SWF Main Event 11/29/03
SWF MAIN EVENT 11/29/03

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! Tonight promises to be a HUGE night of action!

Dean: Your not kidding Vance, just look at what's on tap:

Julio Maniaco Debuts vs X!

Octane vs The Great JuJu!

Tex Gentry Debuts vs Tripp!

A Hardcore Tag Match pitting Crazy Phil & The Janitor vs Faith & Devotion!

Jack Suicide/Black Dragons vs Cash Inc. & The Mercenary!

Extreme Superstar is set to make a huge announcement on Petey's Parlor!

And, in the Main Event: The young Mike Suicide gets a World Title shot vs The Billion Dollar Man!

Vance: With all that lined up, we better get started!

Julio Maniaco vs X
Julio is dressed in some sort of outrageously bright clothes, which cover him from head to toe, his mask being a colorful lucha libre style one with a black netted face and neon strands coming from off the top, almost like hair. His demeanor doesn't match his look however, he moves in a slow, meticulous manner, before suddenly rushing his opponent, leveling X with a beautiful flying forearm. Julio decides to stalk rather than capitalize on his downed prey, he waits for him to recover, then runs at X from behind, flipping over him for a neckbreaker of sorts. With X down, Julio ascends the top rope, and comes off from a good distance with a flying headbutt. Instead of going for the pin, Julio lifts the dazed X up, and hits the stunning Mexican Conquest for the pin. That was a deeply impressive debut by the mystery man, showing why he is so acclaimed.
*Winner* Julio Maniaco

Backstage, Petey Pizzazz is seen asking around for The Great JuJu. He finally finds him, and pulls him aside, and the two go talk in private in the dressing room. What was that about?

Octane vs The Great JuJu
JuJu starts off, a little more aggressive than usual, and his blows actually seem to be rocking the big man. Petey Pizzazz soon saunters down the aisle, and stands at ringside, cheering on JuJu. Octane sees Petey, which enrages him, and he begins to fight back, leveling JuJu, then exiting the ring to confront Petey. The referee interjects himself, trying to coax Octane back to the ring , and when told to leave the ring area, Petey presents a card, which the ref examines and allows him to stay! That must be a manager's license! Octane is fuming , and the recovering JuJu is the only thing saving Petey from a beating , as he attacks from behind and tosses Octane back inside. After some more punishment, JuJu looks to his bag of voodoo items, but Petey advises against using it, and JuJu obliges. JuJu opts for attempting the JuJu Driver, but Octane is not to be denied, fighting out of it, then whipping JuJu off the ropes, then scoring with a big boot. Octane then rolls outside, floors Petey with a punch, re-enters, and nails the Empty Tank for the win. JuJu really gave it all he had there, giving the usually dominant Octane a run for his money, if he continues to be aggressive like that, he might become a force to be reckon with.
*Winner* Octane

Post Match: Octane exits the ring , but Petey (who played dead outside) Suddenly leapt up and jumped him from behind! He gets in one good shot, drawing his attention, then running to the back, with Octane close behind. They end up in the parking lot, as Petey tries to find his car and leave. Octane catches up with him, and begins to pummel him, but The Great JuJu makes the save, and just beats the stuffing out of Octane, and Petey soon joins in. The two men then leave together, leaving Octane down and out for the first time in his career. The medical crew has to take Octane out on a stretcher, which is a sight most never thought they'd see.

We go to a clip of Tex Gentry at some record label, where he points to gold and platinum albums on the wall, promising that he will someday have those on his wall, and he will get them via the exposure of the SWF.

Tex Gentry vs Tripp
Tripp stands waiting in the ring , and the lights begin to flash, and Tex Gentry struts to the ring , wearing a gaudy country western-style getup, which is completely adorned in lights (even the hat, shades, and boots!). Tripp looks disgusted by this lavish display, and grabs the mic, and addressees the crowd as Tex removes the extravagant lights and such from his gear. Tripp tries to extol the virtues of rock and roll, and express his hatred for country music. Gentry, having heard enough, takes the large battery that was used to power the lights on his suit and clocks Tripp with it, the ref is powerless as the match hadn't even officially started. Tex continues stomping away, as the bell finally rings, at which point he climbs the top rope and comes off with his Tennessee Jam finisher.
*Winner* Tex Gentry

Post Match: Tex continues to strut amidst the boos of the crowd, and he asks that the sound guys cue the lights and turn up his theme a little louder, which really gets under the crowd's skin.

Backstage, Crazy Phil finds The Janitor, thanking for last week, and wants to discuss their plans for their match tonight. The Janitor jumps up with his mop, and says they should go find Faith and Devotion RIGHT NOW for the match. Janitor calls out for a ref, and when one comes, they set out in search of their scheduled opponents.

Hardcore Tag Match-Crazy Phil & The Janitor vs Faith & Devotion
Phil and Janitor scour the backstage area, and finally locate F&D in the cafeteria, and attack the unsuspecting duo, who were sitting and enjoying a beverage. Janitor uses the mop, beating Reverend relentlessly until Reverend cowers under a table. Meanwhile, Phil has Xavier on a table of food, where he pounds away on him. The Janitor goes after Reverend, who scurries around on the floor, as The Janitor jabs him out from hiding under the table. Nearby, where Phil is battling with Xavier, Phil is struck by a metal serving tray that the desperate Xavier was able to grab. Xavier continues the use of the tray, which, after a few shots to the head, takes Phil down long enough for him to get the pin.
*Winners* Faith and Devotion

Post Match: The Reverend continues to elude The Janitor, and Xavier comes to his partner's aide, this time, shattering a glass coffee pot (thankfully empty) on Janitor's head! F&D gather their wits and begin to make their way to ringside, where as they are overheard saying, they plan on addressing the crowd.

F&D grab mics from the crew just behind the curtain, and begin to speak to the crowd. They say their quest to banish the Hardcore Title is almost complete, and they have a meeting with the State Athletic Commission next week!

We Head Backstage as Jack Suicide finds his brother Mike, sitting alone in the bowels of the building , deep in concentration due to his big title match later tonight. Jack sits with him, and pumps him up with words of encouragement, telling him how proud he is of him even getting this title shot, and tonight, he wants him to walk out of the ring, the new champion of the world.

The Announcers inform us that Captain Fantastic is still hurt after Mercenary's attack on the 15th, but is to be medically cleared by the Dec 13th show.

Jack Suicide/Black Dragons vs Cash Inc. & The Mercenary
Jack and his partners all come down at once to Jack's music, and despite the language barrier, they seem to be getting along very well. Their opponents also come down together, to what is now said to be the official theme of Cash Inc, a rap tune named More Money by Papa Daddy, but before they can enter the ring , The Black Dragons and Jack Suicide hurl themselves in succession onto them! All six men brawl on the outside, and when the referee tries to get them to come inside to start the match, he gets floored (rather deliberately) by The Mercenary! A hoard of officials make their way down to break up the brawl, which is a repeat of the scene in last week's main event. Extreme even comes down to help get things back in control, and help the ref get up, when the ref does recover, he simply calls for the bell.
*Double DQ*

Post Match: Cash Inc exchange words with Extreme, and Extreme promises to sort the whole situation out next week. Extreme then walks off to the set of Petey's Parlor where he is set to be interviewed.

Extreme makes his way to the Parlor, and Petey isn't there, he asks where he is to a production guy, and Petey comes running out, and we start the interview.

Petey(a little winded): I'm sorry, Me and JuJu had to take off earlier, and then I realized I had a show to do, so I rushed back.

Extreme: Yeah, I saw what you did to Octane, which gives me an idea. If you want to hurt him so bad, why not do it in a match... So, that's just what your gonna get a chance to do, at the December PPV Starrcade! You vs Octane, one on one!

Petey(scared to death): C'mon, please, think about what your saying! That guy is an animal!

Extreme(shrugs): Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you jumped him. BUT on the topic of Starrcade, what I'm here to announce are the dates for the next four SWF PPV events! The aforementioned Starrcade is set for December 19th, The SWF Rumble is set for January 16th, No Escape will be on Febuary13th, and the big one, Extrememania, is set for March 26th, and Extrememania will not take place here in the SWF Arena, but right down the road, where many of you fans might have seen a giant building being built. That is actually the all-new SWF Superdome! The SWF Superdome will be a top of the line facility, capable of holding around 80,000 people! The structure will also have a retractable roof, and after the debut Extrememania show, I hope to have many more SWF events there! All of these PPVs be on Fridays, so mark your calenders folks! Also, before I go, to address the wild brawl that just took place, I'm gonna tell you like I told them, next week, I will have something set up to settle some of those issues. Thanks for everything Petey! (Slaps a still very worried Petey on the back before he leaves)

Petey(upset): Ok. That does it here, I guess we're done, that does it for me (under his breath) literally. Back to ringside for the Main Event.

Main Event: SWF World Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Mike Suicide
Mike goes on the offensive from the start, coming at BDM with all he has. Once he knocks BDM down, Mike takes to the air to dazzle his opponent. BDM, much like last week, is overwhelmed by this style of attack, so he exits the ring. And, just as happened last week against Mike's brother Jack, BDM isn't given the chance to recover, as Mike baseball slides him, the impact of which knocks him to the concrete floor. Mike soaks up the adulation of the crowd and allows BDM to get back in the ring , as he doesn't want to win by countout. BDM still can't get anything going , and the other members of Cash Inc begin to make their way to the ring , but Extreme cuts them off and forces them to the back! Cash Inc protest, and they almost get into a physical confrontation with Extreme, but officials drag them off before anything can happen. Back inside, the distraction allows for BDM to reach in his tights and use a foreign object on Mike. Whatever it was knocked him out cold, and BDM slyly conceals the object before the ref can see, and applies his patented Billion Dollar Dream sleeper hold, making the whole thing look like Mike was out because of that! The scheme works, as Mike's hand falls the required three times, allowing BDM to retain his title.
*Winner and STILL SWF World Champion* The Billion Dollar Man

Post Match: Jack Suicide comes out to help his brother, and BDM hightails it before he can be harmed.

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 11/15/03
SWF Main Event 11/15/03

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event, just one night removed from the spectacular Soul Survivor PPV that saw The Suicide Brothers win The Ultimate Survival Match!

Dean: Here's what scheduled for tonight:

6 Man Tag-Captain Fantastic, The Freedom Fighter, Silkky Smooth vs Cash Inc (Jaffe and Joe) & The Mercenary

SWF Tag Team Titles- The Black Dragons vs Beef Macho/Randy Mann

Octane vs Yeti

SWF Hardcore Title- Crazy Phil vs Xavier Hawthorne III

Petey's Parlor With Mike Suicide

THIS JUST IN!: Jack Suicide has decided to use his title shot that he won last night to face The Billion Dollar Man for the World title, TONIGHT!

Vance: WOW! With all that action, we'd better get right into it!

