2004 Rumble thoughts
My thoughts on the 2004 Royal Rumble

I'm gonna do this match by match, not a move for move sort of thing, just my thoughts. Remember, these are MY thoughts, don't take them as fact, you might disagree with my opinions, and that's cool.

Sunday Night Heat Matches

Other notes: The Philadelphia crowd was DEAD, or so it seemed, the audio for the whole show seemed down, and that really doesn't flatter the matches, if the crowd doesn't react. The Rumble timer is at 90 seconds this year, which sucks, I want a FULL two minutes! Plus, I noticed a whole lot of Hogan fans out there, I hope Vinnie gets the message. Wrestlemania is 48 days away, so he better be on the horn, calling the Hulkster back, to his HOME.

Non-title-Victoria beat Women's Champion Molly Holly
Victoria and Molly are my two favorite women's wrestlers, hell, I'd rank them as top favorites from the whole Raw roster. I thought it was cool, and was glad to see my girl Victoria pick up the win, especially with the wicked Widow's Peak. That move is seriously one of the coolest moves I've seen in a long time. Victoria pinning the champ hopefully sets up a feud between them, as I'd be totally down for that.

Royal Rumble Matches

World Tag Team title Tables Match-Evolution's Ric Flair & Batista beat The Dudley Boys to retain
It was pretty stupid, the Dudleys are stale as hell, and The Coach got involved. Seriously, people get pissed about HHH, but Coach's sudden dominance of TV time as of late makes him the REAL threat. I'd rather have HHH hold the title, than hear Coach for two hours on Raw each week, then get involved in matches.

WWE Cruiserweight title Match- Rey Mysterio beat Jamie Noble (w/Nidia) to retain
This match was like three minutes long or so, I never had the chance to get into it. I really don't care for Rey, but I like Noble, as a wrestler, and character, so him losing was pretty crappy.

Eddie Guerrero beat Chavo Guerrero (w/ Chavo Guerrero Sr.)
I don't understand why Eddie, one the most popular and talented wrestlers in WWE, had to lower himself to face Chavo, who is a Cruiserweight title contender at best. WWE went for the "drama" of uncle (Eddie) vs nephew (Chavo), but Eddie is wasted in such a feud. Rumor has it that Eddie is set to get the main event push, poised to challenge for the WWE title at February's No Way Out PPV, but this match doesn't really help his cause very much. But, I hope Eddie gets the gold anyways, if anyone can shake off this, it's him. As for the match, it was pretty reserved, well below what me, and many others expected.

WWE title Match- Brock Lesnar beat Bob Holly to retain
Dear lord, don't get me started on why the hell Sparky Plugg A.K.A. Bombastic Bob gets a WORLD title match. Honestly, the guy has never proved to be anything more than a lower mid-carder, yet he faces the champion. The match was terrible, which proved my point, and the dead crowd somehow got DEADER during this....thing. That may sound harsh, it wasn't worst match of the year material, but it lacked any redeemable qualities.

World title Last Man Standing Match- HHH drew Shawn Michaels, he retains
I won't go into HHH bashing mode, but this was far worse than I expected. The two are just weeks off a stellar match on Raw, and while I didn't think this was going to be better than that, I figured it'd be, at least pretty good. The one cool thing was Shawn inadvertently launched himself through the Spanish announce table from the ring apron. I didn't like how they played it up as brutal, since it was pretty standard, just with both guys blading for effect. It was the lack of brutality that made the finish look totally weak, as if both couldn't stand after the "hell" they put themselves through. I understand what WWE was trying to do though, keep HHH with the title, but not make Michaels look bad, setting him up for another run down the line, and in that they succeed, but I didn't like the execution of it.

Pre Rumble Shenanigans:
Austin does what he's been doing since 1841, stun people, and drink beer, this time with Eric Bischoff & Paul Heyman
Yeah, I'm SOOOO tired of Austin stunning people for no good reason, wasting my time in the process. Hey, I like Austin as much as the next guy, but he doesn't wrestle anymore, and his character has gone flat. But, if all this abuse of Bischoff lead to Easy E picking up the phone, and calling in a buddy, a little known guy by the name of HULK HOGAN, setting up the EPIC Austin vs Hogan, that'd make it more bearable, but hasn't been confirmed, yet.

Chris Benoit wins the 30 Man Royal Rumble, last eliminated Big Show
We all knew he'd probably win, but that doesn't take away from it, I was happy for him, as he seemed legitimately honored, and I think he deserves it. This was a VERY well booked Rumble match, setting up several Wrestlemania matches, and not hurting the loser's credibility going into `Mania, now onto what I liked and didn't like about the Rumble. I didn't like Matt Morgan staying in as long as he did. I didn't like The Cat wasting about 1,000 hours dancing around the ring, killing the already apathetic crowd, but at least he got tossed right after. I hated that Big Show stayed until the end, he dragged most of the final moments down, with the exception of the few seconds before Benoit dumped his sorry ass. What happened to Big Show, in WCW, he was only about 280 pounds, svelte for a 7'2 man, plus he could wrestle rather well for a huge monster. Now, he's hovering around 500 pounds (WWE probably exaggerates a tad, he's close to 500 though), and can't do anything, it's sad, the guy could be so awesome if he took off the weight, and applied himself. I want the talented chokeslamming machine from the old days, bring him back man! Sorry about that, I had to get that out. I DID like that Mark Henry went quick, he's probably the WORST possible guy to even be considered for push like he's been getting. I liked Billy Gunn coming back, and as Mr. Ass. I don't care what people say, he rules, and I still have my Mr. Ass shirt, and yes, I've worn it in public. Move Billy to Raw, I want MORE! I didn't care about Foley taking Test's place in the match, sure I'm glad Test wasn't in the match, but I stopped marking out for Foley a few years ago. On top of that, he had to show up to eliminate Randy Orton, thus set up their Wrestlemania match. I was amused by Nunzio hiding outside the ring instead of entering right away, we knew he wouldn't win, so it was cool that he got a little moment in, before he was forced in, then eventually tossed out. I was also so relieved that Brock came out and F-5ed Goldberg, setting up their match for `Mania, and pretty much causing Kurt Angle to eliminate Goldy from the match. I don't care much for Brock, but now I might like him, you da man Brock! But, the BEST part of the whole show for me was this: Kane enters the ring, kicks some ass, but then, BONG! TAKER'S OLD MUSIC!!!! He didn't come out, but we all knew what it meant, he's coming...soon. Kane was rightfully scared, and Booker T used the distraction to dump Kane, who might just have won otherwise. I am a MASSIVE Undertaker mark, and don't hesitate to tell you that I giggled like a school girl when I heard the music, it made my night. We know that he'll be back to face Kane at `Mania, but I hope he waits a long time before returning, maybe not appear until the show itself, since that will give me something to look forward to at the show, which isn't all that appealing to me otherwise. Back to the Rumble, as a match, overall, it was alright, I found it pretty dead at times, with guys like Matt Morgan and Big Show overstaying their welcome, but the Undertaker tease, Goldberg getting owned by Brock, and Benoit's win provided me with some good stuff. I must give kudos though to the WWE booking team, they put a whole hell of a lot of effort, effectively setting up for Wrestlemania, despite my relative lack of enjoyment from this year's outing, they did a bang up job in storytelling.

SWF Main Event 1/24/04
SWF Main Event 1/24/04

Vance: Welcome to another addition of SWF Main Event! Tonight promises to be a big night, with Extreme Superstar & The Billion Dollar Man set to sign the contract for their epic title match at Extrememania! Dean, what else is on tap tonight?

Dean: Well, you mentioned the contract signing between BDM & Extreme, but also:

After Cash Inc's run-in with Crazy Phil and Janitor, Extreme has set up two matches for tonight, The Janitor vs Joe Money, & Crazy Phil vs Jahalaman Jaffe! We are also told, that should either or both members of the SWF Tag Team champions, Cash Inc, lose their match, Janitor and Phil will be awarded a tag title shot for No Escape!

Boppo The Clown will be a guest on Petey's Parlor

Speaking of Petey, Captain Fantastic has asked, and was granted a one on one match with him tonight, where again, the SWF TV title shot for No Escape that Petey won last week, will be on the line!

And: To decide who will face Ayatollah Sheik for his U.S. title at No Escape, the man he cheated to beat last week, Silkky Smooth will try to earn another title shot, but to get it, he must win a 4 Man Elimination Match, facing his friend Randy Mann, and both members of Faith & Devotion, Xavier Hawthorne III & The Reverend in our main event!

Vance: Without further ado, Petey is standing by for the Parlor!

Petey(annoyed): Yeah, let's hurry this along , I have a match to do. Here's Boppo.

(Boppo enters)

Petey: So, you have something to say I take it, (sarcastically) PLEASE, do tell.

Boppo(gives Petey a dirty look): Actually two things Petey. One, since YOU have taken my former friend JuJu under your wing , and brainwashed , which I'll get to more in a moment, I have a new partner, one that will help propel me to tag team greatness! Repo!

Petey: Repo huh? Ok then, do you have a team name?

Boppo(excited): As a matter of fact we do, it's "Tuns of Fun", get it?

Petey(not amused): Sure, you're a clown, he's a goofball, it all makes sense. What else did you have to say?

Boppo: Like I said earlier, you brainwashed JuJu, changing his look, and making him your stooge. The guy doesn't even talk to me now! He was someone I really thought I could relate to, and YOU made him a jerk!

Petey(offended): EXCUSE ME! I made him BETTER. I helped him find his TRUE self.

Boppo(angry): Whatever, man. I just want the chance to bring back the old JuJu, and I intend to do so, by BEATING IT BACK INTO HIM!

Petey(laughs): Suuuure. Anytime pal, JuJu will rip you apart, your lucky he's not here now.

Boppo(smiles): I've got my chance too, I've been given the clearance to face him for the SWF Hardcore title at No Escape!

Petey(upset): WHAT?! Oh, now you've done it, just wait until....

(The sound of The Bee Gees Stayin' Alive cuts him off, and The Don & Tony Ramon walk on set with mics of their own)

Don(to Boppo): Hey, funny boy, you got a new tag team? So do I!
Tony(to Petey): Sorry to break this up, but when we heard the clown yappin' about a new team, one that would "Propel him to greatness", we just HAD to come out.

Don: Boppo, you must've read our minds, `cause WE were planning to make our teaming official. Tony Ramon is now a full fledged part of my "family", and it's time we stake our claim to the tag titles!

Tony: We, the "Kings of the Street", will tear through the tag ranks, straight to the gold, and since you are so excited about your new team, I say we put yours and ours in a match next week!

Boppo: Your on!

Petey: I hate to say it, as this is getting interesting , but that's all the time we've got this week, so we'll see you next time on the Parlor!

The Janitor vs Joe Money
Janitor comes out swingin' and mows down Joe in the early goings. Janitor is doing rather well, and he's really been impressive lately, I must say. Joe ends Janitor's dominance with a powerslam, then works him over in the corner. Janitor soon fights back however, and punches Joe back slightly, then climbs to the second rope, and jumps over with the sunset flip! 1-2-3! Janitor wins?! I didn't see that coming! Now, Phil & Janitor are guaranteed the tag title shot!
*Winner* The Janitor!

Post Match: The Janitor leaves as a shocked Joe Money stares, dumfounded at him, and the referee. Jahalaman Jaffe soon comes to protest the decision, and console his partner. Crazy Phil then suddenly comes blazing down the aisle, and begins to fight Jaffe! The bell then rings, and the referee for the last match stays to officiate!

Crazy Phil vs Jahalaman Jaffe
After a few quick shots, Phil goes for the school boy roll up, and almost steals it! Joe Money, who hasn't even left the ring , trips Phil without the ref seeing him, and leaves the ring. Jaffe uses his partner's illegal help to secure the Arabian Goodnight on Phil, then plants it for the easy win!
*Winner* Jahalaman Jaffe

SWF TV Title # 1 Contender's Match- Petey Pizzazz vs Captain Fantastic
The match starts with Fantastic firmly in control, but Petey then removes the necklaces he was wearing , and wraps them around his fist. Petey just waits for the right time, and clocks Fantastic, catching him flush in the mouth! Knowing that things are going his way, Petey decides to play up to the crowd, and then hits the Piece of Pizzazz for the pin!
*Winner & STILL SWF TV Title # 1 Contender* Petey Pizzazz

Main Event: SWF U.S. Title # 1 Contender's 4 Man Elimination Match- Silkky Smooth vs Randy Mann vs The Reverend vs Xavier Hawthorne III
Before the bell, the two sets of friends, Silkky & Randy, & Faith & Devotion, make some sort of pact to work together. So, the two pairings rush the other, and it works like a tag match, as Faith & Devotion turf Silkky, and concentrate their efforts to eliminate Randy. Silkky makes his return after a few minutes though, and takes care of the duo, but, as he is preoccupied in fending off Reverend & Xavier, Randy sneaks up from behind, and rolls him up for a VERY close two count! Silkky looks shocked, and Randy shrugs and apologizes, to which Silkky nods understandingly. Soon after that, their other opponents in the match make their presence known once again, as Xavier jumps Silkky, while The Reverend scores with the Divine Intervention on Randy, which leads to Randy being eliminated! With Randy gone, Xavier goes to help out the Rev, as he pounds away on Silkky. Silkky recovers quickly though, fights both men off, then evades a double clothesline, and as his two remaining foes turn to him, he lifts them both for a DOUBLE SILKKY SLAM! He pins Xavier, then quickly covers Rev for the win!
*Winner and SWF U.S. Title # 1 Contender* Silkky Smooth

We then go to the announce booth, where Vance and Dean recap the Extreme/BDM feud, and the revelation that the winner of the SWF Rumble, Julio Maniaco, was Extreme all along. Then, we are told the ring is all set up, so we head there for the contract signing

The Extrememania Main Event Contract Signing: Extreme Superstar & The Billion Dollar Man
The ring has been set up with a red carpet covering the canvas, and a desk, that has the contract on it. On both sides of the desk sits a chair, and a microphone propped up, like you'd see at a U.N. meeting. BDM enters first, slowly walking down the aisle with no music, and a very serious look on his face. Extreme follows suit, making his way down without music, and the same serious expression. It should also be noted that both are dressed in nice business suits, ready to do this professionally. Both men sit down, and conduct themselves in a proper manner, before Extreme signs the contract without hesitation, much to the fans delight, and Extreme calmly passes the contract to BDM, who looks leery at the prospect of signing , and draws boos from the crowd. BDM then sighs, before scribbling his name down quickly, which elicits a nice response from the crowd. BDM then stands up, and asks if they are through, to which Extreme removes his mic from it's holder, and stands to speak:

Extreme(nods his head, and smirks): No, we're not quite done yet. (The crowd cheers) I saw how hesitant you were to sign, what was it, did you think I'd slip in something on the sly?

