Piledriver: Once again....IT'S MINE!!!!!!!!
Piledriver: The greatest video EVER
Great moments in American History
July 4th 1777- The Declaration of Independence was signed.
January 23rd 1984- Hulkamania was born.
October 15th 1987- Piledriver The Wrestling Album II video was released.
Yes, the holy grail of WWF Coliseum Video releases, Piledriver: The Wrestling Album II, Piledriver for short. You might say, well the WWF released a whole host of videos under the Coliseum Video label, until the change to WWF, then WWE home video switch in 1997, why is this so much better? I'll tell you why. You might argue, what about all the fantastic PPVs like the epic Wrestlemania 3, or all the Best of the WWF tapes? C'mon people, everyone and their mother could get a Wrestlemania on tape, and all the Best ofs and compilations were mostly made up of crappy house show matches and tv squashes. Ok, the ONLY video that I can think that is even close to Piledriver, is the mind blowing Raw Prime Cuts, but that was all stuff you could see on TV. Piledriver however, that had all the top stars of the day in MUSIC VIDEOS! I could find PPV matches and all that on other tapes/DVDs or TV, but to see the music videos for the album (yes, there was an accompanying album too, and I own a copy on tape). I LOVED this tape, like it was my best friend or a dear family member, and watched it religiously every day (several times too, I recall about 5 or 6 viewings once). The tape is only about 45 minutes, and in reality maybe only a half hour or so, so you can get your full fix satiated fairly quickly. I was so happy with the tape, and would watch it all day if I had to, but then something HORRIBLE happened, I forgot it at someone's house, and would never see the tape again. Years had passed since I saw that sweet, sweet tape, but about two years ago, I went into a video store across from where my mom worked (I was there for one of those career shadowing days), and as I always do at those places, I sped to the wrestling section. What I saw almost made drop to my knees ala Randall at the Big Choice video store in Clerks, I had walked into a gold mine of fantastic wrestling videos, the stuff that most places stopped renting a long time ago. As I scanned the videos in awe, I saw the first ever Hulkamania video (WWF's first video release EVER), the aforementioned Raw Prime Cuts, Bash at the Beach 1994 (Hogan's WCW debut vs Flair in one of the biggest dream matches ever. This was before it was available on Hulk's STELLAR DVD release), and then, I saw the box art that had been burned into my mind. There was the greatest individual to ever step into a ring of ALL time (screw you if you disagree, your WRONG), Hulk Hogan, in the white construction hat with an old yellow WWF "block" logo on it, right below the big bold black lettering that said "Piledriver". I couldn't hide my excitement, and I looked around, seeing if anyone else was aware of what an amazing thing I had just discovered, but they weren't, which it's a good thing, people might think I was nuts for being so happy, and they wouldn't be able to rent it out from under me. I then returned the relic to it's place, tore out of the store, back to my mom's work, and DEMANDED to sign up for the store, and we did. I picked up Piledriver, and clutched it with an iron grasp until I was safely at the counter, NOBODY could have pried that tape from my hands if they wanted. That night, I sat in awe, watching Raw Crime Cuts and Piledriver, which might just be about the coolest way I've ever spent three hours. This may be off topic, but worth noting, on other visits (before my mom left that place, and I have never been able to return to the store) I rented Survivor Series 1989, and the aforementioned Bash at the Beach 1994 & Hulkamania video. The reason I bring this up is that Hulkamania video, the first ever WWF video released, was in PRISTINE condition! I was stunned, the box on the display was unmarked, and the video was like new, still shiny, and the label was unscathed, like time had stood still and nobody had ever even watched it. Weirder yet, the picture was PERFECT, I didn't even LOOK at the tracking button once while the tape was playing, it was unreal. This tape, at that time, about 17 years old, but no flaws, I've had to play with buttons for five minutes to play NEW stuff, and still have a bad picture, but this tape, that had been around my whole life, played better than any tape I've ever watched. THAT is why Hulkamania rules, it even runs wild on VCRs! Back to the topic at hand. Thursday, January 29 2004, which would be two days ago by the time I post this (it's about 11:30 on the 30th now), I once again, after about 13 years, was the proud owner of the Piledriver video! I won it on Ebay, and it arrived via mail Thursday, just as beautiful as I could ever imagine, in the original box, in great condition. But here's the kicker, while a lot of older Coliseum videos can fetch around $35.00 a piece, I only paid $9.70, and that's WITH shipping and insurance included! Now, as I once again own it, and of course, watched it that night, I'll review it for you all to enjoy! Also, since I have the Wresting Album that preceded Piledriver (not a video, just an album), I'll review it as a bonus! Piledriver featured 8 music videos, neglecting only two songs from the album, Hillbilly Jim and some lady known as Gertrude's touching (read: lame, ok it's not that bad, Jim is actually decent) Kenny Rogers like duet "Waking Up Alone", and Jimmy Hart's Crank It Up". Now, these should almost in order, but forgive me if I misplace one or two. Ready, as SWF's Vance McMillian would say (and I should know, I created the whole damn thing), let's KICK IT OFF!