6 Man Tag-Captain Fantastic, The Freedom Fighter, Silkky Smooth vs Cash Inc (Jaffe and Joe) & The Mercenary
Captain Fantastic starts thing off against Jaffe, but Jaffe soon tags in Mercenary, who picks apart Fantastic, who he has had some issues with since day one. Fantastic fights back, and makes the tag to Freedom, who gains the upper hand on Mercenary, but is then overpowered by him, as The Mercenary is seemingly on a tear as of late. Freedom does recover however, and Mercenary wisely tags in Joe Money. Joe puts on the pressure, forcing Freedom to tag Silkky, who is a house of fire upon is entrance. That fire is soon extinguished, as Joe tags Mercenary back in, and he pulverizes Silkky, at least until Silkky gets his wits about him, turns the tables, and eventually tags to Fantastic to possibly put the match away. But, as Fantastic enters, Cash Inc jump off the apron, and go attack Silkky and Freedom, providing a timely distraction for Mercenary. As Fantastic, and the ref look to the fray on the outside, The Mercenary pulls out some brass knuckles, and Kos Fantastic, and the ref turns around just in time to count the 1-2-3.
*Winners* Cash Inc & The Mercenary

Post Match: Fantastic seems really hurt after that shot with the knux, and The Mercenary continues to pummel him, making him bleed, and beating him, taking him outside, (where Freedom and Silkky are still fighting with Cash Inc) and picks up the steel steps, and heaves them onto him! Fantastic is really hurt now! The Mercenary walks off, satisfied as EMTS rush in to help Captain Fantastic.

Backstage, Randy Mann and Beef Macho decide to call their team "The Sex Connection", which is also the name of their porn production company.

SWF Tag Team Titles- The Black Dragons vs The Sex Connection
Quow starts against Beef, and Beef shows some pretty decent power and brawling. Seeing Quow being overpowered, Shadow tags himself in, and overtakes Beef with a flurry of kicks. Randy then tags in, swinging the momentum back to The Sex Connection. Quow then tags back in, turning the tables once again, using aerial tactics to wear down Randy. With Randy in trouble, Beef rushes in, and catches Quow with a Beefy Bomb as he comes off the ropes! Shadow follows suit, coming to the aid of Quow, first assaulting Beef, and then breaking up an attempted pin by Randy on Quow. The ref tries to resume control, but all four men end up brawling in the ring , and Shadow disposes of Beef, then flies across the ring to hit the Shining Wizard on Randy! The still woozy Quow manages to cover Randy for the pin.
*Winners and STILL SWF Tag Team Champions* The Black Dragons

We go to Petey for Petey's Parlor:

Petey: Hello one, and all! Welcome to Petey's Parlor! This week our guest is Mike Suicide! (Mike Suicide makes his way on set as his music plays)

Petey: So, Mike, last night, you shocked the whole world by winning the Ultimate Survival Match along side your brother Jack. Not only that, but your also $100,000 richer, and possess the opportunity to challenge for any title you wish, how does that make you feel?

Mike: I'm ecstatic, but I'll admit, tired as well, winning last night wasn't easy.

Petey: I also must ask, how do you feel about your brother using his title shot tonight, challenging for the World championship?

Mike: I'm happy for him, and wish him the best of luck, but that brings me to the reason I'm here tonight. While I hope Jack wins, next week, whoever holds the title will be facing me!

Petey(shocked): What a bombshell! So Mike, you have no qualms about possibly facing your own brother for the title?

Mike: No, he knows just how much being World champ means to me, and I know what it means to him, we made it clear to each other that nothing will stand in our way to make our dreams a reality.

Petey: Well, good luck to you next week. That'll do it for this week my guest will be the one and only, EXTREME SUPERSTAR!

Octane vs Yeti
Octane wastes no time in rushing right at Yeti, getting inside with knee lifts and punches, which drops the giant Yeti to his knees! Just as Octane has everything in control, Petey Pizzazz runs in! Octane simply blasts the intruder with a hard right hand, sending Petey to the outside floor. Yeti uses the distraction to fight back, but is cut off by Octane, who whips Yeti off the ropes for a big boot. With Yeti down, Octane just stares, seemingly plotting his next move, and the crowd comes to it's feet, sensing Octane is contemplating trying the Empty Tank of Yeti. Octane picks up Yeti, and puts him into position for the Empty Tank as the crowd cheers him on, but can he do it? Octane reaches down, hoists Yeti up, and NAILS THE EMPTY TANK! Octane did it! Obviously that was enough for the pin.
*Winner* Octane

Post Match: Petey recovers on the outside, and swears revenge as he leaves.

We go to pre-taped footage of Faith and Devotion outside city hall, picketing to have then hear their case for the dismissal of the Hardcore title.


SWF Hardcore Title- Crazy Phil vs Xavier Hawthorne III
Xavier comes to the ring , carrying the title. Which has an "X" in red tape over the word "Hardcore". Before Xavier can even make it into the ring , Crazy Phil comes down, wheeling a shopping cart full of weapons right into him! Phil continues his assault by grabbing a trash can lid from the cart and beating Xavier on the floor with it! Phil quickly tires to pin him, but only gets two, and Reverend appears to blast Phil with his "Good Book", giving Xavier the quick win.
*Winner* Xavier Hawthorne III

Post Match: Xavier and Reverend drag Phil up the ramp and to the back, where they have set up some sort of pool. Reverend begins to say a prayer, and bless the water, there gonna baptize Crazy Phil! Before they can succeed, The Janitor comes in, saving Phil, who thanks Janitor for his good deed. Faith and Devotion run off as Janitor screams obscenities at them.

Backstage, Mike Suicide wishes his brother luck in his title match, that's up next.

Main Event: SWF World Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Jack Suicide
Jack doesn't even gives BDM a chance to take his entrance garb off, throwing himself recklessly at him, and nearly pinning him a few seconds in. BDM takes a powder to the floor, trying to recover from the beating he'd been taking , mere seconds into the match. BDM isn't given a chance though, the determined Jack flies over the top rope onto him with a corkscrew plancha! Jack continues firing away on him before tossing him back inside. BDM runs away, haven't yet been able to attack, and as Jack blindly rushes in, he finally assumes control by booting him in the gut. BDM then uses a wicked DDT, but only get two off it, and he just begins to stomp on him, obviously frustrated by his opponent's success in the match thus far. Much to BDM's chagrin, Jack recovers and takes control again, fueled by his desire to be champion, he plants BDM with a running neckbreaker and ascends to the top rope to try and finish it with the Suicide Splash. Jack hits it, but as soon as he does, Joe Money comes down to distract the ref, while he does, Jaffe enters the ring to lay out Jack with the Arabian Goodnight, and Mike Suicide comes to the rescue, nailing Jaffe with the Suicidal Twist. The ref hears all the commotion, and turns around, as he does Joe also takes notice to what's going on, and enters the ring , adding to the fray. The ref sees this all, and having lost all control, he calls for the bell
*Double DQ, BDM Retains his title*

Before we go off air, Vance reminds us that there will be no SWF broadcast next week, but they will return on the 29th.

END OF SHOW

SWF Soul Survivor
SWF Soul Survivor

Extreme: Welcome to SWF Soul Survivor! Tonight each and every SWF superstar has been randomly entered into one of three 5 on 5 elimination matches! The survivors of those matches will be re-entered into another drawing , and split into two teams for the ULTIMATE survival match! The man or men who manage to survive will be rewarded with a title shot at ANY title they choose, at any time they decide (excluding a World title shot at Extrememania, that goes to the winner of the Rumble), PLUS $100,000 cash! Let's get right to it! (Extreme and Vance settle in to their commentary positions as the lineup shows up on screen)

The Lineup:

Survivor Match 1- Rory Rogers, The Great JuJu, Quow Ling, Jahalaman Jaffe, & The Reverend, vs Silkky Smooth, The Don, Tony Ramon, Mike Suicide, & Jack Suicide

Survivor Match 2- Joe Money, Petey Pizzazz, The Billion Dollar Man, X, & The Freedom Fighter vs Xavier Hawthorne III, Crazy Phil, Octane, The Janitor, & The Mercenary

Survivor Match 3- Tripp, The Shadow, Boppo The Clown, Repo, & Yeti vs Captain Fantastic, Beef Macho, Randy Mann, Disco Danny, & Jimmy Jam

The Ultimate Survival Match!

And More!


Survivor Match 1- Rory Rogers, The Great JuJu, Quow Ling, Jahalaman Jaffe, & The Reverend, vs Silkky Smooth, The Don, Tony Ramon, Mike Suicide, & Jack Suicide
The captains (whoever is listed first for each team, in this case Rory and Silkky) start out. Rory is quickly beaten badly by Silkky, but he tags out to Reverend. Reverend enters with his bible, and opts to preach to Silkky about his morals! Silkky charges and pummels him before Reverend crawls back to his corner, but none of his teammates will tag in! Silkky continues his assault before tagging the equally big Tony Ramon. Tony picks up where his teammate left off and pounds Reverend until he tags an unsuspecting partner in Jaffe. Jaffe is upset about this, but does his job and fights. Tony Tags in Mike Suicide, who along with his brother Jack, have angered Jaffe, having beaten him and his Cash Inc buddy Joe Money in tag title matches. With that in his mind, Jaffe takes apart the eldest Suicide brother for an extended period of time, but Mike rallies and tags Jack. Being the fresh man, Jack fares well, at least until Jaffe tags in one of the men who beat Jack for the tag titles, Quow Ling. Quow and Jack battle with neither getting a decisive advantage, but do so for quite a while, tiring each man until Jack tags The Don , and Quow tags JuJu. JuJu enters with his "magic bones" and attempts to put a curse on The Don, but is unsuccessful. The Don simply attacks and nails The Hit for the pin, eliminating JuJu. Rory enters right after, beating down The Don, and using the Roundup to pin, and eliminate him. Silkky replaces The Don, and in retaliation for eliminating his partner, goes to town on Rory. Rory is beaten into his corner, and Jaffe slyly tags in, hits a low blow, and then the Arabian Goodnight to eliminate Silkky. Tony Ramon rushes in as soon as the three count is made to replace Silkky, but Jaffe tags to The Reverend, who meets Tony with a bible shot to the face while Jaffe distracts the ref. After the shot, Tony is pinned and eliminated. The Suicides the only members of their team left, and both rush in for an all-out aerial blitz, that floors Reverend before Mike is forced out. Not wasting time, Jack goes up and gets the Suicide Splash to eliminate Reverend. Rory charges again, mad as all heck, but a quick tag lets Mike in, and before Jack leaves, he and Mike use a Total Elimination (as done by ECW tag team The Eliminators), to level Rory. Mike keeps going , nails the Suicidal Twist and pins him! Rory is now gone. Jaffe keeps up the pace by rushing in next, and taking some more out of Mike, who is tired due to the pace and beating he'd taken earlier. Jack is also feeling the fatigue on the apron, as a result of his battle with Quow. Mike manages to get free and make the tag to Jack, who summons all his strength, and goes at Jaffe as fast and furious as he can. Luckily, his tactic works, and he gets the Suicide Splash! 1-2-3, Jaffe is gone! The Suicides are putting on an amazing display! Quow ends any celebration, nearly pinning a tired Jack after working him over. But somehow, Jack fights back, and makes the tag. Mike comes in, but is running on empty, being easy prey for Quow. Quow is feeling the same fatigue but not nearly as much as his opponents, or he just hides it better. Even though, by all rights, Mike should be simple to dispose of, he refuses to be pinned, but has come awfully close. Mike tags again, and Jack comes in, but finally their teamwork is paying off, Quow is running out of steam, with nobody to tag , but forges ahead, causing Jack to tag again. Mike pulls out all the stops, and goes full tilt at Quow Ling , who wards him off, and sets him up for the Death Kick. Mike ducks, and spins him around for the Suicide Twist! But Mike is too tired to capitalize! After a good 20 seconds, Quow beings to stir a little, before Mike can. But out of nowhere, Jack comes off the top with the Suicide Splash! Mike wakes up enough to put his arm on Quow and get the three count! The Suicide Brothers survived against all odds!
*Survivors* The Suicide Brothers

We go to pre-taped footage of Petey Pizzazz, seeing who he drew as partners and opponents

Petey(staring at the match lineup): Let's see....(smiles) YES! The World champ, The U.S. champ, and Joe Money, all on my team! (sarcastically) Wow, X is on there too. (scanning the list with his finger) What loser's are we gonna beat? Xavier, CRAZY PHIL AND THE JANITOR?(smiles and cries out in joy) This is too good to be true! (suddenly his face goes pale, and he stands in fear) And Octane?! (runs off with the list in hand as he cries out) What am I gonna do?!

