SWF Main Event 7/24/04

It should be noted that Angelica isn't at the commentary booth, just Vance, who returned last week, & Dean. Angelica must have returned to interviewing.

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! We are 6 days from what will be a HISTORIC night for the SWF, SWF Redemption, LIVE on PPV!

Dean: But, before we get there, tonight, we will see some major matches, and serious developments. Last week, The Billion Dollar Man learned, from none other than my colleague, and SWF Chairman, the returning Vance McMillian, that he was no longer in control of the SWF. We also learned that the SWF now had a NEW owner, one who has decided to keep his identity secret, AND, heard the new owner's plans for the next PPV, SWF Redemption. The new owner set up what is to be fair, impartial rematches from BDM's tainted Slamboree PPV, where all the champions unjustly robbed of their titles get the chance to win them back. On top of all that, BDM was told he'd be facing a mystery man in the main event for his SWF World title! After hearing this, a furious BDM hired Lt. Jim Dingle to investigate, concocting some sort of plan to find out who the new owner is, and the identity of his mystery opponent. Dingle said he'd get the info to BDM within a few days, just what did he turn up, and could we learn about it tonight? Also, we have some big matches lined up:

The bizarre new talent, known as The Dead, will take on the man he attacked last week, Jimmy Jam in his debut match!

The mystery man who debuted to save Silkky Smooth from a 2 on 1 attack at the hands of Kings of the Street will be in action, teaming with Silkky to face Kings of the Street!

New talents Walter, Alabama Man, & Jim Dingle will also be in 6 Man action, taking on The Good Ol' Boys!

And, in the main event, BDM will have a match in preparation for his mystery opponent at Redemption, by taking on a randomly drawn opponent in a non-title match, in an attempt to prove he can beat anyone! Will his point be proven, or could this blow up in his face? Time will tell!

Vance: Alright folks, let's KICK IT OFF!


The Dead vs Jimmy Jam
The Dead uses Down With the Sickness by Disturbed as his theme. The announcers also note he is about 6'0, and 229 lbs. Jimmy comes on strong, but Dead makes his comeback with some unorthodox looking brawling. He mauls his opponents like a psycho, and acts like a zombie, which is his gimmick. Dead then starts to bite Jimmy's head, and the ref warns him, but he pushes him away, so he gets DQed.
*Winner, by DQ* Jimmy Jam

Post Match: Jimmy pushes The Dead off, and gives him a "What the hell is wrong with you?" look, and decides to just leave. The Dead continues to act weird, stomping around the ring, and chases the ref out. He continues to run around, when fellow newcomer/weirdo Buffalo Billy runs out, in tight white jeans, red lipstick, and his red silk floral robe. He seems to like this messed up dude known as The Dead, and dances around a bit, then gets Dead to chase him?! Billy seems to be having fun, as everyone else is weirded out by this. Billy turns the chase around, and runs Dead from ringside, to the back, where Angelica Summers is waiting with a mic, to possibly figure this out. Dead runs right by her, but she stops Billy, who is more than happy to talk with her, in his deep, creepy voice:

Angelica(confused by all this): Can you explain why you were chasing that freak, The Dead around? Do you two have some sort of partnership or history?

Buffalo Billy(fluffing his hair, preening for the camera): Oh no child. I just LOVE playing games. In fact, (talking to the camera) my pretties, the games haven't even begun. You wait and see, we'll have some fun yet, it's going to be a blast. (makes a kissy face at the camera, and struts off)

Angelica(creeped out): You heard him....whatever that means. (shakes her head as if to snap out of her creeped out daze) Now, I actually have some more to share with you before sending it back to the ring. Last week, we saw a mystery man come to the aid of Silkky Smooth, helping him ward off an attack by Kings of the Street. Tonight, those 4 men will fight in a tag match, scheduled next. I have Silkky, and his partner here with me now to fill us in on what's going on. Come on over guys.

Silkky, and the unnamed man walk into view, and Silkky starts to speak:

Silkky(points to the man): This here is my old friend Jules. We go way back, and now he's here in the SWF to watch my back, and kick some ass!

Jules(angry): Yeah, that's right! Me and Silkky used to go around bustin' up on all kind of fool's heads out on the Vegas strip, and in the SWF, it ain't gonna be no different! Kings of the Street, you think your bad? Well, tonight, you find out what REAL Kings of the Street are about!

The two walk off, headed to the ring, as Angelica tosses it back to the ring.

