SWF MAIN EVENT 11/8/03
SWF MAIN EVENT 11/8/03

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! We've got a packed card, and some major announcements on tonight's show!

Extreme: Before we get too into the show, I have to let the fans know something. We've been working on some format changes for the SWF, and have decided to take out a lot of the announcers in between comments. This is a way to streamline the show, and use the announcers for things of greater importance, such as program notes and such. Also, show reports will cut all the "Fade in, Fade out, Back to the Announcers" stuff as well, as that was seemingly useless, instead, all segments, and matches will flow seamlessly, represented only by a space.

Vance: All right! Here's tonight's lineup:

SWF Hardcore Title Match- Xavier Hawthorne III vs Raslin' Rory Rogers

SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Black Dragons vs The Generation Gap- Disco Danny and Jimmy Jam

Randy Mann vs The Mercenary

X vs The Don

Another addition of Petey's Parlor

Octane vs Repo

6 Man Tag Match- Cash Inc vs The Freedom Fighter, Captain Fantastic, and Silkky Smooth

Extreme: Let's dive right in, here's the opening match!

Randy Mann vs The Mercenary
The Mercenary is looking rather irritated, possibly since he has been on quite the losing streak. He immediately charges, and almost takes Randy's head off with a hooking clothesline. Mercenary is un-relentless, as he continues to wail on Randy Mann. Randy briefly takes the upper hand by using his technical prowess, but The Mercenary quickly puts a stop to that, and hoists him up for the Mercy Kill, holding him in the air for a LONG time before dropping him for the easy pinfall. The Mercenary is apparently getting out of his funk.
*Winner* The Mercenary

We go right to Petey's Parlor where Petey is alone, since he and Octane severed their relationship at Halloween Hell. Petey holds the mic, ready to speak.

Petey(standing with a less than happy look on his face): As you can see, I don't have my SWF 6 Man title with me. That's because my partner, Octane decided to take out his aggressions on me, splitting the team. As for Yeti, he isn't exactly what I'd call a team player, but anyways I have something to tell you all about the titles. You see, with only The Generation Gap to award the titles to, the belts have been vacated until further notice. The whole 6 Man Tag division was counting on two teams to battle for the gold, and eventually inspire more teams, which would successfully establish it as a part of the SWF. HOWEVER, Octane seems to have spoiled it. He's RUINED the whole division, simply because he wanted to throw a temper tantrum about me trying to keep him in line....(Octane suddenly arrives on set behind Petey, who them turns to see him, he begs off as the big man comes closer)

Petey(in a trembling , scared voice): Oh, hey. I didn't mean any of what I said, really. I'm just trying to liven up the show, ya know? (As Octane closes in, Petey tosses the mic in his face and runs off as Octane stands angry on the set, closing out the segment)

X vs The Don
X starts good, but ends up falling prey to his opponent's superior brawling. X rallies though, and confuses The Don with some aerial moves. The Don is having a hard time keeping up, and X comes of the top rope, taking him down with a flying bulldog. He only gets two, but the weary Don is hit with the X-Factor, giving X the win.
*Winner* X

Backstage, Quow Ling is warming up, while his partner, The Shadow mimics him in the background. Quow stops his warmup and stares at his partner, with a confused look on his face, he says something in his native language, Japanese to Shadow. The Shadow nods in understanding , leading one to believe that the mysterious masked man is either Japanese himself, or just knows the language.

SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Black Dragons vs The Generation Gap- Disco Danny and Jimmy Jam
It should be noted, in the Black Dragons entrance, Quow Ling comes out to his theme, as The Shadow follows him. Shadow and Danny start, and Danny fares ok until Shadow's martial arts style becomes too much for him. Shadow takes Danny to his corner, and tags Quow in. Quow continues where his partner left off, and he and Shadow continue tagging in and out, making use of this time to do some double team moves on Danny, and showing some great teamwork. Danny finally gets the tag, and Jimmy comes in, cleans up, and beats on the legal man, being Shadow. Quow saves his partner, which also draws Jam's partner, Disco Danny back in. All four men slug it out before Danny is discarded, and The Dragons execute their simultaneous Death Kick/Flying Wizard finisher, dubbed by Extreme as the Dragon Attack, on Jimmy Jam. Shadow pins him for the win.
*Winners and STILL SWF Tag Champions* The Black Dragons

Post Match: Before the Dragons can leave, The Suicide Brothers enter the ring with mics, and begin to talk to the Dragons.

Mike: I'm not sure if you can understand me, but me and my brother really wanted to talk to you.

Jack: We didn't have a chance after the PPV, or due to the special, last week, but we had to come out and make our feelings known about you guys. (Quow and Shadow stand, seeming to at least understand some of what is being said)

Mike: Jack, this isn't working , let's show them how we feel instead. (Both drop their mics, and after a few seconds of staring at the other team, they extend their hands to them. Quow's usually blank expression changes to one of respect as he and his partner shake Jack and Mike's hands in a great display of class. The two teams leave together after playing to the crowd a bit)

In the locker room, Xavier Hawthorne is attacked by Rory Rogers, who has a ref in tow, starting the match right then and there!

SWF Hardcore Title Match- Xavier Hawthorne III vs Raslin' Rory Rogers
Rory just beats Xavier to a pulp, tossing him around into lockers and the like. Rory drags the helpless Xavier out of the locker room, and down the hall to the cafeteria, where he throws him onto a large cafeteria table. Rory climbs the table, and gives the signal that he's gonna do The Round-Up through it! But before he can, The Reverend runs onto the scene, and uses his bible to clock him right in the knee! When he falls, clutching his knee, The Reverend hits him again, this time right on the head, busting him open! Xavier manages to get his hand onto him for the pin!
*Winner and STILL SWF Hardcore Champion* Xavier Hawthorne III

Post Match: The Reverend sets down his bible on the table, which upon closer inspection, is just a book that looks like a bible, instead it reads "The Good Book", to gather Xavier and the title. Before the duo can take off, The Janitor attacks them with his mop! The Reverend's book falls off the table, and like his partner's "Code of Ethics" book, it has a brick in it! Faith and Devotion manage to grab the "book" and run off before The Janitor could really get to them.

Octane vs Repo
Octane stands alone in the ring while waiting for Repo, when the lights go out! Kane's music hits, the pyro goes off, and sure enough, Repo comes out dressed as Kane (the original look)! Repo's Kane costume is actually a Halloween one for little kids, and is WAY too small for him! Octane just stands there as "Kane" does his in-ring pyro, and the bell rings. Octane whips his opponent around like a rag doll, tearing Repo's plastic Kane mask up, and leaving it hang off his head. Soon after, Octane gives him the Empty Tank to finish it.
*Winner* Octane

Vance and Extreme are shown, ready to talk to the live crowd about the PPV:

Vance: At this time, we'd like to tell you fans about the upcoming PPV event, SWF Soul Survivor, to take place on November14th!

Extreme: It won't be just any PPV though Vance, EVERY SWF wrestler will be entered into a random drawing , that drawing will place them onto one of six teams of five. Those teams will face each other in three five on five elimination matches, the survivors of those will then be entered into another random drawing to determine their team for the ULTIMATE Survival match!

Vance: Those teams, which numbers depend on who survives the original three matches, will compete in the aforementioned Ultimate Survival match, which will have the same rules as the other elimination matches, but with HUGE rewards for the winner or winners. Those who manage to win the Ultimate Survival match, will be given a title shot at any title they wish, whenever they wish (excluding a World title shot at Extrememania, that goes to the winner of the Rumble), and a $100,000 cash prize! In, other news,

Extreme: I said on the SWF special that I had an important announcement to make, and I do. I feel, that in light of recent events, I should step away from the broadcast booth, at least for a while. So, after the Soul Survivor PPV, Dean Bokerlund, will, at least temporarily be taking my place as an announcer. But, don't expect me to step away completely, I'm gonna be taking a more hands on role in the SWF. So, from this moment on, consider me a commissioner of sorts, when any SWF superstar has a problem, or wants a match signed, they can come to me and I'll see what I can do to help. Sure, I'm the owner, but before, the wrestlers didn't feel like they could actually come to me for help, or suggest a match, that ends now. And a final note to all troublemakers, I'm watching you.

Vance(shocked): Wow! You heard it here folks, Extreme Superstar will now be assuming a more in depth role in the SWF! But right now, we have a main event to watch!

Main Event: 6 Man Tag Match- Cash Inc vs The Freedom Fighter, Captain Fantastic, and Silkky Smooth
The Billion Dollar Man (BDM for short) is in first for Cash Inc, so Silkky requests that he start for his team, and his partners oblige. BDM holds his own though, being a superior technical wrestler, and even a decent brawler. Silkky finally gets some offense, and takes down BDM with some punches and then delivers a corner splash. The fired up Silkky decides to punch out the other members of Cash Inc while he's at it, which draws both men in. As the ref tries to get the illegal men back on the apron, BDM goes low on Silkky and proceeds to stomp on him, before he can make it to his, now back on the apron partners, where he tags Jaffe. Soon after, Silkky makes it to The Freedom Fighter, who destroys Jaffe, completely overpowering him before he could get in any offense. Jaffe crawls back to his corner to tag in Joe $(Money), who fares much better, actually being able to get in some offense. Freedom eventually is the one in need of tagging , and he does to Captain Fantastic. Fantastic pummels Joe, and then Joe rolls outside to caucus with his team. Cash Inc huddles, and when they break, and return to their respective positions, Joe's being in the ring , BDM seemingly signals someone by pounding his foot on the apron, while waving to the back. As Fantastic begins to lock back up with Joe, The Mercenary runs out from the back! He slides right under the bottom rope, and spears Fantastic to the ground, as Cash Inc run interference, holding Fantastic's partners at bay. Cash Inc lay waste to Silkky and The Freedom Fighter outside, then enter the ring to watch the Mercenary assault Captain Fantastic, as the ref finally calls for the bell.
*Winners By DQ* The Freedom Fighter, Captain Fantastic, and Silkky Smooth

Post Match: The Mercenary delivers his Mercy Kill finisher two times on Captain Fantastic, who is also bleeding from a gash on his forehead. BDM happily walks over to Mercenary and hands him a wad of cash! BDM has paid for Mercenary's services! Being amused by it all, BDM instructs Mercenary to do the Mercy Kill one more time, holding up another few bills, and The Mercenary complies. Mercenary then leaves with his money as Cash Inc celebrate in the ring.

END OF SHOW

This week, instead of a regular show, here's an SWF Special!
SWF Special: The New Blood
Vance: Welcome to a very special SWF show!

Extreme: That's right, because tonight, you will be introduced to four newly signed SWF superstars.

Vance: We've gotten so much of a buzz in the short time we've been running , that potential talent has had the phones at SWF headquarters ringing off the hook! But now, let's look at the ones we signed!

Name: Ayatollah Sheik

Height: 6'0

Weight: 241

From: Sari Iran

Finishing Move: The Camel Clutch- The move of the same name

Theme: Wherever I May Roam by Metallica

Bio: This Iranian strongman has been a world class weightlifter and amateur wrestler for some time, but has always wanted the to be in the spotlight of pro wrestling. He says that one of the biggest reasons for joining the SWF is to silence The Freedom Fighter for his "Pro USA rhetoric". The self proclaimed Ayatollah excels in both powerhouse brawling , and scientific wrestling.

Name: Charles Gunn

Height: 6'5

Weight: 243

From: Dallas Texas

Finishing Move: The Gunslinger -The move of the same name

Theme: Rodeo by Garth Brooks

Bio: He was recommended by current SWF superstar, Rory Rogers. Gunn and Rogers were rivals in junior rodeos for a few years before becoming best friends, and both ended up going pro. They continued their friendship, and each hold three pro Bull Riding titles, even though on a few of their wins, they had to beat each other. This Texan loves a fight, and does his best work in brawls.

