cash Inc

Petey Pizzazz vs Octane-Assuming we find out if Octane didn't catch up to Petey and finish him off!

For the Vacant SWF 6 Man Titles-Generation Gap vs The Good Ol' Boys

Steel Cage SWF World Title Match- Billion Dollar Man vs Silkky Smooth

Vance: Well, let's get tp the first match!

4 Corners Elimination Match- Julio Maniaco vs Yeti vs The Don vs Tony Ramon
The four all meet in the ring and slug it out, Yeti swats them all away. As they recover, Julio looks to Yeti ans extends his hand, trying to make an alliance, knowing Don and Tony are gunning for him. Yeti just growls at him, so Julio kicks him in the gut! Julio jumps up to clamp him in a front facelock, and as Yeti thrashes to get him off, Julio swings his feet to take out Tony and Don! He then jumps down, and rushes to the top rope, where he catches Yeti with a missile dropkick right to the head as he turns around. Yeti staggers, but doesn't fall, and Julio uses some running shots and finally a tackle to drop him. Don and Tony decide to beg off, leaving Julio to deal with the giant Yeti. But with Yeti down, Julio is able to come off the top rope again, this time, with a moonsault. He goes for the pin and gets three! Yeti is gone! (Elimination # 1) Don and Tony rush right in, but Julio is too quick, he comes flying off the ropes with a double clothesline, and lifts Don for the Mexican Conquest, and gets it! Tony breaks up a pin though, and begins to hammer away on Julio. Julio backs off to the corner, and Tony comes after, but it was a trap! As Tony comes in, Julio pops up, grabs him in a front facelock, uses his feet to climb the ropes, then swings out for a tornado DDT, but he flips over at the last second, making it a neckbreaker! Don is up before Julio can pin Tony, so he quickly turns focus and spears Don nearly out of his shoes! He is now free to finish off Tony, so he keeps him down with a flipping splash, then comes off the top with a huge frog splash! 1-2-3, bye Tony. (Elimination # 2) Don is starting to stir, but is doubled over clutching his ribs, and Julio stalks him from behind, and as he makes it to one knee, Julio leaps at him and turns sideways, nailing him with a running fameasser! The Don is out, so Julio drags him to the center of the ring , and mounts the turnbuckle a good 3/4 across the ring. He spreads his arms like wings and soars all the way across for an amazing flying headbutt! Yeah, that'll do it, Don is finished (Elimination # 3)
*Winner* Julio Maniaco

We head backstage where Petey is shown talking to JuJu, he wishes him good luck in the Hardcore title match (which is next), and states that Octane never caught up with them since they doubled back to the arena, but seeing the chaos, left again. Petey does say he's worried though as he now has to face Octane tonight.

The SWF Hardcore Endurance Battle Royal- For the SWF Hardcore Title
We wait to see who are the unlucky first two men, and first is.... Tripp! He must start vs..... Crazy Phil! Phil has a trash can lid in hand, but Tripp kicks it out of his hands, and hops up on him for the Stoner Smash, which he nails right on said lid. 1-2-3, Poor Phil, he's gone. (Elimination # 1) Tripp seems excited, but to win, he has to beat 9 other guys! He waits for the third entrant, and the lights go out and they come back on, flickering red, and Kane-esque pyro goes off from the ring posts, and Them Bones plays, it's the "new" JuJu! JuJu is wearing red pants and a back tank top to wrestle in. He doesn't take crap either, he comes right over the top rope, and kills Tripp with a running big boot, then picks him up for the JuJu Driver! Tripp is gone (Elimination # 2) JuJu is fired up, he paces the ring and waits for the (seemingly doomed) fourth entrant. Beef Macho is it, but JuJu mauls him before he can make it through the ropes, JuJu Driver, it's over. (Elimination # 3) JuJu is still fresh, so the next guy is still probably screwed, who is it? Kid Rock's American Badass strikes up and Repo comes out on a motorcycle! He's "New School" Undertaker! JuJu exits the ring , and clotheslines Repo off the bike before he can get off of it! He then delivers the JuJu Driver on the floor! 1-2-3 Repo ain't winnin' this one (Elimination # 4). The crowd is getting behind JuJu, now and Randy Mann runs out next! JuJu gets beat on, and gets back in the ring , where he stomps Randy as he tries entering. Randy gets up, but JuJu ducks a roundhouse right, and as Randy turns back to face him, he is quickly lifted and dropped in the JuJu Driver! 1-2-3, Randy is now out (Elimination # 5). Who is next to test the merciless JuJu? The Janitor! Janitor comes in swinging , and hits some good shots with the broom, but JuJu takes it, and swings it right into Janitor's throat! As The Janitor gasps for air, JuJu gets him up for the JuJu Driver and pins him (Elimination # 6). The fans are impressed, and don't laugh anymore, no longer sidetracked by the voodoo, he is a killing machine! As he plays up to the crowd, his former? (Not sure where that relationship is) partner Boppo The Clown comes in, and almost decapitated by a clothesline. JuJu shows his power by lifting the plump Boppo, and holding him over his shoulder before leaping in the air and coming down with a wicked JuJu Driver! Boppo is legally dead (Elimination # 7). "JuJu" chants go up as R.E.M.'s Losing My Religion begins to play, and the crowd gasps knowing that signals the arrival of Xavier Hawthorne, who is most certainly, about to be slaughtered. Xavier is terrified, but JuJu lets him enter in piece, then charges with a clothesline that knocks Xavier for a loop! The crowd is loving this, and JuJu nails a giant chokeslam on Xavier, then goes for the pin. Sensing the fans want more however, he pick him up and hits a JuJu Driver, then pins him. (Elimination # 8) We know who the last entrant is, The Reverend. Reverend's music plays but he's scared to death to come out, so JuJu goes back after him! JuJu ends up carrying him to the ring , and press slams him inside from the floor! Reverend scurries to escpae on the other side of the ring , but JuJu ends up grabbing his leg to drag him back. He lifts Reverend in position for the chokeslam, and Reverend begs for his life. JuJu signals for the move as the crowd cheers him on, and Reverend appears to have past out in his grasp! JuJu hits the chokeslam anyway, then picks him up again for the JuJu Driver, it's over. (Elimination # 9)
*Winner and NEW SWF Hardcore Champion* JuJu

Post Match: JuJu is handed his newly one belt, and he celebrates as the crowd chants his name. JuJu seems teary eyed as he hears this, since he finally feels accepted.

We go to Vance and Dean in the booth, they say that SWF will take a holiday break after this show, then return on January 4th, and announce that SWF Main Event now has an official theme song , Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting by Nickelback. They also wish everyone a happy holiday season, whatever they may celebrate.

SWF Televison Title Match- Captain Fantastic vs The Mercenary
Mercenary comes in mad, and with a pipe of some kind, which he beats Fantastic senseless with. Fantastic never even has the chance to fight back, as he gets planted with the Mercy Kill and pinned a few minutes in! Mercenary DESTROYED him.
*Winner and NEW SWF TV Champion* The Mercenary

We quickly go backstage where Generation Gap are taking advantage of tonight's "anything goes" atmosphere by attacking the Good Ol' Boys. Jimmy calls for a ref as they fight their way to the ring. I guess their match starts now.

SWF 6 Man Title Match-Generation Gap vs The Good Ol' Boys
Generation Gap beat all their opponents down the aisle and toss them in the ring , and the ref tries to get two guys from each team to leave the ring , but with no rules tonight, tagging isn't necessary I suppose. Tex manages to bail, and he runs off to the back, leaving his partners to be beaten up! With things mostly in their control, Generation Gap sends Danny to follow Tex. As Danny makes his way partly through the curtain, something strikes him and he falls back into the aisle! It was a guitar, swung by none other than Tex Gentry! He didn't abandon his team, but went for an equalizer! Tex screams for the ref, and he comes, with X and Jimmy Jam soon seeing the scene and following. The ref administers the count in the aisle before Generation Gap can get there! Tex got the pin!
*Winners and NEW SWF 6 Man Tag Champions* The Good Ol' Boys!

Post Match: Tex runs to the ring , while being chased by X and Jimmy, so he can claim the titles and celebrate with his partners. Tex grabs the belts, and his dazed partners run to him, then the three run off through the crowd, holding their titles up.
Ayatollah Sheik's music hits and he comes out from the back, ready for his match. He grabs a mic and begins to berate the crowd, but soon after, The Freedom Fighter's music cuts him off, and Freedom comes running out and the begin to brawl!

SWF U.S. Title Match- The Freedom Fighter vs Ayatollah Sheik
The ref is nowhere to bee seen as Sheik is beaten out of his entrance gear and drops the mic, with Freedom pummeling him from pillar to post. Freedom finally takes off his U.S. title and whips Sheik with it! A referee comes running out, and it's about time. With the bell officially ringing , Freedom continues his assault as the crowd cheers him on. Sheik, not completely beaten yet, removes some sort of spike from his boot and jabs it into Freedom's face! Now in control, Sheik stomps Freedom, then shows his strength with various press slams and backbreakers which take their toll on his opponent. Closer investigation show a mean gash where Freedom got hit with the spike, and he's got some blood flowing from it. Sheik sees that blood and unmercifully begins to pound away on his head. After some more serious punishment, Freedom reverses a piledriver, and seems revitalized, with the sight of his blood reviving him. Freedom charges with clotheslines and dropkicks, which Sheik pulls himself up after, only to be dropped back down by another. Sheik falls once more, and Freedom readies for a big flying lariat, which knocks Sheik right over the top rope! Freedom summons strength from the crowd as Sheik tries to recover on the outside. As Sheik makes it up, Freedom reaches through the ropes to pull him back inside, but Sheik hurls a FIREBALL at him! Freedom falls right back down on the canvas, and Sheik makes him way back inside, with a crazed look on his face. Rather than pin Freedom, after all he just blasted him with FIRE, the seemingly psychotic Sheik begins to scream wildly as he stomps his opponent. Sheik then picks him up and does a vicious multiple backbreacker, as he screams obscenities at him. Sheik finally lets the bloody man fall, at which point, he starts doing jumping knee drops on his back, before clamping on the Camel Clutch. Freedom is unconscious, so the referee has no choice but to call for the bell.
*Winner and NEW SWF U.S. Champion* Ayatollah Sheik

Post Match: Sheik keeps the hold locked on, until the ref can pry him off. Sheik then looks at his hands, which are covered in his opponent's blood, and stares at them with a disturbing smile. He grabs his newly won belt, then smears the blood all over it, before holding it up to the crowd who sit in stunned silence.

We go backstage where The Billion Dollar Man enters Extreme Superstar's office. He finds Extreme and says thanks for making anything go tonight, because now he won't have to hear him cry about beating Silkky! Extreme looks really pissed, almost as if he is preparing to knock him out! But he simply says that BDM better hope he loses, because if he remains champion, he's got some things lined up to make his reign hell!

Cameras quickly cut to another ambush backstage, this time The Black Dragons and Suicide Brothers have stormed into Jaffe and Joe's dressing room, where the six are clubbing away on each other. A referee opts to start the match rather than try to break up the fiasco.