Silkky Smooth & Jules vs Kings of the Street
Jules, it should be said, who is a take on the character by the same name in Pulp Fiction, wrestles in his signature suit. Jules shows some real skill, just kicking Don's ass with ease, while Tony begs for the tag, but Don can't get there. The announcers says they got a bit of info on Jules now, he is about 6'2, 236lbs. Jules also is said to have been trained along with Silkky to wrestle, and his finisher of choice is a sitting version of the Tiger Bomb, like Ahmed Johnson used, calling it the Pearl River Plunge. Jules' version is said to be called the BMF Bomb. In case you are unaware, BMF means "Bad Mother F*cker", and in Pulp Fiction, that is etched on Jules' wallet, not to mention accurately describes the character. Not long after they reveal this new info, we get to see the BMF Bomb, as Jules hits the move on Don! Silkky runs interference, 1-2-3, Don is pinned, and he never even got to tag out! What an impressive debut for Jules, his gimmick, and teaming with Silkky seem to be over with the fans already.
*Winners* Silkky Smooth & Jules

Post Match: Jungle Boogie by Kool & The Gang plays, which was featured in Pulp Fiction, and appears to be Jules' theme. Silkky & Jules walk off, celebrating, then the music cuts off as Tony is left, pissed off in the ring, with the downed Don. Tony seems really furious, and I cant blame him, Don always loses, and 2 weeks ago, Tony actually left Don in the ring, probably fed up at Don's incompetence. Tony waits for Don to get up, and wastes no time kicking him, then blasting him with The Edge! The fans pop at this, Tony does the Razor Ramon poses, and screams at Don about how he's done with him, he's gonna be on his own now! Kings of the Street is finished! But they are still 2 parts of the SWF 6 Man tag champs with Yeti! They have to team to defend the titles in 6 days at Redemption! How is that gonna work? The announcers speculate on this as well, while Tony leaves to his theme, and the cheers of the crowd.

We head backstage, where we see Jim Dingle running to the Cash Inc dressing room, holding a manilla envelope. He runs in, all 3 members of Cash Inc are there, and BDM is mad. BDM asks where Dingle was, as he never delivered the info he requested to him. Dingle says he got caught, sneaking back out of SWF HQ, apparently trying to get the info, which must have been BDM's master plan. Dingle says they questioned him, and he ended up getting arrested when they found documents on him, and he just got out of jail this morning. He says he had to smooth things over with the cops, proving to them he was a cop too, and get them to buy his made up story for being at SWF HQ. He eventually did get it worked out, and got to keep the info, which he has in his hand. He also comments jail wasn't so bad actually, he made some friends, and they sang songs! Back to business, Dingle shows the front of the envelope, saying it is from the P.O. Box set up to correspond with the mystery new owner, apparently owned by the new owner themself. It has an alias written on it, which is commented by all four men to sound "made up", the name is Turner Harper Tuessest, we can easily see it written in big bold black letters, and Dingle holds it out so everyone can see. The envelope also says it is located in Wilkes Land Antarctica, further clueing everyone in on it being fake. Dingle called the post office, and they say that is the same info they have, the made up name and location are what the P.O. Box is registered under, and it was paid for in cash, so no paper trail. Dingle then takes out some papers from the envelope, one from the official notice of new ownership over the SWF, and the contract for BDM's world title match at Redemption. He points out that they aren't signed by names, but red wax seals, depicting a generic sunset scene or something, but both are in fact the same, showing that the new owner of the SWF is the same person set to face BDM! Everyone is stunned by this, and Dingle closes by saying he doesn't know if it has anything to do with the "SOON" promos though. BDM, while pretty shocked, comments that he is impressed Dingle could competently (besides getting arrested) do some investigative work. Dingle says he gets the job done, no matter what, and attributes it to watching his tapes of the old show Silk Stalkings. Everyone gives him a weird look, the crowd, and announcers laugh, and an embarrassed Dingle says "What? That show was fantastic!", before rushing off, saying his match is next. For those not in the know, Silk Stalkings was like a cheap erotic thriller tv series, made for network televison ,and aired on the USA Network, most famously after WWF's Monday Night Raw in the mid 90's. The reason this is funny because the show was so lame since it tried to be sexy and titillating, but in reality, it came off like some kind of sleazy porn movie (just listen to the theme music some time, it's so hilariously cheesy), but since it was on cable tv, it didn't even have the porn aspect. The implication is Dingle is a pathetic because that he loves watching horrid faux-porn shows, and the show is rather obscure, it is just good for a "WTF?" laugh, since he actually watches it. High concept humor here people.