Name: Tex Gentry

Height: 5'11

Weight: 234

From: Nashville Tennessee

Finishing Move: The Tennessee Jam- The Move of the same name


Theme: Tennessee River by Alabama

Bio: Despite being named Tex, Gentry was born and bred in Nashville Tennessee. Tex is a rather skilled technical wrestler, but mixes some fast paced moves to give him a truly unique style. While quite talented, Tex seems more interested in getting himself a career as a country music star, thinking he can use the SWF's national exposure to secure a record deal.

Name: Julio Maniaco

Height: ??

Weight: ??

From: Mexico City, Mexico

Finishing Move: The Mexican Conquest- Test Drive

Theme: Real Solution # 9(Mambo Mania Mix) by White Zombie

Bio: All we know of the masked man is that he hails from Mexico, and instead of using traditional Lucha Libre moves like many from his country, he mixes all different styles together. Despite such a combination of maneuvers, Julio blends them together beautifully, and is heavily touted as a breakout star. This enigmatic individual is definitely one to watch, not only for his talent, but possible details as to his background or identity.

Vance: Well there's the new blood, be sure to check out the SWF next Saturday for an important announcement concerning our next PPV, SWF Soul Survivor.

Extreme: And I too have an announcement to make, this will all take place on SWF Main Event, which will also feature the following matches:

SWF Hardcore Title Match- Xavier Hawthorne III vs Raslin' Rory Rogers

SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Black Dragons vs The Generation Gap- Disco Danny and Jimmy Jam

Randy Mann vs The Mercenary

X vs The Don

Another addition of Petey's Parlor

Octane vs Repo

6 Man Tag Match- Cash Inc vs The Freedom Fighter, Captain Fantastic, and Silkky Smooth

Vance: I can't wait, we'll see you there fans!

END OF SHOW

Halloween Hell
Halloween Hell
(We open with a shot of the Halloween decorated arena, there's a small ramp that leads down to the aisle from the back, and the sides of the entrance walkway on the elevated stage are decorated with leafless trees covered in spider webs, fake tombstones, even open graves, and other assorted holiday decor)

Vance(wearing a vampire's costume): Welcome to Halloween Hell! I'm Vance McMillian, along side Dean Bokerlund. We've got tons of action tonight, and since this is a PPV, there won't be a lot of in between commentary by us announcers.

Dean(dressed as a mad scientist): That's right! We're gonna jump right into the card, but before we do, here's the lineup:

Extreme Superstar vs Death Machine- If Extreme wins, Death Machine must leave forever

SWF World Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Silkky Smooth

SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Suicide Brothers. vs The Black Dragons

SWF U.S. title Match.- The Freedom Fighter vs Jahalaman Jaffe

SWF TV Title Match- Randy Mann vs Captain Fantastic

SWF Hardcore Title- The Janitor vs The Reverend- If The Janitor wins, Faith and Devotion must cease in trying to banish the Hardcore title

SWF Six Man Title Match- Petey Pizzazz/Octane/Yeti vs The Generation Gap

Vance: Enough with the chatter, let's go to the action!

(Cut to the ring for the opening match)

SWF Six Man Titles Match- Petey Pizzazz/Octane/Yeti vs The Generation Gap
All 3 members of The Generation Gap attack Petey, and the ref clears the ring , with Disco Danny and Petey being the legal men. Petey finally recovers from the non-stop assault on him and tags Octane, who he berates for not stopping the aforementioned attack. Octane simply glares at him, as Jimmy Jamm is tagged in, and delivers a missile dropkick on Octane as he is focused on Petey. The dropkick sends Octane into Yeti, who starts hammering away on Octane for hitting him. The Generation Gap stand back and watch their opponents fight, and Octane fights back against Yeti, and Petey tries to mediate and he is hit by Octane. The ref tries to intervene, and he too is hit, causing him to call for the bell.
*Winners by DQ* The Generation Gap

Post Match: Petey manages to get in between his feuding partners, only to yell at Octane, and his continued silence angers Petey, so he slaps him in his rage. He immediately realizes his mistake, and begs for mercy, but instead is blasted with the Empty Tank. The ref hands Octane his belt, and heads for the hills, and Octane starts to walk to the back with his title, but slams it down in the aisle and keeps walking.

(We go backstage to pret-taped footage of The Suicide Brothers discussing plans for their match, Jack is heard asking his brother if he's ready for their announcement, and we go to the ring , where Jack has the mic)

Jack(addressees he crowd): The Suicide Brothers ALWAYS take it to the limit, and here tonight at the first ever SWF PPV, we intend to take it BEYOND anything you've seen thus far. (Jack hands the mic to his brother, and leaves the ring and looks under it for something)

Mike: That's right! Instead of a regular tag match, (Jack comes into view with a ladder, and the camera shows the belts lowering on a cable above the ring) WE WANT A LADDER MATCH!(as soon as Mike says this, The Black Dragons rush to the ring , before they could be properly introduced)

SWF Tag Team Title Ladder Match- The Suicide Brothers vs The Black Dragons
Upon entering the ring, the two teams slug it out, and Jack charges Quow with the ladder, missing him, sending him over the top with the ladder like he was pole vaulting! Mike decides to attack Quow before he can go out after his injured brother, but Shadow is left all alone, and decides to do a somersault plancha onto Jack, but instead of hitting his intended target, Jack pushed the ladder up into his face! The ladder takes out Shadow, but falls back on Jack, so both men are out of the floor. In the ring , Mike and Quow continue exchanging moves, leading to a few great chain wrestling sequences. Seeing how evenly matched they are, they abandon that style of wrestling and opt to use high risk moves. As the two try to hit something , and take the advantage, Shadow and Jack begin to stir on the outside. Back inside, Quow and Mike, realizing their partners are coming to, race outside to assist them, or get the ladder. With all four on the floor, they each try to fight for possession of the ladder, ending up in a tug of war. The Dragons decide to push rather than pull, sending the ladder into their opponents. Then, The Dragons use the ladder as a ramrod, knocking the Suicides over. With both men down, Quow and Shadow position the ladder against the fan barricade in the aisle. They grab Mike, and double suplex him onto the ladder, causing the bottom to actually twist! Next, the lay Jack across the ladder, and with a running start, Quow backdrops his partner onto the ladder, but Jack moves! Jack quickly grabs the now warped ladder and smacks it into Quow's face, knocking him down. Jack, while holding the ladder, climbs onto the fan barricade, and rides the ladder down onto Quow! All four men lay on the ground outside and near the top of the aisle officials bring out another ladder, as Mike finally makes it up. Seeing the new ladder sitting up the aisle, he goes for it, not realizing The Shadow has recovered and is following suit. Just as he grabs the ladder, Mike turns into a dropkick by Shadow, and is then beaten on. Quow soon arrives on the scene, and assists his partner in beating on Mike. Jack finally recovers, rushes up the aisle and makes the save, blasting Quow, knocking him down hard onto the elevated metal stage. Jack then wards of Shadow's attack, battling him dangerously close to the far edge of the stage, which is a good seven or eight foot drop. Shadow manages to avoid being knocked off the edge by fighting back, but out of nowhere, Mike flies towards him, nailing him with a flying forearm, and knocking him off the ramp! Shadow lands with a thud unto the fake graveyard scene, rolling over the prop tombstones, and falls into one of the open graves! Quow, who still is struggling to recover is beaten down by Mike, as Jack grabs the ladder. Instead of making his way to the ring to get the titles, Jack sets up the ladder on the edge of the stage, and JUMPS OFF AND DOWN INTO THE GRAVE WHERE SHADOW WAS! Mike goes to grab the ladder before it too goes off the stage, and QUOW PUSHES HIM OFF THE STAGE, AND HE CRASHES INTO ONE OF THE TREES! The ladder still ended up falling too, but with everyone out cold, Quow casually walks down the ramp, and goes over to the graveyard scene and claims the ladder. Quow snags the ladder, and hustles to the ring , as Mike is falls from the prop tree and hits the ground, and Shadow and Jack have yet to emerge from the hole. Quow sets it up, and easily climbs up to grab the titles.
*Winners and NEW SWF Tag Team Champions* The Black Dragons

Post Match: EMTS aid the three injured men at the graveyard set, and Quow walks off tiredly, as the crowd gives the competitors a standing ovation for their efforts.

(Cut to the back, as Death Machine arrives in a hearse, he gets out and unloads a big black coffin with "Extreme Superstar" seemingly written in blood on it. He also unloads a dolly, which has a headstone that reads "Extreme Superstar, May 4th 1985-October 31st 2003 with the epitaph "He died in severe agony")

(Back to the announcers)

Vance(disturbed by what he just saw): Dean, did you see that?

Dean(also upset): Yes. That is unsettling to say the least.

Vance(now angry): I've got a message for you Death Machine, all that stuff Extreme said a few weeks ago was true. And, If there is any justice in this world, tonight you'll get what's coming to you, so we never have to see or hear from you ever again. (sighs) I'm sorry, I here to do a job, so next up is the Hardcore title match is next.

(Cut to the ring for the match)


SWF Hardcore Title Match- The Janitor vs The Reverend
The Janitor begins beating The Reverend with his trusty mop before he can even get into the ring all the way, or even take off his title. The Janitor takes off the belt for him though, and proceeds to whip him with it before holding it up to the crowd. The Janitor leaves the ring , only to pick up a metal garbage can he brought to the ring with him. He delivers a few shots with it before knocking Reverend down, and then dropping the can. Janitor, sensing victory, lifts Reverend back up, and does the Clean Sweep onto the metal trash can! 1-2-3, it's over.
*Winner and NEW SWF Hardcore Champion* The Janitor
BUT WAIT! Xavier Hawthorne III assaults the new champ before he can even grab the title! Xavier delivers the Morality Kick, and he wins the title and runs out of the ring!
*Winner and NEW SWF Hardcore Champion* Xavier Hawthorne III

(We go backstage where Petey Pizzazz is in the locker room, arguing with Yeti and Octane over their match)

Petey(yelling while holding Octane's and his own 6 Man title belts): There's only so much I can take! And this silence thing with (points to both men) with each of you, is wearing thin. I don't need to take this! (He slams down the titles) I give up, I'm leaving!

(As Petey leaves, the camera goes for a reaction shot, and closes in on Octane, who finally speaks!)

Octane(who has a deep voice): Go.

(Back to the ring for the next match)

SWF TV Title Match- Randy Mann vs Captain Fantastic
On his way to the ring , perennial do-gooder, Captain Fantastic tosses candy to the fans, much to the delight of the kids in the crowd. Both men show sportsmanship by shaking hands before they lock up. Randy takes the early offense, but Fantastic fires right back with some great amateur style counters. Randy turns up the intensity, and starts to get something going , but is surprised by Fantastic's strength, and is overpowered. After some spirted back and forth, Captain Fantastic hits his patented Crime Stopper for the win.
*Winner and STILL SWF TV Champion* Captain Fantastic

Post Match: Randy shakes hands with his opponent, and even helps hand out candy to the crowd, probably changing people's perception of the adult film star.