Survivor Match 2- Joe Money, Petey Pizzazz, The Billion Dollar Man, X, & The Freedom Fighter vs Xavier Hawthorne III, Crazy Phil, Octane, The Janitor, & The Mercenary
The captains (Joe and Xavier) start, but after being overpowered, Xavier tags to The Mercenary, blatantly passing up The Janitor, who takes offense. As The Mercenary and Joe fight inside, The Janitor gets off the apron, grabs his mop, and knocks Xavier off the apron with it! Xavier is now being beat by his own partner! Xavier fights back, and a throng of officials come down to break it up, but are hit by The Janitor, who swings his mop wildly, and The Janitor chases Xavier to the back, managing to nail a few good shots with his mop along the way. The ref Dqs the both of them, so they're eliminated. In the ring , The Freedom Fighter tags in for his team, and beats the tar out of The Mercenary, and Hits The Star Spangled Slam, eliminating him. Octane stands patiently on the apron with no expression, despite being at a 5 on 2 disadvantage. Crazy Phil wastes no time entering , wanting to prove himself. Petey Pizzazz begs for the tag , thinking he could easily dispose of Phil. Petey was right, he uses the Piece of Pizzazz to eliminate him, and celebrates, before realizing who the last man left was. Petey turns right into Octane, who blasts him with a right hand, sending him down hard. Octane simply raises Petey up, and kills him dead with the Empty Tank to eliminate him. X comes in next, for all of a minute before becoming a recipient of the Empty Tank, eliminating him as well. On the apron, BDM and his buddy Joe $ opt to hold out in entering the ring and let The Freedom Fighter go instead. The Freedom Fighter takes some of the starch out of the big man, but can't finish him off, and ends up eating a running big boot, then the Empty Tank to be eliminated next. Joe Money comes in, acting all badass, but gets SMOKED, feeling the wrath of the, and easily pins him, leaving only the SWF champion left. BDM slowly enters, and OFFERS OCTANE MONEY TO LEAVE! Octane decides to pulverize BDM instead, hits the Empty Tank, and rather easily pins the SWF World champion!
*Soul Survivor* Octane

We go to the interview platform next to the announce booth where Dean Bokerlund is with Extreme

Dean(holding the mic up to Extreme): Extreme, it's good to have you back, but we all want to know, what was that match against Death Machine like?

Extreme: Well Dean, It was......(a large man with bleach blonde spiked hair, warm up gear and a mean look on his face comes into view, and grabs Extreme's and Dean's attention)

Extreme(angrily): Who the hell are you? What are you doing here? (The man grabs the mic)

The Man(angrily, with an Australian accent): My name is Ron McBride, and I'm here to make a name for myself.

Extreme(gets another mic, still angry): Is that so?

Ron McBride(yelling): That's right, I'm trying to break into wrestling and I'm gonna do it by breaking your neck! You're the man to see, Extreme Superstar, owner of the SWF. I saw Halloween Hell, I saw what you did to Death Machine, beating you will make ME famous!

Extreme(really angry): I'm not here to play games, (takes off his jacket) Do you got any gear?

Ron McBride(takes of his warmup clothes to reveal wrestling gear): I'm ready.

Extreme(pointing to the ring): There's the ring let's go.

A referee rushes to officiate the match as the two men make their way down to fight

Ron McBride vs Extreme Superstar
Extreme, still hurt from Halloween Hell, psyches himself up in the corner before going face to face with his opponent. McBride is only a few inches taller than Extreme, but has a wide, strongman physique. McBride attempts to hit Extreme but he ducks, and comes back up with some hard shots to the body, and then knocks him down, and almost out with some KILLER rights to the head that bloody him up a bit. Extreme backs up to allow the man to recover, and McBride rushes him, as if to spear him, but misses! Extreme waits behind him, and when he turns around, WHAM! DDT! McBride is GONE, he isn't getting up, that was one hell of a DDT, but Extreme doesn't go for the pin?! Extreme cups his hand to his ear, ala his idol Hulk Hogan, and COMES OFF THE ROPES WITH THE LEGDROP! The crowd is going bonkers, and 1-2-3, it's over.
*Winner* Extreme Superstar

Post Match: Extreme's Music plays, but he asks for a mic instead of celebrating. He tells security to get rid of the guy, and he never wants to see him again. He also points to that as an example of what happens when you try to disrupt his show. Extreme then makes his way back to the announce booth and stands atop the desk to play to the crowd.


Survivor Match 3- Tripp, The Shadow, Boppo The Clown, Repo, & Yeti vs Captain Fantastic, Beef Macho, Randy Mann, Disco Danny, & Jimmy Jam
The captains (Tripp and Fantastic) start, and within a few minutes, Tripp is pinned after the Crime Stopper. Fantastic tags to Beef Macho as Repo enters, tonight he's dressed in a chicken suit, like the Goobledygooker! Beef quickly dispatches of him with a Beefy Bomb. Boppo enters, and Beef tags to Randy, who easily pins him with the Body Shot. Tripp's whole team is dropping like flies, with him actually being the first to go. Shadow fights and nearly pins Randy, facilitating the tag to X. Shadow tags to Yeti, and X tags back to Fantastic, who pins Yeti in short order. Shadow, being the last man, gives it his all, at one point or another taking on each member of the team, until Fantastic finishes him with the Crime Stopper.
*Survivors* Captain Fantastic, Beef Macho, Randy Mann, Disco Danny, & Jimmy Jam

We then go to Dean, now in the back with the Suicide Brothers

Dean(with a mic to the brothers): You fought against the odds and were the last two left after your match, but it's not over yet. Your both in the Ultimate Survival Match, tell me, what are you thoughts?

Mike: It was destiny that we were even on the same team, let alone winning. I hope we can be on the same team for the Ultimate Survival Match, but we'll see. I think I can speak for both of us in that we are ready, but a little nervous about the match.

Jack: We want to win this, but it's not about the money, it's the opportunity to fulfill our dreams of being World champion, it's what we've wanted out whole lives, and if we win this one last match, we'll get the chance. I really want to be on the same side as my brother, but if not, I wish him luck, and we'll try out hardest to come out on top.

We go to the announce booth for some final hype

Vance: Extreme, the moment is upon us.

Extreme: Just who will win the Ultimate Survival Match?

Vance: I'll say this, everyone in that match has earned it. Also I should note, with The Suicides and Octane winning their respective matches, and Captain Fantastic's whole team surviving , that means we get an even four on four, but what will the teams be?

Extreme let's find out, Dean is ringside to announce the teams, take it Dean.

Dean: It is now time for the ULTIMATE Survival Match! With eight men having been strong enough to survive thus far, there will be two teams of four. These teams are randomly drawn (camera pans to the drawing device, like that used for bingo) from this, just like all of the other teams you've seen tonight. As I draw the names, the participants will make their way to the ring. And now, allow me to introduce team number one! Mike Suicide! Captain Fantastic! Jack Suicide! And... Octane! (The contestants are seen entering the ring) Now for team two! Jimmy Jam! Beef Macho! Disco Danny! And Randy Mann!

As the last four enter the ring , we prepare to start the match

Ultimate Survival 4 on 4- Mike/Fantastic/Jack/Octane vs Jimmy/Beef/Disco/Randy
Mike and Jimmy, being the captains, start things off, but the effects of a hard fought match earlier make Mike tag , wisely to Octane. No sooner does Octane get in the ring does Petey Pizzazz come down to confront him! It works, and Octane goes after him outside, where Petey uses a low blow. Petey is successful in getting an odds on favorite in Octane, eliminated via count-out, which is what he apparently set out to do. As Jimmy stares at the scene outside, and Jack Suicide rushes in and pins him! Disco Danny, looking for revenge, takes it to Jack as soon as Jimmy is eliminated, but Jack tags out to Captain Fantastic, who enters and eliminates Danny after a brief battle via the Crime Stopper. Beef Macho, obviously upset that his team has suffered two losses, wastes no time in attacking Fantastic, but after his attempt at a Beefy Bomb is thwarted, he tags to Randy Mann. Randy takes the fight right to the TV champ, and eventually nails the Body Shot for a mild upset. Randy is feeling it now, and as Jack comes in to replace his partner, Randy meets him, unloading a barrage of punches on the tired Suicide Brother. Jack has no choice but to tag his brother, but he's not too fresh either, but gives it a go anyways. Mike starts pretty strong , but Randy is on fire, and he whips him to the buckle hard, and rushes in for a splash. However, Jack is there to tag in, and push Mike out of the way, sending Randy violently into the corner, and he bounces off to the mat. As he stands, Jack comes flying off the top with a moonsault, and stays on for the pin. 1-2-3! The Suicides' music starts as the crowd pops like mad.
*Winners and Ultimate Survivors* The Suicide Brothers

Post Match: The tired brothers make it to their feet and embrace emotionally, and the crowd gives them a standing ovation as they celebrate with tears of joy in their eyes.

END OF SHOW

Random Stuff
I'm bored, it's early in the morning, and I don't have anything better to do, so I'll write some random thoughts. Ya know, stuff on my mind and such, like actual talented writers do sometimes. Here she goes:

-I've come to the realization that Bon Jovi is a better band than I originally thought.

-I'm SO tired of hearing about that Jessica Lynch girl. She's a hero for being captured?! Give me a break, a REAL soldier would've gone in there Rambo-style and snapped necks, and fired those explosive arrows at people. I know, I've seen too many movies, but this girl isn't a hero. But hey, she already wrote a book, and had a TV movie, so she can laugh it all off while driving around in some brand new car and all that. And now I guess Larry Flynt has nudie pics of her, but hasn't decided to make them public yet. Do it Larry, do it, like as I always say, "Just to see the look on her face". C'mon people, WHERE'S MY TV MOVIE?! You could get, ummm... How about Fez from That 70's Show to play me, or I'll do it! Call me Hollywood, we'll work on a script later.