3 Team Elimination SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Black Dragons vs Suicide Brothers vs Cash Inc
The Suicides and Dragons appear to be working together, so they can eliminate Cash Inc first. Joe and Jaffe manage to fight back, even throw Mike Suicide at a locker! Joe and Jaffe use double clotheslines and some clubbing blows to escape the rather restrictive locker room, and in any attempt to leave, stagger down the hall to the cafeteria, in the opposite direction of the ring. Jack and the Dragons follow, and Mike is left behind, trying to recover from that hard slam into the locker. The five fight amongst the catering spread and tables, and Joe ends up bating Jack Suicide into a hard shot with a metal serving tray. Jaffe does his best to face the Dragons, and Joe, now free, rushes to help. The four fight it out, but when the Dragons get the better of it, Cash Inc again look to escape, and end up going back down the hall, and entering the first door they can find, which is the boiler room. It's a big two-tiered room, with the top level filled with maintenance equipment and is made of metal, not the sort of place you'd want to fight on. When Cash Inc see where they are, they immediately looks for a way out, but before they can go out the way they came in, Mike Suicide and The Black Dragons burst through the door and rush them! The angry Mike blindly charges, but Jaffe and Joe sidestep him, and he falls over the railing! The four men suddenly stop fighting to see what happened to Mike, and they look down to see him hurt, but luckily some boxes and things padded his fall. As the remaining men fight back out the door, the ref is there, having finally caught up with them. Under direst, Cash Inc end up running back the way they just came, where Jack Suicide rejoins the fight, finally getting up from that serving tray shot, and finding everyone. Cash Inc stop trying to fight, and begin to simply outrun their opponents, and they make a sharp turn down the last hallway, which leads them to the parking garage. They frantically look for a way out, and after realizing they forgot their keys in the dressing room, they hoof it out to the street! Unluckily for them, Jack, the Dragons, and the ref are not far behind, and they catch up to Cash Inc outside, where they were waiting to cross a busy intersection. The Dragons and Jack begin fighting the duo, and end up brawling down the street, and bump into a cabbie is loading a passenger's belongings into a taxi outside a nearby hotel. The poor cabbie and passenger rush inside the taxi, but in their fear, forgot to close the trunk, so Jaffe manages to load Jack into the open trunk, and slams it as the taxi speeds off with Jack trapped in the back! Now it's an even fight, and Cash Inc scurry back to the parking garage, where they hide behind cars, only to pop out at the Dragons! The Dragons retaliate, and they back them up into a row of cars, and Cash Inc opt to jump on and run on top of to escape! Their plan doesn't work, as the Dragons follow suit, and end up tackling the duo on the cars! Jaffe low blows Quow and DDTs him onto the roof of the car they are on, then helps Joe toss Shadow back, where he goes right through a car windshield! Quow is now the only man left, and out cold, but Cash Inc decide to spike piledrive him on a car anyways! Joe easily pins him, but they won't stop assaulting him!
*Winners and NEW SWF Tag Team Champions* Cash Inc

Post Match: Cash Inc continue beating up Quow, tossing him off the car, then picking him up and ramming him head first into the driver's side window! That was sick!

We head to the ring where Petey is standing , all smiles, ready to address the crowd:

Petey: You may be wondering why I'm so happy, well I'm not going to be fighting Octane alone, my good buddy JuJu has got my back!
(JuJu's music hits but he doesn't come out and Petey looks worried, a production member runs out and whispers something to him and he looks scared)

Petey(To the production guy, forgetting the mic in his hand): He left?!

Production Guy(the mic picks up the audio): He was excited about his win, and I guess he went to celebrate.

(Petey pouts, drops the mic and gets ready to leave, then Octane's music hits!)

Petey Pizzazz vs Octane
Petey stands frightened as Octane enters the ring. Octane wastes no time charging Petey, beating him back into a corner where he continues to pound away on him, even as Petey is out of it, just laying there. Octane pulls him out of the corner, and pulls Petey (who can't even stand) into a HARD clothesline. Octane watches Petey laying on the canvas, and the crowd begins to chant "Empty Tank! Empty Tank!" So, Octane lifts Petey up, and hold Petey WAAAY up in the air, and walks around the ring with him before killing him dead with the move. Yeah it's over, Petey could never have gotten up from THAT.
*Winner* Octane

As Octane leaves and Petey is dragged to the back, the steel cage lowers for the main event, then Extreme's music hits! He comes out, and takes a ringside seat, obviously wanting to see the match up close.

Main Event: Steel Cage SWF World Title Match- Billion Dollar Man vs Silkky Smooth
As he enters, BDM gets up on the cage, then exchanges words with Extreme. Extreme simply tells him to turn around, as Silkky sneaks up and begins beating him, knocking him off the cage. Silkky whips BDM like nobody's business, but BDM finds a way to come back, and controls with technical wrestling. Silkky comes back and almost nails a Silkky Slam, but BDM kicks him low. There are several escape attempts by both men, but they can't seem to get out. The action picks up when BDM floors Silkky and tries to escape through the door. Seeing Silkky begin to stir, BDM gets impatient with the ref, who is trying to undo the padlock and chain that holds it closed. As the ref gets it, BDM's forceful pushing swings it right into the ref's face! Silkky gets up before BDM can get out though, and as he fight with BDM, the ref lays out cold, and Extreme is forced to get up and close the door. Extreme seems to have taken control of the match, in the absence of the regular referee. After some more fighting , BDM manages to hook on the Billion Dollar Dream, and then drop Silkky back, making it a Cobra Clutch Bomb. BDM has the chance to leave now, but instead of going over the top, he wants to piss Extreme off by going out the door, knowing he now controls it! BDM smirks confidently and demands the door to be opened, but will Extreme do it? Extreme is upset, but he reluctantly opens it, and BDM walks out for the win.
*Winner and STILL SWF World Champion* The Billion Dollar Man

Post Match: BDM Celebrates, and Extreme walks out angry, with BDM still being champ, but doing it fair, and rubbing it in his face.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FOLKS, WHATEVER IT IS YOU MAY CELEBRATE!

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 12/13/03
SWF Main Event 12/13/03

Vance: Welcome one and all to the final stop on the road to Starrcade!

Dean: We are a mere six days away from the last PPV of the year, and here's what we've got tonight:

Julio Maniaco vs Tony Ramon

6 Man Tag: The Good Ol' Boys vs Generation Gap

Petey will unveil the "New" Great JuJu on Petey's Parlor, and it's just been confirmed, Captain Fantastic WILL be there to respond to The Mercenary!

Faith and Devotion are back from their meeting with the Athletic Commission, we'll find out what happened!

Octane vs Randy Mann was scheduled, but with Octane's recent injury at Petey Pizzazz's hands, will he show?

8 Man Tag: Cash Inc(Jaffe and Joe)/Mercenary/Petey vs Black Dragons/Suicides

Yeti vs Silkky

The Main Event: Non-Title-The Billion Dollar Man vs Beef Macho, in a match where Beef was randomly chosen as BDM's opponent!

Vance: Let's kick it off!

Julio Maniaco vs Tony Ramon
Julio decides to take to the air due to his opponent's size, he begins by coming off the top with a missile dropkick. Tony goes down, and Julio goes for the quick pin, but Tony is up at two. When Tony recovers, he takes control, using his brawling skill and power moves to nearly pin his opponent, but even after some serious punishment, Julio won't stay down. Tony, frustrated just drills Julio with a chokeslam, and it seems to be over, BUT WAIT! Julio kicked out right before the three! Tony, now really mad, decides to lay into his downed opponent with some stomping , but Julio gets his wits about him long enough to grab Tony's leg. Julio just holds it, then leaps up and swings his legs towards Tony's other leg , sweeping the big man right off his feet. Julio pulls himself up, then comes off the ropes with a flipping splash, which he lands dead center onto Tony's chest. Julio goes for the pin, but that only gets two, and Tony comes up fighting. Upon getting to his feet, Tony begins to slug away, but the wily Julio ducks a punch, and jumps right up on Tony's back! Julio pulls himself up onto Tony's shoulders, and flips over and secures his head in his arms, ending up delivering an Ace Crusher (Diamond Cutter) like move, which flattens Tony, but Julio keeps the head locked and rises up. Once standing , Julio reaches up and quickly spins Tony so he now faces the opposite way, and Julio leans him back, secures his head under his arm, and jumps up and twists, landing in his Mexican Conquest finisher! 1-2-3, it's over. That ending sequence was really cool, Julio is really impressive.
*Winner* Julio Maniaco

The Camera quickly cuts backstage where the members of Generation Gap are seen storming into the locker room and they begin to attack The Good Ol' Boys. The six brawl, and Tex manages to escape, and he taunts Generation Gap, and they give chase. Tex leads them out to the ring , and he even calls to a ref to follow, I guess their match is gonna start right now.


6 Man Tag: The Good Ol' Boys vs Generation Gap
Once they make it to ringside at least, the bell rings, but there is no way the ref can control it all at once (all 6 are on the outside floor fighting), and when he tries to restore some order, Tex breaks out the brass knucks, but his plan is foiled when X kicks him and gains possession of the weapon, and nails him with them! X rolls Tex in, and while Danny and Jimmy run interference, he gets the ref to count the pin.
*Winners* Generation Gap

Post Match: Even though the match is over, the fight continues, and eventually Extreme comes running out, and calls for a mic, he begins to address the situation:

Extreme(a little angry): Break it up! This is insane! (all the men cease fighting and listen) Every week things seem to get out of control! I don't know how much more I can take! But, if you guys want to fight, how about a match at the PPV? (the 6 nod in agreement) Good, but it's not just any match. Remember the 6 Man titles? Well, now there back, and you 6 will be fighting for them! (the 6 seem happy at the chance for titles) But guys, promise me something , no more of this wild brawl stuff, seriously, I've got enough to deal with, ok? (the 6 agree and walk off ).

Extreme apologizes for how crazy things have gotten lately, and as he is about to leave Faith and Devotion come out with mics and huge grins:

Xavier: Mr. Superstar, I must commend you for the way to restored order among those six ruffians. But me and The Reverend wanted to catch you before you left, we have great news that, as the owner of the SWF, you should hear first.

Reverend: Oh Mr. Superstar! It truly is a blessed day today! (he pulls a document from his jacket pocket and shows it off to Extreme and the crowd) The State Athletic Commission has deemed so-called "Hardcore Wrestling" (looks at the document and reads from it) "Unethical and Immoral". Therefore Mr. Superstar, that makes such contests outlawed, meaning the SWF Hardcore title is to be no more!

Extreme(surprised): Does it (points to the paper)really say that?

Reverend(hands Extreme the document): Indeed it does sir. You'll notice that it also is notarized as well, making it a legally binding ordinance.

Extreme(looks at the paper, and then looks at Reverend and Xavier, shocked): You're right. (to the crowd) I'm sorry folks, I guess the Hardcore title is no more. (The crowd boos, and Extreme begins to leave the ring , but stops and comes back) Yep, that WOULD be true, except for one little thing , that document is a fraud! (Reverend and Xavier's eyes go wide and they begin to argue that it's not true)

Xavier(stuttering): That.... It's.... Just not true, it's notarized and everything!

Reverend(waving the document): You saw it! This is legally binding in any court of law!

Extreme(angry): What do you take me for? Did you think I'd let you go to that meeting without knowing what really went on?

Xavier: What do you mean?

Extreme: Well, first off, as the owner of the SWF, I had to meet with the commission upon starting this company, and they approved Hardcore Wrestling , otherwise it would never have been allowed to take place! And since this is my company, I have the right to be a part of any decision that may affect it. So, much to you dismay, I was on a conference call the whole time! I heard everything! Did you think I would just take your word on what happened? (to the fans) For the record, the commission pretty much laughed that these two, and denied their request. (the crowd cheers). As for that document, don't you know that falsifying such things is illegal? I could have you arrested, but I won't. I've got another plan. Tell me, where is the SWF Hardcore title?

Xavier(a little upset): It's in my bag , I'll go get it, you can have it! I'm sorry!

