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The Diary of Extreme
Saturday, 1 May 2004

SWF Main Event 5/1/04

We open with a recap of last week's brutal attack on Extreme. Then, we skip the intro, and go live, where a sad Vance & Dean are addressing not only the home viewers, but the live audience as well:

Vance(upset): You all just saw the footage of last week's despicable attack on Extreme Superstar, the owner of this company (the crowd boos loudly about the attack).

Dean(also upset): Extreme was severely injured in the attack, and was taken to a local medical facility, where he was treated for a multitude of injuries.

Vance(having a hard time speaking): Dean, Angelica, and I went right to the hospital to see Extreme as soon as we could get up there. Extreme was terribly upset, and when he was done being treated, he ripped the IV out of his arm, and blew past medical personnel on his way out of the hospital. We tried reasoning with him, but he then sadly told us that he was going home, and that it was "over"(loud boos). None of us here in the SWF have heard from him since, and have no idea what to make of the situation, other than that since Extreme seemingly has given up control of the SWF (LOUD boos) the SWF board of directors, headed by myself, will assume control over the SWF broadcasts...

Any further statement is cut off by the sound of The Billion Dollar Man's music, which gets MEGA boos. BDM looks very chipper, and he makes his way to the announce position where Vance & Dean are. BDM then grabs Dean's mic and starts talking:

BDM(ecstatic): Hello all you wonderful people! (BIG boos) Oh, I guess your mad about what I did last week. Well, it had to be done. (more loud boos) Extreme crossed me one too many times, so I had to put a stop to him. I honestly didn't want to go that far with it, but when I heard this next little diddy, there was now way I could resist. You see, in the SWF rule book (pulls the book out of his inside jacket pocket) it says that when the head honcho, in this case, Extreme Superstar is unable to fulfill his duties, the SWF World champ, that would be ME, can assume match making control! (LOUD boos)

Vance: WAIT! (takes the rule book from BDM, and looks through it) That only pertains to World championship matches!

BDM(laughs): That's not how it's written! Page 14, third paragraph. The ambiguous wording technically allows me to assume full control! (more major boos)

Vance: (looking at the text in shock) He's right. (staggering boos) I'm afraid to say this fans, but The Billion Dollar Man is now in control of the SWF! (the boos pile up, and garbage is hurled at the stage)

BDM(evilly laughs): Oh yes, I am now the man in charge of the SWF! So tonight, *I* am making the matches! (the booing continues) In keeping with what was advertised last week, the newest SWF talents Jim Dingle & Alabama Man WILL debut tonight, in addition to some other major matches. I feel so good, I want to defend the SWF title, and I will, against the man I faced to win it at Spring Stampede, Quow Ling! He came too close to beating me at the PPV, and I have to erase all the doubt in everyone's mind about beating him. I'll beat Quow Ling fair and square, or I'll tell you what, I'll give control of the SWF back to Vance and the board of directors! (BIG pop) In other matches, my friends Jahalaman Jaffe & Joe Money are without a doubt, the best team in the SWF, so they deserve to be tag champs again. Tonight, you will see them face another top team, The Suicide Brothers for # 1 contendership! Since The Shadow's partner is gonna be busy facing me, Shadow can fight in a title match, for the TV title, once again versus Octane! After that match, I don't think I have to worry about Shadow interfering to help Quow in our World title match! And finally, Freedom Fighter, you will have a title match too, versus Petey Pizzazz! Vance, is there any saying you want to start the show off with perhaps?

Vance(half heartedly): Let's kick it off.

Alabama Man vs The Reverend
Alabama Man comes out to Sweet Home Alabama by Lynard Skynyrd as seen in his promos. The woman with him is known as Miss Alabama, which is displayed on her beauty pageant sash. She is a very attractive blond woman, made up to look trashy, wearing torn daisy duke shorts, and a sleeveless red and white checkered shirt that is tied up in the front. Alabama Man is said to be 6'4 246 pounds, and he has short brown hair, and a grizzly short hair beard. He wears long acid wash denim shorts, and a sleeveless open red and black checkered flannel shirt with a white wife beater tank top under it. His boots are made to look like light brown construction boots. Alabama Man dominates, using an brawling style, and when Reverend is face down on the mat, he applies his finishing hold, a move we are told Extreme Superstar himself taught to him in training, known as the Alabama Twister. It's a submission, where Alabama Man does the toehold clamp like in an STF, but locks on a half nelson with one hand, reaches his other hand around the front for a Tazzmission, clamping the man, then pulling the upper body as high as he can get it, and twisting the torso to the side! The move looks quite painful, and Rev taps soon after it's applied! Not sure what to think of Alabama Man, as he acts like a heel, but just faced, and beat a heel.
*Winner* Alabama Man


We head backstage, where Angelica is with the debuting Jim Dingle. Dingle is wearing the light brown cop uniform, with the short shorts. Dingle seems like a nice guy, and he starts complimenting Angelica on her clothes?! He does seems to know a lot about women's fashion though. Jim says he is a Lieutenant, so I guess we call him Lt. Jim Dingle. Dingle says he's in the SWF to lay down the law and order. He is starting tonight vs The Don, since Don is a man of "Questionable ethics".