BDM(grabs his mic, annoyed): Yeah, I did actually.

Extreme(smiles): Well, you were right! (The crowd cheers again) You should have looked a little harder, like at the top, where it reads "IF this match is to take place".

(BDM looks puzzled, and inaudibly asks Extreme what he's talking about)

Extreme: You see BDM my friend, this match might not be necessary, because you may not even be the champion come Extrememania, not with the title defense you have at No Escape!

BDM(angry and confused): What title defense?!

Extreme(still smiling): The one where you will take on not one, but TWO opponents, two opponents who you've screwed over, and deserve a FAIR crack at the title, THE SUICIDE BROTHERS! (The crowd cheers wildly)

BDM(furious): WHAT?! NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! IT'S SO UNFAIR!

Extreme(shrugs): Maybe, but you did agree to it, the whole thing was in the contract you just signed! (The crowd cheers again)

(BDM throws himself around some more)

Extreme(smiles): Wow, if you think that's bad, your gonna FREAK OUT when you hear about the OTHER stipulation for that match!

BDM(breathing heavily, in a rage): The OTHER stipulation?! THERE'S MORE?!

Extreme: Yeah, just one little thing , a special guest referee!

(Extreme then drops the mic and removes his shirt and tie, revealing a referee's shirt! BDM is losing it now, and the crowd is on their feet!)

Extreme(serious and excited): Oh yeah, it's gonna be ME, and I'll make damn sure you, or any of your buddies try anything!

BDM(absolutely irate, in a low voice): That's it Extreme, I've HAD IT! You'd BETTER hope I lose the title, because if I don't...... You'll pay. You'll pay dearly Extreme. I'll win that Extrememania match, and I'll run this promotion straight into the ground! I will RUIN you! (slams the mic down and walks off)

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 1/17/04
SWF Main Event 1/17/04

Vance: Welcome one and all to SWF Main Event! We are still in shock as a result of last night?s SWF Rumble.

Dean: The Rumble proved to be exciting , in the title matches, The Billion Dollar Man defeated heavy favorite, Octane to retain his World Title, Cash Inc successfully defended the Tag belts against Sex Connection, JuJu retained his title, beating The Janitor in their Hardcore title match, The Mercenary beat Yeti to hold on to the TV belt, Ayatollah Sheik beat Captain Fantastic to keep his U.S. title, and in the only title change of the night, Generation Gap won the 6 Man belts by defeating their rivals, The Good Ol? Boys. But the biggest shock of the night came in the SWF Rumble Match itself.

Vance: It sure did Dean. The masked newcomer, Julio Maniaco entered at # 4, and put on a marathon man performance, eliminating 8 men to go on to win the match! But, instead of celebrating his hard earned victory, Julio unmasked in front of the world, and shocked us all by turning out to be Extreme Superstar!

Dean: Extreme then revealed that he was Julio all along , only so he could end The Billion Dollar Man?s World title reign from the inside! He went on to say that winning the Rumble would give him the chance to personally take down BDM in the main event at Extrememania!

Vance: With all that looming over our heads, we have to wonder what will happen tonight! Dean, what is the lineup?

Dean: Well, for one thing you can bet The Billion Dollar Man will have something to say on the Extreme Superstar situation, but match-wise, here?s what we?ve got:

Boppo & Repo meet The Janitor & Crazy Phil!

Ayatollah Sheik defends the U.S. Title against Silkky Smooth!

Randy Mann faces Yeti!

And in the Main Event: In preparation for next month?s No Escape PPV, Octane, Captain Fantastic, & Petey Pizzazz will be in a triple threat to determine who faces The Mercenary for the TV Title!

Vance: Let?s kick it off!

Randy Mann vs Yeti
Randy takes caution in approaching Yeti, and his ?stick and move? tactic works for the first few minutes, until Yeti catches him with a big boot. Yeti picks up Randy from the mat by his throat, in position for the Giant Drop, and chokes Randy violently before actually finishing the move, then gets the pin. Yeti finally snapped the losing streak, showing some serious rage there.
*Winner* Yeti

We go backstage where all 3 members of Cash Inc are in their dressing room, talking. A visibly angry Billion Dollar Man says to his friends that he will address Extreme and the crowd later, and Jaffe and Joe excuse themselves to go get some coffee. The camera follows Jaffe and Joe, and they accidently bump into Crazy Phil and The Janitor, who are too busy discussing their match, which is next, to avoid the collision. Phil apologizes, and Jaffe and Joe respond by insulting him and his partner, making rude comments about their financial status. The Janitor and Phil are upset, and a fight almost breaks out, but nearby officials break them up, and Phil and Janitor keep making their way to the ring , while Jaffe and Joe continue to insult them.

Boppo & Repo vs The Janitor & Crazy Phil
As usual, Repo keeps us waiting to see what gimmick he has this week, and we soon find out, as Cactus Jack?s WWF Theme hits, and out comes ?Cactus Repo?, doing the ?Bang! Bang!? hand gesture and wearing a ripoff of the infamous ?Wanted? shirt. Repo enters the ring , only to be destroyed by Janitor, and Phil charges Boppo to prevent him from helping his partner. Janitor soon gets the Clean Sweep to pick up the win! Crazy Phil has finally won a match!
*Winners* The Janitor and Crazy Phil

Post Match: Janitor & Phil celebrate, and Boppo & Repo offer their hands in a show of respect, and they shake! The four exit together in a great display of sportsmanship.

SWF U.S. Title Match- Ayatollah Sheik vs Silkky Smooth
Silkky dominates the early goings, but Sheik rebounds, pulling the ref in front of himself when Silkky tries a superkick. With the ref out cold, Sheik goes for the spike he used last week, and jabs it into Silkky?s face! Obviously Silkky is down after a shot with that, but Sheik continues jabbing the object into Silkky?s face, making him a bloody mess! Sheik kicks Silkky a bit before waking up the ref , who calls for the bell once Sheik clamps on the Camel Clutch.
*Winner and STILL U.S. Champion* Ayatollah Sheik

Post Match: Sheik seems to enjoy the bloodshed, and he gets a creepy look in his eyes as he leaves, staring at the crimson mess left on his hands.

We get an update on The Black Dragons and Freedom Fighter, all of whom have been MIA as of late. The Dragons are nowhere to be found, but medically they are expected out a few months. As for Freedom, he was in fact re-injured in the SWF Rumble, and will be out anywhere from 2-3 months.

Main Event: SWF TV Title # 1 Contender?s Match- Octane vs Captain Fantastic vs Petey Pizzazz
Petey runs scared as expected, but when Octane is preoccupied with chasing him, Fantastic sees the chance to pick up the win, and attacks Octane. This draws Octane and Fantastic into quite the little brawl, as Petey hides outside near the timekeeper. In the ring , Octane tears Fantastic apart, nailing him with the Empty Tank, then sets his sights on Petey! Petey grabs the ring bell from the timekeeper, and as Octane comes out after him, he hits him with it, the ref not being in position to see it, as he is tending to Fantastic. Petey drops the bell just before the ref can see him with it. Petey then pulls Octane in the ring , and quickly pins him as Fantastic begins to stir, 1-2-3! Petey beat Octane!
*Winner and # 1 Contender* Petey Pizzazz

Post Match: Wisely, Petey hightails it no sooner than the ref counts the pin.

We go backstage where we see The Billion Dollar Man making his way to the ring , finally ready to address the crowd.

As the participants of the main event leave, BDM grabs a mic and begins to speak

BDM(looking upset, in a serious voice): Extreme, I must admit, I was impressed with your plan, going under a mask to get the title off me, (laughs) I bet you didn?t even expect to win the Rumble. (more serious now) But you DID win the Rumble, and now have a shot at me, for the World Title, in a company you own, and I have a huge problem with that. So, if you would please, come out here so we can talk this thing out.

(Extreme makes his way to the ring with a mic and little fanfare)

Extreme(also serious): I?m here, what do you have to say?

BDM: Your win at the Rumble, the fact you get a title shot is a conflict of interest, you know it, I know it, and these people know it. It?s grossly unfair for me to have to defend my title against the owner of the SWF.

Extreme: I do see your point, but what I am doing is what I know to be in the best interest of my company, and like it or not, I do own the SWF, so unfair or not, that?s how it?s gonna be.

BDM(smugly): Let me ask you something, I know how bad you want the title off of me, but just how bad do you want to physically take the belt from me? I could easily relinquish the title, but it would probably eat you up inside to have this situation end that way, wouldn?t it?

Extreme(getting angry): Your damn right it would, to think you could get off that easy, makes my blood boil.

BDM(smiles): That?s what I thought. I am entertaining the idea of simply handing the belt over to you, something you would hate to have happen, but if we even the odds a bit for our possible Extrememania match, you can have your chance to face me. What do you say?

Extreme(getting a little more angry): What did you have in mind?

BDM(smiles): Ok. First off, if this match happens, no matter what the outcome, you return to behind the scenes stuff and announcing, no more of this ?hands on the televised product? business. Are you with me so far?

Extreme: Fair enough, but I know you?ve got something else up your sleeve.

BDM(laughs): Your right, I do. Since I have more to lose, it?s only fair you put up something to lose as well. Like, control of the SWF! (the crowd gasps at the suggestion)

Extreme(shocked and angry): I built this company, and don?t think for one minute, that I?d consider putting it all on the line.

BDM: No, no, no! I wouldn?t expect you to just hand it over, it?s a business deal, I would be perfectly willing to pay the cost to buy you out, the exact dollar amount you put in. I could do so much with the name, and recognition the SWF has built, but with the money you?d get, you could start another promotion easily. I?d even be willing to give you your buddies Vance and Dean, plus any five superstars, Cash Inc excluded, to help you build a new company.

Extreme(serious, in a low, quiet voice): It?s not worth sacrificing all I?ve made here.

(BDM turns angry and gets in Extreme?s face)

BDM: C?mon! Just think about it, the chance to beat me up in front of the whole world! I know you want to do it, I WANT you to do it, just put the SWF on the line!

Extreme(upset and quiet): No.

BDM(agitated): Look at me! I?m the SWF champion! YOUR SWF champion, that just makes you sick doesn?t it?! You loathe the fact that I walk around the company YOU made, wearing the very symbol of your labor, the SWF World title!

(Extreme is so upset, he can?t even look at BDM)

BDM(screaming): Your pathetic! What kind of a man are you?! You are supposed to stand up to guys like me, you?re the great and powerful Extreme Superstar, and your gonna let me get away with what I?m doing?! (BDM grabs Extreme?s face and turns it so they are looking face to face) DO IT! PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE! TEACH ME A LESSON! IT?S WORTH IT!

(Extreme?s rage seems to be boiling , and he pushes BDM?s hand off him, but stops at that)

BDM(really angry): LOOK AT ME YOU(expletives)!

(BDM then slaps Extreme hard across the face, finally drawing the ire of him)

Extreme(shaking with rage): FINE! YOU?VE GOT IT! ME AND YOU, ONE ON ONE! (a lot calmer now) I?ll put it all on the line, but under one more condition, in our match, falls count anywhere, there?s no time limit, no count-outs, and no DQs. All bets are OFF.

BDM: Deal.

Extreme: We?ll sign the contract next week, but one more thing, (the anger returns) If you EVER slap me like that again, I swear, I?ll break every damn bone in your worthless body, and don?t think for one minute I won?t.

END OF SHOW

SWF Rumble
SWF Rumble

Vance: Welcome everyone to the SWF Rumble! Tonight 30 men will battle it out in a grueling over the tope rope battle royal, with the winner earning the right to face the SWF World champion in the main event of what is to be our biggest event ever, Extrememania!

Dean: Not only that, we have 6 more stellar matches tonight as well! Just look at all this:

World Title Match: The Billion Dollar Man vs Octane

U.S. Title Match: Ayatollah Sheik vs Captain Fantastic

SWF Tag Title Match: Cash Inc vs Sex Connection

SWF TV Title Match: Mercenary vs Yeti

SWF Hardcore Title Match: JuJu vs The Janitor

SWF 6 Man Title Match: Good Ol? Boys vs Generation Gap

And of course the SWF Rumble, featuring 30 superstars!

Vance: Let?s kick the night off with our first match!

SWF Hardcore Title Match: JuJu vs The Janitor
JuJu comes out first and doesn?t wait for Janitor to enter, and mauls him before he makes it all the way in. Janitor drops the mop he was carrying and is beaten down, before he fights back up, and then kicks JuJu right in the nether region to gain the upper hand! Janitor then retrieves his trusty mop, and nails JuJu hard with it, but JuJu ends up coming back, flooring Janitor with a vicious clothesline. JuJu doesn?t want to waste any more time, so he quickly picks his opponent up and delivers the JuJu Driver to end it.
*Winner and STILL SWF Hardcore Champion* JuJu

Post Match: JuJu celebrates and shouts at the camera that he?s ready to win the Rumble tonight.

We Go to Vance and Dean who comment that with the exception of the injured Quow Ling and Shadow, The current World champ The Billion Dollar Man, and the challenger to his title tonight, Octane everyone is in the Rumble match. They discuss The Freedom Fighter is in, against doctor?s orders (he hasn?t been scheduled to fight since Starrcade due to the injuries he sustained there). They hope that for his sake, he draws a good number, and Ayatollah Sheik isn?t anywhere around when he enters.

SWF 6 Man Title Match: Good Ol? Boys vs Generation Gap
All six end up brawling in the ring , and when the ref finally gets control, Charles and X are the legal men. X controls for a while, until Charles comes back after turning a flying body press into a powerslam. Charles tries for a pin, but X kicks out, so he drags him to his corner and tags Rory. Rory continues the assault on X, until Disco Danny is finally tagged in, and he cleans house, even warding off Charles and Tex, who run in to stop him. Jimmy Jam soon enters, coming off the top rope, landing on Tex and Charles with a dragon attack. The move takes out it?s intended targets, but also Jimmy, and they fall to the outside. Danny takes the chance to hit his Disco Drop on Rory, and as he goes for the pin, X decides to make sure Rory?s partners can?t help him, by launching himself onto the floor where they had fallen! The tactic worked and Danny picks up the win!
*Winners and NEW SWF 6 Man Tag Champions* Generation Gap

Post Match: Danny helps his partners to their feet and they celebrate with their titles before rushing off to prepare for the Rumble later on.