Extreme(smiles): I don't want to take it from you, hey you're the champ. And as champ, it's an SWF rule that you must defend your title at each and every PPV, which is exactly what you will do at Starrcade. In a Ten Man Endurance Hardcore Battle Royal! (Xavier nearly passes out upon hearing this, and the fans cheer) Oh, Reverend, don't think your off the hook, you will also be in that match! (Reverend has a similar reaction as Xavier) That makes two, so I'll have a sign up sheet printed real quick, and the first eight guys to sign will face these lovely gentlemen for the title at the PPV. Hey Reverend, you were right, it is a blessed day! (Extreme leaves as F&D are beside themselves)

Backstage we see an upset Tony Ramon hitting a locker in frustration at his earlier loss. The Don then makes his way in, and he begins to console Tony. Tony thanks him, and Don says that he's heard rumors on the street about Tony wanting to join his "family business". Tony says he's been trying to work his way to the top his whole life, and The Don's organization is just what he's been looking for. The Don says he's heard good things about Tony, and would like to have him as a member of his "family". Then the two find Extreme returning to the back and DEMAND a match vs Julio Maniaco at Starrcade! Extreme says ok, but he's adding Yeti, to "make things fair" citing a fourth man prevents those two from just hurting Julio like they probably hoped to do. It's an elimination match as well.

We then go to Petey's Parlor where he stands alone, and greets us to the show.

Petey: Hello again people! It's a packed addition of the Parlor this week, but before we bring this week's guest, Captain Fantastic, I've got to address the Octane situation. He is set to face Randy Mann tonight, but to the best of my knowledge, he's not here yet, and won't be back until AFTER Starrcade. (booing is heard and Petey slips into a sarcastic voice) Sorry Octane fans, it's a shame I know. Ok, now that we've taken care of that, last week I promised to reveal the NEW Great JuJu. You can see he's not here, and that's because he's waiting backstage, ready to make his first appearance as a brand new man. Before he does though, I have footage to show you all. I wanted to capture the whole transformation on film, so SWF cameras were present the whole time, and here is what they picked up:

(We fade into footage, with Petey's music playing and the opening title sequence, which says "JuJu's Transformation" in big pink letters. We then go to Petey at his Hollywood salon, as he prepares for JuJu's arrival)

Petey(rushing around the shop, fixing things up): (to the camera guys) This is so exciting! When I get done with him, JuJu won't be a joke anymore! (JuJu then is shown making his way into the salon, in full voodoo gear) JuJu! How are you today? Are you ready to find the new you?

JuJu(nervously): Yeah I guess. I'm just not sure you know? I'm a little nervous, but I want people to stop laughing at me, so let's do it.

Petey(excited): Alright! First off, we need a clear slate. (Hands JuJu a plain pair of shorts and a shirt) Go put these on, take the makeup off, and meet me back here, ok?

(JuJu shuffles off to change, and we cut to him and Petey standing in front of a large mirror setup)

Petey(walking around a nervous JuJu): Hmmmm, I like the bald look you have going here, the tan and five o'clock shadow are nice too. I honestly think all you needed was to lose that makeup, you look great! (JuJu cracks a bit of a smile) Now, you need the right clothes! My boutique is right down the street, let's go!

(We cut to the two at the boutique, where Petey is shown sizing JuJu up, and discussing his look)

Petey: You're a big guy, a monster if you will, but all the voodoo clothes and makeup made you a joke. You need something tough, something that shows the true you. With the look to match, you'll finally have the confidence to just tear apart everyone in the SWF!

(We go to a montage of JuJu dressed in various ensembles, like a punk rocker, biker, and goth, and Petey is shown not being pleased by any of it)

Petey(to JuJu, who is off camera in some dressing room): I've got the perfect look for you! It's menacing , yet cool! (Petey snaps his fingers and an assistant rushes up, and Petey whispers to him, and the assistant scurries off. The assistant comes running back, and delivers a pile of clothes to JuJu's dressing room. We cut again, and Petey knocks on JuJu's dressing room door, and JuJu says he's ready for him to see)

Petey(opens the door, but we can't see inside): That's the look! It seems a little small (JuJu is heard saying it is) but that's ok, I'll have it all tailored for you. For now though, put something on, and we'll go discuss the rest of your image.

(We cut to Petey and JuJu, who is wearing some flashy green suit, sitting back at the parlor)

Petey: We've got the clothes, but how about the name and music?

JuJu: What did you have in mind?

Petey: Well, I actually love the name JuJu, it's exotic. If your gonna hang out with me, you'll be going to lots of great parties, and that name makes for a good conversation piece, so let's keep it, ok? However, drop the "Great" part, it's a little pretentious.

JuJu(smiles): Awesome, I was kinda scared about changing my name.

Petey: I know, it's hard to give the whole voodoo thing up, but it's necessary. (Petey grabs a nearby boom box) But, I found a great song for you, it fits the new image, and sort of ties back to the voodoo.

JuJu(excited): Really?

Petey: Yes indeed, it's by Alice In Chains, it's called "Them Bones", ya know, bones, like your magic bones?

JuJu: Cool, I know that song! I like it!

Petey: I guess your all set, just wait until the world sees you now!

(We fade out and back to Petey, and he is shown clapping proudly)

Petey: Without further ado, here he is, JuJu!

(Them Bones plays as JuJu makes his way on set, wearing an unbuttoned red suit and black undershirt, and sporting black shades, no longer with the makeup either)

Petey(clapping): Look at him now folks, JuJu! (JuJu shakes Petey's hand and walks off, and Petey is then handed a note by a crew member)

Petey(looks at the note): I have some big news people! It appears that the sign up sheet for Starrcade's Hardcore Battle Royal has been filled! We all know that Reverend and Xavier Hawthorne III will be in it, but who are the other eight? They are, (looks shocked at the paper) WOW! My buddy JuJu signed up! Additionally, Boppo The Clown, The Janitor, Crazy Phil, Repo, Tripp, Randy Mann, and Beef Macho will all be involved, this should be a great match! Finally though, I welcome my guest this week, ladies and gentlemen, the returning Captain Fantastic!

(Fantastic walks out)

Petey: Let's not beat around the bush, last month, The Mercenary brutally attacked you, putting you on the shelf. That almost cost you your TV title, and last week, right here on the Parlor, Mercenary issued a challenge for that very title at Starrcade, what is you response.

Fantastic(angry but calm): After what he did to me, does anyone expect that I'd refuse the chance to get in the ring with him? He's got his match!

Petey(shocked): Wow! Another bomb is dropped on Petey's Parlor! But I'm being told we're running out of time this week and my match is coming up soon, thank you Captain Fantastic, join us next time folks!

We go backstage where Cash Inc's Jahalaman Jaffe and Joe Money are being given massages by hired masseuses , joined by their partner (who is just sitting there) for tonight, The Mercenary. Cash Inc are talking it up about business stuff, and Mercenary looks really irritated. Mercenary finally stands up and chews out his partners, stating that he's only there because they paid him to be, but can't stand how "prissy" they are. He says the reason they can't seem to win the tag titles is because they aren't aggressive enough. Cash Inc tell the masseuses to leave and stand up, offended. Mercenary keeps yelling , riling them up, and gets them to say that they will be more aggressive in the future. Mercenary is skeptical, but Cash Inc suggest they go tear up their opponents right now! The three race down the hall and to the other dressing room where The Suicides and Black Dragons are trying (remember, the language barrier) to talk strategy. Before they know what happened, Cash Inc and Mercenary violently assault them and leave them all laying. As they walk down the hall, they run into Petey Pizzazz, who is set to team with them tonight. Petey says high, and Joe tells him not to worry, the match is off. Petey looks confused, then sees a group of officials rushing to the aid of the Suicides and Dragons. Petey runs to the scene and sees what happened, he looks startled, but then smiles, saying that it was an easy night for him.

We go back to the announcers who are seen listening to someone in their headsets. Vance says they got word in the back that Cash Inc/Mercenary vs The Suicides/Black Dragons is indeed off, as the latter team doesn't appear to be able to compete tonight. Dean says they will go to the next scheduled match, which also seems to be in question, Octane vs Randy Mann.

Octane vs Randy Mann
Due to the cancellation of the 8 man tag , Randy was rushed out with no music. He seems confused, and awaits to see if Octane will even show. After a few minute wait, Octane shows up! He's here! Before he makes it in the ring , Petey Pizzazz makes his way out! Octane hears Petey taunting , and he turns to chase him! Petey runs for his life all the way back to his car, where JuJu waits, and he gets in and takes off before Octane can catch him, Octane gets in his giant tractor trailer and pursues! Meanwhile, the match was started, and Octane didn't make it back to the ring before the count! Randy wins by count out, but Octane is long gone by then.
*Winner by Count-Out* Randy Mann

We cut to Silkky Smooth making his way to the ring for his match, and BDM just happens to bump into him and wish him "good luck", I'm sure he meant it.

Silkky Smooth vs Yeti
Silkky wastes no time charging Yeti, and is successful in rocking the giant man, but Yeti stops that by swatting him away like a fly. Yeti works on Silkky with various punches and kicks, but Silkky is determined tonight, he lands some elbows to the ribs and fights his way up to hammer away with some right hands. He goes for the Silkky Slam, but can't lift the big man. Silkky decides to take to the top rope and comes off with a flying lariat! Silkky doesn't seem like the type to do that. It worked though, as Silkky manages to hold Yeti down long enough for the three count!
*Winner* Silkky Smooth

Post Match: BDM enters the ring , disrupting any celebration of Silkky's. Silkky is quite mad, but BDM insists he's only coming out for his match, but when Silkky begins to back away, BDM smacks him! The ref steps in to prevent a brawl and BDM's opponent, Beef Macho runs in and the bell rings to start the main event!

The Main Event: Non-Title-The Billion Dollar Man vs Beef Macho
Beef slid in from behind, and goes for a roll up, 1-2- NO! Beef nearly won! Silkky hasn't even got out of the ring yet, and as BDM recovers, he pushes Beef into the ref, who bumps into Silkky, causing the ref to force Silkky to leave. BDM then uses this distraction to use a low blow on Beef, then roll him up, but with both feet on the ropes! The ref is able to turn and count the three! BDM cheats his way to another victory!
*Winner* The Billion Dollar Man

Post Match: Silkky, not having gone to the back yet, turns around and comes back, then begins brawling with BDM. Beef recovers and joins in, then the other members of Cash Inc and Mercenary come to help BDM. THEN Randy Mann comes to help his buddies Silkky and Beef, THEN Captain Fantastic, The Suicides, and Black Dragons make their way down (bandages and all) to fight with Cash Inc and Mercenary respectively! Janitor and Phil (probably seeing the chance to eliminate competition for the Hardcore Battle Royal) come out as well! Just when it seems to get crazy, things get REALLY crazy, as Faith and Devotion run in as well! Things take a turn for the even MORE strange as Dusty Rhodes' WWF theme hits and Repo comes out sporting Dusty's polka dots, and a fat suit! He enters, using the Bionic Elbow on anybody in his way. Everything is out of control, and we go backstage to see Extreme leaving the building in disgust, and The Good Ol' Boys watching and getting an idea to fight their PPV opponents. The Good Ol' Boys find Generation Gap, along with Tripp and begin to fight, and Generation Gap and Tripp end up chasing their enemies to the ring! It's not over yet, as Julio Maniaco is shown running down the hall, and he sneaks up on Yeti and kicks him from behind! He runs off, and finds Tony Ramon and The Don, they see him and chase after him, and end up seeing an angry Yeti! They fight until Julio pops back up, and they chase him to the ring! Julio bumps into Ayatollah Sheik, who gets knocked over, and HE chases him to the ring! Freedom Fighter, now the last remaining wrestler (JuJu, Octane and Petey left in the earlier car chase) see Sheik, so he just HAS to come down! It's a full scale Wrestling Riot! The crowd is going CRAZY! It's a mess, Julio, The Suicides, and The Black Dragons are jumping off the top ropes onto the fray, Repo is dishing out elbows while wearing polka dotted gear and a fat suit, with everyone else just hitting whoever they can! Then, with all these guys in there at once, THE RING COLLAPSES! It just crashed, all four sides just went BOOM. Everyone was wiped out, the ropes gave way and everything , bodies are all laid out in the ring and outside too, it's insane. The camera pans around the destruction, and we fade out.