Piledriver: The Wresting Album II video review
We open with some doofus who was the producer of the album, and he serves as host. He takes us to the first video, the title track, Piledriver, sung by the infinitely cool, Koko B. Ware.
Video # 1 Piledriver, sung by Koko B. Ware
We have a cool construction theme, and Koko acts as singer on top of some unfinished building project, holding a sledgehammer. I have to point out, Koko is a good singer. But on the construction site, The always awesome Honky Tonk Man drives through in his pink Cadillac, with Peggy Sue and Jimmy Hart, pissing off all the wrestlers who are the construction workers. Playing the workers, and I think this is everyone, Hulk Hogan (who steps in front of Honky's car, holding a sledge of his own, which is enough to scare anyone), Bam Bam Bigelow, Bam Bam's manager Sir Oliver Humperdink, Billy Jack Hayes, Don Muraco (the REAL Rock), Superstar Billy Graham, and even Vince McMahon himself! Another thing is they guys are always hassled by the foremen, played by old school (even for 1987) manager Arnold Skaaland. As the foremen hassles them on the site, Hulk turns the cement hose on him! Then, we see the obligatory shot of women walking by, only to be hassled by the wrestlers, who are on their lunch break, which is pretty funny, I mean, Hulk is so stunned by one of the girls, he is left with his sandwich hanging out of his mouth! And, if that wasn't enough, a surprisingly nerdy looking Vince McMahon tries to woo one of the girls by offering a bag of fruit! We then cut to clips of Koko in action, using his fantastic Ghostbuster (Brainbuster DDT) on some poor jobber, and shown in replay. That move just rocks, and was heavy stuff for the time. Then we see Koko celebrate in the ring, with his Macaw, Frankie, and singing the song to the live crowd. We end the video as the grumpy foremen sneaks into the port-o-potty, and someone begins to raise it with a forklift! This was goofy, but all good fun.
Doofus guy talks about the video for "Girls In Cars", which is also the theme of one of my favorite teams ever, Strike Force! Tito Santana and Rick Martel ruled as a team, and individually, I just thought you should know. Doofy talks to the super cool, Jim Johnston, the man responsible for pretty much every theme in WWF history (and still is today) about the video, he says is a remix of the theme. I recall Strike Force using an instrumental version at one time, so maybe that's what he means, since some guy named Robbie Dupree (I'm sure he had a hit at some point) is doing this version. We also see Strike Force pimped out in big 80's shades, in a red convertible (which appears to be a Corvette) on location of the video. Strike Force is also credited with the song, so I they must be the backup singers, which has always been my assumption.
Video # 2 Girls In Cars, sung by Robbie Dupree (with Strike Force doing backup)
We basically have some typical 80's crap video, and Strike Force doesn't even appear! They showed them before the video, but in the actual video, all we see is the car, that has a Strike Force licence plate on the back, and a slight shot of Tito's (not sure) profile. We focus on the girls in cars, and the singer (Robbie Dupree), who RD Reynolds of the hilarious Wrestlecrap.com described as a Kenny Loggins ripoff (he looks and sounds like him, only like 800 times worse), singing on the beach in a Miami Vice white suit, while seagulls fly around. That's about it, and the Strike Force tease ruined it. The song itself is amusing, as it is soooo cheesy, that it took serious guts for Tito and Rick to use as a theme. No wonder people were so happy for Demolition to beat them for the tag belts, they had wussy music, satin jackets, and well kempt long hair, despite ruling the world wrestling wise, they were pretty lame, even for the 80's. It's ok, after the 1989 breakup Tito would just go on being Tito (but still sported the Strike Force gear (no satin jacket sadly) until he became El Matador, cause every Mexican is a Matador I guess), and Rick became "The Model", which is one of my favorite gimmicks.
