SWF Main Event 5/22/04

We open to see that The Billion Dollar Man is still hosting along with Dean Bokerlund, as Vance was fired last week. BDM tells Dean to take a seat, and proceeds to intro the show himself:

BDM: Welcome to another addition of MY show, SWF Main Event (loud booing from the crowd)! Tonight, we have 4 big matches, and a VERY special addition of Petey's Parlor! On that particular addition of the Parlor, all those who aided my taking out of Extreme a few weeks ago will finally speak, so that those men can explain why they did it, hopefully stopping all the calls, letters, e-mails, and taunting on the streets, begging for the reason why. Now, about tonight's matches. The newest SWF talent, Walter will debut versus Charles Gunn, SWF TV champ, Octane will face Captain Fantastic in a non-title match, Silkky Smooth & Randy Mann will face The Mercenary & Joe Money in a tag match, and for the main event, my (sarcastically) toughest opponent ever to challenge for my title at Cash Inc Presents: Slamboree, Crazy Phil, will have the chance to prove himself vs my good friend Jahalaman Jaffe! With only 6 days remaining before the huge event, tonight's show is promising to be HUGE, so let's get right into it!


Walter vs Charles Gunn
Walter, who we saw last week for the first time, looking to be a based on Walter from the film The Big Lebowski, is still clad in Walter gear, and comes out to Jimi Hendrix's All Along the Watchtower, fitting in with Walter's Vietnam obsession. Walter is a big man, about 250 pounds, and standing about 6'1, looking EXACTLY like the John Goodman character he's based on, complete with the yellow tinted shades. Walter is a furiously angry man, and he shocks Charles with an onslaught of power moves, then locks on his version of the Tazzmission, where he drags his man to the ground, and holds them in a body scissors while they are trapped in the hold. This is said by Dean to be his finisher, known as the Zero Mark. Charles quickly taps to the painful hold.
*Winner* Walter

Backstage, Lt. Jim Dingle, looking embarrassed, asks a crew member if he knows which dressing room was used for the Kenny G concert the week before at the arena. The crew member asks why, and Dingle says that he lost his shorts at the show, and thinks they might be there. The crew member gives Dingle a weird look, and Dingle replies by saying "Yeah...it's weird I know, but, I ended up hanging out backstage with Kenny G and his crew, and it got WILD, we were like...all over the arena". The crew member just shakes his head, tells Dingle the dressing room is on the other side of the arena, and walks away.


We now go to the set of Petey's Parlor, where Petey, Xavier Hawthorne III, The Reverend, Joe Money, Jahalaman Jaffe, The Don, Tony Ramon, The Mercenary, & Yeti are all standing, ready to discuss why they were a part of attacking Extreme, causing him to leave the SWF, and allowing The Billion Dollar Man to come to power. Petey first says that BDM obviously isn't there, since we all know why he did it, which he explained a few weeks back. Petey says that all the men were promised cash rewards, and big title matches, such as the ones they will have at Slamboree, but all of them were sought out by BDM since he knew of personal issues they had with Extreme, except Mercenary, who took the job since that is what he does, as told by Mercenary himself. Petey speaks for the silent Yeti, saying that BDM asked him since Yeti was seemingly made a fool of by Extreme when he beat him, masquerading as Julio Maniaco, and Yeti agreed to help based on that. Don & Tony also say that there run-ins with Julio/Extreme is why they helped in the attack. Petey then asks Joe & Jaffe if they participated solely because of their friendship with BDM, which they say is part of it, along with the guarantee to win back the SWF Tag Team titles, and be a part of BDM's rule over the SWF, as Cash Inc. Xavier & Reverend are next to give their reasons, since they were embarrassed after Extreme thwarted their chance to ban hardcore wrestling, and the SWF Hardcore title from the company. Lastly, Petey says he was a part of it after being forced to face Octane all those times, and with that, we go back to the ring for the next match.


We go backstage again, where Dingle arrives at the dressing room that was used for Kenny G last week. Dingle asks a nearby attendant if they cleaned it out yet, and the man says no, but he warns that the room is trashed. Dingle shyly looks away, knowing he was partly responsible for the damage done. Dingle pushes open the door, which is hard to open due to lots of cups, bottles, and cans blocking it. When he finally gets in, we see a big room, equipt with vanity mirrors and such, but the place is covered with streamers, confetti, and tons of other debris. Dingle just happens to find his shorts on the doorknob of another room contained within that one, marked private. Dingle decides to enter the room, to see what is in there. He finds more clutter, and on a couch in the room, are some margarita bottles, and a pair of boxer shorts wrapped around a saxophone, a non-traditional one, like the one Kenny G plays. Dingle grabs the boxers, saying "Wow, I was wondering where these were!". Dingle then notices the camera, and stammers to explain how his boxers got tangled with Kenny G's sax, but he runs off quickly after.


Octane vs Captain Fantastic
Speaking Octane, he is wrestling here. On commentary, BDM says this is not for Octane's TV title since he is already set to face Mercenary at Slamboree. Octane ends up winning this with the Empty Tank after a decent effort from Fantastic.
*Winner* Octane


We get another creepy, and cryptic Buffalo Billy promo, with no debut set.


Silkky Smooth & Randy Mann vs Joe Money & The Mercenary
Mercenary and Joe win after a nice long battle, ending when Merc pinned Silkky clean after the Mercy Kill.
*Winners* Joe Money & The Mercenary


Main Event: Crazy Phil vs Jahalaman Jaffe
Phil fights rather well, and scores the Crazy Crusher on Jaffe, but BDM leaves the announce booth to run down and distract Phil before he can pick up the win. The timely distraction allows Jaffe to hit the Arabian Goodnight and get the pinfall.
*Winner* Jahalaman Jaffe


Before we go, Dean begrudgedly pimps next Friday's Cash Inc presents: Slamboree.


END OF SHOW