Lt. Jim Dingle vs The Don
Dingle is said to be 6'0, 230lbs, and comes out to a techno mix of the Beverly Hills Cop Theme, and dances horribly to it! The fans, and announcers can't help but laugh. Dingle takes punishment right off the bat, but uses some nice technical wrestling to take control. Dingle ends up stopping Don with a boot as he runs off the ropes, and hooks him for a lifting double arm DDT! The announcers say it's called the Dingle Drop. 1-2-3, and it's curtains for The Don.
*Winner* Lt. Jim Dingle

SWF Televison title match: Octane vs The Shadow
Shadow, like last week, gives it a good go, but falls prey to the Empty Tank after a few minutes of exciting action.
*Winner, and STILL SWF TV Champion* Octane


We go to a video, which seems to be in a dark basement, and we hear the sounds of the song Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus, which was featured in the film Silence of the Lambs, in a setting like this for the bizarre character.... Oh. My. God. The SWF is really gonna go there. And indeed, we see a creepy man, with disheveled blond hair, a floral robe on, sitting in front of a vanity mirror, and applying lipstick! He laughs with a very deep voice, and speaks of how he is so pretty, and that he must look his best for his "Big debut". The man sways to the music, singing along, as we fade out, and a graphic declares that "Buffalo Billy is coming". Dear lord, the SWF is really gonna have a character based on BUFFALO BILL FROM SILENCE OF THE LAMBS!!!!


We head to the announcers, who are understandably creeped out at the impending arrival of Buffalo Billy, but don't actually have a debut date for his arrival.


SWF Tag Team titles # 1 Contendership match: The Suicide Brothers vs Cash Inc.
The Suicides come on strong, but Cash Inc are ready for this match, and take the fight right to them. We get some great back and forth, and after a long battle, Jaffe nails Mike with the Arabian Goodnight for the pin!
*Winners, and # 1 Contenders* Cash Inc.


SWF U.S. title match: The Freedom Fighter vs Petey Pizzazz
This is a rematch of their Spring Stampede I Quit Match, and I assume Petey gets this chance because of his ties to BDM, and aiding in the Extreme attack last week. The announcers even point out how most of the people to get matches this week were ones who aided BDM last week in the Extreme Superstar attack. They express their dislike for BDM's assumption of power, and talk of missing Extreme. After quite the effort, Freedom plants Petey with a Star Spangled Slam to once again beat him.
*Winner, and STILL SWF U.S. Champion* The Freedom Fighter

Post Match: Petey seems really upset as he sits up after the loss that he failed for the second time to win the U.S. title, and he springs up to attack Freedom as he leaves the ring! Officials swarm to ringside to pull Petey off of Freedom! The announcers bring up the mean streak that had been seen in Petey over the past several weeks.


Main Event: SWF World title match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Quow Ling
The crowd is all over BDM, and cheer Quow vigorously, hoping he can beat BDM, so he is no longer in control of the SWF. The ring announcer also clarifies that BDM loses his power if he cheats, or uses any outside interference. BDM attacks right away, but Quow fights back, and unloads on him, and the fans go crazy. BDM soon fights back, and slows down the pace to his liking, firmly grasping control of the match. The fans rally behind Quow, and there are also mixed in chants for Extreme Superstar, as many hope he shows up. Quow makes the big comeback, and battles with BDM for quite some time, wearing him down enough to go to the top rope! Quow comes off with a shooting star press, and hits it! 1....2....NO! BDM kicked out! A stunned Quow goes to pick up BDM from the mat, and he's rolled up for a pin! The crowd gasps in horror as the ref counts 1....2....QUOW ROLLS INTO A REVERSAL! The ref starts the new count 1....2........NO! BDM kicked out! SO close. Quow takes to using his faced paced moves to wear down BDM some more, but misses a spinning heel kick! Quow tries to recover quickly, but the match has taken it's toll, and he's not getting up too fast. As he makes it to his feet, Quow is met by an equally tired BDM, who goes to kick Quow, possibly to set up the Billion Dollar Bomb, but his foot is grabbed! Quow goes for an enziguri, but BDM ducks down, and Quow ends up landing on his feet! However, Quow is now with his back to BDM, so BDM slaps on the Billion Dollar Dream! BDM shakes Quow violently in the hold, and when Quow tries to break free, BDM drops to the mat! BDM now has Quow locked in the hold on the canvas, but Quow refuses to surrender, forcing BDM onto his back (but his shoulders are up) as fans cheer him on. Quow holds his arms up, letting the ref know that he's still in the fight, and he plants his feet on either side of BDM, trying to bridge out. Quow gets a good push, and flips over BDM, who still has the hold locked in, and Quow is now on him for the pin, while both men are still tangled in the move! The ref goes for the count, 1.....2.........NO! BDM rolls out, and pulls himself up, as does Quow. BDM then scores a kick to the gut, before quickly hitting the Billion Dollar Bomb! BDM, is tired, and fails to roll the move into the pin as he usually does, but he rolls Quow over for one, 1....2....3! BDM won!
*Winner, and STILL SWF World champ, and man in charge* The Billion Dollar Man

Post Match: The fans boo loudly, and BDM celebrates with his title, as his Cash Inc buddies run down to share in the moment. The fans start hurling garbage in the ring, then loud chants for Extreme go up. The camera then desperately pans to the aisle, waiting to see if Extreme actually shows. Then, we switch cameras, hearing a commotion that something is going on outside, and we follow the camera out the front door. There we see a lone man in the distant darkness, wearing similar clothes that Extreme Superstar is usually seen in, right down to the backwards white fitted hat. He stares up at the big neon SWF Arena sign, but soon walks off as the camera man draws near, and calls out to him, saying "Extreme?". The man gets into a giant black SUV with dark tinted windows, and slowly drives off, as the camera rushes to see if it is indeed Extreme. We catch the licence plate as the car drives away, and it's a custom one, that reads "Extreme 1" in red letters. The announcers identify that the car does indeed belong to Extreme Superstar, and we fade out.

END OF SHOW

Posted by exstar507 at 6:17 PM EDT
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