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 12/6/03
SWF Main Event 12/6/03

Vance: Welcome one and all to SWF Main Event!

Dean: And you won't regret tuning in this week, as we have some big stuff lined up for tonight! Just look at this:

Julio Maniaco vs The Don

The SWF Tag Titles will be on the line as The Black Dragons Defend against X & Tripp!

Newcomer Tex Gentry faces Boppo The Clown!

Charles Gunn Debuts alongside his friend Rory Rogers vs Disco Danny and Jimmy Jam of Generation Gap!

The Freedom Fighter defends his U.S. title against Tony Ramon!

The Mercenary will be on Petey's Parlor!

And...Extreme Superstar has just informed us that has another match up his sleeve for the Main Event, which he will reveal later on!

Vance: It's a packed card tonight, so let's get it goin'!

Julio Maniaco vs The Don
The Don seems amused by his opponent's colorful attire, and approaches him, and ridicules his look. Maniaco responds by slapping him across the face! The Don wasn't too pleased by that, and rears back for a hard right hand, but Julio is too fast, ducking the shot, and coming off the ropes with a dropkick. Julio runs off the ropes again and does a somersault splash on his downed opponent. He goes for the cover, but only gets two, and Don gets up, knocking Julio down with a hard clothesline. Don continues by stomping Julio, but Julio fights his way up by using some forearm shots to the gut, and when he does make it to his feet, he comes off the ropes again, this time with a unique flying front kick. The kick takes Don down, but he is quick to recover, and charges Julio, only to have Julio sidestep him and get behinds him, locking him in a full nelson. Instead of a traditional version of the move, Julio immediately sweeps Don's feet, and jumps forward into a sitting position, making it a full nelson front slam. Julio rolls Don over, and heads to the top rope, where he comes off with a sky twister press! That move got the crowd going. Julio stays on Don for the three count.
*Winner* Julio Maniaco

We go to footage of Faith and Devotion arriving at the State Athletic Commission for their meeting. The two seem positive that the commission will see things their way.

Tex Gentry vs Boppo The Clown
Tex grabs the mic and says how upset he is that the man he beat last week, Tripp gets a tag title match tonight, and he's wrestling a clown. Boppo takes offense and attacks as the bell rings. Tex fights back, and kicks Boppo below the belt, and jumps on his back for a sleeper hold, but Boppo runs back-first into the corner, crushing Tex in the middle. Boppo goes to the other side of the ring and begins to run full tilt at Tex, looking for an avalanche splash. As he is running , Tex is working on undoing the turnbuckle pad, exposing the steel underneath. Just as Boppo is about to connect with his splash, Tex manages to remove the turnbuckle pad and duck out of the way, and Boppo goes face-first into the exposed steel! As Boppo falls, Tex reaches up to secure a roll up, and puts his feet on the ropes for the three count, what a cheat!
*Winner* Tex Gentry

Post Match: Tex runs off as Boppo tries telling the ref of Tex's feet on the ropes, and shows him the exposed turnbuckle, but the ref didn't see it as it happened, so the decision stands.

We see earlier footage of X asking if there was any title spots open for tonight's show, Extreme says that if he finds a partner he can have a tag title shot, but informs him that the other members of Generation Gap are already booked for the show. X then rushes off and finds Tripp, who he makes mention of as a friend of his. X tells Tripp he needs a tag partner for a title shot, and Tripp agrees to team with him.


SWF Tag Title Match - The Black Dragons vs X & Tripp
The Dragons seem a little upset tonight, which probably stems from their recent feud with Cash Inc's Jaffe and Joe Money. Shadow starts and just about kills Tripp, taking out whatever anger he has on the poor guy. Shadow nails the Flying Wizard, and as X comes in to save, Quow Ling meets him with a Death Kick, and Shadow is able to pick up the win. The Dragons really made short work of that team, and are quickly establishing themselves as quite the cohesive unit.
*Winners and STILL SWF Tag Team Champions* The Black Dragons

We head backstage as a very chipper Extreme Superstar enters Cash Inc's dressing room, where all three members are sitting around watching the show. Extreme says that he has some exciting news for Jaffe and Joe, they will get another chance at the Dragons' titles at Starrcade, IF they win a # 1 contender's match for the tonight! The two ask for their opponents and Extreme says it's the Suicide Brothers! After that, Extreme's mood changes, and he addresses The Billion Dollar Man, who was sitting in the back not saying anything. Extreme gets in his face and tells him that he doesn't like the way he defends his title, and he's going to be keeping an eye on him. BDM just looks smugly at him, saying that the referee hasn't seen anything fishy, and until he does, he's still the champion, and Extreme can't do anything about it. The two men have an intense stare down, and Extreme says at Starrcade BDM will not be able to have his friends help him, as he will be locked in a steel cage with Silkky Smooth! BDM is livid, and goes on a tirade about how he already beat him, but Extreme says he was cheated and deserves a rematch. Extreme then leaves with a smile as BDM has a tantrum.

Next, we go to Petey's Parlor, where The Great JuJu is lurking in the background, as Octane used to do.

Petey(in a good mood): Hello people! Welcome to Petey's Parlor! As you may notice, my mood is quite different than it was last week, when I was informed that I'd face Octane at Starrcade. However, I have it on good authority, that the beating he took last week was worse than originally thought, meaning that match might not even happen! Another thing you may notice is that the man who helped me last week, The Great JuJu, is here, he may not be this week's guest, but after he helped me, he earned my friendship. Also, next week I will unveil a NEW and improved JuJu to the world, because now that he's found his TRUE identity, he needs a new look. Ok, onto my guest, he's a South African strongman who has something important he'd like to say, to please welcome, The Mercenary!(The Mercenary makes his way on set and grabs the mic)

Mercenary(in an angry, growling voice): I'm gonna cut right to the point! Captain Fantastic, I put you out of action, but obviously I didn't finish you off, but I'm going to. Your supposed to be back next week? Then answer my challenge, that's right, me and you, for the Television title at Starrcade! If you don't want to ever come back, you could just forfeit the belt to me, but what fun would that be? If you AREN'T here next week, I'm gonna hunt you down, and rip the title right from the clutches of your mangled body! It's your choice, but the belt WILL be mine, and I WILL finish you off once and for all! (drops the mic and leaves)

Petey(talking to the camera, seemingly at Captain Fantastic): Woah. He's pretty serious Fantastic. If you'd like though, next week, if are here, I'd be more than happy to have you on the Parlor the respond to what was just said. Gimme a call, we'll set it up. Well, that does it for this week, join me next week when I reveal the NEW JuJu, and POSSIBLY wink, wink, have Captain Fantastic's response to The Mercenary's challenge. Goodbye everyone!

Backstage, Extreme approaches newcomer Charles Gunn and Rory Rogers, he says that since there has already been one tag match, and another is planned for the main event, a third would be too much. He says that he's going to add an extra man to each team. They are allowed to choose their partner (the other team is said to have already made their choice), but before they can, Tex Gentry shows up?! He says that since his match was rather short, he wouldn't mind teaming with Rory and Charles, as he is always down to help some fellow "Good Ol' Boys". He then begins a tirade on how Generation Gap's affinity for their various decade-themed music, is a slap in the face to any self respecting country boy. Extreme just rolls his eyes and says "Whatever, if they want you on their team, it's fine by me". Tex's words seem to have gotten to Rory and Charles, as they accept him as a partner. Danny and Jimmy show up, and say that their partner is Repo, who is said to have a surprise for them!

6 Man Tag Match-The Good Ol' Boys (Tex, Rory, & Charles) vs Generation Gap (Disco Danny and Jimmy Jam) & Repo
I figured I'd use Tex's line to name the team. As per usual, Repo is nowhere to be found, preparing for his grand entrance no doubt. And yes indeed, as the other five participants wait in the ring , Hillbilly Jim's theme hits and Repo comes out in overalls, a hat (like Hillbilly Jim wore), and a jug , presumably of moonshine! He dances a festive jig as he enters the ring , but the Good Ol' Boys take offense and attack. The six brawl, until it spills outside, leaving Tex and Repo in the ring. Repo begins to come back, but Tex bails and has a meeting with his team, and what he says seems to bother them at first, but they eventually nod in agreement. Tex returns to the ring , instantly tags Charles in, and gives Rory some kind of signal as he exits the ring. Upon seeing the signal, Rory jumps off the apron, and rushes over to Danny and Jimmy and begins to brawl with them. The ref obviously is distracted, and as he tries to control that, Tex tosses the moonshine jug to Charles, who then blasts Repo with it! Tex then runs over to help Rory fight off Jimmy and Danny, then they return to their corner, allowing the ref to return his focus to the match. As he does, the only thing he sees is Charles using the Gunnslinger for the 1-2-3. I didn't expect such actions from Rory, but Tex seems to have convinced him and the new Charles Gunn into them, he's quite the smooth talker.
*Winners* The Good Ol' Boys

Post Match: Rory and Charles don't seem too thrilled at first, but as Charles' music cues, and Tex tries cheering them up, they come around. The trio leave together, and Tex dances around, promising a huge party later that night.

Backstage, we see Freedom Fighter heading to the ring , but a backstage assistant stops him, and hands him an envelope. He opens it, and pulls out an Iranian flag. He looks to see if anything else is in there, and pulls out the charred remnants of an American flag , which draws many boos and angers Freedom, and he throws the envelope down and powerfully marches to the ring.

SWF U. S. Title Match-The Freedom Fighter vs Tony Ramon
Freedom awaits Tony to enter, then proceeds to beat the living crap out of him, that envelope really pissed him off. Not long after though, a man wearing a suit, and the traditional Iranian head gear runs in and begins to assault The Freedom Fighter from behind! The man is quickly identified as the newcomer Ayatollah Sheik, apparently living up to his promise to take out The Freedom Fighter. Tony opts to get out of dodge, and the ref just tosses the match out.
*No Contest* The Freedom Fighter retains his title

Post Match: Sheik continues his assault, and then stops to grab the mic. He demands that Freedom face him, for the title at Starrcade, Freedom is really beat up, but Sheik persists, shoving the mic in his face and slapping him around. Freedom manages to recover enough to give Sheik a hard shot to the gut, and grab the mic, he accepts the challenge!