The doofus host guy then talks about Honky, and we cut to an interview with him, who talks about his video, for his "hit single", and theme song "Honky Tonk Man". Honky says we will finally see him dance, play guitar, and sing (he always claimed he could, and that he had hit songs that nobody had ever heard. All he ever used his guitar for was blasting some poor good guy with it)
Video # 3 Honky Tonk Man, sung by Honky himself (with Jimmy Hart doing backup)
This video rules, and so does Honky. Honky sings a rockabilly style diddy, and it is great. He's performing at some club, and all the girls are trying to touch him, and passing out. The best part though was him "playing" the guitar, since he had an acoustic one, yet the sound was most certainly electric. Also, there's a cool take on the Hollywood sign that proclaims it "Honkywood". If Honky decided to come back, if only just to sing, dance, and hit people with guitars, I'd be all for it. At the end, we see a disclaimer which says Honky paid all the people in the video, hahaha. There is one thing to be warned about, gratuitous random shots of Honky shaking his ass. Honky is cool and all, but THAT is just unnecessary, and disturbing.
The doofus then segues into one of the best videos EVER (besides Piledriver, Real American (the only one not on this tape, but on Hulk's DVD if you want it, and you do), Honky's video, and the upcoming Jive Soul Bro), that being "Demolition", the theme for the greatest tag team EVER, Demolition (duh!), sung by Rick Derringer, the man who also sung Real American, and the upcoming Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo (with "Mean" Gene Okerlund).
Video # 4 Demolition, sung by Rick Derringer
YEEEEEES! THIS was like my favorite video on the tape when I was little and watching it, and it basically made me a hardcore Demolition fan. It combines cool clips of the Demos kicking ass all over the place, mainly using their bitchin' Demolition Decapitation tag team finisher, with footage of houses blowing up, and atomic bombs going off while people duck and cover. It's so cool, death, destruction and Demolition. It's like those shock films they show people to scare them, it says "Don't f*ck with Demolition, they'll KILL you". I'll tell you, I want a video like this someday, I bet people would be scared stiff when I came walking down to the ring. Hell, if I had the chance I'd bring the Demolition gimmick back, then slap a video like that as a Titan Tron, and be in the new Demos. I always wanted to be in Demotion, and even picked my name, there would be Ax, Smash, Crush (this was all pre-Crush, the original was the REAL team though), and TERROR. You might think that name sucks, but give me a break, I was like 8 when I came up with it. And, to boot the song ROCKS, like HUGE TIME, one of my all time favorite songs type rockin'. Once I get my own car, I'm gonna ride down the street at 3 AM and blare this, which would probably wake the whole neighborhood up, but who cares. If I ever get into an argument at college, I'll set up a challenge for a fight, then have someone blare this music, at which point I'd rush to the place where the fight is to happen, in full Demo gear and makeup, kick the guy's ass, and have a buddy set him up so I can come off the roof of a car with the Demolition Decapitation. It's either that, or do use Real American, and use Hogan gear, that would be easier to come by, or even get the cool spiked shoulder pads that LOD wore, but that's off topic. In closing, the video RULES, the music RULES, Demolition RULES.
Doofy McDooferson then takes us to the greatest pimp to ever live, even better than Dolomite, The Godfather, Superfly, Shaft, or Fillmore Slim (the world's most famous real pimp), the doctor of style himself, Slick! In a hilarious because it's so very wrong way, Slick is talking to us from a restaurant eating FRIED CHICKEN! Yeah, and he probably has some Kool-Aid to wash it down too. Anyways, Slick tells us that HE has the greatest song on the Piledriver Album (and he may be right). Slick intros with a drum roll, USING THE FRIED CHICKEN!!! Slick rules. So we go right into the Slickster's video, Jive Soul Bro.