(As Randy and Fantastic leave, Jahalaman Jaffe enters the ring with a mic)

Jaffe(looking around in disgust): Look at you. Poor, pathetic American idiots! You parents out here probably love the fact those guys were handing out candy, now you can spend the money for your kid's dinner on booze! (Freedom Fighter's music cuts off Jaffe from any further remarks, and The Freedom Fighter rushes in the ring for the match)

SWF U.S. title Match.- The Freedom Fighter vs Jahalaman Jaffe
The Freedom Fighter wastes no time in decimating his opponent, but Jaffe goes low to take control. Jaffe, who hadn't even been able to take off his entrance attire, does so as he wails on his opponent. Jaffe takes his rings and necklaces, secures them on his right hand, and tries to KO The Freedom Fighter, but Freedom ducks, and Jaffe spins right into a Star Spangled Slam! 1-2-3, that's it!
*Winner and STILL SWF U.S. Champion* The Freedom Fighter

Post Match: The Freedom Fighter apologizes for Jaffe's remarks, praises the good ol' US of A, and wishes everyone a happy and safe Halloween.

(We cut to footage of Extreme Superstar arriving earlier in the day, which draws a major pop. He looks ultra pissed, is wearing all black, and marches through the back without saying a word.)



(Back to the ring for the next match)

SWF World Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Silkky Smooth
BDM, much like his buddy Jahalaman Jaffe, gets beaten up before he knows what hit him. Basically, BDM takes a beating for most of the match before pulling the ref in front of a Silkky clothesline. When Silkky checks on the ref, BDM grabs his title belt (it was kick aside by the ref when it fell off BDM in the beginning assault), clocks Silkky, and locks the Billion Dollar Dream on his unconscious opponent right before the ref recovers. Seeing Silkky out cold in BDM's finishing hold, the ref calls for the bell.
*Winner and STILL SWF Champion* The Billion Dollar Man

(We cut to a video that recaps the Extreme/Death Machine saga, when we return to the arena, the coffin Death Machine had is at ringside, open, seemingly ready for a body, and Death Machine's music hits. Death Machine enters, pushing the tombstone he apparently made as the arena sits in scared silence. As soon as Death Machine enters the ring , Nickelback's "Where Do I Hide?" strikes up, signaling Extreme's arrival as the crowd comes unglued. Extreme walks out slowly, and still as pissed as ever, he stares towards the ring for a minute before running full speed to it.)


The Main Event-Extreme Superstar vs Death Machine
Extreme slides right under the bottom rope, avoids being hit by the monster who towers over him, and BLASTS him with all the power he has, and for the first time, Death Machine seems to feel pain! Extreme has him backed against the ropes, and charges with a clothesline, sending the big man over, and into the casket he had outside the ring! Extreme, not missing a beat, kicks the lid closed, hops out of the ring , and begins wheeling that bad boy right up the ramp, in one fast motion while the crowd is going apeshit. Not stopping yet, Extreme pushes the casket containing his nemesis, right off the far side of the stage! Death Machine, amazingly emerges, seemingly unharmed, and EXTREME LAUNCHES HIMSELF OFF THE RAMP ONTO HIM! Extreme lands right on him, and continues firing away at his head, but Death Machine soon tosses him off, and boots him hard in the face. Extreme gets back up, and Death Machine begins hurling stage props at him, only serving to slow, not stop his determined adversary. Death Machine then opts to charge Extreme, dropping him like a ton of bricks, then drags him back to the top of the stage. He kicks Extreme to the edge of the opposite end, and hoists him into position for the Death Warrant chokeslam. He then CHOKESLAMS EXTREME OFF THE STAGE INTO A GRAVE! Death Machine laughs maniacally and makes his way down to the grave as the crowd tries to rally behind Extreme. When Death Machine arrives, he peers down, only to have Extreme grabs his foot and pull him in! Extreme, hurt, but still fighting , pounds away and rams Death Machine's head into the side, even smearing his face in the dirt. Death Machine retaliates and tosses Extreme against the inside of the grave before gorilla press slamming him right out of the grave, sending Extreme into the prop tombstones. Extreme, dazed, rolls down a small hill on the set as his enemy stalks his prey. Death Machine grabs Extreme, and tosses him completely off the set, sending him sideways into the barricades on the far side! Off the set, there is a crew entrance for various personnel, leading to the backstage area, and that's just where the two fought, making their way through, and out to the parking garage. Death Machine, continued the onslaught of his opponent, who seems to have reopened some of his wounds from his last meeting with the monster, as he is bleeding profusely. Also, Death Machine seems hurt a little too, his mask has a significant rip on the forehead area, with small amount of blood coming from it. In the parking lot area, Death Machine's hearse sits, and the back-end is still open from when he unloaded the casket and gravestone. Death Machine hurls Extreme like a javelin into the back, shuts the door, gets in, and begins to drive off. Halfway out of the garage, the car comes to a screeching halt, and fighting seems to be taking place, as the car rocks and the horn beeps as if someone's head is being rammed into it. The hearse has tinted windows so it's hard to tell exactly what is taking place. After one last long beep of the car horn, Extreme emerges, hobbling away from the vehicle. But the sound of squealing tires make him turn around, and the car comes barreling towards him! Extreme jumps aside, and the car spins out to a stop. Extreme recovers, rushes to the driver's side, and tries to open the door, but it's locked. Suddenly, the giant gloved hand of Death Machine bursts through the glass and begins choking Extreme! Extreme struggles to get free, and the engine revs, signaling that Death Machine is going to drive away with Extreme hanging off the side! Extreme fights the best he can in that position, as to not be dragged along side the car, and manages to hop in through the broken window. After some struggling ,the car begins flying up the ramp, but aimed at the solid wall of the garage! Right before it hits, the car makes a hard turn, sending the driver's side directly into the wall, but who was driving? The crowd, and announcers gasp as the camera sits waiting for someone to emerge. After a minute or so, the passenger side door opens....And EXTREME SUPERSTAR FALLS OUT! He crawls from the wreckage, littered with debris, and completely soaked in blood, as EMTS rush to the car. As the EMTS run over to Extreme, he pulls himself up, and waves off help, instead stands staring at the pile of twisted metal. The EMTS flock to the open door to help, AND A BIG BOOT SENDS THEM FLYING! Death Machine manages to free himself from the car, with his attire ripped and bloody, knocking away any EMT on his way to Extreme as he grates out "YOUR NOT DEAD YET!" Extreme, doesn't seem to surprised by this development, and while in bad shape, he readies to fight again. As Death Machine looms closer, the tired and pained look on Extreme's bloody face changes into one of rage, and he charges like an unleashed bull towards Death Machine, nailing hard punches and kicks, sending the giant down to the concrete. Extreme fights the pain he must be feeling , and continues his assault on the monster, making him as bloody a mess as he had become. After dishing out all he had, Extreme backs away, barely able to stand, awaiting to see if his enemy would rise. The camera, getting in close, is able to see the eyes through the ripped mask of Death Machine. They are stone gray, and despite the blood surrounding his visage, you can see that for the first time, he feels remorse, and even fear. The monster never expected such a valiant effort from his nemesis, he didn't fully understand what he was up against, he had underestimated the human spirit. Death Machine slowly rose, hurt, and knowing he was bested, he looked into the eyes of Extreme Superstar, and after staring him down, walked away. Extreme stood proud, as the crowd applauded in the arena, so moved by the event that had taken place, they couldn't make a sound. Extreme, like a proud warrior returning from battle, made his way back to ringside. He was greeted by the fans, as well as the entire SWF crew giving him a standing ovation. Extreme had the SWF crew place the tombstone that was made for him into the casket that laid crashed on the side of the stage, then he set it ablaze, watching it burn from the top of aisle.

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 10/25/03
SWF Main Event 10/25/03

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! I'm Vance McMillian, along side Dean Bokerlund. We are a mere 6 days away from Halloween Hell, and tonight, we determine who will face the U.S. and TV champions at that PPV!

Dean: It's gonna be an exciting night, here's what's on tap:

The Janitor vs Xavier Hawthorne III

# 1 Contenders Match for the SWF TV title- Randy Mann vs The Great JuJu

# 1 Contenders Match for the U.S. title- Jahalaman Jaffe vs The Mercenary

Another addition of Petey's Parlor

Crazy Phil vs Joe Money

Vance: Well, let's get right to it!

(Cut to the ring for the opening match)

Crazy Phil vs Joe Money
Poor Phil gives all he has, but Joe beats him down rather easily. Phil doesn't give up, but his age and limited wrestling skills are making it hard for him to mount any sort of offense. Joe, being in complete control, opts to humiliate Phil, going outside to retrieve something he placed under the ring. He holds up a bottle of liquid soap, and a bottle of water, what nerve, implying that the downtrodden Phil is dirty! Joe, laughing it up all the way, pours the soap and water on his downed opponent, then scrubs it in with a cloth he pulled from his pocket, all the while insulting Phil. As he does this, Phil, obviously angered, finds the strength to fight back, and unleashes a barrage of punches, then rolling up Joe, almost winning in the process. Having almost been pinned, Joe gets serious, and stomps a mudhole in Phil before hitting The Payoff and going for the pin, but arrogantly gets up at the count of two. Joe opts to administer one more Payoff for good measure, and for Phil embarrassing him by nearly beating him. 1-2-3 that's it.
*Winner* Joe Money

Post Match: Joe continues to assault Phil, all the while screaming derogatory remarks about his financial situation. When he is finally done, he tosses several bills onto Phil, even stuffing one into his mouth, then walks away.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance(disgusted): What a sickening display by Joe Money. Phil is just trying to rebuild his life, and he gets humiliated for it.

Dean(equally disgusted): That wasn't right, I don't see how Joe Money could be pleased by his actions. But moving on, last week, during the Randy Mann vs Jahalaman Jaffe match, Randy received some help from a mystery man, who saved him from quite the beating.

Vance: It is now known who this man is, (footage of the mystery man strutting around some pool area is played over Vance's talking) His name is Beef Macho, he stands 5'11, and weighs 236 lbs, hailing from Hollywood California. He was Randy Mann's mentor in the adult film industry, actually being the man who discovered him, and directed his first few films. Macho and Randy then became partners, and they run a small studio together to this day. Randy trained Macho himself, and the rotund brawler uses a version of the Boss Man Slam, he refers to as the Beefy Bomb. Beef Macho has also selected the Village People's "Macho Man" as his theme music. He is expected to make his wrestling debut at the Soul Survivor PPV.

Dean: Thanks for the info Vance. Now we're ready to see if Beef Macho's buddy, Randy Mann can earn himself a shot at the TV title!

(Cut to the ring for the match)

# 1 Contenders Match for the SWF TV title- Randy Mann vs The Great JuJu
JuJu starts strong , overpowering Randy and using his superior brawling skills. Randy comes back, utilizing his technical wrestling prowess to take control. JuJu uses a low blow (that goes unseen by the ref) to get back on the offense. JuJu, having been significantly injured by Randy's assault, figures he needs his voodoo to win the match. He grabs his "magic" powder, but before he can successfully use it, Beef Macho runs the rescue, jumping on the apron, and drawing JuJu's attention. JuJu tosses the powder at Macho, but as he turns to face his opponent, he walks into a fishermen buster suplex. After nailing the suplex, Randy goes up top, hits the Body Shot, and picks up the three count.
*Winner and # 1 Contender* Randy Mann

Post Match: Randy aides his friend, who shrugs off the earlier powder attack, and celebrates Randy's victory with him.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: It's time now for Petey's Parlor. Let's see what he has in store for us this week, take it Petey!

(Cut to Petey on the set of Petey's Parlor, with Octane and Yeti standing in the background)

Petey(not realizing he's on camera, bickers with Yeti and Octane): Yeti! You can't stand there! (Yeti stands confused) Your blocking the camera! Octane! Work with me, I don't know how to get through to this guy. (notices the camera, and pushes in front of the two large men, who stare down menacingly at him) HI! Welcome to Petey's Parlor. Today we have the three losers me, Yeti, and Octane beat for these (points to the title around his waist, and whispers to his partners to show their titles as well).