SWF TV Title Match: Mercenary vs Yeti
When Mercenary enters, he looks ready for Yeti, and he is, as he bull rushes the giant upon hearing the bell ring. Yeti is rocked by the ambush, obviously not prepared to be dominated like that. He does recover, and sends Mercenary flying , but it only seems to anger him. Mercenary just keeps getting up, and eventually tackles the big man, sending him over the top rope, and tumbling to the floor! Yeti is again attacked as he gets back in the ring , and ends up being knocked right down to the mat by a hard double axe handle. Mercenary then signals that he?s gonna lift the 500 lbs man for his Mercy Kill! Mercenary may be a reputed strongman, but this is a different story. The Mercenary psyches himself up, and as Yeti tries to get up, he moves in, and hooks him in position, then gets him up! Mercenary did it! The crowd is in awe, and The Mercenary drops Yeti HARD with the move and picks up the win. That was impressive.
*Winner and STILL SWF TV Champion* The Mercenary

Post Match: The Mercenary seems pumped, and relatively fresh after that match, and he promises more destruction in the Rumble.

Backstage, All three members of Cash Inc sit watching the show. Jaffe and Joe comment on Mercenary?s dominance in that last match, and they talk about using the aggression he (Mercenary) brought out of them to win their tag title match, which is next. Talk then turns to the Rumble and BDM says he knows that one of them will win it, but is sad he?s gonna be the one to face them at Extrememania! BDM alludes to having a plan tonight, and asks about Jaffe and Joe?s Rumble entry numbers. Jaffe smile confidently takes out his entry slip first and shows BDM and Joe, who seem impressed. Joe says ?That?s nothing? and shows his entry number, to the delight of Jaffe and BDM. We fade out as they all sit there, laughing it up.

SWF Tag Title Match: Cash Inc vs Sex Connection
Cash Inc get on the mic before the match, saying they will make it quick as they want to save their energy for the Rumble. Beef and Randy attack after hearing this and all four end up brawling , which spills out onto the floor. When things settle, Jaffe and Randy are the legal men, and have a long , and spirited technical showdown. As each feels they are getting fatigued, they simultaneously tag their respective partners, who meet in the middle of the ring and slug it out. Beef takes control and hits the Beefy Bomb! He almost gets the pin, but Jaffe enters and breaks it up! This draws Randy Mann in the ring , and he pushes past the referee to fight with Jaffe. As Jaffe and Randy fight, Joe manages to get up, and retaliates (surprisingly) cleanly, and hits the Payoff for the pin!
*Winners and STILL SWF Tag Team Champions* Cash Inc

Backstage, Captain Fantastic is shown talking with the Freedom Fighter. Fantastic voices his concern about him being in the Rumble, saying that he might hurt himself even worse. Freedom says he?ll be fine, and hopes Fantastic can take back the U.S. Title from Sheik tonight.

U.S. Title Match: Ayatollah Sheik vs Captain Fantastic
Fantastic comes out fighting , bouncing Sheik around like a pinball. Fantastic. Seeing his chance, lifts Sheik for the Crime Stopper, but Sheik escapes, falling behind Fantastic, then lifting him for a SICK belly to back suplex. Sheik then gets that crazy look in his eyes again and hammers away on his downed opponent, and begins softening up his back and neck with clubbing blows, suplexes, and slams. With Fantastic down, Sheik hooks on the Camel Clutch, and Fantastic has no choice but to tap out! Ayatollah Sheik has shocked the crowd again by destroying Fantastic.
*Winner and STILL SWF U.S. Champion* Ayatollah Sheik

Post Match: The insane Sheik grabs a mic and rants how he will win the Rumble and claim the World title, so he can finally have something to represent his own country, not just the United States. He promises that after winning the Rumble, he?ll put the U.S. title where it belongs, in the garbage!

World Title Match: The Billion Dollar Man vs Octane
BDM seems confident, and shows no signs of worry upon entering the ring. Octane?s entrance draws a pretty big pop, and he opts to wait for the bell rather than attack. But, as soon as the bell sounds, Octane is all over BDM, and he ends up knocking him to the outside with a hard shot! Octane isn?t gonna mess around though, he goes right out after BDM, who is running scared from him. Octane eventually catches him and throws him back inside, where he continues to pummel BDM. Octane lays out BDM with a pumphandle slam, and wastes no time in setting up BDM for the Empty Tank. He gets BDM up and plants him with it! 1-2-WAIT! Petey Pizzazz came out from the back and starts screaming on the apron! The ref is distracted, and must stop the count to get Petey to leave, and as he argues with him, a very livid Octane gets up from the pin and walks over! Octane grabs Petey by the throat and begins throttling him! Petey gasps for air as Octane chokes him, shaking him violently, and even lifting him several feet in the air! The ref, not wanting to toss the match out, pleads with Octane to let him go, but he refuses, and as he does this, Petey manages to toss something from his pocket to BDM! It?s a chain! BDM picks it up, and places it around his hand and wallops Octane in the back of the head with it, causing him to drop Petey to the floor, and turn around, dazed. Octane doesn?t fall, so BDM hits him again, this time flush on kisser with it. BDM succeeds in dropping him and picks up the pin! BDM steals another one!
*Winner and STILL SWF World Champion* The Billion Dollar Man

Post Match: As Octane is helped out of the ring , BDM grabs his belt, and a wad of cash from his entrance gear, and goes to aid Petey, who not only hit the floor hard, but is trying to recover from being choked. BDM then hands him the money, and helps him to the back. It looks like Petey was paid for his services!

We go to the announce booth for some final talk before the Rumble. They go over the rules, which are:

-All 30 participants were entered into a random drawing , each man is given a number 1-30, that determines their order of entry.

-Those who drew #?s 1 & 2 enter first, and every two minutes thereafter, the next man comes in, until all 30 have entered.

-You can only be eliminated by going over the top rope, and both feet hitting the floor. The last man left in the ring is the winner and gets a World title shot at Extrememania!

We Then go to the ring for the start of the Rumble!

The 2004 SWF Rumble
# 1 is coming out and it?s The Don! #2 is Petey Pizzazz! Poor Petey had to come right back out after almost being killed by Octane! Neither man seems to thrilled, and they just start tearing into each other! Petey nearly gets tossed but fights back, and hits his Piece of Pizzazz! He then bundles Don out of the ring(Elimination # 1)! Petey takes the time to strut around the ring , and regain his composure, but the clock is already ticking down and # 3 comes out, it?s Charles Gunn! Charles wastes no time in beating on Petey, but can?t see to toss him. They fight, with Charles struggling with Petey, almost having him over the top rope, and # 4 comes out, it?s Julio Maniaco! Julio cautiously enters, and Charles turns focus to him, but gets beaten on. Petey pulls himself to a corner as Julio and Charles duke it out. Julio ends up sidestepping Charles and sends him over the top, but he lands on the apron! Julio simply dropkicks him off (Elimination # 2)! Julio turns his focus to Petey, who begs off in the corner, and thankfully for Petey the buzzer goes off, and # 5 enters, it?s Ayatollah Sheik! Sheik goes right for Julio, but Julio is fired up, and he rocks him back to the ropes and clotheslines him right over the top (Elimination # 3)! Petey takes the distraction time to attack Julio, and pounds away on him. Julio fights back, and as he does, the buzzer sounds again, # 6 is JuJu! Julio might be in trouble here! Julio fights away from Petey as JuJu comes in, and makes a cautious approach on JuJu. Julio attacks but backs away when JuJu tries to get near, knowing JuJu could simply pick him up and heave him right out. Petey gets involved, but Julio pushes him in front of JuJu, and he gets hit, and sent flying over the top (Elimination # 4)! As JuJu looks to see what he did, and Petey yells at him, Julio pushes him over (Elimination #5)! As JuJu and Petey argue on floor, Julio backs into a far corner to recover and wait for the next entrant. The # 7 man soon comes out, and it?s The Reverend! Reverend and Julio fight it out, with no one getting the advantage, and # 8 soon enters, it?s Tripp! Tripp ends up going after the closest man, Reverend, and Julio helps. Julio then wisely backs away as they fight it out. This goes on until # 9 enters, it?s Xavier Hawthorne III! Xavier charges, hoping to help Reverend, who Tripp nearly has out, but runs into Julio, who clotheslines him right back out (Elimination # 6)! Tripp, having seen how Julio watched his back, forms an alliance with him and the two continue pummeling the Reverend, but can?t toss him. # 10 comes in, and it?s Rory Rogers! Rory comes in ready, and he ends up being the one to toss Reverend (Elimination # 7). Rory then begins attacking nearby Tripp, and Julio rushes to Tripp?s aid, and they end up beating on Rory. # 11 soon makes his way in, it?s Silkky Smooth! Silkky helps Julio and Tripp beat on Rory, and he ends up tossing Rory (Elimination # 8). Julio and Tripp end up attacking Silkky, but he tosses Tripp (Elimination # 9)! Silkky and Julio then fight as # 12 comes in, it?s Jimmy Jam! Jimmy, seeing what Silkky did to his buddy Tripp, tries to go right after Silkky, and HE gets tossed (Elimination # 10)! Julio and Silkky then go back to fighting , and Silkky nearly tosses him, but Julio fights out of it, and takes control, brawling back into a corner. # 13 enters, and it?s X! X obviously wasn?t pleased with his friends being dumped by Silkky, and he goes after him, and they fight as Julio tries to recover in the corner. Silkky and X battle it out as # 14 enters, it?s The Freedom Fighter! Freedom comes in a rage, and eliminates Silkky and X at once (Eliminations # 11 & 12)! Freedom sets his sights on Julio, who pops out of the corner like a madman and floors him with an enziguri-like kick, and he drops like a ton of bricks, maybe re-injuring himself! Julio, not wanting to make a mistake, just pounds on him instead of eliminate him, as # 15 enters, Captain Fantastic! Even with the mask, you can tell Julio is panicking now he has to fight with two friends! Fantastic goes right for Julio, and beats him pretty good, but as he goes to toss him, Julio tangles his feet and arms in the ropes, making it hard for anyone to eliminate him. # 16 soon enters, Tony Ramon, who sees how Freedom is still out of it on the mat, and goes to toss him. Fantastic, seeing his friend in trouble, goes to fight with him, and make sure Freedom doesn?t get dumped over. Julio is free again to take a breather, and after being in a good while, he needs it! # 17 comes in soon, Randy Mann! Randy sees Freedom easy pickings for elimination so he goes after him, and Fantastic and Tony end up going over to fight with him, Tony wanting to toss Freedom too. As they fight, the buzzer for # 18 goes off, and we go to a split screen, where a crew member knocks on a door and says ?Repo, it?s time?. We see Repo emerge, dressed as Goldberg , and Goldberg's music hits! Repo does a great impersonation of Goldberg as piped in ?Repo? chants fill the arena, along with the music! We cut back to the ring , and focus on the aisle, where Goldberg?s signature pyro is going off, and Repo emerges! Action in the ring is stopped as everyone stares at Repo! Repo continues his walk, but it?s taken so long , the next entrant is about to enter! The buzzer goes off for # 19 as Repo walks the aisle, and it?s The Janitor! Repo turns around, hearing ?his? music cut in favor of Janitor?s and spears him ala Goldberg! He proceeds to do the mannerisms that Goldberg does after the move, and the crowd is in stitches! Repo drags Janitor in the ring , and the action resumes. Julio is still camped out in the corner, and Repo tosses the Janitor (Elimination # 13)! Right after that, Julio jumps up and tosses Repo (Elimination # 14)! Julio is then drawn back into the fray as # 20 enters, it?s Boppo The Clown! Tony quickly dumps Boppo as he enters though (Elimination # 15). Fantastic soon manages to get Tony out as well
(Elimination # 16)! Freedom is starting to move, and Julio fights with him, and Randy holds Fantastic off. # 21 enters, and it?s Beef Macho! Beef and Randy gang up on Fantastic, and eliminate him (Elimination # 17)! They then help Julio beat up Freedom, before Beef gets Freedom out (Elimination # 18)! Julio then kicks Beef into Randy, who turns around and begins fighting with him! # 22 comes out, Disco Danny! Danny soon forges an alliance with Julio, as they don?t want to be ganged up on by an actual team. Danny and Julio jump in the fight of Randy and Beef, with Randy and Julio and Danny and Beef soon paring off. That turns into all four brawling , as # 23 enters, Jahalaman Jaffe! Jaffe sees his chance upon entry, and dumps Randy Mann (Elimination # 19)! Beef, Danny and Julio then all team up on Jaffe, fighting to get him out as # 24 comes in, Mike Suicide! Mike rushes right in, and ends up tossing Jaffe (Elimination # 20)! Mike then fights with Danny as Beef and Julio fight in the corner. Mike soon dumps Danny (Elimination # 21), and goes to help Julio fight with Beef. Mike and Julio do some nice double team moves, and shake hands, forming an alliance! # 25 enters soon, Joe Money! Mike and Julio immediately go after him, and Beef ends up joining them. Joe fights back, and eliminates Beef (Elimination # 22), but Julio prevents him from tossing Mike! Joe then pounds on Julio, and Mike saves him! Julio and Mike then begin trying to toss Joe, when # 26 enters, Jack Suicide! Jack helps fight Joe, and Joe fights back, knocking Julio back, but leaving the Suicides to toss him (Elimination # 23)! The brothers turn, and Jack is about to strike Julio, but the three have a stare down. Mike tells his brother Julio is ok, and the three shake hands, ready to take on # 27, who turns out to be The Mercenary! The three go right to work, but Mercenary fights them off, and tosses Jack out (Elimination # 24)! Mike and Julio then double dropkick him into the ropes, and try to toss him, as # 28 enters, Crazy Phil! Phil, Mike and Julio continue trying to get Mercenary out, but Mercenary fight back up, and tosses Phil, and Mike (Eliminations # 25 & 26)! As he turns though, Julio dropkicks Mercenary out (Elimination # 27)! Julio awaits the next man as, but you can tell he?s tired, he?s been in for some time. The crowd begins to chant for him, as he is SO close to winning despite entering at the fourth spot. The buzzer goes off for # 29, and it?s the Yeti! Julio pulls himself up, and charges as Yeti enters, and begins hammering away! Yeti fights him off, but Julio backs into the corner as Yeti comes in, and he psyches himself up, beating his head, and rushes with a spear! He doesn?t stop, and pushes Yeti off to the side and against the ropes! The buzzer goes off, and # 30 enters, Tex Gentry! Tex runs right at Julio, who is busy trying to get Yeti out, but Julio moves, sending Tex right onto Yeti! Yeti pulls himself up, and turns to toss Tex, and as he does, Julio charges again from behind! Both Tex and Yeti went out (Eliminations # 28 & 29)! Julio is really tired but for his marathon-man effort, the crowd gives him a standing ovation as he drops to his knees in emotion.
*Winner of the 2004 SWF Rumble* Julio Maniaco

Post Match: Julio pulls himself up, and signals for the crew to, cut the music? As they do, Julio goes to stand in the center of the ring , and bows his head down, then lifts his hand, as if he will remove his mask! He seems to take a deep breath, and drops his hand. He raises it again, this time, ripping the mask off! The crowd is in shocked silence, and all we see is black hair, he then slowly tilts his head up, and we see...........................................................