Video # 5 Jive Soul Bro, sung by Slick
We see Slick (dressed like someone right out of a 70's Blacksploitation film, complete with a cane) walking through what I guess is the projects (it is pretty run down). Slick sings about what a playa, as we today would call it, walking down the streets while everyone disses him since he's no good. We cut from him on the streets and in a studio singing throughout. Slick then gets down for us all to enjoy. The best part (besides the intro, and dancing) was Slick talking about being with a 7 foot woman, going to her house, and this tall (probably standing on something) woman answers, towering over the Slickster. This is the FUNKIEST SONG EVER, and one of my personal favorites as well. If anyone should come back, it's Slick, Teddy Long could learn a lot from him. But last I heard, Slick is a reverend now, something he even played up near the end of his WWF run, turning face and dropping the pimp gimmick. COME BACK SLICK!
We head back to Doofus Maximus, and he tells us about our next video, "Mean" Gene Okerlund and Rick Derringer singing Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo, which was a hit song for Derringer in the 70's or so. Also, there is a surprise (if you didn't see it on the box) person playing bass.
Video # 6 Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo sung by Rick Derringer & "Mean" Gene Okerlund (with HULK F'N HOGAN playing bass)
We have a classroom setting, and the nerdy female teacher (with nerd establishing glasses) asks the bored class to prepare for a presentation by Mr. Peabody (Mean Gene), that is some classical music piece spliced with boring bird footage or something. Gene (looking nerdy as well, with glasses) walks in, and talks about how good his video is, then, the lights turn off, the video starts, and Gene is an 80's rocker! The music starts, and Gene is all decked out in some HORRENDOUS clothes, a blue wig, and silver glasses like Bret Hart's or the ones Doc Brown had in Back to the Future. The kids love it, and the teacher then lets her hair down, takes off the glasses, and starts shakin' it on the desk. We cut to a studio, where Rick, Gene (still in the weird 80's garb), and the Hulkster rock out. We go back and forth, for a bit, and the stodgy principal hears what's going on over the intercom. Basically it's more rockin' until the video ends, and everyone is back to normal, and the once again nerdy Gene smiles when the teacher admonishes him. Hogan, as you might know, is an accomplished bass player, and he was great here, but the video itself wasn't all that unlike other 80's classroom set videos. Gene's getup is disturbing to say the least.
Doofy McGee then talks about Andre the Giant, who the next video focuses on. It is the infamous Vince McMahon (still just an announcer, not publically acknowledged as the owner) sung "Stand Back" an extremely cheesy....umm, I guess rock (Tom Jones style) song, that many say is actually directed at Jim Crockett, owner of the rival NWA (WCW's parent company, WCW hadn't been created yet). A few years back, Chris Jericho actually used a clip of Vince singing this at the WWF's Slammy Award show to embarrass him. Anyways, onto the video.
Video # 7 Stand Back, sung by Vince McMahon
Sadly, Vince isn't actually featured, it's all clips of Andre, mainly his feud with Hogan, leading to Wrestlemania 3, including the match itself. The video is cool for that reason, and to hear Vince getting into the song, trying to go all soft and soulful, then bust into his deep booming "YOUR FIIIRED" type voice that he does, is hilarious.
Doofus with Gallant then intros the final video, which is sung by EVERYBODY, a tune titled "If You Only Knew".
Video # 8 If You Only Knew, sung by the WWF Wrestlers (that's how they are credited)
I LOVED this song, and it was cool since all the tops stars of the day were singing (the ULTIMATE WARRIOR of all people was in the chorus). Jimmy Hart (he actually was a singer, with a hit song in the 60's) and Koko carried the musical end, but Hulk and Ted Dibiase's verbal spat made it for me. Basically, Hogan told Teddy that he didn't have enough money to buy him out, Ted said everybody's got a price, Hogan told Ted he wanted to bust him up, real bad, then Ted said, "Yeah, see Virgil(Ted's manservant)". It was a great way to close too.
Overall, Piledriver rocks.