Petey(sarcastically): Please welcome, The Generation Gap. (The group enters to The Who's My Generation, which they are apparently now using as their theme, all six men stare each other down before Petey decides to speak up)

Petey(annoyed): Look, I didn't even want to have you on, but I was told you goofs have something to say, so fine, what is it? (X takes the mic)

X: The three of us feel that we deserve another crack at those 6 Man titles. We had to reschedule the initial match, then, (points to Octane and Yeti) those two attacked us before the bell, and you never even had to tag in. (Petey takes the mic)

Petey(looks at his backup in Octane and Yeti): Sure, We'll do it at the PPV, it's not like it's gonna be any different from when we first fought. Well, that was quick, I guess that wraps up Petey's Parlor this week, back to you guys in the booth.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: It was simple and to the point Dean.

Dean: It sure was, moving on, in preparation for his Hardcore title match at Halloween Hell against The Reverend, The Janitor is gonna lock horns with Reverend's good buddy Xavier Hawthorne III. It should be interesting to say the least, let's go to the ring.

(Cut to the ring for the match)

The Janitor vs Xavier Hawthorne III
Xavier is first to the ring , and The Janitor is nowhere to be seen. As Xavier looks to the aisle waiting for his opponent, The Janitor sneaks up from behind, having come from the crowd, and beats him with his signature mop before the match can officially start. Once the bell rings, The Janitor drops the mop, and nails the Clean Sweep for the quick win as The Reverend runs to the ring.
*Winner* The Janitor

Post Match: Reverend finally makes it to the ring , although he's much too late, and is met with a mop shot to the head, delivered by The Janitor. The Janitor then takes the Hardcore title (that was strapped around Reverend's waist) and celebrates with it.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: We're gonna keep cruisin' along , as our main event tonight is up next.

Dean: It will determine who faces United States champion, The Freedom Fighter for the title at Halloween Hell. Let's get right to it!


# 1 Contenders Match for the U.S. title- Jahalaman Jaffe vs The Mercenary
Jaffe starts by attempting to bribe Mercenary to lay down, but ends up being nearly run over with a vicious lariat. Mercenary follows up by proceeding to whip the living daylights out of Jaffe. Jaffe escapes to the outside, trying to flee the irate Mercenary. The Mercenary decides to give chase, infuriated by Jaffe's cowardice, and probably motivated by his recent rash of losses. Jaffe runs around the ring , and as Mercenary closes in, Jaffe kicks the steel ring steps out in front of his adversary, which trip him up, and send him face first onto them! Jaffe wisely puts Mercenary back inside quickly, hits his Arabian Goodnight finisher and gets the pin.
*Winner and # 1 Contender* Jahalaman Jaffe

Post Match: Knowing he was lucky to squeak out the win, Jaffe runs for the hills, as his furious opponent comes to in the ring.


(Back to the announce booth)

Vance(chuckles): Jaffe had the right idea by running away after what he did. But nonetheless, he earned a U.S. title shot at Halloween Hell.

Dean: We now have a full card for the event, which looks like this:

Extreme Superstar vs Death Machine?

SWF World Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Silkky Smooth

SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Suicide Brothers. vs The Black Dragons

SWF U.S. title Match.- The Freedom Fighter vs Jahalaman Jaffe

SWF TV Title Match- Randy Mann vs Captain Fantastic

SWF Hardcore Title- The Janitor vs The Reverend- If The Janitor wins, Faith and Devotion must cease in trying to banish the title

SWF Six Man Title Match- Petey Pizzazz/Octane/Yeti vs The Generation Gap

Vance(sighs and speaks in a serious tone): As mentioned above, with Extreme nowhere to be found, and having previously sustained injury at the hands of the inhuman Death Machine, that match in serious question.

Dean(in a similar tone): On the topic of Death Machine, last week he brutally chokeslammed Tony Ramon and Rory Rogers over the top and on to the floor, a week earlier, he did the same to Tripp. Those three are expected back sometime soon after the PPV, but remain sidelined currently due to concussions and other injuries as a result of that madman.

Vance(sighs): At least we haven't had to deal with such a situation tonight. (just as soon as those words are spoken, Death Machine's Music hits)

Dean(scared as the music continues to play with no sign of Death Machine): Oh God. Please, get some help.

Vance(scared as well): I spoke too soon. Somebody get out.....(Vance and Dean's eyes grow wide as saucers at the booth, apparently seeing something shocking off camera. As they cry out for help, Death Machine comes into view at the booth. His music cuts off, and the arena is dead silent in fear, and the two announcers' only exit is blocked by the mammoth man standing before them. Death Machine laughs maniacally as he approaches the trapped announcers, but suddenly, the sound of a whiny guitar blares throughout the arena, soon identified as Nickelback's song , "Where Do I Hide?". The music plays on as Death Machine, the announcers, and the crowd look to the aisle to see who's entrance the song signals. As the chorus hits, EXTREME SUPERSTAR EMERGES FROM THE BACK! HE'S HERE! With bandages still on his head, wearing all black, carrying a big metal pipe, and looking more pissed off than ever, he rushes towards Death Machine as the crowd explodes and chants his name. Death Machine backs off before being hit, and laughs sinisterly at Extreme before leaving the arena. Extreme stands, pipe in hand, saying "This Friday Death Machine, This Friday".

END OF SHOW

10 Worst Movies I've Ever Seen
Intro: I;ve been inspired recently, goin' on a tear, just whipping through articles, and so, here's my latest:

10 WORST MOVIES I'VE EVER SEEN
The title says it all, there are others that rank right up with these that I've seen, but the following ten sucked in such a way, that they must be acknowledged.

Going Overboard(1989)- Holy mother of God. That's the first thing that pops in my mind when I think about this film. It was Adam Sandler's debut film, and as a huge fan of his other movies and CDs, I figured I owed it to myself to see this. I'd never even heard of it before seeing it a store a few years back, but with Sandler on the cover, I was like "Wow, a Sandler film I haven't seen, interesting". Luckily, I didn't ever buy it, but I finally got my chance to view it by borrowing a copy from the library. I couldn't have imagined the sheer awfulness of this film, it boggles the mind that someone wrote it, actually got people to star in it, and then PAID TO FINANCE IT! There was NO redeemable qualities about this dung heap, not one. It was allegedly a comedy, but instead of laughing , I just sat in awe, not able to move because the agony this movie had paralyzed me. To paraphrase the great Ken Foree from Dawn of the Dead (a movie that didn't suck), "When there is no more room in Hell, the dead will be forced to sit and watch Going Overboard". This film is truly the WORST thing my two eyes have ever had too see, or my two ears ever heard.

Space Mutiny(1988)- This is a beyond crappy 80's space movie, with a cheesy bad guy named after a laundry detergent (Kalgan), a giant ogre for a hero, and the female lead, who we are led to believe is the most beautiful woman in the galaxy, and in her early 20's, looks at least twice her age, and is totally unappealing. Also, according to the Internet Movie Database, all the space footage is actually ripped from the science fiction classic, Battlestar Galactica! But there's more, in the WORST example of an editing mistake, a semi-important woman is killed, but in THE VERY NEXT SCENE is sitting IN FULL VIEW, DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA! Space Mutiny also shows the film industry how NOT to do a chase scene, by using golf carts(yes, they actually used golf carts) that only go a few miles an hour, and that was the climax! It scares me that the film makers saw the finished product, and released it as is. It's really bad, but honestly, sort of fun to watch for that reason.

Manos: Hands of Fate(1966)- When looking for a bad movie, the title is usually a good indicator, and this one takes the prize for worst title EVER. Anybody who knows some Spanish can tell you that the word "Manos" means hands, making the translated title of this movie "Hands: Hands of Fate", but Manos' issues go far beyond the title. Manos was actually the result of a bet, the man who made Manos, El Paso Texas native Hal P. Warren (who, ironically was a fertilizer salesman) claimed he could make a popular low budget horror movie. With $19,000, Hal filmed Manos with himself as the star, some local actors, and using a camera only capable of shooting thirty seconds of soundless footage at a time, which meant he had to dub the voices (most of the male voices were actually him!). It took two and a half months to make, and was given a huge premiere in Hal's hometown of El Paso, with many local bigwigs in attendance. The movie was so bad, people began to heckle it, and the actors and crew who helped make it, left due to embarrassment. Even stranger, three actors in Manos committed suicide soon after it was made, creepy huh? I was expecting much worse, but yeah, it's awful.

Hobgoblins(1987)- This was basically another in a long line of movies in the 80's that bastardized the successful Gremlins franchise. The actors in Hobgoblins are SOOOO bad, I sure as hell hope they were meant to be that way. One character plays some sort of trollop, but just to hammer it home, every one of here scenes basically are only there to point out to us all that she likes sex, that's some great character development. Basically, the plot is monsters that are NOT anything at all like Gremlins, escpae from some vault they were trapped in, and wreak havoc. These creatures can make your fantasies come true or something , so of course when the nerdy hero's prudish girlfriend is overcome by their power, she becomes Ultra-Slut 9000, and begins whoring it up at a club aptly named "Club Scum". And, out of the blue, there is a weird scene where the nerdy hero and the trollop's military boyfriend engage in an intense battle with rakes on his front lawn. Did any of what I described make sense? No? Good. That's exactly what Hobgoblins was like, now you don't have to see it.

May(2002)- May, oh good lord, May. How does one describe the most f'ed up movie ever? The lady at Blockbuster warned me and those I was with, but we just didn't listen, we told her that we liked weird. If only I knew, if only there was a way to possibly comprehend the bizarre and twisted reality that is May. May is about a girl who's name is, get this, May. May was classified a freak since birth, on account of......a lazy eye?! Ok, a lazy eye isn't THAT bad, kids would take notice, but it's not like she had a tail or a second head. Anyways, Ms. Lazy Eye's only friend was a doll that she was never allowed to take out of it's glass case, and she worked at a veterinary clinic. May ends up falling in love with, not exactly a guy, but a guy's HANDS?! She obsesses over this dude's hands, all the while being pursued by the girl from Scary Movie, who has the hots for her. What this movie was supposed to be about was May being a psycho who goes around killing people and taking specific body parts to make the perfect friend, kinda like a Frankenstein deal. HOWEVER, you have to watch May DO THE LAUNDRY FOR HOURS, and lots of other crap to see the literally TWO F'N MINUTES of dumb killing. The road to the pathetic violence is so surreal, I almost don't know if this movie really exists, I might just be imagining the whole thing , and if so, I really need help. May is so unbelievably screwed up, it's comes full circle back to being genius. It IS bad, but in a whole new way, a way that hasn't been explored, so see it? Don't see it? I just don't know anymore.

Freddy Got Fingered(2001)- The only possible explanations for this travesty is that Tom Green (who I actually like) wanted to make a horrible movie, or his bizarre humor just went right over everyone's heads. Either way, the movie doesn't work, that's pretty much all I can say about it.

Final Sacrifice(1990)- This movie was a low budget Canadian flick, that was incredibly cheesy, but with the Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew riffing it, Final Sacrifice produced one of the funniest things I've ever seen. So it goes like this, With MST3K, it's hilarious, but as a stand alone movie, it's bad.

Surf Nazis Must Die(1987)- This movie not only has a sweet-ass title, but was done by Troma, the film company that makes purposefully bad films that are excessively violent, outlandish and funny. This one however just blows. How could a movie with such a cool title, and a plot consisting of an elderly woman killing surfers who murdered her grandson go wrong? By being boring. There is little to no action whatsoever, bottom line, this film is a stinker.