EXTREME SUPERSTAR!

OH MY GOD, EXTREME SUPERSTAR WAS JULIO MANIACO! The crowd is going nuts, they can?t believe it! Extreme (pointless fact: I?d be remiss if I didn?t mention how long his hair is getting , you can really tell now that the mask mussed it up) then calls for a mic to address the stunned crowd:

Extreme(tired): That?s right, it?s been me the whole time. Why you ask? So that some way or another, I could make sure The Billion Dollar Man loses the SWF Title! And now that I won the Rumble, he will have to face ME at Extrememania! (the crowd beings to cheer wildly) That?s right Billion Dollar Man, you?d better enjoy your reign as champ, because at Extrememania ........it ends.

END OF SHOW

Random Stuff!
Uh oh, it's one of these types of columns! That must mean one thing , I'm bored. Well, last time, I just started running off anything in the news or on my mind, so let's try it again, shall we?

In the search for some decent music, I found some from a few years back in the band Live. I remembered a few of their songs I liked, so I got a hold of those, and decided to give more of their stuff a chance, and have been pleasantly surprised. Live has a really interesting way to blend melodies together, which might turn some people off, but I like the unique style they employ.

So, in spending X-mas money/gift cards, I've increased my holiday haul quite a bit. First, I bought the second season of Oz on DVD, then, the Nightmare on Elm Street boxed set, which reminds me just how cool Freddy is, and High Fidelity, the book that the Cusak movie was based on. Cusak is the man, and I loved the movie, so if the book lives up to the hype of being better than the movie, I might have a new favorite book. That's not all, today marks the release of Freddy vs Jason, the movie that not only lived up to the hype, but superceded it. Most people don't expect much from sequels, but hot damn, this one KICKED MOTHER F'N ASS! Sure, I was so ready to see the film, but never expected it to be THAT good. If plans go my way, by night's end, I'll be watching the hockey masked hacking machine take on the Hulk Hogan of Horror (look alliteration!), while I cheer on Freddy.

Speaking of sequels, I have to bring up the most disappointing one EVER, The Matrix Revolutions. Hating the theater going experience, I usually only make the trek for stuff I NEED to see, and this year that only totaled 3 movies, Freddy vs Jason, Kill Bill Volume 1, and Matrix Revolutions. The first two were among the best films I've seen in a long time, and with the buzz going into Matrix, I knew going to see it would be risking my streak of good movies, that I was hoping would last the year. But, my love of the first one made me want to see the series out, and while the second one was unspectacular, I was still hoping the final one would redeem the trilogy, because logic says that you pull out all the stops for the finale. However, the "brains" behind the films decided to half-ass it, probably since they knew the hype would ensure that people would see the movie anyways. The way the final (and thank goodness for that too) Matrix played out was like some college theology student took over, and laced the movie with so much pseudo-profound garbage, then recycled the big fight scene from Reloaded, before tacking on the most craptacular ending they could think of. After about a half hour of the movie, I wanted to leave, but since I went with my family (who all were in movies they enjoyed), I had to stick it out. I kept hoping that something, anything , would happen to redeem the movie, like they were building to something, well, that didn't happen. Plus, since the movie sucked, I spent it guzzling my mammoth, bucket sized Dr. Pepper, and having to urinate worse than I ever have in my entire life, with an hour or more left in the movie! You might say "Well, you hated the movie, if you weren't gonna walk out, why not at least go to the restroom to pee?" and you make a good point, but I can't stand to miss ANY of a movie, especially one I've plunked down money to see, no matter how bad it sucks. Also, the movie was even more depressing once I began to think how poor Keanu will have to re-build his career after this bomb. Wait! There were a few redeemable qualities about Matrix Revolutions though, so here they are:

1. My Dr. Pepper (even though it almost made my bladder explode)

2. My pretzels and cheese- those were good

3. A woman in the movie named Kamala- That was a wrestler from the good ol' days, who was a Ugandan headhunter

4. Realizing that I could have done the movie better myself

5. Obviously seeing the credits, and getting to pee!

Moving on, yesterday, I was watching the movie Old School, which totally exceeded my expectations, being funnier than I had thought, even though Will Ferrell being in it should have made that obvious. Ferrell STOLE THE SHOW in this movie, and looks to be on his way to take Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler's place as Hollywood's top funny man. Will deserves it too, since he can make just about anything funny, and he's such a pro too, being able to deliver it all with a straight face. In looking at Ferrell's list of upcoming projects, it seems that he is in demand, because he's got like 900,000 films lined up, which is fine with me.

Speaking of Adam Sandler, while he hasn't been able to hit "funny" on the barometer in some time, he still has the legacy of the classics, Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore to look back on. Billy Madison, to me, might be one of the funniest movies ever, and I've seen it (no exaggeration) about 100 times, and STILL love it. I'll never understand why the majority like Happy Gilmore better, it's great and all, but Billy Madison is that much better. I could quote the entire movie if I wanted, and still use quotes from it to this day. Billy Madison is LONG overdue to be put in my favorite movies section of the site, so look for that to be remedied soon.

In keeping with the movie theme this column has taken, let's talk about unsung heroes of cinema, like the people that do amazing work, but don't get the recognition they deserve. Look at the Hollywood landscape now, Johnny Depp, who has been doing incredible stuff since he got his ass killed in one of the greatest death scenes ever in the original Nightmare on Elm Street (his movie debut), is FINALLY getting his due as an A-list star. You have to wonder, who's' next? If I had my vote, it'd be Luis Guzman. Ok, ignore that stupid Fox show from earlier this year that got canned in like a day (not that you'd even remember it anyways), because that's not the Luis that I'm talking about. I want Raoul "El Cid" Hernandez from Oz, Pachanga from Carlito's Way, Maurice from Boogie Nights, and other assorted roles where he flat out saves the picture, like Lance from Punch Drunk Love, and Lou in Anger Management. Guzman is the guy that, no matter what he does in a movie, him being there makes it watchable.

Moving on to another topic, yes, wrestling. We've reach that crucial time of the year, the Royal Rumble-Wrestlemania stretch. It is this time that pretty much determines the course WWE will take for the whole year, with the Royal Rumble winner getting a world title shot at Wrestlemania. And the winner of that world title match (for Raw and Smackdown), is pretty much destined to be THE guy for the year. Wrestlemania is were stars are made, or legacies are cemented, so who wins there in any match is an indicator of things to come, so fans watch closely to see which guys (and girls) are set to stay, or break through to the top. This year's Wrestlemania may be the most important ever though, since it is the 20th anniversary of the event, and you'd better believe WWE is feeling the pressure to do something special. Fans are leaving in droves, so if they can't deliver at Wrestle freakin' Mania (the one show that is supposed to be good, no matter what), they're screwed. The thing I am most looking forward to about the show is how legends who've helped build the show will be incorporated. It's my feeling that they deserve to be a part of it, since they were the ones busting their asses to make it what it is today, so if they get ignored, then me, being a WWE loyalist forever, might just be pissed off to no end. I say screw what the internet says about wasting time on legends, because, you know that as soon as they come out, the fans will pop like crazy anyways. For example, Hulk Hogan. Hulk, who almost the whole internet wrestling community (or IWC for short) seems to hate, came back in 2002, and was unquestionably THE most popular wrestler in the whole damn company (even through some of 2003, until he left), pulling in amazing 10 full minute standing ovations, which I'd LOVE to see anyone else get. If you ask me, that's not bad for a guy said to be way past his prime. In closing, basically I'm saying that guys like Hogan, Savage, Piper, and Bret (if he'll show up) HAVE to be there, even just for a little segment.

Well, I'm about tapped out, thanks for reading!

SWF Main Event 1/10/04
SWF Main Event 1/10/04

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event, a mere six days away from the SWF Rumble!

Dean: With that in mind, tonight should be very interesting indeed. Here's the lineup:

Julio Maniaco faces Boppo The Clown!

A 10 Man Tag Elimination Rules Match with Generation Gap, Tripp and The Janitor facing The Good Ol' Boys, JuJu, and Petey Pizzazz!

Ayatollah Sheik defends his U.S. Title against Repo!

Cash Inc's Jahalaman Jaffe and Joe Money will be on Petey's Parlor!

And the Main Event 8 Man Tag: All three members of Cash Inc & The Mercenary face The Suicide Brothers, Silkky Smooth, and their unlikely partner, Yeti!

Vance: We kick the night off with Petey's Parlor, take it Petey!

Petey: Hello again from the Parlor! I've got a match later, so let's get my guests out here, they are, in my humble opinion, the SWF's premier tag team, and my friends, please welcome Jahalaman Jaffe & Joe Money, Cash Inc!(Cash Inc make their way out and greet Petey kindly)

Petey: The reason I asked the two of you on was to answer a question the whole world has been wondering , what's with the sudden mean streak? First you put Quow Ling out of action, then last week you decimated The Shadow, who I've been informed, will be out for quite some time. Care to explain?

Jaffe(laughing): Those attacks and the "mean streak"are the result of two things, first one being that we were inspired by what The Mercenary told us. We both saw that the man had a point, so we've stepped it up a little.

Joe: The second reason is that we saw the chance to eliminate some of the competition. With The Black Dragons gone, and having just beat the Suicide Brothers, like we will again tonight, we can sit back with our titles and no real challengers!

(Petey begins to talk again, but The Sex Connection come out, with their new theme, Connection by Elastica, and cut him off)

Randy: Me and Beef couldn't sit back and listen to the two of you any longer. No new challengers huh? Well, your looking at some!

Beef: That's right, you and us for the titles, at the SWF Rumble! We know you thought you could get away without defending the titles, but too bad!

Jaffe(upset): You know what, fine! You're on!

Joe(also upset): At the Rumble, you two punks will find out just why we are the best tag team in the SWF!

(We go back to the ring as the two teams stare each other down to end the segment)

Julio Maniaco vs Boppo The Clown
Right off the bat, Julio charges Boppo, but sidesteps him at the last minute, then catches him with a dropkick as he turns around. Boppo falls, only to quickly get up, but is met by a flying forearm ala Tito Santana. Julio tries for a pin, only to have Boppo kick out, and recover, at which point he begins clubbing a downed Julio. Boppo's momentum is short lived though, as Julio kicks him away, gets to his feet, and comes off the ropes to end up attempting a sunset flip. Julio gets the flip, but can't bring Boppo over, and he moves away as Boppo drops down, hoping to squash him. As Boppo sits hurt on the canvas, Julio jumps over with a flipping reverse neckbreaker. Julio then goes after Boppo's legs, and appears to be attempting some submission of sorts. Julio hooks Boppo's legs in what seems to be a Sharpshooter, and then tries to turn him to complete the move. He manages to get Boppo over, but it turns out he is going for the Queen Angelito Stretch! Julio puts the pressure on the intertwined legs, then pulls back on the arms, and it's not long before Boppo gives up.
*Winner* Julio Maniaco

We get the official announcement that The Janitor is receiving the Hardcore Title shot at the Rumble.

SWF U.S. Title Match- Ayatollah Sheik vs Repo
Upon his entry, Sheik takes the mic and insults the crowd as he waits for Repo. Sheik is cut off by the sound of what is currently Kurt Angle's music, but also was the theme of The Patriot, the masked grappler who had stints with WCW and WWF in the mid-late 90's, who Repo happens to be impersonating this week. Repo marches to the ring , with the whole deal, mask, tights, and American flag. Repo ambushes Sheik before the music can even stop, and wallops him a few times with the flag before the bell. As Repo drops the flag and continues the assault, Sheik reaches into his tights and pulls out what appears to be a spike, then jabs it in Repo's throat! Repo falls back, clutching his throat as Sheik inconspicuously hides the object back in his tights. Sheik then calmly drags his prey into the center of the ring where he applies the Camel Clutch, forcing Repo to tap out.
*Winner and STILL SWF U.S. Champion* Ayatollah Sheik

10 Man Elimination Rules Match- Generation Gap, Tripp & The Janitor vs The Good Ol' Boys, JuJu and Petey Pizzazz
Jimmy and Charles start, and soon after, Jimmy nails the Rocker Dropper to Eliminate him! No sooner than that, Rory blind sides Jimmy, and plants him with the Roundup to pin him! In keeping with the fast pace of the match, The Janitor attacks right away then beats Rory with the Clean Sweep! JuJu enters, and he and his scheduled opponent for the Rumble face off, with JuJu dominating , until Janitor discreetly kicks him below the belt! Janitor uses the time to tag in X, who nails a suffering JuJu with a missile dropkick. JuJu falls back near his corner where Petey tags himself in and hits the Piece of Pizzazz on X to eliminate him in short order. Tripp enters to replace X but suffers the same fate as his partner at the hands of Pizzazz, being quickly eliminated. Danny enters to replace his rapidly depleting team, and ends up beating Petey, to the point that he must tag in Tex. Tex fails to stop Danny and falls victim to the Disco Drop and is pinned, evening the odds making it 2 on 2. JuJu enters and destroys Danny, pinning him within a minute of his entry. The Janitor, being the last man left on his team, comes in swinging , and holds his own against JuJu, but Petey enters and he and JuJu hit the Hart Attack, allowing JuJu to pin The Janitor.
*Winners* The Good Ol' Boys, JuJu, and Petey Pizzazz- JuJu and Petey are the remaining team members

Main Event 8 Man Tag- Cash Inc & The Mercenary vs The Suicide Brothers, Silkky Smooth, & Yeti
BDM and Silkky start, and go right after each other, with Silkky taking control. The rest of Cash Inc enter to help gang up on Silkky, drawing in the Suicides to help their partner. Seeing the need to help his partners, The Mercenary enters, but Yeti cuts him off and they brawl to the floor! The ref struggles to clear the ring of the illegal men, and Yeti and Mercenary brawl all the way to the back! Things finally get under control, with BDM and Silkky tagging to Joe $ and Jack Suicide respectively. After some back and forth, Joe makes the tag to Jaffe and he hits the Arabian Goodnight! The other two members of Cash Inc hold off Silkky and Mike as Jaffe picks up the win!
*Winners* Cash Inc & The Mercenary

END OF SHOW

Nash Moments
In my opinion one of the coolest wrestlers, possibly ever, Kevin Nash, has recently made it official that he's parted ways with WWE. So, in tribute, I've put together a list of Nash moments, things that I've always looked on fondly.