Main Event: # 1 Contender's Match for the SWF Tag Team Titles- Cash Inc vs The Suicide Brothers
Nobody even gets to enter, the camera goes behind the curtain to show all four men fighting! They brawl to the ring and continue fighting , but as has become normal with these teams, it is hard for a ref to control them so he can start the match. The ref looks flustered, and is growing tired of dealing with all the mayhem, so he just tosses his hands up in the air and leaves! Extreme comes out and says that this can't continue happening , and it should get settle at Starrcade, so both teams will face the Dragons! As soon as this is said, The Dragons run into the fray and now all three teams are going at it! Extreme shakes his head and walks off as we fade out

END OF SHOW

Dreams
I don't know about anyone else, but I have some interesting dreams. My dreams can be really cool, with a movie-like feel, or just plain weird. I don't pretend to know the significance of dreams, but I do find the topic interesting. So, from time to time, if I have any that stick out especially, I'll post them here. To start, I'll give a little info on what my dreams are usually like. Mostly, they are about one of two things, wrestling, or something I watched recently. And, for as long as I can remember, I've been invincible, and always come out on top of any situation in them as well, I don't really know what that's all about but it's the only constant. I've been up against impossible odds, but still ended up ok, it's really odd. I've done stuff like, killing a HUGE Great White Shark with my bare hands, and fought endless amounts of villains, while being faced with multiple plot twists and turns, some that don't even make sense, only to save the day at the end. But the one dream that really stands out, is one a few years ago, where I was in some sort of war in the jungle. I was all Rambo, stalking my enemy through the forest, popping out of the water and shooting about 15 dudes dead with perfect aim, before they even saw me, all that. But, then, suddenly as I lead, what seemed to be my squad through the jungle, we entered a clearing, and it was as if the jungle just disappeared. And, what awaited us, about 600 enemy troops! They were completely covering the whole landscape, and they opened fire, killing all my troops, then turned to me, who, even in the dream, knew of my invincibility powers. So, I confidently raised my gun, ready to get revenge. When I pulled the trigger, all I heard was "click". I WAS OUT OF AMMO! At this point, I was like a third party, just viewing myself (that happens in some of my dreams too), and I saw a look of fear on my face. The near enemies smiled before opening fire, and they absolutely tore me up with bullets, and I went down! I lost! No, wait, the clouds began moving rapidly, and the sky turned red as some weird orchestra music eerily reminiscent of The Undertaker's "Graveyard Symphony" started playing. All the soldiers stopped, and stared at the sky in awe, and my body began to rise, but wearing all black, and I hovered above them all, before giving a speech. I obviously don't remember what I said, but it was in some deep voice, like someone put my voice through one of those voice changers, and I basically told them they were all screwed, because I was gonna kill them all. After that, I came back to the ground, and started ripping through the masses of soldiers, BY HAND! When it was over, I stood victorious, before the music cued up again, and I rose back into the sky, and out of sight. See, that's the sort of stuff in store for me when I go to sleep, and let's not get into the REALLY freaky stuff, that could make seriously messed up horror flicks.

My Wrestlemania 20 Dream Card
With what could possibly be the greatest spectacle in wrestling history, Wrestlemania 20, mere months away, and the hype as to who will be there picking up, I decided to make my fantasy lineup. All of the matches mentioned could conceivably happen, and the rumor mill has sparked my interest in seeing some of these as well. I've also come up with a theme, "the past comes alive", where those who were instrumental in early Wrestlemania success, face the stars of today, and of the future. There are a total of 11 matches, but hey, it's the 20th anniversary, so why not go 5 or so hours? I will include a description as to what I'd have happen, not only in the match, but how it would come about. Oh, and yes, I didn't give The Rock a match, so what? That punk says how much he loves WWE and all, but needs "something special" to actually come back and wrestle, what a load of crap! Go screw yourself Rocky.

Wrestlemania 20: My Dream Card

Main Event: Hulk Hogan vs Stone Cold Steve Austin- I really don't HAVE to go into more detail here, as the very idea of the match would bring on hype like no match before. To set this up though, I'd have some sort of Wrestlemania hype going on, live, on Raw, with Vince McMahon announcing the other matches, and while addressing appearances of those who helped build the event, or just talking about how big the show will be. THEN, out of nowhere Real American hits, and Hulk F'N Hogan marches to the ring , clad in the red and yellow. Hulk would grab the mic, and when Vince inquires angrily as to why he's there, Hulk will say, that it's not about him, but Wrestlemania, the show HE helped build. Hulk would go on to say how he couldn't bear the thought of missing out on the prestigious event, and that he made a promise to himself, that before he hung up the red and yellow, for good, he'd lock horns with the one man he always wanted to, but never got the chance to, STEVE AUSTIN! From there, Austin would come out, and all you'd have to do from there is play up the fact that they are the two top wrestlers in the history of the business, it practically writes itself. As for the result, I'd have Hulk win if he was really going to retire, but if Austin decides this is his last match (he is already unofficially retired, but is hoping for a `Mania match), then I'd have it be a draw. The reason for a draw would be to have them give it their all, and go through all their trademark stuff, but not have Hulk lose (I may be a die hard Hogan fan, but the man DESERVES to win at HIS F'N show). In the result of a draw, both men could commend each other, and raise each other's hands, which would serve as a link to the two major eras in wrestling , and provide an emotional moment that would be remembered for years.

Kurt Angle vs Bret Hart- This is a match that has been hyped recently as a possible match, and fans everywhere would probably stab their grandmothers to see it. Weeks (a few months even) before the show, I'd have Kurt talk about how for Wrestlemania, he's scoured the globe for the perfect opponent, one who could live up to his standards. Finally, Kurt would announce Bret as that man. In terms of who wins, I see no other way for it to end than Bret locking the Sharpshooter on, and making Kurt tap. Kurt, while with his neck problems, probably has another two years or more left, but this would serve as Bret's last match, and proper goodbye. Afterwards, of course Bret would get the proper sendoff, and say his goodbyes and soak up the accolades he so richly deserves.

Ric Flair vs Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat- This is another rumored match that many (obviously, myself included) would love to see. I'd have Flair's Evolution buddy, Randy Orton continue his "Legend Killer" gimmick, by squashing legends, and challenge a random legend, at which point, The Dragon shows up. Ricky would come in, hand Orton his ass, but Flair (who'd be shocked to see his old nemesis come out of retirement for this), would intervene for the DQ, and would begin to lay a whuppin on Ricky. Ricky would then demand to face Flair one last time at Wrestlemania! I'd give Ricky the win, as like Bret, it would serve as his last match, and Flair, while getting older, will probably wrestle a while longer, and possibly have a whole event based on his retirement.

The Undertaker vs Kane- Well, the wheels are already in motion, so I guess no real story has to be made. As long as `Taker shows up as "Darkside `Taker", and wins with the Tombstone, I'm cool.

Chris Jericho vs Roddy Piper- These two had a mini-feud going during Piper's last run this past year, but were on separate shows. I'd have Piper come back, and play up that Jericho is a "Piper Wannabe". Jericho would probably be the better choice here, but if it served to be his last match, Piper, I feel, has earned the right to go out on top.

Randy Savage vs John Cena- With both of these guys into the rap music scene now, that's a built in story. Savage doesn't get along with Vince McMahon too well, and if he were to show up, he'd job to Cena. Personally, I'd give Randy the win, because he deserves that last big win (like the other legends), and Cena had plenty of years left to make up for one little loss.

Shawn Michaels vs RVD- Both deserve to be on the card, and after their Raw match months ago ended without a real winner, this might be interesting. As for the winner, I would say Michaels, as WWE seems to hate RVD, and I'd pick him too.

Brock Lesnar vs Goldberg- I hate both guys, but it's practically set to happen. Brock would win, in my version, and WWE will let him since Goldberg will probably be gone after the show anyways.

Tag Team Gauntlet where all the top teams are involved- Yeah, a lot of guys were missing , so toss them in teams, and put the tag titles on the line. I'd have surprise legend teams, Edge and Christian re-teaming , and the Hardy Boyz involved, to keep with the theme, and novelty of it. As for who wins, I don't know, the Hardy Boyz.

Some sort of women's match, with today's ladies & Fabulous Moolah or Wendi Ritcher involved- Wendi just about dropped out of sight, so her showing up, after having been in the first ladies match at Wrestlemania 1, and despite harsh feelings with the company, would be cool. Moolah is THE women's wrestling legend, so she would probably be involved. I'd let Molly or Victoria win though.

HHH vs Mick Foley- Foley made his surprise return just hours ago, and he is rumored to face HHH, so there you go. HHH will have an iron grasp on WWE as long as he's married to Stephanie, so he could recover if Foley won this.

SWF Main Event 11/29/03
SWF MAIN EVENT 11/29/03

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! Tonight promises to be a HUGE night of action!

Dean: Your not kidding Vance, just look at what's on tap:

Julio Maniaco Debuts vs X!

Octane vs The Great JuJu!

Tex Gentry Debuts vs Tripp!

A Hardcore Tag Match pitting Crazy Phil & The Janitor vs Faith & Devotion!

Jack Suicide/Black Dragons vs Cash Inc. & The Mercenary!

Extreme Superstar is set to make a huge announcement on Petey's Parlor!

And, in the Main Event: The young Mike Suicide gets a World Title shot vs The Billion Dollar Man!

Vance: With all that lined up, we better get started!

Julio Maniaco vs X
Julio is dressed in some sort of outrageously bright clothes, which cover him from head to toe, his mask being a colorful lucha libre style one with a black netted face and neon strands coming from off the top, almost like hair. His demeanor doesn't match his look however, he moves in a slow, meticulous manner, before suddenly rushing his opponent, leveling X with a beautiful flying forearm. Julio decides to stalk rather than capitalize on his downed prey, he waits for him to recover, then runs at X from behind, flipping over him for a neckbreaker of sorts. With X down, Julio ascends the top rope, and comes off from a good distance with a flying headbutt. Instead of going for the pin, Julio lifts the dazed X up, and hits the stunning Mexican Conquest for the pin. That was a deeply impressive debut by the mystery man, showing why he is so acclaimed.
*Winner* Julio Maniaco

Backstage, Petey Pizzazz is seen asking around for The Great JuJu. He finally finds him, and pulls him aside, and the two go talk in private in the dressing room. What was that about?

Octane vs The Great JuJu
JuJu starts off, a little more aggressive than usual, and his blows actually seem to be rocking the big man. Petey Pizzazz soon saunters down the aisle, and stands at ringside, cheering on JuJu. Octane sees Petey, which enrages him, and he begins to fight back, leveling JuJu, then exiting the ring to confront Petey. The referee interjects himself, trying to coax Octane back to the ring , and when told to leave the ring area, Petey presents a card, which the ref examines and allows him to stay! That must be a manager's license! Octane is fuming , and the recovering JuJu is the only thing saving Petey from a beating , as he attacks from behind and tosses Octane back inside. After some more punishment, JuJu looks to his bag of voodoo items, but Petey advises against using it, and JuJu obliges. JuJu opts for attempting the JuJu Driver, but Octane is not to be denied, fighting out of it, then whipping JuJu off the ropes, then scoring with a big boot. Octane then rolls outside, floors Petey with a punch, re-enters, and nails the Empty Tank for the win. JuJu really gave it all he had there, giving the usually dominant Octane a run for his money, if he continues to be aggressive like that, he might become a force to be reckon with.
*Winner* Octane

Post Match: Octane exits the ring , but Petey (who played dead outside) Suddenly leapt up and jumped him from behind! He gets in one good shot, drawing his attention, then running to the back, with Octane close behind. They end up in the parking lot, as Petey tries to find his car and leave. Octane catches up with him, and begins to pummel him, but The Great JuJu makes the save, and just beats the stuffing out of Octane, and Petey soon joins in. The two men then leave together, leaving Octane down and out for the first time in his career. The medical crew has to take Octane out on a stretcher, which is a sight most never thought they'd see.

We go to a clip of Tex Gentry at some record label, where he points to gold and platinum albums on the wall, promising that he will someday have those on his wall, and he will get them via the exposure of the SWF.

Tex Gentry vs Tripp
Tripp stands waiting in the ring , and the lights begin to flash, and Tex Gentry struts to the ring , wearing a gaudy country western-style getup, which is completely adorned in lights (even the hat, shades, and boots!). Tripp looks disgusted by this lavish display, and grabs the mic, and addressees the crowd as Tex removes the extravagant lights and such from his gear. Tripp tries to extol the virtues of rock and roll, and express his hatred for country music. Gentry, having heard enough, takes the large battery that was used to power the lights on his suit and clocks Tripp with it, the ref is powerless as the match hadn't even officially started. Tex continues stomping away, as the bell finally rings, at which point he climbs the top rope and comes off with his Tennessee Jam finisher.
*Winner* Tex Gentry

Post Match: Tex continues to strut amidst the boos of the crowd, and he asks that the sound guys cue the lights and turn up his theme a little louder, which really gets under the crowd's skin.

Backstage, Crazy Phil finds The Janitor, thanking for last week, and wants to discuss their plans for their match tonight. The Janitor jumps up with his mop, and says they should go find Faith and Devotion RIGHT NOW for the match. Janitor calls out for a ref, and when one comes, they set out in search of their scheduled opponents.