The Sinister Urge(1961)- According to many film critics, Ed Wood is perhaps the worst director ever, and this movie made me understand why. The Sinister Urge is a boring black and white film that is about detectives trying to link a murder to people in the smut business, that's about it. Even with the MST3K crew behind it, this movie was unsalvageable.

Teen Wolf Too(1987)- A lot of people hate sequels, I try to give sequels the benefit of the doubt, but after seeing Teen Wolf Too, I understand why people don't like them. For the proper perspective, I first must express my thoughts on the original Teen Wolf, It starred Michael J. Fox (one of my favorite actors), and in my opinion, was one of the best movies of the 80's. I can't get enough 80's teen flicks, so that sort of stuff is right up my ally, meaning the original Teen Wolf is a film I regard in the highest esteem. Then, someone wants to make a sequel, ok, I'll give it a shot, let's see what they come up with. What they delivered was a complete ripoff of the original, making the "Teen Wolf" in this one the cousin of MJF's character in first movie, and played by the highly unlikable Jason Bateman. THEN they recycle the plot, almost to the letter, actually bringing back most of the characters from the original, and substituting boxing for basketball as sport "Teen Wolf" excels at. Bateman plays his way as a poor, poor, poor man's Michael J. Fox through the movie, almost singlehandedly ruining any appeal of the original. In an unrelated note, that bastard (Bateman) actually has a new show coming out! Boycott it, please. Back on topic, this movie was so beyond atrocious, the only way they could sell it was by slapping it on the same DVD as Teen Wolf! If you decide to watch any of the movies I've made mention of, make sure it's not this one, don't let Jason Bateman or any of the other greedy idiots responsible have the satisfaction of another innocent soul viewing this rubbish.

My 10 Favorite Horror Movies!
MY 10 FAVORITE HORROR MOVIES
With Halloween mere days away, I figured I'd bust out an article on my picks for the 10 best horror movies, so here you go.

Dawn of the Dead(1978)- If you read the "Favorite Movies" section of my site, then you already know what high esteem I hold this film in. Seriously, everything you want in a good horror movie, or a movie in general is here, good characters, a great story, and copious amounts of blood. There is even some funny moments too, like the zombie that looks like Lionel Richie, or the one that is a Hare Krishna. See this if you haven't already (what the hell took you so long?), or watch it again.

Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors(1987)- As a horror film buff, of course I love Freddy Krueger, and Dream Warriors may very well be his best work. This was before Freddy got TOO goofy, and he was just about the killin' yo. There are some truly inspired death scenes here, and Nancy is back! If you are some sort of uninformed philistine, then you probably don't know who the hell I'm talking about. Nancy was the lead hero of the original Elm Street, and just about the only teen in horror movie history that you didn't want to see die. Nancy is played by the talented (but seldom hired for big roles, for shame Hollywood) Heather Langenkamp, who might also be known as Marie Lubbock from a favorite 80's sitcom of mine, Just the Ten of Us. How anyone not love seeing Marie(she played an up tight, religious teen) vs Freddy? Luckily, Heather would make one more appearance in Wes Craven's New Nightmare, but don't worry, that's not a spoiler, in that installment of the Freddy series, the Nightmare movies were just movies and she was playing herself. Anyways, back on topic, this movie rocks, see it soon.

Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood(1988)- Jason also holds a special place in the hearts of any self respecting horror fan, and this one is a gem. Basically, it's Jason vs Carrie, but without the OK to use the real Carrie, they just rename her Tina. Don't let that fool you though, Tina's psychic powers make her a formidable opponent for ol' Jason, probably the best he had to ever come up against in the whole series. Basically what that means is that instead of Jason just mindlessly hacking away(he still does do that, don't cry) before being tricked into defeat, he actually battles Tina head on, making the movie much better. So go on, give this Friday the 13th sequel a try why don't ya?

Pet Semetery(1989)- Horror movies don't scare me, they NEVER have, but hot damn, this was creepy as hell. If one movie character can give anyone nightmares for life, it had to be Zelda from this film. After I first saw this movie at about 6 or 7 years old, Zelda must have been trapped in my nightmares for a solid year. And it's not just her look, which is about the most freaky and disturbing thing I've ever seen, but the voice. Zelda's voice has to be the most f'ed up thing I've ever heard. I don't know why I would ever want to recommend this now that I think about it, but if it had that sort of effect on ME, than most people will need therapy after Zelda makes an appearance. Aside from the emotional scarring that Zelda inflicts, Pet Semetery is a damn good little horror flick, with decent gore, and is quite mentally upsetting ,it's the only film that has ever done that to me. Honestly though, don't let a child see or hear Zelda, I'm serious, please, I don't want that on my conscience.

Freddy vs Jason(2003)- It may have just come out this past August, but I had been waiting for years to see this. Not only did I, like many other horror fans dream of such a match up, but the actual creation of this film had been started in the late 90's. About 1999 or 2000, when things were taking shape, I was all "Dude, this is gonna be sweet. It won't be long now, the movie will probably be out next year". But, after all the buzz, after all the hype, I ended up having to wait 2 or 3 more years! When the movie was actually done, I couldn't wait to rush and see it, I began making the plans, and awaited the release. So the day it came out, I was SO there, and it didn't disappoint. I`ve pretty much lost faith in today's entertainment, but Freddy vs Jason showed me that there still are some things out there worth seeing. Don't EVEN call yourself a horror fan until you've seen it. In a cool little story, at the end of this movie, people in the theater I was in CHEERED AND APPLAUDED, never have I seen such a reaction to any movie. Freddy vs Jason gets my highest recommendation.

Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan(1989)- For some reason, this is one of the most maligned Friday the 13th films out there, but I personally think it's one of the best. Sure it's campy, which can either be a good or bad thing , depending on your tastes, and I for one, LOVE movies like that. The premise is this, Jason returns, and gets on a cruise ship that just happens to be full of graduating teens on their way to New York City, basically a dream come true for our hockey masked killer. Without spoiling too much, Jason and some survivors end up in New York, where the rampage continues. I think I like this movie so much because it was such a departure from the other films, instead of the typical camp setting , we get Jason running rampant on a boat AND New York City, what's not to love about that?! Good stuff here, it gets my seal of approval.

Jaws(1975)- This is a classic, and we've all seen it, so there isn't too much new ground to be broken here, but I do have some comments. Jaws never actually had anything scary in terms of effects, but the very idea of a killer shark was all it needed. For the first time, the situation presented in a horror movie was within the realm of possibility, people really were attacked by sharks. I was born in Florida, I heard about shark attacks all the time, so this movie really struck a cord. And of course there's the famous music, just thinking about it while in the water can give you a chill. The original Jaws is the only one I'll endorse, I'd be much more inclined to believe that the shark would be that persistent in killing (like the infamous boat scene), than actually make roaring noises, or jump COMPLETELY VERTICAL OUT OF THE WATER as depicted in subsequent sequels.

A Nightmare on Elm Street(1984)- C'mon it's the original Freddy movie, the one that helped shape the entire genre. This movie didn't just have gore, it also had great characters too. Freddy probably had the greatest back story of any "slasher" before him, and our hero was the aforementioned Nancy. This film gave horror it's most charismatic, marketable, and iconic star, the one and only, Freddy Krueger.

Candyman(1992)- Candyman. He rocks. Tony Todd(Candyman) is a favorite of the genre, and the Candyman series shows why. Tony has the coolest (and most chilling) voice in all of Hollywood, and is quite the intimidating figure at 6'5. Candyman has the voice, a long trenchcoat, and even a friggin' hook for a hand! This first instalment of the franchise is the best, and has all the gore, suspense, and characters to not only make it a good horror film, but a good film period. With this one, you get much more than the violence, you also get a well told story as well. I can also recommend the second Candyman as well, since it delves deeper into the Candyman character, proving a sequel on par with the original.

Halloween(1978)- If anyone can match the iconic status of Freddy or Jason, it's Michael Myers. Myers is creepier than most of his compatriots, and has the trump card of stellar musical accompaniment. The Halloween theme is probably the best music in horror movie history, and alone is part of why this made the list. Myers' silent, stalking style is akin to that of Jason, but with his signature white mask, he just edges ol' Jason out as the most frightening. Halloween is a staple of the holiday in which it was named after, and has built quite a legacy, despite some really stupid sequels. You can usually catch it on several times near Halloween, so check out if you can.

SWF Main Event 10/18/03
SWF Main Event 10/18/03

Vance: Welcome to another addition of SWF Main Event! We have a packed card tonight as we approach Halloween Hell!

Dean: Here's the lineup:

Silkky Smooth vs Joe $

U.S. title Match- Freedom Fighter vs Yeti

Reverend on Petey's Parlor

TV title- Cpt. Fantastic vs The Don

Tag # 1 Contenders Match- Great JuJu and Boppo The Clown vs Quow Ling/The Shadow

Randy Mann vs Jahalaman Jaffe

Rory Rogers vs Tony Ramon

(Cut to the ring for the opening match)

Randy Mann vs Jahalaman Jaffe
We get a pretty even match until Jaffe pulls the ref in front of him as Randy comes off with a dropkick. With the ref down, Jaffe grabs some of his assorted rings and uses them as if they were brass knuckles. As the assault continues, a bald, fat, curly mustached man wearing shorts an open silk shirt, (exposing his hairy chest and medallions) and flip flops, runs from the back to save Randy! The man beats on Jaffe before administering a Boss Man Slam on him before dancing around the ring. Randy seems to know this man, and they embrace before leaving the ring
*NO CONTEST*

(Back to announce booth)

Vance(curious): Who in the world was that Dean?

Dean(unsure): I've never seen him before, but Randy certainly knows him.

(Cut to the ring for the next match)

Rory Rogers vs Tony Ramon
The two men barely get to fight when Death Machine's music hits. The monster enters the ring , and is assaulted by the two men, know teaming up on the beast. Their attack has no effect, and both are laid out with a pair of big boots to the face. Both men are pretty big guys, but that doesn't stop Death Machine from lifting them for a double Death Warrant, then CHOKESLAMMING BOTH MEN OVER THE TOP TO THE CONCRETE! Last week he did it to a cruiserweight, but now, simultaneously on two heavyweights! Again the monster leaves the ring , without anyone daring to stop him.

(Back to announce booth)

Vance(in shock and fear): Dean, something needs to be done. Nobody is safe anymore. I am having second thoughts about staying out here.

Dean(shocked and scared as well): Your absolutely right. Security, you need to do your jobs, hire more men, something , just help.

Vance(shaken up): Despite that, we still have a job to do. With Halloween Hell fast approaching , title matches are starting to take shape. It was decided that a match would determine who would challenge for the tag team titles. We left it up to the SWF talent to find their own partners, and the teams you see in this contest were the first to sign up, thus being granted the opportunity tonight.

Dean: The way the teams came to be however, is quite interesting , we take you now to footage chronicling their inceptions.
(Fade out and into JuJu sitting alone, sadly and staring at a voodoo doll in his hands)

JuJu:(sighs as Boppo enters the room)

Boppo(sympathetically): I know just how you feel (takes a seat next to JuJu). My luck hasn't been the greatest either.

JuJu: (stares up at Boppo) It's not just that, (holds up the voodoo doll) Nobody takes me seriously. I guess I understand that people don't get the whole voodoo thing, but that's my whole identity, it doesn't seem to work, but without it, I'm nothing.

Boppo: (nods in agreement) Yeah! I completely empathize. The clown gimmick is to me, what voodoo is to you. It sure is nice to meet someone who gets what I'm going through.

JuJu: Say, last I heard, no teams have signed on yet for the tag title shot. What about you and me?

Boppo: Sounds Great! Let's do it!

(Go back to announcers as the two rush off to sign up for the title shot)

Vance: It's nice those two misunderstood souls could find solace in teaming. Together, the duo may be no laughing matter!