BONUS: The Wrestling Album Review
On this 1985 Release, there are 10 tracks, and after each one, Vince McMahon, "Mean" Gene Okerlund, and Jesse "The Body" Ventura talk about the song, and intro the next. Also, they play it up as we are hearing it as they record it, saying stuff like "he's on his way to record the track now", then we hear the track, as if it's live. on his face to Ready for this? Ok!
Track 1- Land of 1,000 Dances?!!, sung by The Wrestlers
This is basically a rendition of the tune done by all the WWF wrestlers. It's cool since Vince gets all hyper, Jimmy Hart carries the music again, and Paul Orndorff surprised me by actually carrying a tune?! Wow, that STILL shocks me every time I heard it. The heels and faces take turns singing, like a battle, which is a nice touch. The heels, especially Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff do a good job, intentionally singing as bad as they can. But the highlight was Uncle Elmer, a wrestler with a farmer gimmick, saying "I don't talk to well, but my pigs talk a whole lot better", and in his full heel glory, the incomparable "Rowdy" Roddy Piper flips out because of Elmer's statement, thinking that someone is ribbing him. Piper's hilarious disturbance brings the song to an end, as he goes on a tirade (during the Rock and Wrestling Connection era, Piper proclaimed his hatred for rock and roll), causing Pat Patterson (the 1st Intercontinental, and Vince's "stooge" during the "Attitude" years) to throw him out. Vince, Gene, & Jesse then talk about the mess that the song turned into. Jesse plays up King Kong Bundy while Vince hammily declares that Bundy was "OFF KEY". I should say that during this album, Jesse defends all the heel singers, while Gene and Vince expound on the virtues of the face wrestler's singing, and Vince is great, overacting his praise and dislike. Gene brings up Junkyard Dog's singing, talking it up as great, Jesse disagrees, and Vince tells us that JYD is on his way to record the next tracks, and he Gene is confused by the title "Grab Them Cakes".
Track 2- Grab Them Cakes, sung by Junkyard Dog
Ok, "Grab Them Cakes" basically means grabbing your dance partner's butt. You see, JYD is singing this funky and fun little diddy about this dance he started, in his neighborhood, now everybody's doin' it, cause it feels so...good. Yeah, that's a quote from the song if you didn't know. JYD is great, he had just got a loveable persona that people were drawn to, me included. Sadly, he passed away in 1998, but he left his mark, being one of the most popular wrestlers of all time (him being attacked once got a riot started, and death threats were sent, THAT's how much people loved the guy). I remember that my JYD figure was always one of the ones I played with the most, and he has always been a favorite of mine. As for the song, it's nice and fun, and JYD actually used it as his theme for a while. At the end, Vince and Gene hoot and holler about how great it was, and Jesse isn't impressed. They bring up the next track, by Rick Derringer (only credited as Derringer for whatever reason), and it's dedicated to Mike Rotunda and Barry Windham, the team known as the U.S. Express, not to Jesse, as he thought. Yes, it's, the one, the only, REAL AMERICAN!
Track 3- Real American, sung by Derringer
I know, you say, isn't this Hulk Hogan's theme? Well, originally, it wasn't. But the U.S. Express were gone shortly after, and I think they used it like a few times at most, but being the most awesome song ever, and fitting Hogan, they gave it to him. There isn't much else to say, as my love for this song is already well publicized. I also think that Cyndi Lauper did backup, something I never noticed until just listening to it now, as she did backup and produced under a pseudonym. Here, BEST. SONG. EEEEEEVVVERRR! Jesse gets indignant, mad that the song wasn't directed at him, and Vince tells him to "eat his heart out", BUT WAIT! Gene informs us that just happens to be the title of the next song! Jesse tells us it's called "Eat Your Heart Out Rick Springfield" by Jimmy Hart.