-Some other skank (Paris Hilton) is involved in a sex scandal too, wow whatever. She isn't like famous for actually doing stuff, just because she is the heir to some mucho buxxx. She is to be in some reality show on Fox soon though, which will, no doubt, suck. The other party involved is Shannon Doherty's husband, but it was all before they were married. As for Shannon, despite what people say, I actually think she's cool. She does her own thing and that rocks, go on girl! I don't see her as evil and such, just misunderstood. I just figured I'd add that.

-Onto Another person who I like and feel is misunderstood, Mike Tyson. Mike is sooooo badass it's not even funny. And the dude just doesn't care, he says and does as HE pleases, not society. I can't wait for his next fight, I refuse to give up on him as a boxer, he'll always be my favorite, and hope he keeps destroying guys in the ring, right back to the top. My uncle met him too, just walked up and Tyson was cool with him, treating him like an old friend, how awesome is that? Mike also provides some great and memorable quotes, like this infamous one:

"I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him (Lennox Lewis). I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children." -- Tyson after beating Lou Savarese in June, 2000.

I am also quite fond of these "Tysonisms":
"I'm on the Zoloft to keep me from killing y'all." Tyson to reporters during a news conference to promote his Oct. 20, 2000 fight against Andrew Golota in Auburn Hills, Mich.

"At times, I come across as crude or crass. That irritates you when I come across like a Neanderthal or a babbling idiot at times. But I like to be that person. I like to show you all that person because that's who you come to see." -- Tyson to reporters in Hawaii, 2002

But my all time favorite one is this glimpse into Tyson's psyche:

"I offend people. I ask this lady (a CNN reporter) a lewd question because I'm in a lot of pain. I have some pain I'm gonna have for the rest of my life. So every now and then I kick your (expletive) ass and stomp on you and ... inflict some of the pain on you because you deserve to feel the pain that I feel. I wish that you guys had children so I could kick them in the (expletive) head or stomp on their testicles so you could feel my pain because that's the pain I have waking up every day." -- Tyson at the same Hawaii meeting mentioned above.

I want to make it clear, this is not meant as sarcasm, I think I understand Tyson and his behavior, and don't see him as some freak or joke.

TYSON FOREVER!

-After thinking about it, if I had to chose a theme song to play as I walked down the street and such, I'd pick Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees. As a matter of fact, I'm listening to it right now. Stayin' Alive is the ultimate cool song, people would know I was the man if that played as I sauntered in a room, beacuse that song MAKES me the man.

-Note to Hollywood: You can keep The Rock, seriously. Don't expect me to go see his movies though.

-I had a weird dream the other night where I was one of those Shoot Fighters, like UFC and the Mixed Martial Arts. It all made me think, I'd probably be good at that stuff. Additionally, boxing has always been something I'd want to get into as well. I just know I'd be a decent boxer, how I'd love KOing guys like Lennox Lewis and Chris Byrd, but they'd most likely be retired by then, oh well.

-Note to Vince McMahon: Get as many legends as possible for Wrestlemania XX. I'd have a heart attack (pardon the pun) if Bret Hart showed up live, even if it was just sitting in the crowd, that would all serve to make the show memorable. Also, Hulk Hogan had BETTER be there! Put him against anyone, let him come out to Real American, let him wear the red and yellow(the REAL deal), let him Hulk Up, Hit the Boot & Legdrop then pick up the win. You cold drag The Rock back to do the job, then ship him back to Hollywood. Hulk deserves his swan song, and all us Hulkamaniacs that bleed the red and yellow deserve to see it.....BROTHER!

- Note to Comedy Central: Now that the God-Awful Kid Notorious was moved off Wendsday nights, PLEASE move back Reno 911! Do it at least before the 2nd season starts!

-Stephen Colbert, Jack Black, Chris Farley(RIP), and Will Ferrell get my vote on the four funniest men EVER.

-Another plea to Comedy Central: Retro SNL with the greats like Sandler, Farley, and Ferell are great, but do we need a good 6 hours a day devoted to the show? It's not like you show more than 5 different episodes anyways. Put Kids in the Hall on at a decent time or even the underrated Strangers With Candy (featuring the Infinitely funny Stephen Colbert)on.

This time, a Gripe about Comedy Central: Comedy Central is currently running a poll for the best SNL episodes of all time, with the top 25 to be shown X-mas Eve. The only one I want to see is the 1985 episode where my idol Hulk Hogan hosted, and they don't even list it as a choice! They list just about every other episode of that season except that one! Also, I remember looking on their episode guide for the details of Hogan's appearance, and they didn't even have the episode listed! It might not be Comedy Central's fault though, NBC or even head honcho Lorne Michaels may still be pissed that the WWF got so popular that in the spring of 1985 NBC bumped SNL to show the legendary wrestling show Saturday Night's Main Event, which aired once a month in SNL's place. But what really probably ticks them off is that WWF delivered! It hit it's peak as Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant drew 33 million viewers (15.2 Nielson) on a prime time special. The ratings they got on that event are comparible and even better than such shows as Friends (take THAT!)today. SNME ran from 1985-1992, but left NBC in 1991. You might say, "But they air The Rock's appearances". Well, Rock didn't embarass SNL by dwarfing their ratings did he? And, Rock isn't as "Pure" a wrestler as Hogan, who's more known as a wrestler, not an actor.

-I mentioned Kids in the Hall above, but I have more to say about that show. KITH was irreverent and hilarious, something you got or you didn't, I did. My favorite sketches are the bizarre "Sausages", "Try it Now", and "Lopez". This stuff has to be seen to be appreciated. Ironically, Lorne Michaels was responsible for this show.

-I want Alex Winter to make a comeback, WE WANT BILL! Keanu, couldn't you have got him a bit part in the Matrix movies? I demand a Wyld Stallyns reunion! After the Bill and Ted movies, Winter actaully made his own movie in 1993 called Freaked, and it rocked. He also gave Keanu a bit part in it too. Keanu, you should have repaid the favor!

-In a final note, if you read my "Worst Movies I've Ever Seen" article, then you know my distain of Jason Bateman. Anyways, his new show "Arrested Development" seems to have picked up a following. What the hell?! Honestly, what is wrong with society, people worship garbage like Friends and another new pile of dung, The O.C. (which idiotically translates to The Orange County), it's official, I've lost faith in mankind. I hope something can happen soon to restore my faith, but that might be far off. However the band that has the same name as the Bateman (I also happen to loathe the band) is suing for use of their name. There is probably no way the musicians will get any money as the namesake is most likely considered public domain, but I can only pray the crappy band pulls in da mad ends, forcing the show off the air.

CD Collection
Yeah, I just remembered I promised the make that list... I will probably work on it today, maybe at least getting the Real CDs up, and put the custom ones up later. You see, I'd have to go through all the customs and list them by tracks so you know what is on them, but with my CD/DVD drives screwed up on my PC, It'd be hard to listen to them while typing. I'll see what I can do though, it's going to be a huge undertaking but I really need to put together track listings for the customs anyways, as I always have to go through several CDs to find what I want to hear.

SWF MAIN EVENT 11/8/03
SWF MAIN EVENT 11/8/03

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! We've got a packed card, and some major announcements on tonight's show!

Extreme: Before we get too into the show, I have to let the fans know something. We've been working on some format changes for the SWF, and have decided to take out a lot of the announcers in between comments. This is a way to streamline the show, and use the announcers for things of greater importance, such as program notes and such. Also, show reports will cut all the "Fade in, Fade out, Back to the Announcers" stuff as well, as that was seemingly useless, instead, all segments, and matches will flow seamlessly, represented only by a space.

Vance: All right! Here's tonight's lineup:

SWF Hardcore Title Match- Xavier Hawthorne III vs Raslin' Rory Rogers

SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Black Dragons vs The Generation Gap- Disco Danny and Jimmy Jam

Randy Mann vs The Mercenary

X vs The Don

Another addition of Petey's Parlor

Octane vs Repo

6 Man Tag Match- Cash Inc vs The Freedom Fighter, Captain Fantastic, and Silkky Smooth

Extreme: Let's dive right in, here's the opening match!

Randy Mann vs The Mercenary
The Mercenary is looking rather irritated, possibly since he has been on quite the losing streak. He immediately charges, and almost takes Randy's head off with a hooking clothesline. Mercenary is un-relentless, as he continues to wail on Randy Mann. Randy briefly takes the upper hand by using his technical prowess, but The Mercenary quickly puts a stop to that, and hoists him up for the Mercy Kill, holding him in the air for a LONG time before dropping him for the easy pinfall. The Mercenary is apparently getting out of his funk.
*Winner* The Mercenary

We go right to Petey's Parlor where Petey is alone, since he and Octane severed their relationship at Halloween Hell. Petey holds the mic, ready to speak.

Petey(standing with a less than happy look on his face): As you can see, I don't have my SWF 6 Man title with me. That's because my partner, Octane decided to take out his aggressions on me, splitting the team. As for Yeti, he isn't exactly what I'd call a team player, but anyways I have something to tell you all about the titles. You see, with only The Generation Gap to award the titles to, the belts have been vacated until further notice. The whole 6 Man Tag division was counting on two teams to battle for the gold, and eventually inspire more teams, which would successfully establish it as a part of the SWF. HOWEVER, Octane seems to have spoiled it. He's RUINED the whole division, simply because he wanted to throw a temper tantrum about me trying to keep him in line....(Octane suddenly arrives on set behind Petey, who them turns to see him, he begs off as the big man comes closer)

Petey(in a trembling , scared voice): Oh, hey. I didn't mean any of what I said, really. I'm just trying to liven up the show, ya know? (As Octane closes in, Petey tosses the mic in his face and runs off as Octane stands angry on the set, closing out the segment)

X vs The Don
X starts good, but ends up falling prey to his opponent's superior brawling. X rallies though, and confuses The Don with some aerial moves. The Don is having a hard time keeping up, and X comes of the top rope, taking him down with a flying bulldog. He only gets two, but the weary Don is hit with the X-Factor, giving X the win.
*Winner* X

Backstage, Quow Ling is warming up, while his partner, The Shadow mimics him in the background. Quow stops his warmup and stares at his partner, with a confused look on his face, he says something in his native language, Japanese to Shadow. The Shadow nods in understanding , leading one to believe that the mysterious masked man is either Japanese himself, or just knows the language.

SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Black Dragons vs The Generation Gap- Disco Danny and Jimmy Jam
It should be noted, in the Black Dragons entrance, Quow Ling comes out to his theme, as The Shadow follows him. Shadow and Danny start, and Danny fares ok until Shadow's martial arts style becomes too much for him. Shadow takes Danny to his corner, and tags Quow in. Quow continues where his partner left off, and he and Shadow continue tagging in and out, making use of this time to do some double team moves on Danny, and showing some great teamwork. Danny finally gets the tag, and Jimmy comes in, cleans up, and beats on the legal man, being Shadow. Quow saves his partner, which also draws Jam's partner, Disco Danny back in. All four men slug it out before Danny is discarded, and The Dragons execute their simultaneous Death Kick/Flying Wizard finisher, dubbed by Extreme as the Dragon Attack, on Jimmy Jam. Shadow pins him for the win.
*Winners and STILL SWF Tag Champions* The Black Dragons

Post Match: Before the Dragons can leave, The Suicide Brothers enter the ring with mics, and begin to talk to the Dragons.