Super Shredder!
When I was younger, I LOVED the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and to find out later that the dude who played Super Shredder in TMNT Part 2 was Nash, it made me like him a little bit more.


Diesel Power
Even though it was by SCREWING MARTY JANNETTY OVER, Nash's WWF (yeah, I said WWF, so what? That was the name of the company then) debut as Shawn Michaels' bodyguard was the beginning of a great career. It wasn't his actual wrestling debut, but it was his big break, since he'd no longer have to wrestle for WCW as a lounge lizard, or the great and powerful Oz (yes, from Wizard of Oz). After initially only playing bodyguard, Nash (as Diesel), made the jump to wrestling , and DOMINATED the 1994 Royal Rumble, entering the ring at # 7, and tearing through an amazing 7 guys, one right after another. The unproven Diesel pretty much became a superstar right then, as the crowd started a "Diesel" chant, which made the WWF powers that be take notice. And, ever since then, whenever someone dominates a Royal Rumble/battle royal many people (myself included) refer to it as a "Diesel moment". A few months later, the newly popular Diesel (still playing heel though) won the Intercontinental title, AND was pitted against the WWF's top guy, and World Champion, Bret Hart at that year's King Of The Ring PPV, for the WWF title! Diesel didn't win the title at KOTR, but did win by DQ, so he rapidly growing momentum wasn't hurt any, and he still had the IC gold. At Summerslam (August) of that year, Diesel lost the IC belt, but the night before, he actually picked up MORE gold, snatching the Tag titles with Shawn Michaels! Things started to get rocky for the Michaels/Diesel paring though, they reigned as Tag champs until an incident at Survivor Series in November, where the duo weren't communicating that well in their team elimination bout. The end result was Diesel chasing Michaels out of the building , with Michaels handing his tag title over to announcer Todd Pettingill on the way out, effectively ending the partnership and tag title run. Diesel was now full-on face, and he would win the WWF World title a mere 3 days later, in only 8 SECONDS from Bob Backlund, who coincidentally won the title at the Survivor Series. It was now that the WWF was officially running on Diesel Power, and did so for almost a full year.

Diesel: The video game character
Back in the heyday of Big Daddy Cool (Diesels nickname), we didn't have Playstation 2's or X-Boxes, we had the good ol' Sega Genesis, on which I played WWF Royal Rumble and WWF Raw constantly. It was WWF Raw, where I REALLY dominated, never losing , because of my secret weapon, Diesel. As Diesel, I tore through all the competition, human or CPU. In the Royal Rumble mode, I basically recreated that "Diesel Moment", tossing everyone out to claim victory. I won the Tournament modes with ease, and the Raw Endurance mode was also a cakewalk, and I could beat all 10 opponents with just one of my guys, that being Diesel. Also, for the time, Diesel's animated Jackknife Powerbomb was as close to real as I thought possible, little did I know that years later, I'd be able to play as Nash, looking almost dead-on, and the dreaded Jackknife animated too close for comfort. Even in today's newer games, Nash rocks hard, and I still use him.

Diesel: I'm Back!
The night after Bret Hart ended his only run as WWF Champion (in a killer match, btw), Diesel came out on Raw, disrupting a match between Skip and Savio Vega, and runs down the whole WWF, telling Vince McMahon himself, that he's had enough, and is no longer willing to be his corporate puppet. This was a pretty interesting thing , since in 1995, NOBODY acknowledged on air that Vince was the man in charge EVER , he was merely an announcer. Anyways, Diesel declared "I'm Back!", in essence turning heel, but he also asked for his fans' support, making him one of if not THE first "tweener" in wrestling , meaning he straddled the fence of good and bad, a concept that would be used a few years later in the "Attitude" era. So, Diesel began the quest to regain the title, however, there was another top contender who was poised for the next title shot, The Undertaker. Diesel, being pissed that he was the one to get the title shot, started screwing with `Taker, and cost him the title at Royal Rumble `95 by running in and beating up the ref, NOT a good idea. So, at the February In Your House PPV, Diesel got his way, getting a title shot, this time, in a steel cage. So the match goes along fine, then Diesel decimates Bret, and is about to leisurely walk out the cage door to his 2nd World title, then `Taker BURSTS THROUGH THE RING, AND PULLS DIESEL UNDER! This allows Bret to recover, and walk out himself to retain. With a score to settle, and Wrestlemania 12 a month away, Diesel and `Taker were signed to face off at the big event. In a noteworthy occurrence, on the road to their `Mania showdown, `Taker started screwing with Big Daddy Cool (well more than sucking him under the ring and costing him the title), and had casket wheeled down to ringside during a Diesel match. Of course, Diesel had to see what was in there, so he opened it, and what did he see? `Taker, ready to attack perhaps? Nope, he saw HIMSELF, I'm talking a really, freaky-close, full-sized likeness, which obviously, scared the hell out of him. In the big `Taker vs Diesel match, `Taker won, not only to wrap up the feud, but because Diesel was on the way out, he had signed with the rival WCW. Big "D" would have one more match however, and it would turn out to be one of his best.

The Swan Song of Big Daddy Cool
For his last match, Diesel would be against his old friend/sometimes rival, Shawn Michaels, who had recently won the WWF title from Bret Hart at Wrestlemania 12, and had cemented himself as a face a few months before. To set the match up, Diesel feigned a reunion of the two, only to lay him out after a match. The match was then made not only a title match, but a No Holds Barred affair as well. On April 28th at In Your House: Good Friends, Better Enemies, Diesel and Michaels went at in an all out brawl, the likes of which hadn't become commonplace at the time. Since he was leaving the company (along with fellow WWF star Razor Ramon, which would become VERY important soon after), Nash lost, but did so in a fantastic match.

The group that changed wrestling forever: The NWO
May 27 1996. It was Memorial Day, and the first 2 hour addition of WCW's Monday Nitro, when Scott Hall A.K.A. Razor Ramon stormed the ring during a Mike Enos vs Steve Doll match. Now, to people not in the know, which was a lot of people, since the internet wasn't everywhere then, seeing a top WWF just show up on the rival company's flagship show, that was going head to head with WWF's Monday Night Raw, was HUGE. I remember sitting there stunned, like the crowd, and probably most of the fans watching , as Hall declared "You wanna war? (referring of course to the heated WWF vs WCW war that raged practically WCW's inception, but was really raging then), you got one!". So there it was, the fans saw Razor F'N Ramon, whether acting under orders from the WWF, or on his own, just punked out WCW, their own show. Hall, still not named as such (WWF owns Razor Ramon, Scott Hall is his given name, same deal with Nash & the Diesel name), would show up the next week near the end of the show, take over announce booth, and issue a challenge, 3 of WCW's best vs 3 of HIS guys (basically saying he has two more people to aid him), drawing out one of WCW's top guys, Sting. Sting and Hall have a confrontation, that included Hall tossing a toothpick in Stings face (a Razor Ramon trademark), only to be slapped. Hall then says that the next week, he'll have a little, no BIG (he emphasized big) for him, and WCW. So, around the same time the next week, who should walk out? Kevin Nash. Now, there were two, known only as "The Outsiders", promising to "takeover", and they pressed WCW for who would face them for their challenge, to which WCW boss, Eric Bischoff told them that he'd announce it all at the Great American Bash PPV. At the Great American Bash, the "Outsiders" and Bischoff had a summit of sorts, where the first thing Bischoff did was ask about their allegiance to the rival WWF, which was dispelled (WWF sued WCW, since they had implied that the WWF was behind Hall and Nash's takeover plot, and Hall was still using the trademark mannerisms and accent). Bischoff then announced that the match WOULD happen at WCW's next PPV, Bash at the Beach in Daytona Beach Florida (which happens to be my old stomping grounds). Then, when Eric informed them that their opponents would be announced the next night on Nitro, Hall and Nash were pissed, so Hall punched Eric, and Nash Jackknifed him through a table off the stage! The next night on Nitro, The Outsiders would finally find out who'd accepted their challenge, Sting , The Macho Man Randy Savage, and Lex Luger, but who was their third man? The Outsiders didn't reveal who it was, and when the time came for the big match, the third man was still nowhere to be seen. So, with 2 vs 3, WCW battled this outside threat, who actually dominated the WCW forces with only two men, and team WCW was in dire need of help. With Luger and Sting nearly dead, Savage tags in, and he too ends up beaten. There were a few top WCW stars who weren't choices for this match, like Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, The Giant etc, will anyone of them help WCW? And, when they needed it the most, Hulk Hogan, returning from filming a movie, comes out, and runs The Outsiders off, with poor Savage still laid out in the ring. Hulk prepares for battle, rips the shirt, then, LEGDROPS THE MACHO MAN! OH MY GOD! HOGAN WAS THE THIRD MAN! Honestly, NO ONE saw that coming. We aren't treated to a finish, but after the most shocking moment in wrestling , things just got crazy, Hall, Nash, and Hogan beat up on the WCW team, as the ring FILLS with garbage. Mean Gene, as shocked as the fans, announcers, and everyone else, enters the ring to interview Hogan, and understand what's going on. Hogan then rips the WCW a new one, even telling the fans to "Stick it"! Hulk then declares the trio "The New World Order of wrestling", the NWO. From that night on, the finally named Hall, Nash, and the newly dubbed "Hollywood" Hogan DOMINATED WCW, literally, everything that went on in WCW for almost two years revolved around them. The NWO would beat up whoever, take over the announce booth and call matches themselves, recruit WCW stars to join them (even Eric Bischoff joined), insert their own programming into the broadcast, anything they wanted, they OWNED WCW.

Nash Rocks the Mic
During the NWO days, Nash showed the world just how funny, and flat out cool he was, by cutting some great promos. Nash's offerings on the microphone never failed to entertain, neither did he as an announcer during NWO takeovers of the booth. Ever since the burgeoning personality he showed then, Nash has been gold on the mic.

Nash 1, Goldberg 0
A lot of people were pissed by this next Nash moment, being that Kev' ended the 170+ win streak of WCW World Champion Goldberg , and winning the title at Starrcade 1998. Personally, I HATE Goldberg , and didn't care who beat him, just that someone did it, so I was overjoyed that Nash got the job done. Credit must also go to Scott Hall, since it was him who used a taser on Goldy, allowing Nash to hit the Jackknife to win.

The Deadly Dose of Poison
It was February of 2002, in the WWF, 50% Owner, Vince McMahon was hot off the heels of being humiliated by WWF Co-Owner, Ric Flair, losing to him in a match at the Royal Rumble the previous month. Vince snapped, and he was willing to stop at nothing to get rid of Flair, finally shocking the world by saying that if Flair didn't resign as co-owner, he was going to inject the WWF with a "Lethal dose of poison", bringing back the original NWO! People were stunned, after Hall & Nash's WWF departure in 1996, everyone thought that the door for them to return would be closed forever, Vince had even gone on record to say as much himself, not to mention Hogan, who's 1993 departure jump-started the competition, and hurt Vince a great deal, also being said to unlikely ever return. But, was this just a threat, aimed at getting Flair to give up his part ownership of the WWF? We'd soon find out, because Vince demanded that Flair make his choice on Smackdown a few weeks after the Rumble, and Flair refused to give up his 50%! Now, it was set, Vince would bring in the NWO, who Vince informed us, would return at February's No Way Out PPV (No Way Out? NWO? How about that coincidence?). Unfortunately for Nash, Hulk's GIANT face reaction forced the WWF to turn him back to the Hogan we all love, along with a short title run (making me the happiest person EVER). On top of that, Hall got fired soon after he returned, thus breaking up the original NWO. And, to make matters even worse, Nash couldn't wrestle due to a biceps injury. They tried to keep the angle going but with crappy members like X-Pac and Big Show, the NWO was dead. Nash made one last attempt to "Put the band back together", introducing Shawn Michaels (who retired in 1998, and hadn't been seen in some time), as the newest member of the NWO in June of 2002. That formation of the NWO didn't last either, as Nash suffered another injury (in his return match actually) a few weeks after Michaels returned, tearing his quadriceps, sidelining him for a LONG time (about 9 months), and Vince McMahon publically put the metaphorical bullet in the head of the NWO.



Nash returns
Nash returned in April of 2003, and targeted Raw Champion (simply known as the World Title, Smackdown got the REAL title when they split the show into two "brands") Triple H. What followed was a pretty bland feud, and HHH never lost his precious title. The one cool thing about the feud was Nash just leisurely applying a vintage Jackknife (where he'd just lift a guy, then quickly drop him, not like the usual powerbomb) on HHH through a table.

Well, that wraps it up, but I certainly hope Nash's post WWE career goes well, he has a substantial role in the Punisher movie coming out later this spring , and if it does well, maybe he'll get steady acting gigs.

SWF Main Event 1/3/04
SWF Main Event 1/3/04

The show kicks off with a new intro, featuring Nickelback's version of Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting as the new SWF Main Event theme song. When we go live to the arena, we see a brand new set, with a re-vamped aisle, with no ramp, and a huge screen above the entrance. The whole setup looks futuristic, and is mainly chrome. There are many flashing lights and computer graphics to compliment the change as well.

Vance: Welcome to the NEW and improved SWF! We enter 2004 with a new look and attitude! When you last saw us, we had delivered the spectacular Starrcade, and we can still feel the shockwaves caused by that show, and tonight we will see the fallout!

Dean: We sure will! (Gets serious)But speaking of the mayhem of Starrcade, I have to announce that Quow Ling suffered an injury at the hand of Cash Inc at the event, which will sideline him for an undetermined amount of time. We all wish the talented performer a speedy recover. Moving on though, we have some very big stuff lined up tonight! Just look at this:

The Shadow goes it alone takes on The Reverend!