Hardcore Tag Match-Crazy Phil & The Janitor vs Faith & Devotion
Phil and Janitor scour the backstage area, and finally locate F&D in the cafeteria, and attack the unsuspecting duo, who were sitting and enjoying a beverage. Janitor uses the mop, beating Reverend relentlessly until Reverend cowers under a table. Meanwhile, Phil has Xavier on a table of food, where he pounds away on him. The Janitor goes after Reverend, who scurries around on the floor, as The Janitor jabs him out from hiding under the table. Nearby, where Phil is battling with Xavier, Phil is struck by a metal serving tray that the desperate Xavier was able to grab. Xavier continues the use of the tray, which, after a few shots to the head, takes Phil down long enough for him to get the pin.
*Winners* Faith and Devotion

Post Match: The Reverend continues to elude The Janitor, and Xavier comes to his partner's aide, this time, shattering a glass coffee pot (thankfully empty) on Janitor's head! F&D gather their wits and begin to make their way to ringside, where as they are overheard saying, they plan on addressing the crowd.

F&D grab mics from the crew just behind the curtain, and begin to speak to the crowd. They say their quest to banish the Hardcore Title is almost complete, and they have a meeting with the State Athletic Commission next week!

We Head Backstage as Jack Suicide finds his brother Mike, sitting alone in the bowels of the building , deep in concentration due to his big title match later tonight. Jack sits with him, and pumps him up with words of encouragement, telling him how proud he is of him even getting this title shot, and tonight, he wants him to walk out of the ring, the new champion of the world.

The Announcers inform us that Captain Fantastic is still hurt after Mercenary's attack on the 15th, but is to be medically cleared by the Dec 13th show.

Jack Suicide/Black Dragons vs Cash Inc. & The Mercenary
Jack and his partners all come down at once to Jack's music, and despite the language barrier, they seem to be getting along very well. Their opponents also come down together, to what is now said to be the official theme of Cash Inc, a rap tune named More Money by Papa Daddy, but before they can enter the ring , The Black Dragons and Jack Suicide hurl themselves in succession onto them! All six men brawl on the outside, and when the referee tries to get them to come inside to start the match, he gets floored (rather deliberately) by The Mercenary! A hoard of officials make their way down to break up the brawl, which is a repeat of the scene in last week's main event. Extreme even comes down to help get things back in control, and help the ref get up, when the ref does recover, he simply calls for the bell.
*Double DQ*

Post Match: Cash Inc exchange words with Extreme, and Extreme promises to sort the whole situation out next week. Extreme then walks off to the set of Petey's Parlor where he is set to be interviewed.

Extreme makes his way to the Parlor, and Petey isn't there, he asks where he is to a production guy, and Petey comes running out, and we start the interview.

Petey(a little winded): I'm sorry, Me and JuJu had to take off earlier, and then I realized I had a show to do, so I rushed back.

Extreme: Yeah, I saw what you did to Octane, which gives me an idea. If you want to hurt him so bad, why not do it in a match... So, that's just what your gonna get a chance to do, at the December PPV Starrcade! You vs Octane, one on one!

Petey(scared to death): C'mon, please, think about what your saying! That guy is an animal!

Extreme(shrugs): Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you jumped him. BUT on the topic of Starrcade, what I'm here to announce are the dates for the next four SWF PPV events! The aforementioned Starrcade is set for December 19th, The SWF Rumble is set for January 16th, No Escape will be on Febuary13th, and the big one, Extrememania, is set for March 26th, and Extrememania will not take place here in the SWF Arena, but right down the road, where many of you fans might have seen a giant building being built. That is actually the all-new SWF Superdome! The SWF Superdome will be a top of the line facility, capable of holding around 80,000 people! The structure will also have a retractable roof, and after the debut Extrememania show, I hope to have many more SWF events there! All of these PPVs be on Fridays, so mark your calenders folks! Also, before I go, to address the wild brawl that just took place, I'm gonna tell you like I told them, next week, I will have something set up to settle some of those issues. Thanks for everything Petey! (Slaps a still very worried Petey on the back before he leaves)

Petey(upset): Ok. That does it here, I guess we're done, that does it for me (under his breath) literally. Back to ringside for the Main Event.

Main Event: SWF World Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Mike Suicide
Mike goes on the offensive from the start, coming at BDM with all he has. Once he knocks BDM down, Mike takes to the air to dazzle his opponent. BDM, much like last week, is overwhelmed by this style of attack, so he exits the ring. And, just as happened last week against Mike's brother Jack, BDM isn't given the chance to recover, as Mike baseball slides him, the impact of which knocks him to the concrete floor. Mike soaks up the adulation of the crowd and allows BDM to get back in the ring , as he doesn't want to win by countout. BDM still can't get anything going , and the other members of Cash Inc begin to make their way to the ring , but Extreme cuts them off and forces them to the back! Cash Inc protest, and they almost get into a physical confrontation with Extreme, but officials drag them off before anything can happen. Back inside, the distraction allows for BDM to reach in his tights and use a foreign object on Mike. Whatever it was knocked him out cold, and BDM slyly conceals the object before the ref can see, and applies his patented Billion Dollar Dream sleeper hold, making the whole thing look like Mike was out because of that! The scheme works, as Mike's hand falls the required three times, allowing BDM to retain his title.
*Winner and STILL SWF World Champion* The Billion Dollar Man

Post Match: Jack Suicide comes out to help his brother, and BDM hightails it before he can be harmed.

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 11/15/03
SWF Main Event 11/15/03

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event, just one night removed from the spectacular Soul Survivor PPV that saw The Suicide Brothers win The Ultimate Survival Match!

Dean: Here's what scheduled for tonight:

6 Man Tag-Captain Fantastic, The Freedom Fighter, Silkky Smooth vs Cash Inc (Jaffe and Joe) & The Mercenary

SWF Tag Team Titles- The Black Dragons vs Beef Macho/Randy Mann

Octane vs Yeti

SWF Hardcore Title- Crazy Phil vs Xavier Hawthorne III

Petey's Parlor With Mike Suicide

THIS JUST IN!: Jack Suicide has decided to use his title shot that he won last night to face The Billion Dollar Man for the World title, TONIGHT!

Vance: WOW! With all that action, we'd better get right into it!

6 Man Tag-Captain Fantastic, The Freedom Fighter, Silkky Smooth vs Cash Inc (Jaffe and Joe) & The Mercenary
Captain Fantastic starts thing off against Jaffe, but Jaffe soon tags in Mercenary, who picks apart Fantastic, who he has had some issues with since day one. Fantastic fights back, and makes the tag to Freedom, who gains the upper hand on Mercenary, but is then overpowered by him, as The Mercenary is seemingly on a tear as of late. Freedom does recover however, and Mercenary wisely tags in Joe Money. Joe puts on the pressure, forcing Freedom to tag Silkky, who is a house of fire upon is entrance. That fire is soon extinguished, as Joe tags Mercenary back in, and he pulverizes Silkky, at least until Silkky gets his wits about him, turns the tables, and eventually tags to Fantastic to possibly put the match away. But, as Fantastic enters, Cash Inc jump off the apron, and go attack Silkky and Freedom, providing a timely distraction for Mercenary. As Fantastic, and the ref look to the fray on the outside, The Mercenary pulls out some brass knuckles, and Kos Fantastic, and the ref turns around just in time to count the 1-2-3.
*Winners* Cash Inc & The Mercenary

Post Match: Fantastic seems really hurt after that shot with the knux, and The Mercenary continues to pummel him, making him bleed, and beating him, taking him outside, (where Freedom and Silkky are still fighting with Cash Inc) and picks up the steel steps, and heaves them onto him! Fantastic is really hurt now! The Mercenary walks off, satisfied as EMTS rush in to help Captain Fantastic.

Backstage, Randy Mann and Beef Macho decide to call their team "The Sex Connection", which is also the name of their porn production company.

SWF Tag Team Titles- The Black Dragons vs The Sex Connection
Quow starts against Beef, and Beef shows some pretty decent power and brawling. Seeing Quow being overpowered, Shadow tags himself in, and overtakes Beef with a flurry of kicks. Randy then tags in, swinging the momentum back to The Sex Connection. Quow then tags back in, turning the tables once again, using aerial tactics to wear down Randy. With Randy in trouble, Beef rushes in, and catches Quow with a Beefy Bomb as he comes off the ropes! Shadow follows suit, coming to the aid of Quow, first assaulting Beef, and then breaking up an attempted pin by Randy on Quow. The ref tries to resume control, but all four men end up brawling in the ring , and Shadow disposes of Beef, then flies across the ring to hit the Shining Wizard on Randy! The still woozy Quow manages to cover Randy for the pin.
*Winners and STILL SWF Tag Team Champions* The Black Dragons

We go to Petey for Petey's Parlor:

Petey: Hello one, and all! Welcome to Petey's Parlor! This week our guest is Mike Suicide! (Mike Suicide makes his way on set as his music plays)

Petey: So, Mike, last night, you shocked the whole world by winning the Ultimate Survival Match along side your brother Jack. Not only that, but your also $100,000 richer, and possess the opportunity to challenge for any title you wish, how does that make you feel?

Mike: I'm ecstatic, but I'll admit, tired as well, winning last night wasn't easy.

Petey: I also must ask, how do you feel about your brother using his title shot tonight, challenging for the World championship?

Mike: I'm happy for him, and wish him the best of luck, but that brings me to the reason I'm here tonight. While I hope Jack wins, next week, whoever holds the title will be facing me!

Petey(shocked): What a bombshell! So Mike, you have no qualms about possibly facing your own brother for the title?

Mike: No, he knows just how much being World champ means to me, and I know what it means to him, we made it clear to each other that nothing will stand in our way to make our dreams a reality.

Petey: Well, good luck to you next week. That'll do it for this week my guest will be the one and only, EXTREME SUPERSTAR!

Octane vs Yeti
Octane wastes no time in rushing right at Yeti, getting inside with knee lifts and punches, which drops the giant Yeti to his knees! Just as Octane has everything in control, Petey Pizzazz runs in! Octane simply blasts the intruder with a hard right hand, sending Petey to the outside floor. Yeti uses the distraction to fight back, but is cut off by Octane, who whips Yeti off the ropes for a big boot. With Yeti down, Octane just stares, seemingly plotting his next move, and the crowd comes to it's feet, sensing Octane is contemplating trying the Empty Tank of Yeti. Octane picks up Yeti, and puts him into position for the Empty Tank as the crowd cheers him on, but can he do it? Octane reaches down, hoists Yeti up, and NAILS THE EMPTY TANK! Octane did it! Obviously that was enough for the pin.
*Winner* Octane

Post Match: Petey recovers on the outside, and swears revenge as he leaves.

We go to pre-taped footage of Faith and Devotion outside city hall, picketing to have then hear their case for the dismissal of the Hardcore title.


SWF Hardcore Title- Crazy Phil vs Xavier Hawthorne III
Xavier comes to the ring , carrying the title. Which has an "X" in red tape over the word "Hardcore". Before Xavier can even make it into the ring , Crazy Phil comes down, wheeling a shopping cart full of weapons right into him! Phil continues his assault by grabbing a trash can lid from the cart and beating Xavier on the floor with it! Phil quickly tires to pin him, but only gets two, and Reverend appears to blast Phil with his "Good Book", giving Xavier the quick win.
*Winner* Xavier Hawthorne III

Post Match: Xavier and Reverend drag Phil up the ramp and to the back, where they have set up some sort of pool. Reverend begins to say a prayer, and bless the water, there gonna baptize Crazy Phil! Before they can succeed, The Janitor comes in, saving Phil, who thanks Janitor for his good deed. Faith and Devotion run off as Janitor screams obscenities at them.