Mike: I'm not sure if you can understand me, but me and my brother really wanted to talk to you.

Jack: We didn't have a chance after the PPV, or due to the special, last week, but we had to come out and make our feelings known about you guys. (Quow and Shadow stand, seeming to at least understand some of what is being said)

Mike: Jack, this isn't working , let's show them how we feel instead. (Both drop their mics, and after a few seconds of staring at the other team, they extend their hands to them. Quow's usually blank expression changes to one of respect as he and his partner shake Jack and Mike's hands in a great display of class. The two teams leave together after playing to the crowd a bit)

In the locker room, Xavier Hawthorne is attacked by Rory Rogers, who has a ref in tow, starting the match right then and there!

SWF Hardcore Title Match- Xavier Hawthorne III vs Raslin' Rory Rogers
Rory just beats Xavier to a pulp, tossing him around into lockers and the like. Rory drags the helpless Xavier out of the locker room, and down the hall to the cafeteria, where he throws him onto a large cafeteria table. Rory climbs the table, and gives the signal that he's gonna do The Round-Up through it! But before he can, The Reverend runs onto the scene, and uses his bible to clock him right in the knee! When he falls, clutching his knee, The Reverend hits him again, this time right on the head, busting him open! Xavier manages to get his hand onto him for the pin!
*Winner and STILL SWF Hardcore Champion* Xavier Hawthorne III

Post Match: The Reverend sets down his bible on the table, which upon closer inspection, is just a book that looks like a bible, instead it reads "The Good Book", to gather Xavier and the title. Before the duo can take off, The Janitor attacks them with his mop! The Reverend's book falls off the table, and like his partner's "Code of Ethics" book, it has a brick in it! Faith and Devotion manage to grab the "book" and run off before The Janitor could really get to them.

Octane vs Repo
Octane stands alone in the ring while waiting for Repo, when the lights go out! Kane's music hits, the pyro goes off, and sure enough, Repo comes out dressed as Kane (the original look)! Repo's Kane costume is actually a Halloween one for little kids, and is WAY too small for him! Octane just stands there as "Kane" does his in-ring pyro, and the bell rings. Octane whips his opponent around like a rag doll, tearing Repo's plastic Kane mask up, and leaving it hang off his head. Soon after, Octane gives him the Empty Tank to finish it.
*Winner* Octane

Vance and Extreme are shown, ready to talk to the live crowd about the PPV:

Vance: At this time, we'd like to tell you fans about the upcoming PPV event, SWF Soul Survivor, to take place on November14th!

Extreme: It won't be just any PPV though Vance, EVERY SWF wrestler will be entered into a random drawing , that drawing will place them onto one of six teams of five. Those teams will face each other in three five on five elimination matches, the survivors of those will then be entered into another random drawing to determine their team for the ULTIMATE Survival match!

Vance: Those teams, which numbers depend on who survives the original three matches, will compete in the aforementioned Ultimate Survival match, which will have the same rules as the other elimination matches, but with HUGE rewards for the winner or winners. Those who manage to win the Ultimate Survival match, will be given a title shot at any title they wish, whenever they wish (excluding a World title shot at Extrememania, that goes to the winner of the Rumble), and a $100,000 cash prize! In, other news,

Extreme: I said on the SWF special that I had an important announcement to make, and I do. I feel, that in light of recent events, I should step away from the broadcast booth, at least for a while. So, after the Soul Survivor PPV, Dean Bokerlund, will, at least temporarily be taking my place as an announcer. But, don't expect me to step away completely, I'm gonna be taking a more hands on role in the SWF. So, from this moment on, consider me a commissioner of sorts, when any SWF superstar has a problem, or wants a match signed, they can come to me and I'll see what I can do to help. Sure, I'm the owner, but before, the wrestlers didn't feel like they could actually come to me for help, or suggest a match, that ends now. And a final note to all troublemakers, I'm watching you.

Vance(shocked): Wow! You heard it here folks, Extreme Superstar will now be assuming a more in depth role in the SWF! But right now, we have a main event to watch!

Main Event: 6 Man Tag Match- Cash Inc vs The Freedom Fighter, Captain Fantastic, and Silkky Smooth
The Billion Dollar Man (BDM for short) is in first for Cash Inc, so Silkky requests that he start for his team, and his partners oblige. BDM holds his own though, being a superior technical wrestler, and even a decent brawler. Silkky finally gets some offense, and takes down BDM with some punches and then delivers a corner splash. The fired up Silkky decides to punch out the other members of Cash Inc while he's at it, which draws both men in. As the ref tries to get the illegal men back on the apron, BDM goes low on Silkky and proceeds to stomp on him, before he can make it to his, now back on the apron partners, where he tags Jaffe. Soon after, Silkky makes it to The Freedom Fighter, who destroys Jaffe, completely overpowering him before he could get in any offense. Jaffe crawls back to his corner to tag in Joe $(Money), who fares much better, actually being able to get in some offense. Freedom eventually is the one in need of tagging , and he does to Captain Fantastic. Fantastic pummels Joe, and then Joe rolls outside to caucus with his team. Cash Inc huddles, and when they break, and return to their respective positions, Joe's being in the ring , BDM seemingly signals someone by pounding his foot on the apron, while waving to the back. As Fantastic begins to lock back up with Joe, The Mercenary runs out from the back! He slides right under the bottom rope, and spears Fantastic to the ground, as Cash Inc run interference, holding Fantastic's partners at bay. Cash Inc lay waste to Silkky and The Freedom Fighter outside, then enter the ring to watch the Mercenary assault Captain Fantastic, as the ref finally calls for the bell.
*Winners By DQ* The Freedom Fighter, Captain Fantastic, and Silkky Smooth

Post Match: The Mercenary delivers his Mercy Kill finisher two times on Captain Fantastic, who is also bleeding from a gash on his forehead. BDM happily walks over to Mercenary and hands him a wad of cash! BDM has paid for Mercenary's services! Being amused by it all, BDM instructs Mercenary to do the Mercy Kill one more time, holding up another few bills, and The Mercenary complies. Mercenary then leaves with his money as Cash Inc celebrate in the ring.

END OF SHOW

This week, instead of a regular show, here's an SWF Special!
SWF Special: The New Blood
Vance: Welcome to a very special SWF show!

Extreme: That's right, because tonight, you will be introduced to four newly signed SWF superstars.

Vance: We've gotten so much of a buzz in the short time we've been running , that potential talent has had the phones at SWF headquarters ringing off the hook! But now, let's look at the ones we signed!

Name: Ayatollah Sheik

Height: 6'0

Weight: 241

From: Sari Iran

Finishing Move: The Camel Clutch- The move of the same name

Theme: Wherever I May Roam by Metallica

Bio: This Iranian strongman has been a world class weightlifter and amateur wrestler for some time, but has always wanted the to be in the spotlight of pro wrestling. He says that one of the biggest reasons for joining the SWF is to silence The Freedom Fighter for his "Pro USA rhetoric". The self proclaimed Ayatollah excels in both powerhouse brawling , and scientific wrestling.

Name: Charles Gunn

Height: 6'5

Weight: 243

From: Dallas Texas

Finishing Move: The Gunslinger -The move of the same name

Theme: Rodeo by Garth Brooks

Bio: He was recommended by current SWF superstar, Rory Rogers. Gunn and Rogers were rivals in junior rodeos for a few years before becoming best friends, and both ended up going pro. They continued their friendship, and each hold three pro Bull Riding titles, even though on a few of their wins, they had to beat each other. This Texan loves a fight, and does his best work in brawls.

Name: Tex Gentry

Height: 5'11

Weight: 234

From: Nashville Tennessee

Finishing Move: The Tennessee Jam- The Move of the same name


Theme: Tennessee River by Alabama

Bio: Despite being named Tex, Gentry was born and bred in Nashville Tennessee. Tex is a rather skilled technical wrestler, but mixes some fast paced moves to give him a truly unique style. While quite talented, Tex seems more interested in getting himself a career as a country music star, thinking he can use the SWF's national exposure to secure a record deal.

Name: Julio Maniaco

Height: ??

Weight: ??

From: Mexico City, Mexico

Finishing Move: The Mexican Conquest- Test Drive

Theme: Real Solution # 9(Mambo Mania Mix) by White Zombie

Bio: All we know of the masked man is that he hails from Mexico, and instead of using traditional Lucha Libre moves like many from his country, he mixes all different styles together. Despite such a combination of maneuvers, Julio blends them together beautifully, and is heavily touted as a breakout star. This enigmatic individual is definitely one to watch, not only for his talent, but possible details as to his background or identity.

Vance: Well there's the new blood, be sure to check out the SWF next Saturday for an important announcement concerning our next PPV, SWF Soul Survivor.

Extreme: And I too have an announcement to make, this will all take place on SWF Main Event, which will also feature the following matches:

SWF Hardcore Title Match- Xavier Hawthorne III vs Raslin' Rory Rogers

SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Black Dragons vs The Generation Gap- Disco Danny and Jimmy Jam

Randy Mann vs The Mercenary

X vs The Don

Another addition of Petey's Parlor

Octane vs Repo

6 Man Tag Match- Cash Inc vs The Freedom Fighter, Captain Fantastic, and Silkky Smooth

Vance: I can't wait, we'll see you there fans!

END OF SHOW

Halloween Hell
Halloween Hell
(We open with a shot of the Halloween decorated arena, there's a small ramp that leads down to the aisle from the back, and the sides of the entrance walkway on the elevated stage are decorated with leafless trees covered in spider webs, fake tombstones, even open graves, and other assorted holiday decor)

Vance(wearing a vampire's costume): Welcome to Halloween Hell! I'm Vance McMillian, along side Dean Bokerlund. We've got tons of action tonight, and since this is a PPV, there won't be a lot of in between commentary by us announcers.

Dean(dressed as a mad scientist): That's right! We're gonna jump right into the card, but before we do, here's the lineup:

Extreme Superstar vs Death Machine- If Extreme wins, Death Machine must leave forever

SWF World Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Silkky Smooth

SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Suicide Brothers. vs The Black Dragons

SWF U.S. title Match.- The Freedom Fighter vs Jahalaman Jaffe

SWF TV Title Match- Randy Mann vs Captain Fantastic

SWF Hardcore Title- The Janitor vs The Reverend- If The Janitor wins, Faith and Devotion must cease in trying to banish the Hardcore title

SWF Six Man Title Match- Petey Pizzazz/Octane/Yeti vs The Generation Gap

Vance: Enough with the chatter, let's go to the action!