Dean(amused): No laughing matter? Sounds like you've stumbled onto a name for the team. But how did the silent pairing of Quow Ling and The Shadow come to be? Check this out.

(Fade to Quow, standing in front of the sign up sheet for the # 1 contenders match. He picks it up, and stares around the room, eyeing Rory, Joe $, X, and Randy Mann, who all pass by the busy corridor. He seems unsure who he could team with for a shot at the gold. He opts to sign his name anyways, but no partner, Quow seems ready to go the match alone, as it is a huge opportunity he doesn't want to pass up, despite the lack of a partner. He walks off, and out of the darkness, The Shadow emerges, apparently having been stalking Quow. Shadow signs his name next to Quow's, and the mysterious masked man slinks back to where he came.

(Back to announce booth)

Vance: Well, Quow didn't actually pick a partner, but had one attach themself to him. I shouldn't be surprised, Shadow is always lurking somewhere not far from Quow. I'd really like to know the nature of that relationship. Considering the circumstances, it's sort of hard to slap a name on them as a team, but I'll try, how about The Black Dragons?

Dean: That'll do. But ,we're about to find out next which of those teams will get the title shot.

(Cut to the ring for the next match)

SWF Tag Title # 1 Contenders Match- No Laughing Matter vs The Black Dragons
On the way to the ring, Quow doesn't appear to like The Shadow, who's following behind. Quow stares, confused at his forced tag partner, unsure why he even wanted to team with him. While that goes on. JuJu and Boppo rush the duo, but are met with virtually a mirror reaction from the Dragons, multiple martial arts blows. Things settle as Quow and Boppo become the two legal men, Boppo being decimated by Quow's furious and lighting fast offense. Boppo manages to make the tag , and Quow looks at Shadow in his corner, and reluctantly tags. Shadow doesn't disappoint, taming the heavyweight JuJu with his own martial arts attack. Seeing his partner in trouble, the still woozy Boppo rushes in for the save, only to be cut off with the signature Death Kick of Quow. With Boppo now on dream street, the Dragons assault JuJu, bringing him to his knees. JuJu is now is position for the Death Kick or the Flying Wizard, and both of his opponents are fully aware of that, as they each set up to deliver their finishers. As Quow delivers the Death Kick from one side, Shadow comes in from the other with the Flying Wizard, resulting in a visually stunning double team move, and a deadly one as well. After that vicious move, JuJu is OUT, and the legal man, Shadow easily pins him for the win.
*Winners and # 1 Contenders* The Black Dragons

(Back to announce booth)

Vance: The Suicide Brothers better be ready, these Black Dragons are quite the formidable duo.

Dean: And continuing the action, next up, Captain Fantastic defends his TV title against The Don!

(Cut to the ring for the match)

SWF TV title Match- Cpt. Fantastic vs The Don
The Don starts the match in control, beating down Fantastic from the get go. Fantastic fights his way out of a belly to belly suplex attempt and rushes off the ropes to hit a flying forearm, and swaying the momentum back to himself. Fantastic never allows The Don to recover completely, and hits the Crime Stopper for the win.
*Winner and STILL SWF TV Champion* Captain Fantastic

(Back to announce booth)

Vance: Petey's Parlor is coming up next, with a very interesting guest, Dean.

Dean: Indeed. The Reverend will be there, hopefully answering the question we've all been wondering , just why did he want the Hardcore title?

Vance: We'll find out soon enough, take it Petey!

(Cut to Petey, on the Set of Petey's Parlor, with Octane lurking in the background as usual)

Petey: Hello everyone! Welcome to Petey's Parlor, which is quickly becoming the hottest thing in the SWF! Tonight, my guest is the newest SWF Hardcore champ, The Reverend, a man who's actions have got many scratching their heads. Without any further ado, please welcome, The Reverend to the Parlor! (Reverend makes his way to the set)

Petey(holding the mic up to the Reverend): Let's just get right down to it, Reverend, why would you, of all people, want the SWF Hardcore title?

Reverend(grabs the mic away and begins to speak into the camera): Why you ask? That title represents the sadistic practices of beating a man senseless and nothing more. Where is the athleticism? How could any man be proud of being the alleged champion of such activities? Not me, but with it in my possession, the title is of no use to anyone else, and Xavier and I are working on ridding the SWF of it all together!

Petey(in shock, into another mic): How do you intend on doing that?

Reverend(with a smile): Me and Xavier have put together a petition, and are planning to appeal to the State Athletic Commission, in hopes that they will outlaw such contests in the SWF Arena, and maybe ban it around the country as well! (The Janitor suddenly bursts onto the scene, grabbing Petey's mic)

Janitor(angrily): Reverend! You want to get rid of MY title? Well my friend, YOUR GONNA HAVE TO FIGHT ME FOR IT! ME AND YOU, IN A HARDCORE MATCH AT HALLOWEEN HELL!

Reverend(scoffs): That's absurd. I don't....(Janitor cuts him off, and holds up the SWF Rule Booklet he had in his back pocket)

Janitor(waving the booklet in Reverend's face): According to the SWF rules, a champion MUST defend his title at every PPV, if they fail to do so, the champion forfeits his title. It looks like you have no choice. (Janitor starts to walk away, but stops) One more thing , after I win, you have to give up your little quest to get rid of the title! (Janitor tosses down the mic as he exits)

Reverend(beside himself): We'll see! You've got your match, but don't count on leaving with the belt!

Petey: Wow, ok, back to you Vance.

(Back to announce booth)

Vance: Another match is signed for Halloween Hell!

Dean: The PPV is really shaping up to be a good one!

Vance: And we've still got more on tap tonight! Right now, the U.S. title is on the line as The Freedom Fighter Defends against Yeti!
(Cut to the ring for the match)

SWF United States Title Match- Freedom Fighter vs Yeti
The Freedom Fighter takes a cautious approach, looking for an opening to attack, then charging with several axe handles and shoulder blocks, all of which fail to rock the big man. Freedom gives it one last go, but Yeti is ready with a clothesline, but Freedom ducks, and goes for the knees by dropkicking one. That method has some effect, but Freedom is stopped in his next attempt, as Yeti kicks him away. Yeti tosses his opponent around, now in control. The mammoth dominates for quite some time, but the fans rally behind The Freedom Fighter, and he makes a comeback, blocking Yeti's attempt at his Giant Drop finisher. Freedom doesn't relent after his escape, and hammers away, finally having an effect on him. Freedom, with Yeti dazed, takes to the top rope, and nails a missile dropkick that takes Yeti off his feet. As Yeti struggles to get up, The Freedom Fighter stalks him from behind, in preparation to finish him off with the Star Spangled Slam when he makes it to his feet. When Yeti does manage to stand, The Freedom Fighter was ready and actually gets him up for the Star Spangled Slam! 1-2-3, it over.
*Winner and STILL SWF Champion* The Freedom Fighter

(Back to announce booth)

Vance: I'm quite surprised that The Freedom Fighter was able to retain his title, but nonetheless, he is the perfect man to hold the United States championship.

Dean: I agree Vance, but now we are ready for the main event, Joe Money vs Silkky Smooth.

(Cut to the ring for the match)

(Before the match can start, SWF Champion, The Billion Dollar Man enters the ring with a mic)

BDM: Now you must be wondering why I'm out here. Well, my opponent for Halloween Hell, Tripp, was seriously hurt last week, thus is unable to compete in the title match at the PPV. In need of another opponent, I've decided that the winner of my good friend, Joe Money's match vs Silkky Smooth will take Tripp's place as # 1 contender! I wish both contenders luck, and look forward to facing the winner.

# 1 Contender's Match for the SWF World title- Silkky Smooth vs Joe $
As the participants enter, BDM is leaving , and Joe shakes hands with him. When the bell rings, Silkky charges Joe, but is tripped by BDM, who is still milling around ringside! BDM wants Joe to win, in hopes he'll lay down for him at the PPV! Before BDM can cheat any more, ensuring Joe's win, the referee (who saw what BDM did), ejects him from ringside! Joe protests the decision with the ref, but as his back is turned, Silkky is readying for the Silkky Slam, which Joe walks right into when he turns around. 1-2-3, it's over!
*Winner and # 1 Contender* Silkky Smooth

Post Match: Silkky celebrates as BDM(who hadn't even made it to the back yet) throws a tantrum in the aisle.

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 10/11/03
SWF MAIN EVENT 10/11/03

(The show opens with Vance(with a bruised face) sitting alone sadly at the announce booth)

Vance(sadly): Hello fans. When we left the air last week, Death Machine had pretty much taken over, throwing the whole promotion into chaos, and severely injuring Extreme Superstar. We will have an update on his condition later in the broadcast. Also, as you probably know, Extreme agreed to face Death Machine in not so much a match but a fight. This is scheduled to take place at Halloween Hell, on Halloween day, but with Extreme's injuries, that might not even happen. As added motivation, Extreme said that if he defeated Death Machine, Death Machine would never be able to return. Tonight, I will be doing the show along side Dean Bokerlund, Dean? (Dean comes in to sit at the booth)

Dean(upset): I really wish that I could be here under happier circumstances, but Extreme would have wanted the show to go on. With that in mind, here's tonight's lineup:

SWF U.S. Title 4 way Elimination - The Freedom Fighter vs Tony Ramon vs Quow Ling vs The Shadow

6 Man Tag Titles- X/Disco/Jimmy vs Petey/Octane/Yeti

SWF TV Title-Cpt. Fantastic vs Mercenary

SWF Hardcore Title-The Janitor vs Rory Rogers

SWF Tag Titles- The Suicide Bros. Vs Cash Inc.

Another Installment of Petey's Parlor

Vance: Petey is ready with Petey's Parlor, so go ahead Petey.

(Cut to the Parlor set, where as always, Petey stands with Octane)

Petey(still talking to Octane): So, remember, tonight we are on the same page, right? Fine, don't talk. (notices the camera) Oh, hey there, welcome to Petey's Parlor! Tonight we have a VERY special guest, SWF World champion, The Billion Dollar Man! (BDM comes on and shakes hands with Petey)

Petey: So, BDM, word is, you're here for a big announcement, am I right?

BDM(laughs): Indeed I am. I have been given the pleasure of selecting two top SWF superstars for a title shot at the Halloween Hell pay per view. While I've narrowed it down, I can only pick one man, so tonight, the two will have a match, and I'll face the winner at the PPV.

Petey: Wow! What a bombshell! Two lucky SWF stars will face off for the right to take on the champ, LIVE on PPV! Thank you for coming on today BDM! (The two exchange pleasantries as BDM leaves) I have other matters to discuss before I go. X, Disco Danny, and Jimmy Jam, you were lucky we didn't have a chance to beat you last week, but don't worry, tonight, we'll make it up to you!

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: Ok, speaking of the 6 man match, you never did see how the team we've dubbed "The Generation Gap" cane to be.

(Cut to footage of X, Disco Danny, and Jimmy Jam talking backstage)

X(to Danny): Yeah, that really puts it in perspective. I've never found someone who understands what I'm going through.
Danny: Groovy. I get the same jive from people all the time, how about you Jam Man?

Jimmy: Totally. They say, I'm caught in a time warp or something , nobody understands that some of us just connect to a certain era. X, your not such a bad dude, beneath the angst, is a pretty radical guy.