Walter, Alabama Man, & Jim Dingle vs The Good Ol' Boys
Walter starts with Rory, and Dingle arrives late, and takes his place on the apron as the fight in the ring goes on, and everyone else is already in their places. Walter does well, but tags to Alabama Man as a tired Rory tags Tex. Miss Alabama is at ringside, and she jumps on the apron to distract Tex, and he goes over to her, only for Alabama Man to attack. After a bit of being walloped, Tex slides away to tag Charles, who takes down Alabama Man. Charles can't seem to put Alabama Man away, and AM (what we'll call Alabama Man for short now) tags in Dingle, who fans seem to like. Dingle is tentative about locking up with the larger Charles, so Charles goes to take the fight to him, and Dingle runs! Dingle then stops, and catches Charles with a boot, and starts his offense! Dingle uses more technical moves, like a gutwrench suplex, and a Russian legsweep to control, showing off his mat skills. Eventually, Charles tries to turn the tables, but Miss Alabama jumps on the apron, so he goes over to her, and Dingle spins him around while she teases him, and nails the Dingle Drop, his finisher, a lifting double arm DDT. 1-2-3, it's over!
*Winners* Walter, Alabama Man, & Jim Dingle

We head back up to Vance & Dean, where Vance tells us, and the live crowd, that the last match wasn't for no reason, but a showcase of some of the newer stars. He comments the new owner sent a letter stating that if the new guys won, like they just did, to go ahead and sign the match he had in mind for Redemption. The match is a "New Blood 6 Man Tag", where the 6 newest talents, Lt. Jim Dingle, Walter, Alabama Man, Buffalo Billy, Jules, & The Dead will compete in a 6 man tag, with elimination rules. The teams will be randomly chosen prior to the match, and the winner, or winners will have an even greater chance to prove themselves, in a title match of their choosing at a later date, but only for the Hardcore or Television titles, as they must prove worthy later to get any sort of U.S. or "World" title shot. The two announcers then have a short conversation about the revelation the new owner, and BDM's opponent are the same person. They also discuss the odd alias, the first name being "Turner",as in Ted Turner, former owner of WCW perhaps?! They even allude to the Turner clue, saying "A guy who used to run a wrestling company has that name" drawing an interested response from the crowd. They don't see any clues in the middle name, "Harper", or the odd last name "Tuessest". The initials, THT don't seem to mean anything either, so they think, maybe, like the location of Antarctica listed as the person's location, it was just all made up to throw them off. They close by saying we are only 6 days away from the answer, then toss it to the ring for the main event.

BDM walks to the ring amidst his typical big boos, holding a mic, and there is a bingo tumbler at ringside, filled with envelopes, apparently for the drawing of his opponent. He stops at the tumbler, and begins to speak:

BDM: Alright, to prove to EVERYONE here tonight, and out there watching that I am NOT afraid of anyone, and am ready to fight anyone, anytime, and win (boos), I shall now pick my opponent, for this non-title match at random from this bingo tumbler. I assure you, this is legit, and the name of every SWF wrestler, except those who have already had a match tonight is in here. And, whoever it is I pick, I can assure you, they will be defeated, fair and square! (big boos)

BDM spins the tumbler a bit, then reaches in to draw a name, he picks an envelope, and opens it. He looks at the name, smirks, then announces his opponent: Disco Danny! BDM enters the ring, the bell is rung, and Danny makes his way down for the match.

Main Event: Non Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Disco Danny
Danny fires away on BDM right away, to a big pop, and manages to overwhelm BDM, but BDM soon punches back, and suplexes him to take control. BDM starts to vicious stomp his opponent, and taunt the fans to major boos. He starts really laying a beating on Danny, and slaps him around, trying to embarrass him, as well as prove his point. The fans are furious, and BDM sneaks in a low blow to further piss them off. Finally, when he's tired of decimating poor Danny, who is a very capable wrestler, which the announcers make not of, BDM hits the Billion Dollar Bomb TWICE, then pins him. Geez, he was pissed, and totally did prove his point, much to the fans dismay.
*Winner* The Billion Dollar Man

Post Match: BDM celebrates to his music, as well as massive heel heat from the fans. He smiles, poses with his SWF World title, and yells out to the fans about how he really is the best, and can beat anyone, anytime, also that he's ready for whoever at Redemption. His music is then cut off, the lights dim, and the big screen clicks onto one of those "SOON" videos! The fans pop, as a deep bass line cuts through the air, and the following appears on the screen, in the now familiar blood red letters:

"I said it would be soon....
It is now (a large 6 appears on the screen) days until MY Redemption.
See you there."

The announcers, and BDM freak out, as the fans pop huge, sensing big things, as do I. We then fade out, with the announcers reminding us to tune into Redemption, which should be EPIC!

END OF SHOW