(Cut to the ring for the opening match)

SWF Six Man Titles Match- Petey Pizzazz/Octane/Yeti vs The Generation Gap
All 3 members of The Generation Gap attack Petey, and the ref clears the ring , with Disco Danny and Petey being the legal men. Petey finally recovers from the non-stop assault on him and tags Octane, who he berates for not stopping the aforementioned attack. Octane simply glares at him, as Jimmy Jamm is tagged in, and delivers a missile dropkick on Octane as he is focused on Petey. The dropkick sends Octane into Yeti, who starts hammering away on Octane for hitting him. The Generation Gap stand back and watch their opponents fight, and Octane fights back against Yeti, and Petey tries to mediate and he is hit by Octane. The ref tries to intervene, and he too is hit, causing him to call for the bell.
*Winners by DQ* The Generation Gap

Post Match: Petey manages to get in between his feuding partners, only to yell at Octane, and his continued silence angers Petey, so he slaps him in his rage. He immediately realizes his mistake, and begs for mercy, but instead is blasted with the Empty Tank. The ref hands Octane his belt, and heads for the hills, and Octane starts to walk to the back with his title, but slams it down in the aisle and keeps walking.

(We go backstage to pret-taped footage of The Suicide Brothers discussing plans for their match, Jack is heard asking his brother if he's ready for their announcement, and we go to the ring , where Jack has the mic)

Jack(addressees he crowd): The Suicide Brothers ALWAYS take it to the limit, and here tonight at the first ever SWF PPV, we intend to take it BEYOND anything you've seen thus far. (Jack hands the mic to his brother, and leaves the ring and looks under it for something)

Mike: That's right! Instead of a regular tag match, (Jack comes into view with a ladder, and the camera shows the belts lowering on a cable above the ring) WE WANT A LADDER MATCH!(as soon as Mike says this, The Black Dragons rush to the ring , before they could be properly introduced)

SWF Tag Team Title Ladder Match- The Suicide Brothers vs The Black Dragons
Upon entering the ring, the two teams slug it out, and Jack charges Quow with the ladder, missing him, sending him over the top with the ladder like he was pole vaulting! Mike decides to attack Quow before he can go out after his injured brother, but Shadow is left all alone, and decides to do a somersault plancha onto Jack, but instead of hitting his intended target, Jack pushed the ladder up into his face! The ladder takes out Shadow, but falls back on Jack, so both men are out of the floor. In the ring , Mike and Quow continue exchanging moves, leading to a few great chain wrestling sequences. Seeing how evenly matched they are, they abandon that style of wrestling and opt to use high risk moves. As the two try to hit something , and take the advantage, Shadow and Jack begin to stir on the outside. Back inside, Quow and Mike, realizing their partners are coming to, race outside to assist them, or get the ladder. With all four on the floor, they each try to fight for possession of the ladder, ending up in a tug of war. The Dragons decide to push rather than pull, sending the ladder into their opponents. Then, The Dragons use the ladder as a ramrod, knocking the Suicides over. With both men down, Quow and Shadow position the ladder against the fan barricade in the aisle. They grab Mike, and double suplex him onto the ladder, causing the bottom to actually twist! Next, the lay Jack across the ladder, and with a running start, Quow backdrops his partner onto the ladder, but Jack moves! Jack quickly grabs the now warped ladder and smacks it into Quow's face, knocking him down. Jack, while holding the ladder, climbs onto the fan barricade, and rides the ladder down onto Quow! All four men lay on the ground outside and near the top of the aisle officials bring out another ladder, as Mike finally makes it up. Seeing the new ladder sitting up the aisle, he goes for it, not realizing The Shadow has recovered and is following suit. Just as he grabs the ladder, Mike turns into a dropkick by Shadow, and is then beaten on. Quow soon arrives on the scene, and assists his partner in beating on Mike. Jack finally recovers, rushes up the aisle and makes the save, blasting Quow, knocking him down hard onto the elevated metal stage. Jack then wards of Shadow's attack, battling him dangerously close to the far edge of the stage, which is a good seven or eight foot drop. Shadow manages to avoid being knocked off the edge by fighting back, but out of nowhere, Mike flies towards him, nailing him with a flying forearm, and knocking him off the ramp! Shadow lands with a thud unto the fake graveyard scene, rolling over the prop tombstones, and falls into one of the open graves! Quow, who still is struggling to recover is beaten down by Mike, as Jack grabs the ladder. Instead of making his way to the ring to get the titles, Jack sets up the ladder on the edge of the stage, and JUMPS OFF AND DOWN INTO THE GRAVE WHERE SHADOW WAS! Mike goes to grab the ladder before it too goes off the stage, and QUOW PUSHES HIM OFF THE STAGE, AND HE CRASHES INTO ONE OF THE TREES! The ladder still ended up falling too, but with everyone out cold, Quow casually walks down the ramp, and goes over to the graveyard scene and claims the ladder. Quow snags the ladder, and hustles to the ring , as Mike is falls from the prop tree and hits the ground, and Shadow and Jack have yet to emerge from the hole. Quow sets it up, and easily climbs up to grab the titles.
*Winners and NEW SWF Tag Team Champions* The Black Dragons

Post Match: EMTS aid the three injured men at the graveyard set, and Quow walks off tiredly, as the crowd gives the competitors a standing ovation for their efforts.

(Cut to the back, as Death Machine arrives in a hearse, he gets out and unloads a big black coffin with "Extreme Superstar" seemingly written in blood on it. He also unloads a dolly, which has a headstone that reads "Extreme Superstar, May 4th 1985-October 31st 2003 with the epitaph "He died in severe agony")

(Back to the announcers)

Vance(disturbed by what he just saw): Dean, did you see that?

Dean(also upset): Yes. That is unsettling to say the least.

Vance(now angry): I've got a message for you Death Machine, all that stuff Extreme said a few weeks ago was true. And, If there is any justice in this world, tonight you'll get what's coming to you, so we never have to see or hear from you ever again. (sighs) I'm sorry, I here to do a job, so next up is the Hardcore title match is next.

(Cut to the ring for the match)


SWF Hardcore Title Match- The Janitor vs The Reverend
The Janitor begins beating The Reverend with his trusty mop before he can even get into the ring all the way, or even take off his title. The Janitor takes off the belt for him though, and proceeds to whip him with it before holding it up to the crowd. The Janitor leaves the ring , only to pick up a metal garbage can he brought to the ring with him. He delivers a few shots with it before knocking Reverend down, and then dropping the can. Janitor, sensing victory, lifts Reverend back up, and does the Clean Sweep onto the metal trash can! 1-2-3, it's over.
*Winner and NEW SWF Hardcore Champion* The Janitor
BUT WAIT! Xavier Hawthorne III assaults the new champ before he can even grab the title! Xavier delivers the Morality Kick, and he wins the title and runs out of the ring!
*Winner and NEW SWF Hardcore Champion* Xavier Hawthorne III

(We go backstage where Petey Pizzazz is in the locker room, arguing with Yeti and Octane over their match)

Petey(yelling while holding Octane's and his own 6 Man title belts): There's only so much I can take! And this silence thing with (points to both men) with each of you, is wearing thin. I don't need to take this! (He slams down the titles) I give up, I'm leaving!

(As Petey leaves, the camera goes for a reaction shot, and closes in on Octane, who finally speaks!)

Octane(who has a deep voice): Go.

(Back to the ring for the next match)

SWF TV Title Match- Randy Mann vs Captain Fantastic
On his way to the ring , perennial do-gooder, Captain Fantastic tosses candy to the fans, much to the delight of the kids in the crowd. Both men show sportsmanship by shaking hands before they lock up. Randy takes the early offense, but Fantastic fires right back with some great amateur style counters. Randy turns up the intensity, and starts to get something going , but is surprised by Fantastic's strength, and is overpowered. After some spirted back and forth, Captain Fantastic hits his patented Crime Stopper for the win.
*Winner and STILL SWF TV Champion* Captain Fantastic

Post Match: Randy shakes hands with his opponent, and even helps hand out candy to the crowd, probably changing people's perception of the adult film star.

(As Randy and Fantastic leave, Jahalaman Jaffe enters the ring with a mic)

Jaffe(looking around in disgust): Look at you. Poor, pathetic American idiots! You parents out here probably love the fact those guys were handing out candy, now you can spend the money for your kid's dinner on booze! (Freedom Fighter's music cuts off Jaffe from any further remarks, and The Freedom Fighter rushes in the ring for the match)

SWF U.S. title Match.- The Freedom Fighter vs Jahalaman Jaffe
The Freedom Fighter wastes no time in decimating his opponent, but Jaffe goes low to take control. Jaffe, who hadn't even been able to take off his entrance attire, does so as he wails on his opponent. Jaffe takes his rings and necklaces, secures them on his right hand, and tries to KO The Freedom Fighter, but Freedom ducks, and Jaffe spins right into a Star Spangled Slam! 1-2-3, that's it!
*Winner and STILL SWF U.S. Champion* The Freedom Fighter

Post Match: The Freedom Fighter apologizes for Jaffe's remarks, praises the good ol' US of A, and wishes everyone a happy and safe Halloween.

(We cut to footage of Extreme Superstar arriving earlier in the day, which draws a major pop. He looks ultra pissed, is wearing all black, and marches through the back without saying a word.)



(Back to the ring for the next match)

SWF World Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Silkky Smooth
BDM, much like his buddy Jahalaman Jaffe, gets beaten up before he knows what hit him. Basically, BDM takes a beating for most of the match before pulling the ref in front of a Silkky clothesline. When Silkky checks on the ref, BDM grabs his title belt (it was kick aside by the ref when it fell off BDM in the beginning assault), clocks Silkky, and locks the Billion Dollar Dream on his unconscious opponent right before the ref recovers. Seeing Silkky out cold in BDM's finishing hold, the ref calls for the bell.
*Winner and STILL SWF Champion* The Billion Dollar Man

(We cut to a video that recaps the Extreme/Death Machine saga, when we return to the arena, the coffin Death Machine had is at ringside, open, seemingly ready for a body, and Death Machine's music hits. Death Machine enters, pushing the tombstone he apparently made as the arena sits in scared silence. As soon as Death Machine enters the ring , Nickelback's "Where Do I Hide?" strikes up, signaling Extreme's arrival as the crowd comes unglued. Extreme walks out slowly, and still as pissed as ever, he stares towards the ring for a minute before running full speed to it.)