Backstage, Mike Suicide wishes his brother luck in his title match, that's up next.

Main Event: SWF World Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Jack Suicide
Jack doesn't even gives BDM a chance to take his entrance garb off, throwing himself recklessly at him, and nearly pinning him a few seconds in. BDM takes a powder to the floor, trying to recover from the beating he'd been taking , mere seconds into the match. BDM isn't given a chance though, the determined Jack flies over the top rope onto him with a corkscrew plancha! Jack continues firing away on him before tossing him back inside. BDM runs away, haven't yet been able to attack, and as Jack blindly rushes in, he finally assumes control by booting him in the gut. BDM then uses a wicked DDT, but only get two off it, and he just begins to stomp on him, obviously frustrated by his opponent's success in the match thus far. Much to BDM's chagrin, Jack recovers and takes control again, fueled by his desire to be champion, he plants BDM with a running neckbreaker and ascends to the top rope to try and finish it with the Suicide Splash. Jack hits it, but as soon as he does, Joe Money comes down to distract the ref, while he does, Jaffe enters the ring to lay out Jack with the Arabian Goodnight, and Mike Suicide comes to the rescue, nailing Jaffe with the Suicidal Twist. The ref hears all the commotion, and turns around, as he does Joe also takes notice to what's going on, and enters the ring , adding to the fray. The ref sees this all, and having lost all control, he calls for the bell
*Double DQ, BDM Retains his title*

Before we go off air, Vance reminds us that there will be no SWF broadcast next week, but they will return on the 29th.

END OF SHOW

SWF Soul Survivor
SWF Soul Survivor

Extreme: Welcome to SWF Soul Survivor! Tonight each and every SWF superstar has been randomly entered into one of three 5 on 5 elimination matches! The survivors of those matches will be re-entered into another drawing , and split into two teams for the ULTIMATE survival match! The man or men who manage to survive will be rewarded with a title shot at ANY title they choose, at any time they decide (excluding a World title shot at Extrememania, that goes to the winner of the Rumble), PLUS $100,000 cash! Let's get right to it! (Extreme and Vance settle in to their commentary positions as the lineup shows up on screen)

The Lineup:

Survivor Match 1- Rory Rogers, The Great JuJu, Quow Ling, Jahalaman Jaffe, & The Reverend, vs Silkky Smooth, The Don, Tony Ramon, Mike Suicide, & Jack Suicide

Survivor Match 2- Joe Money, Petey Pizzazz, The Billion Dollar Man, X, & The Freedom Fighter vs Xavier Hawthorne III, Crazy Phil, Octane, The Janitor, & The Mercenary

Survivor Match 3- Tripp, The Shadow, Boppo The Clown, Repo, & Yeti vs Captain Fantastic, Beef Macho, Randy Mann, Disco Danny, & Jimmy Jam

The Ultimate Survival Match!

And More!


Survivor Match 1- Rory Rogers, The Great JuJu, Quow Ling, Jahalaman Jaffe, & The Reverend, vs Silkky Smooth, The Don, Tony Ramon, Mike Suicide, & Jack Suicide
The captains (whoever is listed first for each team, in this case Rory and Silkky) start out. Rory is quickly beaten badly by Silkky, but he tags out to Reverend. Reverend enters with his bible, and opts to preach to Silkky about his morals! Silkky charges and pummels him before Reverend crawls back to his corner, but none of his teammates will tag in! Silkky continues his assault before tagging the equally big Tony Ramon. Tony picks up where his teammate left off and pounds Reverend until he tags an unsuspecting partner in Jaffe. Jaffe is upset about this, but does his job and fights. Tony Tags in Mike Suicide, who along with his brother Jack, have angered Jaffe, having beaten him and his Cash Inc buddy Joe Money in tag title matches. With that in his mind, Jaffe takes apart the eldest Suicide brother for an extended period of time, but Mike rallies and tags Jack. Being the fresh man, Jack fares well, at least until Jaffe tags in one of the men who beat Jack for the tag titles, Quow Ling. Quow and Jack battle with neither getting a decisive advantage, but do so for quite a while, tiring each man until Jack tags The Don , and Quow tags JuJu. JuJu enters with his "magic bones" and attempts to put a curse on The Don, but is unsuccessful. The Don simply attacks and nails The Hit for the pin, eliminating JuJu. Rory enters right after, beating down The Don, and using the Roundup to pin, and eliminate him. Silkky replaces The Don, and in retaliation for eliminating his partner, goes to town on Rory. Rory is beaten into his corner, and Jaffe slyly tags in, hits a low blow, and then the Arabian Goodnight to eliminate Silkky. Tony Ramon rushes in as soon as the three count is made to replace Silkky, but Jaffe tags to The Reverend, who meets Tony with a bible shot to the face while Jaffe distracts the ref. After the shot, Tony is pinned and eliminated. The Suicides the only members of their team left, and both rush in for an all-out aerial blitz, that floors Reverend before Mike is forced out. Not wasting time, Jack goes up and gets the Suicide Splash to eliminate Reverend. Rory charges again, mad as all heck, but a quick tag lets Mike in, and before Jack leaves, he and Mike use a Total Elimination (as done by ECW tag team The Eliminators), to level Rory. Mike keeps going , nails the Suicidal Twist and pins him! Rory is now gone. Jaffe keeps up the pace by rushing in next, and taking some more out of Mike, who is tired due to the pace and beating he'd taken earlier. Jack is also feeling the fatigue on the apron, as a result of his battle with Quow. Mike manages to get free and make the tag to Jack, who summons all his strength, and goes at Jaffe as fast and furious as he can. Luckily, his tactic works, and he gets the Suicide Splash! 1-2-3, Jaffe is gone! The Suicides are putting on an amazing display! Quow ends any celebration, nearly pinning a tired Jack after working him over. But somehow, Jack fights back, and makes the tag. Mike comes in, but is running on empty, being easy prey for Quow. Quow is feeling the same fatigue but not nearly as much as his opponents, or he just hides it better. Even though, by all rights, Mike should be simple to dispose of, he refuses to be pinned, but has come awfully close. Mike tags again, and Jack comes in, but finally their teamwork is paying off, Quow is running out of steam, with nobody to tag , but forges ahead, causing Jack to tag again. Mike pulls out all the stops, and goes full tilt at Quow Ling , who wards him off, and sets him up for the Death Kick. Mike ducks, and spins him around for the Suicide Twist! But Mike is too tired to capitalize! After a good 20 seconds, Quow beings to stir a little, before Mike can. But out of nowhere, Jack comes off the top with the Suicide Splash! Mike wakes up enough to put his arm on Quow and get the three count! The Suicide Brothers survived against all odds!
*Survivors* The Suicide Brothers

We go to pre-taped footage of Petey Pizzazz, seeing who he drew as partners and opponents

Petey(staring at the match lineup): Let's see....(smiles) YES! The World champ, The U.S. champ, and Joe Money, all on my team! (sarcastically) Wow, X is on there too. (scanning the list with his finger) What loser's are we gonna beat? Xavier, CRAZY PHIL AND THE JANITOR?(smiles and cries out in joy) This is too good to be true! (suddenly his face goes pale, and he stands in fear) And Octane?! (runs off with the list in hand as he cries out) What am I gonna do?!

Survivor Match 2- Joe Money, Petey Pizzazz, The Billion Dollar Man, X, & The Freedom Fighter vs Xavier Hawthorne III, Crazy Phil, Octane, The Janitor, & The Mercenary
The captains (Joe and Xavier) start, but after being overpowered, Xavier tags to The Mercenary, blatantly passing up The Janitor, who takes offense. As The Mercenary and Joe fight inside, The Janitor gets off the apron, grabs his mop, and knocks Xavier off the apron with it! Xavier is now being beat by his own partner! Xavier fights back, and a throng of officials come down to break it up, but are hit by The Janitor, who swings his mop wildly, and The Janitor chases Xavier to the back, managing to nail a few good shots with his mop along the way. The ref Dqs the both of them, so they're eliminated. In the ring , The Freedom Fighter tags in for his team, and beats the tar out of The Mercenary, and Hits The Star Spangled Slam, eliminating him. Octane stands patiently on the apron with no expression, despite being at a 5 on 2 disadvantage. Crazy Phil wastes no time entering , wanting to prove himself. Petey Pizzazz begs for the tag , thinking he could easily dispose of Phil. Petey was right, he uses the Piece of Pizzazz to eliminate him, and celebrates, before realizing who the last man left was. Petey turns right into Octane, who blasts him with a right hand, sending him down hard. Octane simply raises Petey up, and kills him dead with the Empty Tank to eliminate him. X comes in next, for all of a minute before becoming a recipient of the Empty Tank, eliminating him as well. On the apron, BDM and his buddy Joe $ opt to hold out in entering the ring and let The Freedom Fighter go instead. The Freedom Fighter takes some of the starch out of the big man, but can't finish him off, and ends up eating a running big boot, then the Empty Tank to be eliminated next. Joe Money comes in, acting all badass, but gets SMOKED, feeling the wrath of the, and easily pins him, leaving only the SWF champion left. BDM slowly enters, and OFFERS OCTANE MONEY TO LEAVE! Octane decides to pulverize BDM instead, hits the Empty Tank, and rather easily pins the SWF World champion!
*Soul Survivor* Octane

We go to the interview platform next to the announce booth where Dean Bokerlund is with Extreme

Dean(holding the mic up to Extreme): Extreme, it's good to have you back, but we all want to know, what was that match against Death Machine like?

Extreme: Well Dean, It was......(a large man with bleach blonde spiked hair, warm up gear and a mean look on his face comes into view, and grabs Extreme's and Dean's attention)

Extreme(angrily): Who the hell are you? What are you doing here? (The man grabs the mic)

The Man(angrily, with an Australian accent): My name is Ron McBride, and I'm here to make a name for myself.

Extreme(gets another mic, still angry): Is that so?

Ron McBride(yelling): That's right, I'm trying to break into wrestling and I'm gonna do it by breaking your neck! You're the man to see, Extreme Superstar, owner of the SWF. I saw Halloween Hell, I saw what you did to Death Machine, beating you will make ME famous!

Extreme(really angry): I'm not here to play games, (takes off his jacket) Do you got any gear?

Ron McBride(takes of his warmup clothes to reveal wrestling gear): I'm ready.

Extreme(pointing to the ring): There's the ring let's go.

A referee rushes to officiate the match as the two men make their way down to fight

Ron McBride vs Extreme Superstar
Extreme, still hurt from Halloween Hell, psyches himself up in the corner before going face to face with his opponent. McBride is only a few inches taller than Extreme, but has a wide, strongman physique. McBride attempts to hit Extreme but he ducks, and comes back up with some hard shots to the body, and then knocks him down, and almost out with some KILLER rights to the head that bloody him up a bit. Extreme backs up to allow the man to recover, and McBride rushes him, as if to spear him, but misses! Extreme waits behind him, and when he turns around, WHAM! DDT! McBride is GONE, he isn't getting up, that was one hell of a DDT, but Extreme doesn't go for the pin?! Extreme cups his hand to his ear, ala his idol Hulk Hogan, and COMES OFF THE ROPES WITH THE LEGDROP! The crowd is going bonkers, and 1-2-3, it's over.
*Winner* Extreme Superstar

Post Match: Extreme's Music plays, but he asks for a mic instead of celebrating. He tells security to get rid of the guy, and he never wants to see him again. He also points to that as an example of what happens when you try to disrupt his show. Extreme then makes his way back to the announce booth and stands atop the desk to play to the crowd.