The Sex Connection takes on the team of Boppo The Clown & Repo!

The Good Ol' Boys' Tex Gentry & Rory Rogers meet their enemies, Generation Gap's X & Jimmy Jam!

The other Good Ol' Boys member meets the other member of Generation Gap as Charles Gunn faces Disco Danny!

Also, The Billion Dollar Man is on Petey's Parlor!

Vance: Let's kick it off!

Charles Gunn vs Disco Danny
Danny, furious over his team's (unfair) loss at Starrcade, doesn't wait for the bell to attack Charles. Danny, showing some intensity, flusters the bigger man with his ambush, and stays in control until Charles can finally retreat. Charles comes back in, and slows the pace, giving him the upper hand. Charles' dominance is short lived, as Danny isn't to be denied, and he gets right back in it, and nails the Disco Drop out of nowhere! Danny goes for the pin right away, and gets the three! Danny really stepped up here, showing how talented he actually is, very impressive.
*Winner* Disco Danny

We go backstage where Shadow seems to be walking with a purpose, and stops at the dressing room door of Cash Inc! He tries to open the door, but it's locked, so he kicks it down! Jaffe and Joe are the only occupants, sitting around living it up, and they were startled by the noise. Instead of being upset, Jaffe and Joe seem amused by the intrusion, and ask Shadow why he is there, even though they know why. The silent Shadow just stands there, and by his body language, is VERY pissed off. Joe and Jaffe continue to taunt Shadow, trying to get him to speak, knowing he won't, but when they bring up the vicious (and uncalled for) attack of his partner Quow Ling at Starrcade, Shadow leaps into action, and lays a whuppin' on the two! Shadow just charged in, and began unleashing a flurry of kicks, that end up leaving Jaffe and Joe laying. With his enemies vanquished, Shadow calmly exits the room as we go back to the ring.

Sex Connection vs Boppo & Repo
As usual, Repo is nowhere to be seen, until we hear the sound of Hacksaw Jim Duggan's music hits, and out comes Repo, 2X4 and all. Repo enters and clears the ring with the 2X4, then doing Hacksaw's signature "HOOOOO!" & "USA!" chants. After the ref takes away the 2X4, Beef Macho enters to start the match off with Repo. Foolishly, Repo goes for the three point stance clothesline on the rotund Beef, and ends up running into a Beefy Bomb! Randy runs interference as Beef picks up the pin.
*Winners* Sex Connection

We now go to Petey's Parlor, where Petey stands with JuJu, and he begins the show:

Petey: Hello again people! I'm Petey Pizzazz, welcome to the Parlor. For those of you wondering , yes, I'm still smarting from what Octane did to me at Starrcade, but I have a show to do. Before my guest, and very good friend The Billion Dollar Man comes out, I have to congratulate JuJu on his Hardcore title win at Starrcade, (raises his voice) even though he should have waited to leave until AFTER my match with Octane. Anyways, congrats, the new look and attitude is paying off. (Petey pats JuJu on the back and JuJu then plays up to the crowd before leaving). Ok, my guest tonight is the SWF World Champion, fresh off of a successful title defense in a brutal steel cage at Starrcade, please welcome my close personal friend, The Billion Dollar Man! (BDM enters and he and Petey shake hands and exchange pleasantries)

Petey: BDM, while these people may not know it, we've been friends a long time, and with all the business you've given me, I could retire on it! (both men share a laugh) But back to the matter at hand, what is next for you now that you've beaten Silkky Smooth, fair and square?

BDM: Well, nobody seems to stand out as a challenger to the title, so I'm not quite sure about that.

Petey: I can understand that, onto another topic then, there seems to be a lot of tension between you and SWF Owner Extreme Superstar, care to comment?

BDM(laughs): Oh, that's nothing really. The man just seems to have something against my winning ways I guess. But as I told him, a win is a win, and there isn't a thing he can do to stop me, I earned this title, and nobody out there has what it takes to take it from me. As far as I can tell, I'll hold the SWF World title for a long , long , time, so Extreme will just have to deal with it.

Petey: Yeah.....(the sound of Extreme's music cuts him off, and Extreme enters with a mic)

Extreme(somewhat angry): Sorry to break up this little get together, but I couldn't take it anymore. So, "BDM" there's nobody out there worthy of a title shot? I disagree. I know of one man in particular that deserves a title shot, and he's gonna get it at the SWF Rumble!

BDM(concerned): Who?

Extreme(smiles): OCTANE! (the crowd cheers loudly)

(BDM and Petey are left stunned as we close out this week's Parlor)


The Good Ol' Boys (Tex & Rory) vs Generation Gap (X & Jimmy)
The Good Ol' Boys now have a theme song , which shares their name, and was the theme to the Dukes of Hazzard, performed by Waylon Jennings. All four decide not to wait for the bell and tear into each other before X and Tex are left as the legal men. Tex and X have an exciting fast-paced exchange, but Rory enters as X takes control. Rory's entry prompts Jimmy Jam to come in as well, and Tex takes to the outside to recover. Wait, Tex isn't going out to recover, he grabs a guitar from under the ring! Tex reenters and just blasts X with that guitar! The ref managed to catch the shot, as he was still dealing with Rory and Jimmy. That blatant action obviously causes the ref to DQ the Good Ol' Boys, but they don't really seem to care.
*Winners by DQ* Generation Gap

Post Match: Tex and Rory run off laughing as Jimmy and the ref tend to X.

Backstage, Extreme is approached by The Mercenary. The Mercenary wants to defend his TV title against Yeti at the Rumble to recoup the loss to him at the inaugural SWF Show. He is granted his request and as he leaves, Octane shows up! The big man just walks up to Extreme, and the silent man simply nods his head respectfully, then shakes his hand! It must be because Extreme gave him a title shot at the Rumble. Extreme knows what he means and nods back as Octane leaves.


Main Event: The Shadow vs The Reverend
The Shadow enters, and now he has a solo theme song , Battle Without Honor or Humanity by Tomoyasu Hotei, which was used for the film Kill Bill. Shadow never gives The Reverend a chance to fight back, he basically destroys him, then nails the Flying Wizard for the easy pin.
*Winner* The Shadow

Post Match: As Shadow leaves, Jahalaman Jaffe and Joe Money come from the back and attack him! The duo beat him to the ground, then back away to discuss something. Joe and Jaffe smile, and Jaffe goes to grab a chair from the outside. When he returns, he and Joe take turns beating Shadow with it! Then, they clamp his leg in the chair and both stomp on it repeatedly! Finally, officials swarm the ring and the assailants run off, but the damage appears to have been done to Shadow.

END OF SHOW

SWF Starrcade
SWF Starrcade

We open with Extreme sitting in his office, ready to address the viewers.

Extreme(serious): I would like to apologize for everything that happened on SWF Main Even last week, things have been out of control lately. I take full responsibility for what happened, if I wasn't stirring things up with my "hands on" approach for the televised product, none of this may have happened, but luckily nobody was seriously hurt. Today though, I had an epiphany, the SWF superstars need to get rid of all this hostility, so tonight, in EVERY match, all bets are off, no DQS, no Count-outs, they can fight their aggressions out! Maybe after tonight, we can quell the craziness that has overtaken this company. Thank you all, and enjoy the show.

Vance(shocked): You heard it folks, it's anarchy tonight! Welcome to SWF Starrcade!

Dean: The last SWF PPV of 2003 is here, and boy is it a dandy! Look at this lineup:

4 Corners Elimination Match- Julio Maniaco vs Yeti vs The Don vs Tony Ramon

The SWF Hardcore Endurance Battle Royal- Xavier Hawthorne III vs The Reverend vs Boppo The Clown vs The Janitor vs Crazy Phil vs Repo vs Tripp vs Randy Mann vs Beef Macho vs JuJu- Two random men will start, the winner of that will face the next entrant, the last man left is the winner!

SWF Televison Title Match- Captain Fantastic vs The Mercenary

SWF U.S. Title Match- The Freedom Fighter vs Ayatollah Sheik

3 Team Elimination SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Black Dragons vs Suicide Brothers vs Cash Inc

Petey Pizzazz vs Octane-Assuming we find out if Octane didn't catch up to Petey and finish him off!

For the Vacant SWF 6 Man Titles-Generation Gap vs The Good Ol' Boys

Steel Cage SWF World Title Match- Billion Dollar Man vs Silkky Smooth

Vance: Well, let's get tp the first match!

4 Corners Elimination Match- Julio Maniaco vs Yeti vs The Don vs Tony Ramon
The four all meet in the ring and slug it out, Yeti swats them all away. As they recover, Julio looks to Yeti ans extends his hand, trying to make an alliance, knowing Don and Tony are gunning for him. Yeti just growls at him, so Julio kicks him in the gut! Julio jumps up to clamp him in a front facelock, and as Yeti thrashes to get him off, Julio swings his feet to take out Tony and Don! He then jumps down, and rushes to the top rope, where he catches Yeti with a missile dropkick right to the head as he turns around. Yeti staggers, but doesn't fall, and Julio uses some running shots and finally a tackle to drop him. Don and Tony decide to beg off, leaving Julio to deal with the giant Yeti. But with Yeti down, Julio is able to come off the top rope again, this time, with a moonsault. He goes for the pin and gets three! Yeti is gone! (Elimination # 1) Don and Tony rush right in, but Julio is too quick, he comes flying off the ropes with a double clothesline, and lifts Don for the Mexican Conquest, and gets it! Tony breaks up a pin though, and begins to hammer away on Julio. Julio backs off to the corner, and Tony comes after, but it was a trap! As Tony comes in, Julio pops up, grabs him in a front facelock, uses his feet to climb the ropes, then swings out for a tornado DDT, but he flips over at the last second, making it a neckbreaker! Don is up before Julio can pin Tony, so he quickly turns focus and spears Don nearly out of his shoes! He is now free to finish off Tony, so he keeps him down with a flipping splash, then comes off the top with a huge frog splash! 1-2-3, bye Tony. (Elimination # 2) Don is starting to stir, but is doubled over clutching his ribs, and Julio stalks him from behind, and as he makes it to one knee, Julio leaps at him and turns sideways, nailing him with a running fameasser! The Don is out, so Julio drags him to the center of the ring , and mounts the turnbuckle a good 3/4 across the ring. He spreads his arms like wings and soars all the way across for an amazing flying headbutt! Yeah, that'll do it, Don is finished (Elimination # 3)
*Winner* Julio Maniaco

We head backstage where Petey is shown talking to JuJu, he wishes him good luck in the Hardcore title match (which is next), and states that Octane never caught up with them since they doubled back to the arena, but seeing the chaos, left again. Petey does say he's worried though as he now has to face Octane tonight.

The SWF Hardcore Endurance Battle Royal- For the SWF Hardcore Title
We wait to see who are the unlucky first two men, and first is.... Tripp! He must start vs..... Crazy Phil! Phil has a trash can lid in hand, but Tripp kicks it out of his hands, and hops up on him for the Stoner Smash, which he nails right on said lid. 1-2-3, Poor Phil, he's gone. (Elimination # 1) Tripp seems excited, but to win, he has to beat 9 other guys! He waits for the third entrant, and the lights go out and they come back on, flickering red, and Kane-esque pyro goes off from the ring posts, and Them Bones plays, it's the "new" JuJu! JuJu is wearing red pants and a back tank top to wrestle in. He doesn't take crap either, he comes right over the top rope, and kills Tripp with a running big boot, then picks him up for the JuJu Driver! Tripp is gone (Elimination # 2) JuJu is fired up, he paces the ring and waits for the (seemingly doomed) fourth entrant. Beef Macho is it, but JuJu mauls him before he can make it through the ropes, JuJu Driver, it's over. (Elimination # 3) JuJu is still fresh, so the next guy is still probably screwed, who is it? Kid Rock's American Badass strikes up and Repo comes out on a motorcycle! He's "New School" Undertaker! JuJu exits the ring , and clotheslines Repo off the bike before he can get off of it! He then delivers the JuJu Driver on the floor! 1-2-3 Repo ain't winnin' this one (Elimination # 4). The crowd is getting behind JuJu, now and Randy Mann runs out next! JuJu gets beat on, and gets back in the ring , where he stomps Randy as he tries entering. Randy gets up, but JuJu ducks a roundhouse right, and as Randy turns back to face him, he is quickly lifted and dropped in the JuJu Driver! 1-2-3, Randy is now out (Elimination # 5). Who is next to test the merciless JuJu? The Janitor! Janitor comes in swinging , and hits some good shots with the broom, but JuJu takes it, and swings it right into Janitor's throat! As The Janitor gasps for air, JuJu gets him up for the JuJu Driver and pins him (Elimination # 6). The fans are impressed, and don't laugh anymore, no longer sidetracked by the voodoo, he is a killing machine! As he plays up to the crowd, his former? (Not sure where that relationship is) partner Boppo The Clown comes in, and almost decapitated by a clothesline. JuJu shows his power by lifting the plump Boppo, and holding him over his shoulder before leaping in the air and coming down with a wicked JuJu Driver! Boppo is legally dead (Elimination # 7). "JuJu" chants go up as R.E.M.'s Losing My Religion begins to play, and the crowd gasps knowing that signals the arrival of Xavier Hawthorne, who is most certainly, about to be slaughtered. Xavier is terrified, but JuJu lets him enter in piece, then charges with a clothesline that knocks Xavier for a loop! The crowd is loving this, and JuJu nails a giant chokeslam on Xavier, then goes for the pin. Sensing the fans want more however, he pick him up and hits a JuJu Driver, then pins him. (Elimination # 8) We know who the last entrant is, The Reverend. Reverend's music plays but he's scared to death to come out, so JuJu goes back after him! JuJu ends up carrying him to the ring , and press slams him inside from the floor! Reverend scurries to escpae on the other side of the ring , but JuJu ends up grabbing his leg to drag him back. He lifts Reverend in position for the chokeslam, and Reverend begs for his life. JuJu signals for the move as the crowd cheers him on, and Reverend appears to have past out in his grasp! JuJu hits the chokeslam anyway, then picks him up again for the JuJu Driver, it's over. (Elimination # 9)
*Winner and NEW SWF Hardcore Champion* JuJu

Post Match: JuJu is handed his newly one belt, and he celebrates as the crowd chants his name. JuJu seems teary eyed as he hears this, since he finally feels accepted.