The Main Event-Extreme Superstar vs Death Machine
Extreme slides right under the bottom rope, avoids being hit by the monster who towers over him, and BLASTS him with all the power he has, and for the first time, Death Machine seems to feel pain! Extreme has him backed against the ropes, and charges with a clothesline, sending the big man over, and into the casket he had outside the ring! Extreme, not missing a beat, kicks the lid closed, hops out of the ring , and begins wheeling that bad boy right up the ramp, in one fast motion while the crowd is going apeshit. Not stopping yet, Extreme pushes the casket containing his nemesis, right off the far side of the stage! Death Machine, amazingly emerges, seemingly unharmed, and EXTREME LAUNCHES HIMSELF OFF THE RAMP ONTO HIM! Extreme lands right on him, and continues firing away at his head, but Death Machine soon tosses him off, and boots him hard in the face. Extreme gets back up, and Death Machine begins hurling stage props at him, only serving to slow, not stop his determined adversary. Death Machine then opts to charge Extreme, dropping him like a ton of bricks, then drags him back to the top of the stage. He kicks Extreme to the edge of the opposite end, and hoists him into position for the Death Warrant chokeslam. He then CHOKESLAMS EXTREME OFF THE STAGE INTO A GRAVE! Death Machine laughs maniacally and makes his way down to the grave as the crowd tries to rally behind Extreme. When Death Machine arrives, he peers down, only to have Extreme grabs his foot and pull him in! Extreme, hurt, but still fighting , pounds away and rams Death Machine's head into the side, even smearing his face in the dirt. Death Machine retaliates and tosses Extreme against the inside of the grave before gorilla press slamming him right out of the grave, sending Extreme into the prop tombstones. Extreme, dazed, rolls down a small hill on the set as his enemy stalks his prey. Death Machine grabs Extreme, and tosses him completely off the set, sending him sideways into the barricades on the far side! Off the set, there is a crew entrance for various personnel, leading to the backstage area, and that's just where the two fought, making their way through, and out to the parking garage. Death Machine, continued the onslaught of his opponent, who seems to have reopened some of his wounds from his last meeting with the monster, as he is bleeding profusely. Also, Death Machine seems hurt a little too, his mask has a significant rip on the forehead area, with small amount of blood coming from it. In the parking lot area, Death Machine's hearse sits, and the back-end is still open from when he unloaded the casket and gravestone. Death Machine hurls Extreme like a javelin into the back, shuts the door, gets in, and begins to drive off. Halfway out of the garage, the car comes to a screeching halt, and fighting seems to be taking place, as the car rocks and the horn beeps as if someone's head is being rammed into it. The hearse has tinted windows so it's hard to tell exactly what is taking place. After one last long beep of the car horn, Extreme emerges, hobbling away from the vehicle. But the sound of squealing tires make him turn around, and the car comes barreling towards him! Extreme jumps aside, and the car spins out to a stop. Extreme recovers, rushes to the driver's side, and tries to open the door, but it's locked. Suddenly, the giant gloved hand of Death Machine bursts through the glass and begins choking Extreme! Extreme struggles to get free, and the engine revs, signaling that Death Machine is going to drive away with Extreme hanging off the side! Extreme fights the best he can in that position, as to not be dragged along side the car, and manages to hop in through the broken window. After some struggling ,the car begins flying up the ramp, but aimed at the solid wall of the garage! Right before it hits, the car makes a hard turn, sending the driver's side directly into the wall, but who was driving? The crowd, and announcers gasp as the camera sits waiting for someone to emerge. After a minute or so, the passenger side door opens....And EXTREME SUPERSTAR FALLS OUT! He crawls from the wreckage, littered with debris, and completely soaked in blood, as EMTS rush to the car. As the EMTS run over to Extreme, he pulls himself up, and waves off help, instead stands staring at the pile of twisted metal. The EMTS flock to the open door to help, AND A BIG BOOT SENDS THEM FLYING! Death Machine manages to free himself from the car, with his attire ripped and bloody, knocking away any EMT on his way to Extreme as he grates out "YOUR NOT DEAD YET!" Extreme, doesn't seem to surprised by this development, and while in bad shape, he readies to fight again. As Death Machine looms closer, the tired and pained look on Extreme's bloody face changes into one of rage, and he charges like an unleashed bull towards Death Machine, nailing hard punches and kicks, sending the giant down to the concrete. Extreme fights the pain he must be feeling , and continues his assault on the monster, making him as bloody a mess as he had become. After dishing out all he had, Extreme backs away, barely able to stand, awaiting to see if his enemy would rise. The camera, getting in close, is able to see the eyes through the ripped mask of Death Machine. They are stone gray, and despite the blood surrounding his visage, you can see that for the first time, he feels remorse, and even fear. The monster never expected such a valiant effort from his nemesis, he didn't fully understand what he was up against, he had underestimated the human spirit. Death Machine slowly rose, hurt, and knowing he was bested, he looked into the eyes of Extreme Superstar, and after staring him down, walked away. Extreme stood proud, as the crowd applauded in the arena, so moved by the event that had taken place, they couldn't make a sound. Extreme, like a proud warrior returning from battle, made his way back to ringside. He was greeted by the fans, as well as the entire SWF crew giving him a standing ovation. Extreme had the SWF crew place the tombstone that was made for him into the casket that laid crashed on the side of the stage, then he set it ablaze, watching it burn from the top of aisle.

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 10/25/03
SWF Main Event 10/25/03

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! I'm Vance McMillian, along side Dean Bokerlund. We are a mere 6 days away from Halloween Hell, and tonight, we determine who will face the U.S. and TV champions at that PPV!

Dean: It's gonna be an exciting night, here's what's on tap:

The Janitor vs Xavier Hawthorne III

# 1 Contenders Match for the SWF TV title- Randy Mann vs The Great JuJu

# 1 Contenders Match for the U.S. title- Jahalaman Jaffe vs The Mercenary

Another addition of Petey's Parlor

Crazy Phil vs Joe Money

Vance: Well, let's get right to it!

(Cut to the ring for the opening match)

Crazy Phil vs Joe Money
Poor Phil gives all he has, but Joe beats him down rather easily. Phil doesn't give up, but his age and limited wrestling skills are making it hard for him to mount any sort of offense. Joe, being in complete control, opts to humiliate Phil, going outside to retrieve something he placed under the ring. He holds up a bottle of liquid soap, and a bottle of water, what nerve, implying that the downtrodden Phil is dirty! Joe, laughing it up all the way, pours the soap and water on his downed opponent, then scrubs it in with a cloth he pulled from his pocket, all the while insulting Phil. As he does this, Phil, obviously angered, finds the strength to fight back, and unleashes a barrage of punches, then rolling up Joe, almost winning in the process. Having almost been pinned, Joe gets serious, and stomps a mudhole in Phil before hitting The Payoff and going for the pin, but arrogantly gets up at the count of two. Joe opts to administer one more Payoff for good measure, and for Phil embarrassing him by nearly beating him. 1-2-3 that's it.
*Winner* Joe Money

Post Match: Joe continues to assault Phil, all the while screaming derogatory remarks about his financial situation. When he is finally done, he tosses several bills onto Phil, even stuffing one into his mouth, then walks away.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance(disgusted): What a sickening display by Joe Money. Phil is just trying to rebuild his life, and he gets humiliated for it.

Dean(equally disgusted): That wasn't right, I don't see how Joe Money could be pleased by his actions. But moving on, last week, during the Randy Mann vs Jahalaman Jaffe match, Randy received some help from a mystery man, who saved him from quite the beating.

Vance: It is now known who this man is, (footage of the mystery man strutting around some pool area is played over Vance's talking) His name is Beef Macho, he stands 5'11, and weighs 236 lbs, hailing from Hollywood California. He was Randy Mann's mentor in the adult film industry, actually being the man who discovered him, and directed his first few films. Macho and Randy then became partners, and they run a small studio together to this day. Randy trained Macho himself, and the rotund brawler uses a version of the Boss Man Slam, he refers to as the Beefy Bomb. Beef Macho has also selected the Village People's "Macho Man" as his theme music. He is expected to make his wrestling debut at the Soul Survivor PPV.

Dean: Thanks for the info Vance. Now we're ready to see if Beef Macho's buddy, Randy Mann can earn himself a shot at the TV title!

(Cut to the ring for the match)

# 1 Contenders Match for the SWF TV title- Randy Mann vs The Great JuJu
JuJu starts strong , overpowering Randy and using his superior brawling skills. Randy comes back, utilizing his technical wrestling prowess to take control. JuJu uses a low blow (that goes unseen by the ref) to get back on the offense. JuJu, having been significantly injured by Randy's assault, figures he needs his voodoo to win the match. He grabs his "magic" powder, but before he can successfully use it, Beef Macho runs the rescue, jumping on the apron, and drawing JuJu's attention. JuJu tosses the powder at Macho, but as he turns to face his opponent, he walks into a fishermen buster suplex. After nailing the suplex, Randy goes up top, hits the Body Shot, and picks up the three count.
*Winner and # 1 Contender* Randy Mann

Post Match: Randy aides his friend, who shrugs off the earlier powder attack, and celebrates Randy's victory with him.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: It's time now for Petey's Parlor. Let's see what he has in store for us this week, take it Petey!

(Cut to Petey on the set of Petey's Parlor, with Octane and Yeti standing in the background)

Petey(not realizing he's on camera, bickers with Yeti and Octane): Yeti! You can't stand there! (Yeti stands confused) Your blocking the camera! Octane! Work with me, I don't know how to get through to this guy. (notices the camera, and pushes in front of the two large men, who stare down menacingly at him) HI! Welcome to Petey's Parlor. Today we have the three losers me, Yeti, and Octane beat for these (points to the title around his waist, and whispers to his partners to show their titles as well).

Petey(sarcastically): Please welcome, The Generation Gap. (The group enters to The Who's My Generation, which they are apparently now using as their theme, all six men stare each other down before Petey decides to speak up)

Petey(annoyed): Look, I didn't even want to have you on, but I was told you goofs have something to say, so fine, what is it? (X takes the mic)

X: The three of us feel that we deserve another crack at those 6 Man titles. We had to reschedule the initial match, then, (points to Octane and Yeti) those two attacked us before the bell, and you never even had to tag in. (Petey takes the mic)

Petey(looks at his backup in Octane and Yeti): Sure, We'll do it at the PPV, it's not like it's gonna be any different from when we first fought. Well, that was quick, I guess that wraps up Petey's Parlor this week, back to you guys in the booth.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: It was simple and to the point Dean.

Dean: It sure was, moving on, in preparation for his Hardcore title match at Halloween Hell against The Reverend, The Janitor is gonna lock horns with Reverend's good buddy Xavier Hawthorne III. It should be interesting to say the least, let's go to the ring.

(Cut to the ring for the match)

The Janitor vs Xavier Hawthorne III
Xavier is first to the ring , and The Janitor is nowhere to be seen. As Xavier looks to the aisle waiting for his opponent, The Janitor sneaks up from behind, having come from the crowd, and beats him with his signature mop before the match can officially start. Once the bell rings, The Janitor drops the mop, and nails the Clean Sweep for the quick win as The Reverend runs to the ring.
*Winner* The Janitor

Post Match: Reverend finally makes it to the ring , although he's much too late, and is met with a mop shot to the head, delivered by The Janitor. The Janitor then takes the Hardcore title (that was strapped around Reverend's waist) and celebrates with it.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: We're gonna keep cruisin' along , as our main event tonight is up next.

Dean: It will determine who faces United States champion, The Freedom Fighter for the title at Halloween Hell. Let's get right to it!