Track 4- Eat Your Heart Out Rick Springfield, sung by Jimmy Hart
This song is very dated, since it's about Rick Springfield, a singer/actor from the day. Basically, the story is Jimmy's girlfriend is in love with him, and Jimmy is mad. The song is ok, also dated, but Jimmy is actually a great singer. The best part was Jimmy doing a pretend phone call to his girlfriend at the beginning, who's mother tells him that she is at the Rick Springfield concert, which makes Jimmy angry. You see Jimmy did the girl voices, so it made me laugh. Afterwards, Gene and Vince put it down, Gene calling Jimmy out on the girly voice, to which Jesse retorts by calling it "voice range". We then intro the next track, "Captain Lou's History of Music", by Cpt. Lou Albano, with George "The Animal" Steele.
Track 5- Captain Lou's History of Music, sung by Cpt. Lou Albano (with George "The Animal" Steele)
This track sucks. Lou rambles about his ancestors creating rock and roll, while George grunts, and we hit some weird 80's music while Lou sings about himself. Vince and Gene actually defend it, since Lou is a face, and Jesse rightfully gets pissed about having to hear it. We then are told of the next track, Hulk Hogan's theme music at the time, simply "Hulk Hogan's Theme" by the WWF All Stars. Jesse is not happy, but he's always been jealous of Hulk.
Track 6- Hulk Hogan's Theme by the WWF All Stars
There isn't actual singing, just someone saying "Hulk" a lot. The song is very 80's, but still pretty good for an instrumental piece, using a combo of piano and guitar. This was actually also the theme to Hulk's cartoon, Hulk Hogan's Rockin' Wrestling. I liked it, because of it being Hogan's, but otherwise, it was pretty good. Vince and Gene, since it was 80's Hogan, go NUTS over it, saying that everybody had to like it. Jesse feigns puking, then Vince and Gene act disgusted as they discover Roddy Piper has the next track. Jesse, feeling better, intros the track, "For Everybody" by Roddy Piper. Vince asks in Gene is ready, and Gene responds with a raspberry.
Track 7- For Everybody, sung by Roddy Piper
It's Piper being the 80's heel that we all love, how can anyone not like that? The tune is rather jazzy, with a sax and trumpets, not rock like Piper professed to hate. It's called "For Everybody", and Piper says "There's only one thing I got to say, FOR EVERYBODY!", I assume the "for"is just the closest word the squeaky clean WWF of the time could get to the F-bomb, so Piper is basically saying "f*ck everybody!". Gene pretends to be sleeping when we return, and Vince wakes him, saying he's got business, my word, GENE is singing next! Jesse tells us Gene is doing "Tutti Frutti". Vince is all hyper, and tells Gene to take it away.
Track 8- Tutti Frutti, sung by "Mean" Gene Okerlund
It's not half bad, Gene sings ok, but Little Richard is obviously better, as Jesse tells him. In a live TV performance, Hulk did bass, but apparently not this version. Vince talks about the next track, "Don't Go Messin' With a Country Boy" by Hillbilly Jim. Jesse is mad, saying he thought is was a rock album. Gene says he needs a little soul, even if it's a country soul. Vince and Gene even give out a heartfelt YEE HAW! To take us to it.
Track 9- Don't Go Messin' With a Country Boy, sung by Hillbilly Jim
It's actually catchy, and fun, plus Jim used it as his theme. Jim is a decent singer as demonstrated on the Piledriver album, but he more or less does a country style rap thing, like square dance singers do. Gene and Vince end up YEE HAWing once more when we get back, and they talk about Brutus Beefcake getting the message of the song, since they had a feud then. Then, they talk about our final song, done by Nikolai Volkoff, making dated references to the Cold War. Jesse says Volkoff is doing "Cara Mia".
Track 10- Cara Mia, sung by Nikolai Volkoff
Volkoff isn't half bad, he's got a deep opera like voice, but then they ruin the song by busting out the tool of all 80's music, the dreaded SYNTHESIZER! Nikolai saves it some, by cutting in at the end, talking about how bad the song it, and busts out the Russian National anthem! I love it when he does that! Vince and Gene are talking over it, all angry and insulted while Jesse wants to hear the song. When we go back, Jesse says it's his turn, and asks to do a "duet" with Vince and Gene! Vince and Gene walk off, and Jesse is left throwing a fit as we end it.
Overall, good fun from the stars of the 1985 WWF roster.
Posted by exstar507
at 3:24 AM EST
Updated: Saturday, 31 January 2004 3:26 AM EST