Danny(smiles): I'm feelin' the love man. We should team up, tonight we could take the 6 man titles

(the 3 agree and continue their discussion as we cut to the ring for a match)

SWF Hardcore Title Match-The Janitor vs Rory Rogers
The Janitor dominates and hits the Clean Sweep to win rather quickly.
*Winner and STILL SWF Hardcore Champion* The Janitor
However, before he can exit the ring , of all people, the Reverend runs in and uses the bible to KO The Janitor and win the title! Xavier rushes out to congratulate his friend and they run off to the back.
*Winner and NEW SWF Hardcore Champion* The Reverend

(Back to the announce booth)

Dean: The REVEREND is the new Hardcore champ? Why would he want the title, or be so happy about it?

Vance: I'm not too sure, but next is a rematch of sorts. The Mercenary takes on TV champ Captain Fantastic for the gold, but instead of having a third man involved, it's one on one.

(Cut to the ring for the match)

SWF TV Title Match-Cpt. Fantastic vs Mercenary
The Mercenary is really motivated, he doesn't seem to like the notion of a man who bested him the way Fantastic did in their first meeting. Fantastic somehow, after taking quite a bit of punishment, rebounds, and gets the Crime Stopper to retain his TV title.
*Winner and STILL SWF TV Champion* Captain Fantastic

Post Match: Mercenary attacks and beats Fantastic with the belt before walking off.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: It seems we have a rivalry here.

Dean: Sure does, The Mercenary is none too pleased with failing to capture the TV title as second time.

Vance: Next is our second rematch of some kind, The Suicide Brothers walked out the tag champs over three other teams, among those their opponents tonight Cash Inc, being Jahalaman Jaffe and Joe Money.

Dean: Will we see another upset or new champs crowned? We're about to find out!

(Cut to the ring for the match)

SWF Tag Title Match- The Suicide Bros. Vs Cash Inc.
Jaffe and Jack start, and Jaffe is the aggressor. Jaffe makes a few quick tags in and out with joe to keep fresh, but Jack rallies and makes the tag to Mike. Mike rocks Jaffe so he tags, and Joe puts a stop to Mike's offense. More quick tags by Cash Inc, last one leaving in Jaffe, but Mike just won't quit. Mike avoids an Arabian Goodnight with help from Jack. Jack rushes out to take the tag , but is not quick enough as Jaffe rushes to Joe and tags, who then cuts off Mike just in time. After some serious punishment, Mike gets the tag and Jack, instead of just coming in, hits a moonsault out of nowhere on Joe for a quick three. They win again!
*Winners and STILL SWF Tag Champs* The Suicide Bros.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: They squeaked out a win again! Amazing!

Dean: It' either a showing of tremendous tenacity or just luck. In any case, we have the 6 man tag next.

(Cut to the ring for the match)

6 Man Tag Titles-The Generation Gap vs Petey/Octane/Yeti
A rather quick squash, Yeti and Octane laid out their 3 adversaries before the match even got started. Petey never had to lift a finger, Octane pinned Danny after the Empty Tank.
*Winners and NEW SWF 6 Man Tag Champs* Petey/Octane/Yeti

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: Next, we will finally decide who is the first SWF United States champ.

Dean: It's to be contested in a 4 man Elimination match. In this particular case, only 2 men are allowed in at once. The last remaining man will win the title.

(Cut to the ring for the match)

SWF U.S. Title 4 way Elimination Match-Freedom Fighter vs Tony Ramon vs Quow Ling vs The Shadow
Tony and The Shadow start, with Tony taking the advantage, until being overcome, and then tagging to the nearest man, Quow Ling. Quow and Shadow do a stare down and get into their respective martial arts stances. What follows is an incredible display of their combat skills, as they block each and every move they throw at each other. Finally, they drop the martial arts and go for fast paced aerial wrestling. Shadow dazes Quow, and goes to the top rope for some sort of maneuver, but on the way down, Quow pops into position and hits the Death Kick! That just about killed him dead, Quow pins Shadow. Tony attacks right after the pin, and polishes Quow off with the Edge before he even knows what is going on. The Freedom Fighter, for the first time in the match, enters the ring, and wards off Tony's brawling with speedy technical wrestling counters. After a few minutes of dominance, The Freedom Fighter blasts Tony with the Star Spangled Slam for the win and the U.S. title.
*Winner and NEW SWF U.S. Champ* The Freedom Fighter

(Back to the announce booth)

Dean: The SWF couldn't find a more fitting man to hold the U.S. title!

Vance: You're absolutely right, Dean. (Sighs and gets a more serious tone) On a more serious note, We have an update on Extreme Superstar's condition. After we left the air, the Ambulances had finally arrived, and he was taken to a local hospital. He was, as you saw, very beaten up, he was diagnosed with a broken nose, a concussion, some back problems, and cracked ribs. After being treated however, Extreme demanded to be released and hasn't been seen since.

Dean(in a quiet, serious voice): I think I can speak for all of us in the SWF in that we wish Extreme a quick and speedy recovery, we miss you.

Vance(solemnly): As much as I'd like to see him back Dean, I can't stop thinking about what is set to happen when he does. That monster, Death Machine is looking to.....I don't even want to speculate. (points to his bruised face) Look at this, that's after one half hearted swing. After, I hit him as hard as I could with a chair. And the SWF talent not here tonight, aren't, simply due to being injured by that man. Extreme, I'm begging you, don't be a hero. Contact the right authorities to handle this, we all here don't want to have to watch what happens when you come back.

Dean(in the same serious tone): I hate to have to switch gears, but we have the # 1 contender's match next. Billion Dollar Man has personally selected these men, and the winner takes the title shot at Halloween Hell.

(Cut to the ring for the match)

SWF World # 1 Contender's Match- ??? vs ???
Nobody is in the ring, then Tripp's music hits?! Tripp is a good competitor, but hasn't honed his skills enough to be considered a world title contender. Next, CRAZY PHIL'S music hits?! BDM has set this up for an easy title match! Both of these guys don't pose a threat to his title and he knows that! The crowd also sees what's up and cries foul as Tripp easily pins Phil after the Stoner Smash.
*Winner and # 1 Contender* Tripp

Post Match: Tripp celebrates as his music plays, until it suddenly cuts off, and is replaced by the sound of Orgy's Opticon, Death Machine's Music! Tripp has no chance to run, and neither does Phil, who is in the process of leaving. Both men are beaten down in mid ring , and then hoisted for a double Death Warrant! Death Machine had no problem getting both men up with just one hand each. Phil is then launched like Extreme last week, right down the aisle. Tripp, writhing on the canvas, rolls into Death Machine, who looks down at his prey before deciding on a fitting punishment. Death Machine lifts Tripp WAY up in position the Death Warrant, but instead of depositing him on the canvas, he CHOKESLAMS HIM RIGHT OVER THE TOP ROPE AND TO THE CONCRETE FLOOR! It's safe to say, Tripp is probably pretty injured. Death Machine simply walks out, with nobody even attempting to stop him.

END OF SHOW

My Fantasy Lineup
While bored I decided to make my own fantasy roster. I determined the amounts of wrestlers,titles, etc. by a rough (but fair) estimate of a real WWF/WWE roster. So here it is:

Fantasy lineup- Anyone from any time

50 Wrestlers-10 women(for wrestling , but they can also manage)

4 Announcers-Mainly announcing , but you can use them as you wish(wrestling/managing)

6 Managers/Valets-They can wrestle or announce

Up to 6 Titles

Announcers
1. Gorilla Monsoon
2. Bobby Heenan
3. Jesse Ventura
4. Jim Ross

Managers
Sunny
Elizabeth
Beaulah
Francine
Stacy Kiebler
Paul Heyman

Titles
World
Intercontinental
Television
Women's
Hardcore
Tag Team

Dream Roster-All in their primes, Women First
1.Victoria
2. Molly Holly
3. Trish Stratus
4. Fabulous Moolah
5. Wendi Ritcher
6. Madusa
7. Sensational Sherri
8. Jazz
9. Trinity
10. Alexis Laree
11. Hulk Hogan
13. Bret Hart
14. Undertaker
15. Shawn Michaels
16. Kurt Angle
17. Chris Benoit
18. Ric Flair
19. Scott Hall
20. Marty Jannetty
21. Randy Savage
22. Tito Santana
23. Koko B. Ware
24. Kevin Nash
25. Crush-Kona Crush
26. Ax
27. Smash
28. Hawk
29. Animal
30. Jim Niedhart
31. Andre the Giant
32. Bruno Sammartino
33. Ahmed Johnson
34. Raven
35. Junkyard Dog
36. Kerry Von Erich
37. Eddie Guerrero
38. Dean Malenko
39. Chris Jericho
40. Mr. Perfect
41. Rick Martel
42. British Bulldog
43. Jake Roberts
44. Jimmy Snuka
45. Ricky Steamboat
47. Roddy Piper
48. Kevin Nash
49. Rick Rude
50. Steve Austin

SWF Main Event 10/4/03
SWF MAIN EVENT

Extreme: Welcome to the 1st edition of SWF Main Event! Tonight we decide the title holders to the other SWF titles, being the United States, Television, Hardcore, Tag Team, and 6 Man Tag.

Vance: Those in the U.S., TV, and Hardcore matches were chosen at random. For the traditional and 6 mans, we left it up to the SWF superstars to find partners.

Here's the Breakdown of the matches:
SWF U.S. Title 4 way Elimination - The Freedom Fighter vs Tony Ramon vs Quow Ling vs The Shadow

SWF TV title 3 way Elimination- JuJu vs Mercenary vs Capt. Fantastic

SWF Tag Team 4 team Elimination- Suicide Bros. vs Reverend/Xavier vs Jaffe/Joe $ vs Silkky/Randy

Hardcore Title- Boppo vs The Janitor

6 man tag titles- X/Disco/Jimmy vs Petey/Octane/Yeti

Vance: It appears as if some important alliances have been made, we've got footage to show you how the teams came to be, but we kick the night off with the Hardcore title match! Now there's no 24-7 rule, however if a champion is still in the ring , or they agree to a match anywhere with an SWF referee to preside, anyone can have a shot at the title.


SWF Hardcore Title Match- Boppo The Clown vs The Janitor
Before we even get started, Rory Rogers (who didn't get a title match in the random drawing) rushes in. Boppo uses the distraction and uses a TRICYCLE on The Janitor! When he goes for the pin, Rory breaks it up and tries to win himself! Boppo pulls him off, and they argue until The Janitor recovers and sneaks outside as they argue. He grabs his mop from the ringer, and hits Boppo in the face with it, splashing something in his eyes that apparently burns. Rory is next, as The Janitor hits him several times until the mop breaks! Janitor goes out side again, and grabs a Dustbuster! He cracks in the head with it as both men strive to recover, Boppo is still blinded BTW. Janitor pins a bloodied Boppo for the win.
*Winner and First SWF Hardcore Champion* The Janitor

(Back to announcers)

Extreme: With the Tag Team titles about to be decided, let's show you how the teams came to be. Obviously the Suicide Brothers are related and came here as a team, but what about Reverend and Xavier? Look at this footage to see.

(Roll video of Reverend sitting in the back, reading the bible, as Xavier walks in)

Xavier(smiles as he sees Reverend reading the bible): The good book huh?

Reverend(smiles backs, then closes the book to talk): Oh yes my brother, read it every day.

Xavier(nods head): Your about the only righteous person I've met in the SWF, say, how about joining forces, you know cleaning up the wretched filth of this company?

Reverend(Stands and shakes Xavier's hand): I'd be delighted, we can start by winning the Tag Team titles tonight.

(Fade back to announcers as the duo walk away discussing their future plans)

Extreme: How about that folks? They're quite the team, I'll call them "Faith and Devotion".

Vance(chuckles): Nice. And judging by our next clip, Jahalaman Jaffe and Joe Money aren't the only ones in their alliance, they also have the SWF champion, The Billion Dollar Man as well...