# 1 Contenders Match for the U.S. title- Jahalaman Jaffe vs The Mercenary
Jaffe starts by attempting to bribe Mercenary to lay down, but ends up being nearly run over with a vicious lariat. Mercenary follows up by proceeding to whip the living daylights out of Jaffe. Jaffe escapes to the outside, trying to flee the irate Mercenary. The Mercenary decides to give chase, infuriated by Jaffe's cowardice, and probably motivated by his recent rash of losses. Jaffe runs around the ring , and as Mercenary closes in, Jaffe kicks the steel ring steps out in front of his adversary, which trip him up, and send him face first onto them! Jaffe wisely puts Mercenary back inside quickly, hits his Arabian Goodnight finisher and gets the pin.
*Winner and # 1 Contender* Jahalaman Jaffe

Post Match: Knowing he was lucky to squeak out the win, Jaffe runs for the hills, as his furious opponent comes to in the ring.


(Back to the announce booth)

Vance(chuckles): Jaffe had the right idea by running away after what he did. But nonetheless, he earned a U.S. title shot at Halloween Hell.

Dean: We now have a full card for the event, which looks like this:

Extreme Superstar vs Death Machine?

SWF World Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Silkky Smooth

SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Suicide Brothers. vs The Black Dragons

SWF U.S. title Match.- The Freedom Fighter vs Jahalaman Jaffe

SWF TV Title Match- Randy Mann vs Captain Fantastic

SWF Hardcore Title- The Janitor vs The Reverend- If The Janitor wins, Faith and Devotion must cease in trying to banish the title

SWF Six Man Title Match- Petey Pizzazz/Octane/Yeti vs The Generation Gap

Vance(sighs and speaks in a serious tone): As mentioned above, with Extreme nowhere to be found, and having previously sustained injury at the hands of the inhuman Death Machine, that match in serious question.

Dean(in a similar tone): On the topic of Death Machine, last week he brutally chokeslammed Tony Ramon and Rory Rogers over the top and on to the floor, a week earlier, he did the same to Tripp. Those three are expected back sometime soon after the PPV, but remain sidelined currently due to concussions and other injuries as a result of that madman.

Vance(sighs): At least we haven't had to deal with such a situation tonight. (just as soon as those words are spoken, Death Machine's Music hits)

Dean(scared as the music continues to play with no sign of Death Machine): Oh God. Please, get some help.

Vance(scared as well): I spoke too soon. Somebody get out.....(Vance and Dean's eyes grow wide as saucers at the booth, apparently seeing something shocking off camera. As they cry out for help, Death Machine comes into view at the booth. His music cuts off, and the arena is dead silent in fear, and the two announcers' only exit is blocked by the mammoth man standing before them. Death Machine laughs maniacally as he approaches the trapped announcers, but suddenly, the sound of a whiny guitar blares throughout the arena, soon identified as Nickelback's song , "Where Do I Hide?". The music plays on as Death Machine, the announcers, and the crowd look to the aisle to see who's entrance the song signals. As the chorus hits, EXTREME SUPERSTAR EMERGES FROM THE BACK! HE'S HERE! With bandages still on his head, wearing all black, carrying a big metal pipe, and looking more pissed off than ever, he rushes towards Death Machine as the crowd explodes and chants his name. Death Machine backs off before being hit, and laughs sinisterly at Extreme before leaving the arena. Extreme stands, pipe in hand, saying "This Friday Death Machine, This Friday".

END OF SHOW

10 Worst Movies I've Ever Seen
Intro: I;ve been inspired recently, goin' on a tear, just whipping through articles, and so, here's my latest:

10 WORST MOVIES I'VE EVER SEEN
The title says it all, there are others that rank right up with these that I've seen, but the following ten sucked in such a way, that they must be acknowledged.

Going Overboard(1989)- Holy mother of God. That's the first thing that pops in my mind when I think about this film. It was Adam Sandler's debut film, and as a huge fan of his other movies and CDs, I figured I owed it to myself to see this. I'd never even heard of it before seeing it a store a few years back, but with Sandler on the cover, I was like "Wow, a Sandler film I haven't seen, interesting". Luckily, I didn't ever buy it, but I finally got my chance to view it by borrowing a copy from the library. I couldn't have imagined the sheer awfulness of this film, it boggles the mind that someone wrote it, actually got people to star in it, and then PAID TO FINANCE IT! There was NO redeemable qualities about this dung heap, not one. It was allegedly a comedy, but instead of laughing , I just sat in awe, not able to move because the agony this movie had paralyzed me. To paraphrase the great Ken Foree from Dawn of the Dead (a movie that didn't suck), "When there is no more room in Hell, the dead will be forced to sit and watch Going Overboard". This film is truly the WORST thing my two eyes have ever had too see, or my two ears ever heard.

Space Mutiny(1988)- This is a beyond crappy 80's space movie, with a cheesy bad guy named after a laundry detergent (Kalgan), a giant ogre for a hero, and the female lead, who we are led to believe is the most beautiful woman in the galaxy, and in her early 20's, looks at least twice her age, and is totally unappealing. Also, according to the Internet Movie Database, all the space footage is actually ripped from the science fiction classic, Battlestar Galactica! But there's more, in the WORST example of an editing mistake, a semi-important woman is killed, but in THE VERY NEXT SCENE is sitting IN FULL VIEW, DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA! Space Mutiny also shows the film industry how NOT to do a chase scene, by using golf carts(yes, they actually used golf carts) that only go a few miles an hour, and that was the climax! It scares me that the film makers saw the finished product, and released it as is. It's really bad, but honestly, sort of fun to watch for that reason.

Manos: Hands of Fate(1966)- When looking for a bad movie, the title is usually a good indicator, and this one takes the prize for worst title EVER. Anybody who knows some Spanish can tell you that the word "Manos" means hands, making the translated title of this movie "Hands: Hands of Fate", but Manos' issues go far beyond the title. Manos was actually the result of a bet, the man who made Manos, El Paso Texas native Hal P. Warren (who, ironically was a fertilizer salesman) claimed he could make a popular low budget horror movie. With $19,000, Hal filmed Manos with himself as the star, some local actors, and using a camera only capable of shooting thirty seconds of soundless footage at a time, which meant he had to dub the voices (most of the male voices were actually him!). It took two and a half months to make, and was given a huge premiere in Hal's hometown of El Paso, with many local bigwigs in attendance. The movie was so bad, people began to heckle it, and the actors and crew who helped make it, left due to embarrassment. Even stranger, three actors in Manos committed suicide soon after it was made, creepy huh? I was expecting much worse, but yeah, it's awful.

Hobgoblins(1987)- This was basically another in a long line of movies in the 80's that bastardized the successful Gremlins franchise. The actors in Hobgoblins are SOOOO bad, I sure as hell hope they were meant to be that way. One character plays some sort of trollop, but just to hammer it home, every one of here scenes basically are only there to point out to us all that she likes sex, that's some great character development. Basically, the plot is monsters that are NOT anything at all like Gremlins, escpae from some vault they were trapped in, and wreak havoc. These creatures can make your fantasies come true or something , so of course when the nerdy hero's prudish girlfriend is overcome by their power, she becomes Ultra-Slut 9000, and begins whoring it up at a club aptly named "Club Scum". And, out of the blue, there is a weird scene where the nerdy hero and the trollop's military boyfriend engage in an intense battle with rakes on his front lawn. Did any of what I described make sense? No? Good. That's exactly what Hobgoblins was like, now you don't have to see it.

May(2002)- May, oh good lord, May. How does one describe the most f'ed up movie ever? The lady at Blockbuster warned me and those I was with, but we just didn't listen, we told her that we liked weird. If only I knew, if only there was a way to possibly comprehend the bizarre and twisted reality that is May. May is about a girl who's name is, get this, May. May was classified a freak since birth, on account of......a lazy eye?! Ok, a lazy eye isn't THAT bad, kids would take notice, but it's not like she had a tail or a second head. Anyways, Ms. Lazy Eye's only friend was a doll that she was never allowed to take out of it's glass case, and she worked at a veterinary clinic. May ends up falling in love with, not exactly a guy, but a guy's HANDS?! She obsesses over this dude's hands, all the while being pursued by the girl from Scary Movie, who has the hots for her. What this movie was supposed to be about was May being a psycho who goes around killing people and taking specific body parts to make the perfect friend, kinda like a Frankenstein deal. HOWEVER, you have to watch May DO THE LAUNDRY FOR HOURS, and lots of other crap to see the literally TWO F'N MINUTES of dumb killing. The road to the pathetic violence is so surreal, I almost don't know if this movie really exists, I might just be imagining the whole thing , and if so, I really need help. May is so unbelievably screwed up, it's comes full circle back to being genius. It IS bad, but in a whole new way, a way that hasn't been explored, so see it? Don't see it? I just don't know anymore.

Freddy Got Fingered(2001)- The only possible explanations for this travesty is that Tom Green (who I actually like) wanted to make a horrible movie, or his bizarre humor just went right over everyone's heads. Either way, the movie doesn't work, that's pretty much all I can say about it.

Final Sacrifice(1990)- This movie was a low budget Canadian flick, that was incredibly cheesy, but with the Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew riffing it, Final Sacrifice produced one of the funniest things I've ever seen. So it goes like this, With MST3K, it's hilarious, but as a stand alone movie, it's bad.

Surf Nazis Must Die(1987)- This movie not only has a sweet-ass title, but was done by Troma, the film company that makes purposefully bad films that are excessively violent, outlandish and funny. This one however just blows. How could a movie with such a cool title, and a plot consisting of an elderly woman killing surfers who murdered her grandson go wrong? By being boring. There is little to no action whatsoever, bottom line, this film is a stinker.

The Sinister Urge(1961)- According to many film critics, Ed Wood is perhaps the worst director ever, and this movie made me understand why. The Sinister Urge is a boring black and white film that is about detectives trying to link a murder to people in the smut business, that's about it. Even with the MST3K crew behind it, this movie was unsalvageable.

Teen Wolf Too(1987)- A lot of people hate sequels, I try to give sequels the benefit of the doubt, but after seeing Teen Wolf Too, I understand why people don't like them. For the proper perspective, I first must express my thoughts on the original Teen Wolf, It starred Michael J. Fox (one of my favorite actors), and in my opinion, was one of the best movies of the 80's. I can't get enough 80's teen flicks, so that sort of stuff is right up my ally, meaning the original Teen Wolf is a film I regard in the highest esteem. Then, someone wants to make a sequel, ok, I'll give it a shot, let's see what they come up with. What they delivered was a complete ripoff of the original, making the "Teen Wolf" in this one the cousin of MJF's character in first movie, and played by the highly unlikable Jason Bateman. THEN they recycle the plot, almost to the letter, actually bringing back most of the characters from the original, and substituting boxing for basketball as sport "Teen Wolf" excels at. Bateman plays his way as a poor, poor, poor man's Michael J. Fox through the movie, almost singlehandedly ruining any appeal of the original. In an unrelated note, that bastard (Bateman) actually has a new show coming out! Boycott it, please. Back on topic, this movie was so beyond atrocious, the only way they could sell it was by slapping it on the same DVD as Teen Wolf! If you decide to watch any of the movies I've made mention of, make sure it's not this one, don't let Jason Bateman or any of the other greedy idiots responsible have the satisfaction of another innocent soul viewing this rubbish.