We go to Vance and Dean in the booth, they say that SWF will take a holiday break after this show, then return on January 4th, and announce that SWF Main Event now has an official theme song , Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting by Nickelback. They also wish everyone a happy holiday season, whatever they may celebrate.

SWF Televison Title Match- Captain Fantastic vs The Mercenary
Mercenary comes in mad, and with a pipe of some kind, which he beats Fantastic senseless with. Fantastic never even has the chance to fight back, as he gets planted with the Mercy Kill and pinned a few minutes in! Mercenary DESTROYED him.
*Winner and NEW SWF TV Champion* The Mercenary

We quickly go backstage where Generation Gap are taking advantage of tonight's "anything goes" atmosphere by attacking the Good Ol' Boys. Jimmy calls for a ref as they fight their way to the ring. I guess their match starts now.

SWF 6 Man Title Match-Generation Gap vs The Good Ol' Boys
Generation Gap beat all their opponents down the aisle and toss them in the ring , and the ref tries to get two guys from each team to leave the ring , but with no rules tonight, tagging isn't necessary I suppose. Tex manages to bail, and he runs off to the back, leaving his partners to be beaten up! With things mostly in their control, Generation Gap sends Danny to follow Tex. As Danny makes his way partly through the curtain, something strikes him and he falls back into the aisle! It was a guitar, swung by none other than Tex Gentry! He didn't abandon his team, but went for an equalizer! Tex screams for the ref, and he comes, with X and Jimmy Jam soon seeing the scene and following. The ref administers the count in the aisle before Generation Gap can get there! Tex got the pin!
*Winners and NEW SWF 6 Man Tag Champions* The Good Ol' Boys!

Post Match: Tex runs to the ring , while being chased by X and Jimmy, so he can claim the titles and celebrate with his partners. Tex grabs the belts, and his dazed partners run to him, then the three run off through the crowd, holding their titles up.
Ayatollah Sheik's music hits and he comes out from the back, ready for his match. He grabs a mic and begins to berate the crowd, but soon after, The Freedom Fighter's music cuts him off, and Freedom comes running out and the begin to brawl!

SWF U.S. Title Match- The Freedom Fighter vs Ayatollah Sheik
The ref is nowhere to bee seen as Sheik is beaten out of his entrance gear and drops the mic, with Freedom pummeling him from pillar to post. Freedom finally takes off his U.S. title and whips Sheik with it! A referee comes running out, and it's about time. With the bell officially ringing , Freedom continues his assault as the crowd cheers him on. Sheik, not completely beaten yet, removes some sort of spike from his boot and jabs it into Freedom's face! Now in control, Sheik stomps Freedom, then shows his strength with various press slams and backbreakers which take their toll on his opponent. Closer investigation show a mean gash where Freedom got hit with the spike, and he's got some blood flowing from it. Sheik sees that blood and unmercifully begins to pound away on his head. After some more serious punishment, Freedom reverses a piledriver, and seems revitalized, with the sight of his blood reviving him. Freedom charges with clotheslines and dropkicks, which Sheik pulls himself up after, only to be dropped back down by another. Sheik falls once more, and Freedom readies for a big flying lariat, which knocks Sheik right over the top rope! Freedom summons strength from the crowd as Sheik tries to recover on the outside. As Sheik makes it up, Freedom reaches through the ropes to pull him back inside, but Sheik hurls a FIREBALL at him! Freedom falls right back down on the canvas, and Sheik makes him way back inside, with a crazed look on his face. Rather than pin Freedom, after all he just blasted him with FIRE, the seemingly psychotic Sheik begins to scream wildly as he stomps his opponent. Sheik then picks him up and does a vicious multiple backbreacker, as he screams obscenities at him. Sheik finally lets the bloody man fall, at which point, he starts doing jumping knee drops on his back, before clamping on the Camel Clutch. Freedom is unconscious, so the referee has no choice but to call for the bell.
*Winner and NEW SWF U.S. Champion* Ayatollah Sheik

Post Match: Sheik keeps the hold locked on, until the ref can pry him off. Sheik then looks at his hands, which are covered in his opponent's blood, and stares at them with a disturbing smile. He grabs his newly won belt, then smears the blood all over it, before holding it up to the crowd who sit in stunned silence.

We go backstage where The Billion Dollar Man enters Extreme Superstar's office. He finds Extreme and says thanks for making anything go tonight, because now he won't have to hear him cry about beating Silkky! Extreme looks really pissed, almost as if he is preparing to knock him out! But he simply says that BDM better hope he loses, because if he remains champion, he's got some things lined up to make his reign hell!

Cameras quickly cut to another ambush backstage, this time The Black Dragons and Suicide Brothers have stormed into Jaffe and Joe's dressing room, where the six are clubbing away on each other. A referee opts to start the match rather than try to break up the fiasco.

3 Team Elimination SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Black Dragons vs Suicide Brothers vs Cash Inc
The Suicides and Dragons appear to be working together, so they can eliminate Cash Inc first. Joe and Jaffe manage to fight back, even throw Mike Suicide at a locker! Joe and Jaffe use double clotheslines and some clubbing blows to escape the rather restrictive locker room, and in any attempt to leave, stagger down the hall to the cafeteria, in the opposite direction of the ring. Jack and the Dragons follow, and Mike is left behind, trying to recover from that hard slam into the locker. The five fight amongst the catering spread and tables, and Joe ends up bating Jack Suicide into a hard shot with a metal serving tray. Jaffe does his best to face the Dragons, and Joe, now free, rushes to help. The four fight it out, but when the Dragons get the better of it, Cash Inc again look to escape, and end up going back down the hall, and entering the first door they can find, which is the boiler room. It's a big two-tiered room, with the top level filled with maintenance equipment and is made of metal, not the sort of place you'd want to fight on. When Cash Inc see where they are, they immediately looks for a way out, but before they can go out the way they came in, Mike Suicide and The Black Dragons burst through the door and rush them! The angry Mike blindly charges, but Jaffe and Joe sidestep him, and he falls over the railing! The four men suddenly stop fighting to see what happened to Mike, and they look down to see him hurt, but luckily some boxes and things padded his fall. As the remaining men fight back out the door, the ref is there, having finally caught up with them. Under direst, Cash Inc end up running back the way they just came, where Jack Suicide rejoins the fight, finally getting up from that serving tray shot, and finding everyone. Cash Inc stop trying to fight, and begin to simply outrun their opponents, and they make a sharp turn down the last hallway, which leads them to the parking garage. They frantically look for a way out, and after realizing they forgot their keys in the dressing room, they hoof it out to the street! Unluckily for them, Jack, the Dragons, and the ref are not far behind, and they catch up to Cash Inc outside, where they were waiting to cross a busy intersection. The Dragons and Jack begin fighting the duo, and end up brawling down the street, and bump into a cabbie is loading a passenger's belongings into a taxi outside a nearby hotel. The poor cabbie and passenger rush inside the taxi, but in their fear, forgot to close the trunk, so Jaffe manages to load Jack into the open trunk, and slams it as the taxi speeds off with Jack trapped in the back! Now it's an even fight, and Cash Inc scurry back to the parking garage, where they hide behind cars, only to pop out at the Dragons! The Dragons retaliate, and they back them up into a row of cars, and Cash Inc opt to jump on and run on top of to escape! Their plan doesn't work, as the Dragons follow suit, and end up tackling the duo on the cars! Jaffe low blows Quow and DDTs him onto the roof of the car they are on, then helps Joe toss Shadow back, where he goes right through a car windshield! Quow is now the only man left, and out cold, but Cash Inc decide to spike piledrive him on a car anyways! Joe easily pins him, but they won't stop assaulting him!
*Winners and NEW SWF Tag Team Champions* Cash Inc

Post Match: Cash Inc continue beating up Quow, tossing him off the car, then picking him up and ramming him head first into the driver's side window! That was sick!

We head to the ring where Petey is standing , all smiles, ready to address the crowd:

Petey: You may be wondering why I'm so happy, well I'm not going to be fighting Octane alone, my good buddy JuJu has got my back!
(JuJu's music hits but he doesn't come out and Petey looks worried, a production member runs out and whispers something to him and he looks scared)

Petey(To the production guy, forgetting the mic in his hand): He left?!

Production Guy(the mic picks up the audio): He was excited about his win, and I guess he went to celebrate.

(Petey pouts, drops the mic and gets ready to leave, then Octane's music hits!)

Petey Pizzazz vs Octane
Petey stands frightened as Octane enters the ring. Octane wastes no time charging Petey, beating him back into a corner where he continues to pound away on him, even as Petey is out of it, just laying there. Octane pulls him out of the corner, and pulls Petey (who can't even stand) into a HARD clothesline. Octane watches Petey laying on the canvas, and the crowd begins to chant "Empty Tank! Empty Tank!" So, Octane lifts Petey up, and hold Petey WAAAY up in the air, and walks around the ring with him before killing him dead with the move. Yeah it's over, Petey could never have gotten up from THAT.
*Winner* Octane

As Octane leaves and Petey is dragged to the back, the steel cage lowers for the main event, then Extreme's music hits! He comes out, and takes a ringside seat, obviously wanting to see the match up close.

Main Event: Steel Cage SWF World Title Match- Billion Dollar Man vs Silkky Smooth
As he enters, BDM gets up on the cage, then exchanges words with Extreme. Extreme simply tells him to turn around, as Silkky sneaks up and begins beating him, knocking him off the cage. Silkky whips BDM like nobody's business, but BDM finds a way to come back, and controls with technical wrestling. Silkky comes back and almost nails a Silkky Slam, but BDM kicks him low. There are several escape attempts by both men, but they can't seem to get out. The action picks up when BDM floors Silkky and tries to escape through the door. Seeing Silkky begin to stir, BDM gets impatient with the ref, who is trying to undo the padlock and chain that holds it closed. As the ref gets it, BDM's forceful pushing swings it right into the ref's face! Silkky gets up before BDM can get out though, and as he fight with BDM, the ref lays out cold, and Extreme is forced to get up and close the door. Extreme seems to have taken control of the match, in the absence of the regular referee. After some more fighting , BDM manages to hook on the Billion Dollar Dream, and then drop Silkky back, making it a Cobra Clutch Bomb. BDM has the chance to leave now, but instead of going over the top, he wants to piss Extreme off by going out the door, knowing he now controls it! BDM smirks confidently and demands the door to be opened, but will Extreme do it? Extreme is upset, but he reluctantly opens it, and BDM walks out for the win.
*Winner and STILL SWF World Champion* The Billion Dollar Man

Post Match: BDM Celebrates, and Extreme walks out angry, with BDM still being champ, but doing it fair, and rubbing it in his face.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FOLKS, WHATEVER IT IS YOU MAY CELEBRATE!

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 12/13/03
SWF Main Event 12/13/03

Vance: Welcome one and all to the final stop on the road to Starrcade!

Dean: We are a mere six days away from the last PPV of the year, and here's what we've got tonight:

Julio Maniaco vs Tony Ramon

6 Man Tag: The Good Ol' Boys vs Generation Gap

Petey will unveil the "New" Great JuJu on Petey's Parlor, and it's just been confirmed, Captain Fantastic WILL be there to respond to The Mercenary!

Faith and Devotion are back from their meeting with the Athletic Commission, we'll find out what happened!

Octane vs Randy Mann was scheduled, but with Octane's recent injury at Petey Pizzazz's hands, will he show?

8 Man Tag: Cash Inc(Jaffe and Joe)/Mercenary/Petey vs Black Dragons/Suicides

Yeti vs Silkky

The Main Event: Non-Title-The Billion Dollar Man vs Beef Macho, in a match where Beef was randomly chosen as BDM's opponent!

Vance: Let's kick it off!

Julio Maniaco vs Tony Ramon
Julio decides to take to the air due to his opponent's size, he begins by coming off the top with a missile dropkick. Tony goes down, and Julio goes for the quick pin, but Tony is up at two. When Tony recovers, he takes control, using his brawling skill and power moves to nearly pin his opponent, but even after some serious punishment, Julio won't stay down. Tony, frustrated just drills Julio with a chokeslam, and it seems to be over, BUT WAIT! Julio kicked out right before the three! Tony, now really mad, decides to lay into his downed opponent with some stomping , but Julio gets his wits about him long enough to grab Tony's leg. Julio just holds it, then leaps up and swings his legs towards Tony's other leg , sweeping the big man right off his feet. Julio pulls himself up, then comes off the ropes with a flipping splash, which he lands dead center onto Tony's chest. Julio goes for the pin, but that only gets two, and Tony comes up fighting. Upon getting to his feet, Tony begins to slug away, but the wily Julio ducks a punch, and jumps right up on Tony's back! Julio pulls himself up onto Tony's shoulders, and flips over and secures his head in his arms, ending up delivering an Ace Crusher (Diamond Cutter) like move, which flattens Tony, but Julio keeps the head locked and rises up. Once standing , Julio reaches up and quickly spins Tony so he now faces the opposite way, and Julio leans him back, secures his head under his arm, and jumps up and twists, landing in his Mexican Conquest finisher! 1-2-3, it's over. That ending sequence was really cool, Julio is really impressive.
*Winner* Julio Maniaco

The Camera quickly cuts backstage where the members of Generation Gap are seen storming into the locker room and they begin to attack The Good Ol' Boys. The six brawl, and Tex manages to escape, and he taunts Generation Gap, and they give chase. Tex leads them out to the ring , and he even calls to a ref to follow, I guess their match is gonna start right now.


6 Man Tag: The Good Ol' Boys vs Generation Gap
Once they make it to ringside at least, the bell rings, but there is no way the ref can control it all at once (all 6 are on the outside floor fighting), and when he tries to restore some order, Tex breaks out the brass knucks, but his plan is foiled when X kicks him and gains possession of the weapon, and nails him with them! X rolls Tex in, and while Danny and Jimmy run interference, he gets the ref to count the pin.
*Winners* Generation Gap

Post Match: Even though the match is over, the fight continues, and eventually Extreme comes running out, and calls for a mic, he begins to address the situation:

Extreme(a little angry): Break it up! This is insane! (all the men cease fighting and listen) Every week things seem to get out of control! I don't know how much more I can take! But, if you guys want to fight, how about a match at the PPV? (the 6 nod in agreement) Good, but it's not just any match. Remember the 6 Man titles? Well, now there back, and you 6 will be fighting for them! (the 6 seem happy at the chance for titles) But guys, promise me something , no more of this wild brawl stuff, seriously, I've got enough to deal with, ok? (the 6 agree and walk off ).