(Fade to Jaffe, Joe $, & BDM talking in the backstage area)

Jaffe(to Joe): Wow, that's quite a lucrative business.

Joe: Yeah, just `cause a man makes money on the streets doesn't mean he's not a savvy industrialist.

BDM(to Joe): I concur. It's nice to be able to have an intelligent conversation with other sophisticated people like you gentlemen. I say we consolidate our power, and team up, us three together? Nobody could stop us.

Jaffe(nods in agreement): Sounds good. (to Joe) why don't we tag together tonight and take home the Tag Team titles?

Joe: Absolutely!

(The three laugh it up as we go back to the announcers)

Vance(to Extreme): I think they should be called "Cash Inc."

Extreme(nods): Cash Inc.? I like it! But what about this next teaming of Randy Mann and Silkky Smooth?

(Fade to Silkky and Randy in a hot tub with several ladies)

Silkky(to Randy): You are an ok guy, and the ladies love you, I think we'd make a great tag team!

Randy(responds): And with the SWF Tag titles, we'll be even better!

(The two toast champagne as we go back to the announcers)

Extreme(to Vance): How about "Porn and Pimpin?"

Vance(laughs): That'll work, but now, we see which team will win the titles.

(Fade to match)

4 Team Elimination SWF Tag Team Title Match- Suicide Bros. vs Faith and Devotion vs Cash Inc vs Porn and Pimpin'
Jack Suicide and Xavier start out, and Xavier controls, until Jack makes a big comeback and tags Randy Mann. Disgusted, Xavier tags to Reverand, who dominates. Randy manages to tag Silkky who cleans house, also beating on Xavier, who ran in to save his partner. Silkky allows Reverend to tag Xavier, and after a Silkky Slam, F&D are out. Not happy, Xavier nails Silkky with his "Code of Ethics" book as Reverand uses the bible on Randy outside. Jaffe quickly rushes to replace the outed man, and pins Silkky. Both Suicide Brothers climb the top rope and launch themselfs, Jack at Joe $ on the apron, Mike at Jaffe in the ring. Meanwhile, F&D are brawling down the aisle with Porn and Pimpin'. It's chaos, and as the ref is distracted by the fighting outside, Jaffe wraps some gold necklaces he wore to the ring around his fist and clocks Mike. The ref turns to see Jaffe's attempted pin, and Jack breaks the count at two, when he comes off the top with the Suicidal Splash on Jaffe, also squishing his brother! Jack pulls himself up, only to fly back out to the floor onto Joe, who was recovering from the fray there. Mike, saved by his brother, but still hurt, manages to roll over to a prone Jaffe and pick up the win! That is quite the upset!
*Winners and NEW SWF Tag Team Champions* The Suicide Brothers

(Fade back to the announcers)
Vance: What a match! Who'd have thought the Suicide Brothers would pull it off? Next up, is an interview segment, hosted by Petey Pizzazz that he calls "Petey's Parlor". Take it away when your ready Petey!

(Cut to the designated interview setup, off to the right of the aisle, set up on a platform. It's an elaborate stage, made to look like an upscale salon)

Petey(smiling): Welcome one and all to Petey's Parlor! Today we have a VERY special guest, it's someone that you all might be interested in hearing from, and I have some questions for. Please Welcome, OCTANE!
(Octane's music plays as he makes his way to the set)

Petey(holding the mic to Octane): So, at SWF: Genesis, YOU caused ME, YOUR employer to be eliminated from the World title battle royal. I thought we had a deal, your job is to protect ME, not look out for yourself. What do you have to say?
(Octane just glares at Petey)

Petey(annoyed): Oh yeah, Mr. Silent. Fine, don't answer me. But remember, we have a shot at the 6 Man titles, so you better get you head straight. Speaking of which (reaches up to touch Octane's hair) you should really let me fix this for you...(Octane grabs his hand, and Petey cries out in pain)

Petey(in pain, still in Octane's grip): FINE! PLEASE LET GO! I'M SORRY! (Octane lets go) Ok, (shakes hand in pain) I guess that's it, see you next time on Petey's Parlor, back to you guys.

(Back to the announcers)

Vance: Ok, up next is the Elimination match for the TV title...(Vance looks offstage to someone signaling him)

Extreme(confused): Vance, what's going on?

Vance: Something is going on backstage, I don't know.....(the camera cuts to a pile of bloody security guards laying unconscious at the arena's parking lot entrance. The camera pans to see the dark shadow of a man making his way to the locker room area)

(Back to the announce booth)

Extreme(angrily to Vance and the production people): That's definitely Death Machine, I don't care what you say, I'm gonna go back there and personally toss his ass from the building. (Vance and the crew are physically trying to restrain Extreme and quietly try to talk him into staying put, they finally convince him to sit)

Vance(to the crew): Just get that animal out of here, call more security or whatever, we have a show to do.

Extreme(to the crew): Make sure he's gone, long gone. If you can't or won't I'll go, that (beeped out) will NOT get away with this (more beeping).

Vance(trying to recover from the commotion): Sorry folks, we have a major problem here, as you can obviously see. Moving on though, the TV title is on the line next.

(Back to the ring for the match)

SWF TV title 3 way Elimination Match- The Great JuJu vs The Mercenary vs Captain Fantastic
In this match, all three men fight at once. Mercenary knocks both challengers down with a hard double clothesline right off the bat to take control. Fantastic rebounds and he and Mercenary engage in a slugfest and a test of strength, and the odd man, JuJu takes a rest outside. JuJu snags his magic bag and withdraws something contained in a bowl of some kind. The men in the ring continue to go back and forth, but JuJu rushes in and throws his right hand out dramatically as Fantastic is running off the ropes towards him, and nothing happens. The two collide, and Mercenary continues the assault on Fantastic, leaving JuJu on the canvas. JuJu recovers and stares at his right hand, even yelling at it, and suddenly a ball of fire rises from his hand and into his face! He had a piece of flash paper, that didn't go off when he wanted concealed in it! JuJu is writhing in pain on the mat, so Mercenary leaves a downed Fantastic to pin JuJu, eliminating him. When Mercenary returns to Fantastic, he immediately lifts him for the Mercy Kill. However, in the vertical suplex position of the move, Fantastic shifts his weight, and ends up on his feet behind Mercenary. Fantastic spins his opponent, and quickly picks him up to hit the Crime Stopper! 1-2-3, it's over
*Winner and NEW SWF Television Champion* Captain Fantastic

(Cut to a camera, rushing down the locker room corridor, before stopping at a doorway, and the focuses on a mangled door, seemingly ripped of the hinges, which lays in front of the room. The name on the door reads "Extreme Superstar". The camera slowly enters what is now identified as Extreme's office to see it torn apart, and the bloody bodies of more security piled against the farthest wall. The camera suddenly pans up the wall to reveal a message, seemingly written in the blood of the downed men, that simply reads "DIE".)

(As we ready to cut out, the camera man suddenly cries out, and is punted into view by someone who kept hold of the camera. Then the camera suddenly is thrown across the room and goes out before turning back on. It is now facing the entrance and catches the shadow and lower part of a man walking out.)

(Back to the announcers, where Extreme's chair is spinning empty and he is seen rushing to the ring)

Vance(pale faced and worried): This....It's not safe.....I honestly don't understand what the hell is going on. Quite frankly, with that....that..... man running around doing who knows what kind of damage to those poor people, I'm scared. I'm not a big guy, I don't know how to fight, and Extreme, he's my friend, I don't want to see him get hurt. He's giving up over a hundred pounds and about a foot and a half, and this monster isn't to be messed with. (Extreme, in the ring , with a microphone asks the camera to go to him, and so it does)

Extreme(very pissed, tosses his jacket down in anger, and paces the ring , as if he's preparing to fight): DEATH MACHINE! Get your no good ass out here NOW. I'm not playing. You want me to "DIE"? Well big man, live up to your name and make it happen. (Vance's voice is heard solemnly pleading for Extreme to stop and to get help to ringside) This show goes not one more minute until that man is in this ring. (Death Machine's music blares as Vance screams in anger to have someone stop this. Death Machine Finally marches down to the ring and enters, going right up to Extreme, who while only reaching his abdomen, valiantly stands his ground, shaking in rage and hurling inaudible obscenities at the beast.)

Extreme(into the mic, fully engulfed in his anger): You (long beeping)! Who do you think you are? This is MY company, and your NOT welcomed here. You seem to get by on fear, bigger men than myself have run at the site of you. But I'm not scared of you. (Extreme is right in his face now, overcome by emotion) Look into these eyes you heartless (beeped out), I refuse to run, you want to KILL someone? You REALLY want to try to end someone's life? Listen to that(points to his heart), you hear that? No matter what you do to me, I swear to the almighty himself, you won't EVER be able to stop this heart from beating. You've got your chance, here and now, let's do it. (Extreme tosses down the microphone, but shockingly, Death Machine picks it up to speak)

Death Machine(who's voice is deep and gravelly): I will see fit that you meet your demise. But I have plans, plans so sinister in store for you, that your death will have to wait. I'm making sure that before the maggots have the chance to devour your rotting flesh, you will be equipt with the proper accessories. I'm in the final stages of preparing your coffin and gravestone, and once they are complete....YOU WILL BE LAID TO REST! (Extreme boldly snatches the mic to speak)

Extreme(in a low, serious voice, still not showing fear): Halloween Hell on the 31st, you know how to get here. Not for a match, but a fight. (once again in Death Machine's face) After YOUR demise, I never want to see your (beeped out) face ever again, are we clear?(Death Machine, seemingly amused nods in agreement)

(Extreme drops the mic, then reaches to claim his jacket without incident, then suddenly, Death Machine rushes him, knocking him down with a clubbing blow, then drags him back to the center of the ring before he could leave. From the broadcast booth, Vance screams for help, as the remaining security forces rush the ring , but they all fall victim to attack from the monster. SWF Superstars rush down next, armed with weapons, but are fended off, and now the beast has a big metal pipe in his possession. All the rest of the SWF crew tries to help, but are overpowered by the big man wielding a pipe. Clearing the ring , Death Machine goes outside and grabs the ring steps and tosses them inside. Having seen enough, Vance leaves the booth and runs in with a chair, but only gets in one shot before being disposed of. Now alone with Extreme in the ring , Death Machine kicks him around, so hard that he lifts him a good bit in the air. Extreme continues to try to get up, and has blood gushing from the mouth, a possible sign of internal bleeding. Death Machine backs away with the metal steps in hand and allows Extreme to reach his feet before driving them right into his head. Extreme is now bleeding from his head as well, face down on the mat in a pool of it. Death Machine grabs the pipe and proceeds to wallop his prey with that, until he notices the chair Vance tries to hit him with, laying in the ring. Death Machine lifts his bloody foe and hits his revered Death Warrant chokeslam onto the chair! He repeats this FOUR more times before allowing Extreme to lay on the mat. Extreme is really in bad shape, blood is covering most of his body, and is all over his nemesis as well. Death Machine hoists Extreme up over his head and hurls him a good ten feet down the aisle, where Extreme lands with a sickening thud face down on the steel ramp. He rolls about in pain, leaving a streak of blood behind.)

(A camera man is heard yelling to cut backstage, where we see a pale and disturbed Dean Bokerlund)

Dean(shaking and in a trembling voice): .........I regret to inform the fans here tonight, with practically out whole crew wiped out......We are cutting this broadcast short. The title matches we had will take place at a later date....(suddenly Death Machine, covered in Extreme's blood walks by on his way out of the building) Umm......(sirens are heard in the background) I..... (sighs) I'm sorry, I guess we'll be here next week......I just don't know anymore (a visibly shaken Dean drops the microphone and walks off as we fade out)

END OF SHOW, END OF EXTREME?