Survivor Match 3- Tripp, The Shadow, Boppo The Clown, Repo, & Yeti vs Captain Fantastic, Beef Macho, Randy Mann, Disco Danny, & Jimmy Jam
The captains (Tripp and Fantastic) start, and within a few minutes, Tripp is pinned after the Crime Stopper. Fantastic tags to Beef Macho as Repo enters, tonight he's dressed in a chicken suit, like the Goobledygooker! Beef quickly dispatches of him with a Beefy Bomb. Boppo enters, and Beef tags to Randy, who easily pins him with the Body Shot. Tripp's whole team is dropping like flies, with him actually being the first to go. Shadow fights and nearly pins Randy, facilitating the tag to X. Shadow tags to Yeti, and X tags back to Fantastic, who pins Yeti in short order. Shadow, being the last man, gives it his all, at one point or another taking on each member of the team, until Fantastic finishes him with the Crime Stopper.
*Survivors* Captain Fantastic, Beef Macho, Randy Mann, Disco Danny, & Jimmy Jam

We then go to Dean, now in the back with the Suicide Brothers

Dean(with a mic to the brothers): You fought against the odds and were the last two left after your match, but it's not over yet. Your both in the Ultimate Survival Match, tell me, what are you thoughts?

Mike: It was destiny that we were even on the same team, let alone winning. I hope we can be on the same team for the Ultimate Survival Match, but we'll see. I think I can speak for both of us in that we are ready, but a little nervous about the match.

Jack: We want to win this, but it's not about the money, it's the opportunity to fulfill our dreams of being World champion, it's what we've wanted out whole lives, and if we win this one last match, we'll get the chance. I really want to be on the same side as my brother, but if not, I wish him luck, and we'll try out hardest to come out on top.

We go to the announce booth for some final hype

Vance: Extreme, the moment is upon us.

Extreme: Just who will win the Ultimate Survival Match?

Vance: I'll say this, everyone in that match has earned it. Also I should note, with The Suicides and Octane winning their respective matches, and Captain Fantastic's whole team surviving , that means we get an even four on four, but what will the teams be?

Extreme let's find out, Dean is ringside to announce the teams, take it Dean.

Dean: It is now time for the ULTIMATE Survival Match! With eight men having been strong enough to survive thus far, there will be two teams of four. These teams are randomly drawn (camera pans to the drawing device, like that used for bingo) from this, just like all of the other teams you've seen tonight. As I draw the names, the participants will make their way to the ring. And now, allow me to introduce team number one! Mike Suicide! Captain Fantastic! Jack Suicide! And... Octane! (The contestants are seen entering the ring) Now for team two! Jimmy Jam! Beef Macho! Disco Danny! And Randy Mann!

As the last four enter the ring , we prepare to start the match

Ultimate Survival 4 on 4- Mike/Fantastic/Jack/Octane vs Jimmy/Beef/Disco/Randy
Mike and Jimmy, being the captains, start things off, but the effects of a hard fought match earlier make Mike tag , wisely to Octane. No sooner does Octane get in the ring does Petey Pizzazz come down to confront him! It works, and Octane goes after him outside, where Petey uses a low blow. Petey is successful in getting an odds on favorite in Octane, eliminated via count-out, which is what he apparently set out to do. As Jimmy stares at the scene outside, and Jack Suicide rushes in and pins him! Disco Danny, looking for revenge, takes it to Jack as soon as Jimmy is eliminated, but Jack tags out to Captain Fantastic, who enters and eliminates Danny after a brief battle via the Crime Stopper. Beef Macho, obviously upset that his team has suffered two losses, wastes no time in attacking Fantastic, but after his attempt at a Beefy Bomb is thwarted, he tags to Randy Mann. Randy takes the fight right to the TV champ, and eventually nails the Body Shot for a mild upset. Randy is feeling it now, and as Jack comes in to replace his partner, Randy meets him, unloading a barrage of punches on the tired Suicide Brother. Jack has no choice but to tag his brother, but he's not too fresh either, but gives it a go anyways. Mike starts pretty strong , but Randy is on fire, and he whips him to the buckle hard, and rushes in for a splash. However, Jack is there to tag in, and push Mike out of the way, sending Randy violently into the corner, and he bounces off to the mat. As he stands, Jack comes flying off the top with a moonsault, and stays on for the pin. 1-2-3! The Suicides' music starts as the crowd pops like mad.
*Winners and Ultimate Survivors* The Suicide Brothers

Post Match: The tired brothers make it to their feet and embrace emotionally, and the crowd gives them a standing ovation as they celebrate with tears of joy in their eyes.

END OF SHOW

Random Stuff
I'm bored, it's early in the morning, and I don't have anything better to do, so I'll write some random thoughts. Ya know, stuff on my mind and such, like actual talented writers do sometimes. Here she goes:

-I've come to the realization that Bon Jovi is a better band than I originally thought.

-I'm SO tired of hearing about that Jessica Lynch girl. She's a hero for being captured?! Give me a break, a REAL soldier would've gone in there Rambo-style and snapped necks, and fired those explosive arrows at people. I know, I've seen too many movies, but this girl isn't a hero. But hey, she already wrote a book, and had a TV movie, so she can laugh it all off while driving around in some brand new car and all that. And now I guess Larry Flynt has nudie pics of her, but hasn't decided to make them public yet. Do it Larry, do it, like as I always say, "Just to see the look on her face". C'mon people, WHERE'S MY TV MOVIE?! You could get, ummm... How about Fez from That 70's Show to play me, or I'll do it! Call me Hollywood, we'll work on a script later.

-Some other skank (Paris Hilton) is involved in a sex scandal too, wow whatever. She isn't like famous for actually doing stuff, just because she is the heir to some mucho buxxx. She is to be in some reality show on Fox soon though, which will, no doubt, suck. The other party involved is Shannon Doherty's husband, but it was all before they were married. As for Shannon, despite what people say, I actually think she's cool. She does her own thing and that rocks, go on girl! I don't see her as evil and such, just misunderstood. I just figured I'd add that.

-Onto Another person who I like and feel is misunderstood, Mike Tyson. Mike is sooooo badass it's not even funny. And the dude just doesn't care, he says and does as HE pleases, not society. I can't wait for his next fight, I refuse to give up on him as a boxer, he'll always be my favorite, and hope he keeps destroying guys in the ring, right back to the top. My uncle met him too, just walked up and Tyson was cool with him, treating him like an old friend, how awesome is that? Mike also provides some great and memorable quotes, like this infamous one:

"I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him (Lennox Lewis). I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children." -- Tyson after beating Lou Savarese in June, 2000.

I am also quite fond of these "Tysonisms":
"I'm on the Zoloft to keep me from killing y'all." Tyson to reporters during a news conference to promote his Oct. 20, 2000 fight against Andrew Golota in Auburn Hills, Mich.

"At times, I come across as crude or crass. That irritates you when I come across like a Neanderthal or a babbling idiot at times. But I like to be that person. I like to show you all that person because that's who you come to see." -- Tyson to reporters in Hawaii, 2002

But my all time favorite one is this glimpse into Tyson's psyche:

"I offend people. I ask this lady (a CNN reporter) a lewd question because I'm in a lot of pain. I have some pain I'm gonna have for the rest of my life. So every now and then I kick your (expletive) ass and stomp on you and ... inflict some of the pain on you because you deserve to feel the pain that I feel. I wish that you guys had children so I could kick them in the (expletive) head or stomp on their testicles so you could feel my pain because that's the pain I have waking up every day." -- Tyson at the same Hawaii meeting mentioned above.

I want to make it clear, this is not meant as sarcasm, I think I understand Tyson and his behavior, and don't see him as some freak or joke.

TYSON FOREVER!

-After thinking about it, if I had to chose a theme song to play as I walked down the street and such, I'd pick Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees. As a matter of fact, I'm listening to it right now. Stayin' Alive is the ultimate cool song, people would know I was the man if that played as I sauntered in a room, beacuse that song MAKES me the man.

-Note to Hollywood: You can keep The Rock, seriously. Don't expect me to go see his movies though.

-I had a weird dream the other night where I was one of those Shoot Fighters, like UFC and the Mixed Martial Arts. It all made me think, I'd probably be good at that stuff. Additionally, boxing has always been something I'd want to get into as well. I just know I'd be a decent boxer, how I'd love KOing guys like Lennox Lewis and Chris Byrd, but they'd most likely be retired by then, oh well.

-Note to Vince McMahon: Get as many legends as possible for Wrestlemania XX. I'd have a heart attack (pardon the pun) if Bret Hart showed up live, even if it was just sitting in the crowd, that would all serve to make the show memorable. Also, Hulk Hogan had BETTER be there! Put him against anyone, let him come out to Real American, let him wear the red and yellow(the REAL deal), let him Hulk Up, Hit the Boot & Legdrop then pick up the win. You cold drag The Rock back to do the job, then ship him back to Hollywood. Hulk deserves his swan song, and all us Hulkamaniacs that bleed the red and yellow deserve to see it.....BROTHER!

- Note to Comedy Central: Now that the God-Awful Kid Notorious was moved off Wendsday nights, PLEASE move back Reno 911! Do it at least before the 2nd season starts!

-Stephen Colbert, Jack Black, Chris Farley(RIP), and Will Ferrell get my vote on the four funniest men EVER.

-Another plea to Comedy Central: Retro SNL with the greats like Sandler, Farley, and Ferell are great, but do we need a good 6 hours a day devoted to the show? It's not like you show more than 5 different episodes anyways. Put Kids in the Hall on at a decent time or even the underrated Strangers With Candy (featuring the Infinitely funny Stephen Colbert)on.

This time, a Gripe about Comedy Central: Comedy Central is currently running a poll for the best SNL episodes of all time, with the top 25 to be shown X-mas Eve. The only one I want to see is the 1985 episode where my idol Hulk Hogan hosted, and they don't even list it as a choice! They list just about every other episode of that season except that one! Also, I remember looking on their episode guide for the details of Hogan's appearance, and they didn't even have the episode listed! It might not be Comedy Central's fault though, NBC or even head honcho Lorne Michaels may still be pissed that the WWF got so popular that in the spring of 1985 NBC bumped SNL to show the legendary wrestling show Saturday Night's Main Event, which aired once a month in SNL's place. But what really probably ticks them off is that WWF delivered! It hit it's peak as Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant drew 33 million viewers (15.2 Nielson) on a prime time special. The ratings they got on that event are comparible and even better than such shows as Friends (take THAT!)today. SNME ran from 1985-1992, but left NBC in 1991. You might say, "But they air The Rock's appearances". Well, Rock didn't embarass SNL by dwarfing their ratings did he? And, Rock isn't as "Pure" a wrestler as Hogan, who's more known as a wrestler, not an actor.

-I mentioned Kids in the Hall above, but I have more to say about that show. KITH was irreverent and hilarious, something you got or you didn't, I did. My favorite sketches are the bizarre "Sausages", "Try it Now", and "Lopez". This stuff has to be seen to be appreciated. Ironically, Lorne Michaels was responsible for this show.

-I want Alex Winter to make a comeback, WE WANT BILL! Keanu, couldn't you have got him a bit part in the Matrix movies? I demand a Wyld Stallyns reunion! After the Bill and Ted movies, Winter actaully made his own movie in 1993 called Freaked, and it rocked. He also gave Keanu a bit part in it too. Keanu, you should have repaid the favor!

-In a final note, if you read my "Worst Movies I've Ever Seen" article, then you know my distain of Jason Bateman. Anyways, his new show "Arrested Development" seems to have picked up a following. What the hell?! Honestly, what is wrong with society, people worship garbage like Friends and another new pile of dung, The O.C. (which idiotically translates to The Orange County), it's official, I've lost faith in mankind. I hope something can happen soon to restore my faith, but that might be far off. However the band that has the same name as the Bateman (I also happen to loathe the band) is suing for use of their name. There is probably no way the musicians will get any money as the namesake is most likely considered public domain, but I can only pray the crappy band pulls in da mad ends, forcing the show off the air.