Extreme apologizes for how crazy things have gotten lately, and as he is about to leave Faith and Devotion come out with mics and huge grins:

Xavier: Mr. Superstar, I must commend you for the way to restored order among those six ruffians. But me and The Reverend wanted to catch you before you left, we have great news that, as the owner of the SWF, you should hear first.

Reverend: Oh Mr. Superstar! It truly is a blessed day today! (he pulls a document from his jacket pocket and shows it off to Extreme and the crowd) The State Athletic Commission has deemed so-called "Hardcore Wrestling" (looks at the document and reads from it) "Unethical and Immoral". Therefore Mr. Superstar, that makes such contests outlawed, meaning the SWF Hardcore title is to be no more!

Extreme(surprised): Does it (points to the paper)really say that?

Reverend(hands Extreme the document): Indeed it does sir. You'll notice that it also is notarized as well, making it a legally binding ordinance.

Extreme(looks at the paper, and then looks at Reverend and Xavier, shocked): You're right. (to the crowd) I'm sorry folks, I guess the Hardcore title is no more. (The crowd boos, and Extreme begins to leave the ring , but stops and comes back) Yep, that WOULD be true, except for one little thing , that document is a fraud! (Reverend and Xavier's eyes go wide and they begin to argue that it's not true)

Xavier(stuttering): That.... It's.... Just not true, it's notarized and everything!

Reverend(waving the document): You saw it! This is legally binding in any court of law!

Extreme(angry): What do you take me for? Did you think I'd let you go to that meeting without knowing what really went on?

Xavier: What do you mean?

Extreme: Well, first off, as the owner of the SWF, I had to meet with the commission upon starting this company, and they approved Hardcore Wrestling , otherwise it would never have been allowed to take place! And since this is my company, I have the right to be a part of any decision that may affect it. So, much to you dismay, I was on a conference call the whole time! I heard everything! Did you think I would just take your word on what happened? (to the fans) For the record, the commission pretty much laughed that these two, and denied their request. (the crowd cheers). As for that document, don't you know that falsifying such things is illegal? I could have you arrested, but I won't. I've got another plan. Tell me, where is the SWF Hardcore title?

Xavier(a little upset): It's in my bag , I'll go get it, you can have it! I'm sorry!

Extreme(smiles): I don't want to take it from you, hey you're the champ. And as champ, it's an SWF rule that you must defend your title at each and every PPV, which is exactly what you will do at Starrcade. In a Ten Man Endurance Hardcore Battle Royal! (Xavier nearly passes out upon hearing this, and the fans cheer) Oh, Reverend, don't think your off the hook, you will also be in that match! (Reverend has a similar reaction as Xavier) That makes two, so I'll have a sign up sheet printed real quick, and the first eight guys to sign will face these lovely gentlemen for the title at the PPV. Hey Reverend, you were right, it is a blessed day! (Extreme leaves as F&D are beside themselves)

Backstage we see an upset Tony Ramon hitting a locker in frustration at his earlier loss. The Don then makes his way in, and he begins to console Tony. Tony thanks him, and Don says that he's heard rumors on the street about Tony wanting to join his "family business". Tony says he's been trying to work his way to the top his whole life, and The Don's organization is just what he's been looking for. The Don says he's heard good things about Tony, and would like to have him as a member of his "family". Then the two find Extreme returning to the back and DEMAND a match vs Julio Maniaco at Starrcade! Extreme says ok, but he's adding Yeti, to "make things fair" citing a fourth man prevents those two from just hurting Julio like they probably hoped to do. It's an elimination match as well.

We then go to Petey's Parlor where he stands alone, and greets us to the show.

Petey: Hello again people! It's a packed addition of the Parlor this week, but before we bring this week's guest, Captain Fantastic, I've got to address the Octane situation. He is set to face Randy Mann tonight, but to the best of my knowledge, he's not here yet, and won't be back until AFTER Starrcade. (booing is heard and Petey slips into a sarcastic voice) Sorry Octane fans, it's a shame I know. Ok, now that we've taken care of that, last week I promised to reveal the NEW Great JuJu. You can see he's not here, and that's because he's waiting backstage, ready to make his first appearance as a brand new man. Before he does though, I have footage to show you all. I wanted to capture the whole transformation on film, so SWF cameras were present the whole time, and here is what they picked up:

(We fade into footage, with Petey's music playing and the opening title sequence, which says "JuJu's Transformation" in big pink letters. We then go to Petey at his Hollywood salon, as he prepares for JuJu's arrival)

Petey(rushing around the shop, fixing things up): (to the camera guys) This is so exciting! When I get done with him, JuJu won't be a joke anymore! (JuJu then is shown making his way into the salon, in full voodoo gear) JuJu! How are you today? Are you ready to find the new you?

JuJu(nervously): Yeah I guess. I'm just not sure you know? I'm a little nervous, but I want people to stop laughing at me, so let's do it.

Petey(excited): Alright! First off, we need a clear slate. (Hands JuJu a plain pair of shorts and a shirt) Go put these on, take the makeup off, and meet me back here, ok?

(JuJu shuffles off to change, and we cut to him and Petey standing in front of a large mirror setup)

Petey(walking around a nervous JuJu): Hmmmm, I like the bald look you have going here, the tan and five o'clock shadow are nice too. I honestly think all you needed was to lose that makeup, you look great! (JuJu cracks a bit of a smile) Now, you need the right clothes! My boutique is right down the street, let's go!

(We cut to the two at the boutique, where Petey is shown sizing JuJu up, and discussing his look)

Petey: You're a big guy, a monster if you will, but all the voodoo clothes and makeup made you a joke. You need something tough, something that shows the true you. With the look to match, you'll finally have the confidence to just tear apart everyone in the SWF!

(We go to a montage of JuJu dressed in various ensembles, like a punk rocker, biker, and goth, and Petey is shown not being pleased by any of it)

Petey(to JuJu, who is off camera in some dressing room): I've got the perfect look for you! It's menacing , yet cool! (Petey snaps his fingers and an assistant rushes up, and Petey whispers to him, and the assistant scurries off. The assistant comes running back, and delivers a pile of clothes to JuJu's dressing room. We cut again, and Petey knocks on JuJu's dressing room door, and JuJu says he's ready for him to see)

Petey(opens the door, but we can't see inside): That's the look! It seems a little small (JuJu is heard saying it is) but that's ok, I'll have it all tailored for you. For now though, put something on, and we'll go discuss the rest of your image.

(We cut to Petey and JuJu, who is wearing some flashy green suit, sitting back at the parlor)

Petey: We've got the clothes, but how about the name and music?

JuJu: What did you have in mind?

Petey: Well, I actually love the name JuJu, it's exotic. If your gonna hang out with me, you'll be going to lots of great parties, and that name makes for a good conversation piece, so let's keep it, ok? However, drop the "Great" part, it's a little pretentious.

JuJu(smiles): Awesome, I was kinda scared about changing my name.

Petey: I know, it's hard to give the whole voodoo thing up, but it's necessary. (Petey grabs a nearby boom box) But, I found a great song for you, it fits the new image, and sort of ties back to the voodoo.

JuJu(excited): Really?

Petey: Yes indeed, it's by Alice In Chains, it's called "Them Bones", ya know, bones, like your magic bones?

JuJu: Cool, I know that song! I like it!

Petey: I guess your all set, just wait until the world sees you now!

(We fade out and back to Petey, and he is shown clapping proudly)

Petey: Without further ado, here he is, JuJu!

(Them Bones plays as JuJu makes his way on set, wearing an unbuttoned red suit and black undershirt, and sporting black shades, no longer with the makeup either)

Petey(clapping): Look at him now folks, JuJu! (JuJu shakes Petey's hand and walks off, and Petey is then handed a note by a crew member)

Petey(looks at the note): I have some big news people! It appears that the sign up sheet for Starrcade's Hardcore Battle Royal has been filled! We all know that Reverend and Xavier Hawthorne III will be in it, but who are the other eight? They are, (looks shocked at the paper) WOW! My buddy JuJu signed up! Additionally, Boppo The Clown, The Janitor, Crazy Phil, Repo, Tripp, Randy Mann, and Beef Macho will all be involved, this should be a great match! Finally though, I welcome my guest this week, ladies and gentlemen, the returning Captain Fantastic!

(Fantastic walks out)

Petey: Let's not beat around the bush, last month, The Mercenary brutally attacked you, putting you on the shelf. That almost cost you your TV title, and last week, right here on the Parlor, Mercenary issued a challenge for that very title at Starrcade, what is you response.

Fantastic(angry but calm): After what he did to me, does anyone expect that I'd refuse the chance to get in the ring with him? He's got his match!

Petey(shocked): Wow! Another bomb is dropped on Petey's Parlor! But I'm being told we're running out of time this week and my match is coming up soon, thank you Captain Fantastic, join us next time folks!

We go backstage where Cash Inc's Jahalaman Jaffe and Joe Money are being given massages by hired masseuses , joined by their partner (who is just sitting there) for tonight, The Mercenary. Cash Inc are talking it up about business stuff, and Mercenary looks really irritated. Mercenary finally stands up and chews out his partners, stating that he's only there because they paid him to be, but can't stand how "prissy" they are. He says the reason they can't seem to win the tag titles is because they aren't aggressive enough. Cash Inc tell the masseuses to leave and stand up, offended. Mercenary keeps yelling , riling them up, and gets them to say that they will be more aggressive in the future. Mercenary is skeptical, but Cash Inc suggest they go tear up their opponents right now! The three race down the hall and to the other dressing room where The Suicides and Black Dragons are trying (remember, the language barrier) to talk strategy. Before they know what happened, Cash Inc and Mercenary violently assault them and leave them all laying. As they walk down the hall, they run into Petey Pizzazz, who is set to team with them tonight. Petey says high, and Joe tells him not to worry, the match is off. Petey looks confused, then sees a group of officials rushing to the aid of the Suicides and Dragons. Petey runs to the scene and sees what happened, he looks startled, but then smiles, saying that it was an easy night for him.

We go back to the announcers who are seen listening to someone in their headsets. Vance says they got word in the back that Cash Inc/Mercenary vs The Suicides/Black Dragons is indeed off, as the latter team doesn't appear to be able to compete tonight. Dean says they will go to the next scheduled match, which also seems to be in question, Octane vs Randy Mann.

Octane vs Randy Mann
Due to the cancellation of the 8 man tag , Randy was rushed out with no music. He seems confused, and awaits to see if Octane will even show. After a few minute wait, Octane shows up! He's here! Before he makes it in the ring , Petey Pizzazz makes his way out! Octane hears Petey taunting , and he turns to chase him! Petey runs for his life all the way back to his car, where JuJu waits, and he gets in and takes off before Octane can catch him, Octane gets in his giant tractor trailer and pursues! Meanwhile, the match was started, and Octane didn't make it back to the ring before the count! Randy wins by count out, but Octane is long gone by then.
*Winner by Count-Out* Randy Mann

We cut to Silkky Smooth making his way to the ring for his match, and BDM just happens to bump into him and wish him "good luck", I'm sure he meant it.

Silkky Smooth vs Yeti
Silkky wastes no time charging Yeti, and is successful in rocking the giant man, but Yeti stops that by swatting him away like a fly. Yeti works on Silkky with various punches and kicks, but Silkky is determined tonight, he lands some elbows to the ribs and fights his way up to hammer away with some right hands. He goes for the Silkky Slam, but can't lift the big man. Silkky decides to take to the top rope and comes off with a flying lariat! Silkky doesn't seem like the type to do that. It worked though, as Silkky manages to hold Yeti down long enough for the three count!
*Winner* Silkky Smooth

Post Match: BDM enters the ring , disrupting any celebration of Silkky's. Silkky is quite mad, but BDM insists he's only coming out for his match, but when Silkky begins to back away, BDM smacks him! The ref steps in to prevent a brawl and BDM's opponent, Beef Macho runs in and the bell rings to start the main event!

The Main Event: Non-Title-The Billion Dollar Man vs Beef Macho
Beef slid in from behind, and goes for a roll up, 1-2- NO! Beef nearly won! Silkky hasn't even got out of the ring yet, and as BDM recovers, he pushes Beef into the ref, who bumps into Silkky, causing the ref to force Silkky to leave. BDM then uses this distraction to use a low blow on Beef, then roll him up, but with both feet on the ropes! The ref is able to turn and count the three! BDM cheats his way to another victory!
*Winner* The Billion Dollar Man

Post Match: Silkky, not having gone to the back yet, turns around and comes back, then begins brawling with BDM. Beef recovers and joins in, then the other members of Cash Inc and Mercenary come to help BDM. THEN Randy Mann comes to help his buddies Silkky and Beef, THEN Captain Fantastic, The Suicides, and Black Dragons make their way down (bandages and all) to fight with Cash Inc and Mercenary respectively! Janitor and Phil (probably seeing the chance to eliminate competition for the Hardcore Battle Royal) come out as well! Just when it seems to get crazy, things get REALLY crazy, as Faith and Devotion run in as well! Things take a turn for the even MORE strange as Dusty Rhodes' WWF theme hits and Repo comes out sporting Dusty's polka dots, and a fat suit! He enters, using the Bionic Elbow on anybody in his way. Everything is out of control, and we go backstage to see Extreme leaving the building in disgust, and The Good Ol' Boys watching and getting an idea to fight their PPV opponents. The Good Ol' Boys find Generation Gap, along with Tripp and begin to fight, and Generation Gap and Tripp end up chasing their enemies to the ring! It's not over yet, as Julio Maniaco is shown running down the hall, and he sneaks up on Yeti and kicks him from behind! He runs off, and finds Tony Ramon and The Don, they see him and chase after him, and end up seeing an angry Yeti! They fight until Julio pops back up, and they chase him to the ring! Julio bumps into Ayatollah Sheik, who gets knocked over, and HE chases him to the ring! Freedom Fighter, now the last remaining wrestler (JuJu, Octane and Petey left in the earlier car chase) see Sheik, so he just HAS to come down! It's a full scale Wrestling Riot! The crowd is going CRAZY! It's a mess, Julio, The Suicides, and The Black Dragons are jumping off the top ropes onto the fray, Repo is dishing out elbows while wearing polka dotted gear and a fat suit, with everyone else just hitting whoever they can! Then, with all these guys in there at once, THE RING COLLAPSES! It just crashed, all four sides just went BOOM. Everyone was wiped out, the ropes gave way and everything , bodies are all laid out in the ring and outside too, it's insane. The camera pans around the destruction, and we fade out.

END OF SHOW