Wrestlemania (su)XX Review
Wrestlemania XX Review
Remember, these are MY opinions, so don't get too angry if you don't agree, and if that's the case, write your own fucking review.

Match 1- WWE U.S. title match: John Cena beat Big Show to win the title
Nothing here, except I liked the end, when Cena threatened to use his chain to KO Big Show, then tossed it away, and used his custom "Word Life" knux when the ref was distracted. That was pretty clever. I must say Cena's gimmick doesn't have the same effect as a face, I for one don't want to cheer wannabe thugs, or real ones for that matter.

Match 2 Fatal 4 Way World Tag Team title match: Booker T/RVD retain vs La Resistance, Jindrak/Cade & The Dudley Boyz
Pretty, dull, as expected, but I'm glad Booker/RVD won, every other team sucks. The general consensus about the still new Booker/RVD teaming is that their combo theme sucks, which I totally must agree with. Besides, Booker should have never switched from his familiar Harlem Heat theme, that he has used since the dawn of time, and fusing his crappy WWE Originals theme with RVD's makes it suck even worse.

Non-match shenanigans: We get some unfunny Moolah/Mae Young joke that ceased making people laugh in 1999. Sadly, they drug Bobby Heenan & Mean Gene Okerlund into it, kinda negating any seriousness of Bobby's reason of being at the show, his WWE Hall of Fame induction appearance. But hell, Pete Rose got in too, so why not just bury the whole thing? Thanks WWE.

Match 3- Christian beat Chris Jericho
Wow, Trish turned on Jericho. I suspected it, but was pretty sure they were gonna go the other way, however this might be better. Trish is pretty kick ass as a heel, and hopefully she dyes her hair black as many hope to go along with the turn. This might even help Christian get over, and Y2J can be the sympathetic face, possibly aligning with a woman of his own, and getting her over. Didn't see anything too special about the match, but like the possibilities of what comes next for all involved in this angle.

Non-match shenanigans: The Rock said something I found funny, yes, it's true. He told Lillian Garcia to stop checking him out, telling her "The buffet is closed" haha. See, the guy could be funny when he strays from the tired catchphrases, and just goes with the flow. We also see WWE legends Don Muraco & Jimmy Snuka hanging out backstage, which was awesome. The two were bitter rivals back in the day, so it was cool to see them just chilling, when we fans picture them at each other's throats.

Match 4- Evolution (Ric Flair, Randy Orton & Batista) beat The Rock & Mick Foley (Rock N' Sock Connection)
WWE made the right move I think, Rock N' Sock had nothing to gain from winning, but Randy & Batista could use such a boost from picking up the "W". Flair was mega over, even as the heel, with the MSG crowd cheering him on, goin so far as to boo The Rock when they were facing each other. Flair even attempted a People's Elbow on The Rock! Too bad Rock blocked it, that'd have been sweet. Not too thrilled by the match, but Flair, and the respect the MSG crowd has for him were bright spots.

Non-match shenanigans: We get the Hall of Fame inductees to come out and take their much deserved bows, but the fans didn't seem too enthused for most of them, which pissed me off. Show some god damned respect. Guys like Sgt. Slaughter, Greg Valentine, and mention of the late Junkyard Dog got nice reactions though, only because they are well known, or have been around forever. Pete Rose also got booed loudly for his undeserved induction, but WWE probably couldn't give a fuck, they got their press off him, so screw us fans who PAY to see the product. Yet another thing WWE does for it's fans, they do EVERYTHING for us you know.

Match 5- Playboy Evening Gown match: Torrie & Sable beat Stacy & Miss Jackie
I won't waste much of my time on this horseshit, that we had to see on WRESTLE FUCKING MANIA. The Playboy name was a ploy, no nudity, sorry horny 13 year olds.

Match 6- WWE Cruiserweight Open for the Cruiserweight title: Chavo Guerrero retains
This was just a jumble of Cruiserweights in a gauntlet match that lasted only a few minutes. not much else to say, WWE doesn't care about Cruisers, so they never allow them time to do anything good.

Match 7- Goldberg beat Brock Lesnar, Stone Cold Steve Austin was referee
The match sucked with vigor and zest never seen before, but the crowd reaction KICKED ASS. The fans were ALL OVER Lesnar, everyone knew about his plans to leave WWE for a shot at the NFL. That was good for Goldberg, since his contract is up, and he too is leaving, but has been in talks to return at some point, so the people kinda forgot about him going too. Well, at least at first. The fans were chanting "You sold out", then sing the "Na na na na hey, hey, hey, goodbye" song at Brock! That ruled. Then, they got on Goldy's case, telling him that he sucks, and, since he was the only one NOT leaving, they popped huge for Austin! HAHAHA! What a slap in the face that the REF gets a bigger pop than the wrestlers, MSG fans can be so cruel, I love them. Brock was PISSED at the reaction, which made it all the more sweet. Brock & Goldy basically stalled for like an eternity, and the fans just switched their chants to "Boring", and the REAL painful chant to hear "This match sucks". MSG would outdo themselves as the match actually got underway, and they littered it with continued chants, then called out for someone who'd actually entertain them "Hogan"! FUCK YEAH MSG! My thoughts exactly. Too bad WWE MISSED THE FUCKING BOAT AND RUINED THE SHOW BY NOT HAVING HOGAN BE THERE. FUCK YOU VINCE! If you sense the bitter tone this review is written in, Hogan not being at the show is a HUGE reason why, I mean MSG was BEGGING for it, and people were expecting it. But no, stupid shit grudges prevented Hogan from being there, despite him saying he wanted to be. There is NO fucking excuse for this bullshit. Hogan is the reason I, and many others are even fans, and HIS talents helped Wrestlemania even make it to # 20. We all figured WWE would do the right thing and at least have him, or maybe someone like Savage as well, come out for 2 GOD DAMN MINUTES, and blow the roof off the place, then leave, having satisfied us diehards who line their pockets. The ONLY possible things WWE could do to make me happy after this is get Hogan back at some point (he WILL be, mark my words), and secure Bret Hart for Backlash next month. WWE had better not fuck that up, I've had to put up with a LOT of shit over the years, and stayed loyal, but THIS is where I draw the line. For the first time EVER, I'm FUCKING EMBARRASSED to be a professional wrestling fan. You still want to talk about this match? I'm done, it sucked, let's move on.

I'm too upset to go more in-depth, so here is the other stuff.

Scotty 2 Hotty & Rikishi retained the WWE Tag belts vs WGTT, APA & The Bashams- It sucked.

Victoria beat Molly to retain the Women's title, Molly, as per stipulations, has her head shaved- I didn't think it would happen, it did though, but Molly is still a very attractive woman. Match was kinda crappy.

Eddie Guerrero beat Kurt Angle to retain the WWE title- Good, not great.

The Undertaker beat Kane- We got RIPPED THE FUCK OFF, it was same Biker Taker w/ a hat, trenchcoat, old music, and Paul Bearer. He did use the Tombstone, but he did that before sometimes so YIPPEE! I wasted money just to see this, and WWE blew it.

Chris Benoit won a Triple Theat match vs HHH, & Shawn Michaels to win the World title- Congrats to Benoit, he deserved it. Best match of the show, but almost all of them sucked anyways.


I hope this fucking PPV bombs so bad. Goodnight.

Wrestlemania Predictions!
My Wrestlemania Predictions

This Sunday, we will see Wrestlemania 20, which seems to have a few decent outings lined up, but lacks the big star-quality matches that separate it from every other PPV. All will be forgiven by me if Hulk Hogan does show up, but if not, the show is not worth the 50$ price tag. But, since I can't bear to miss out on Wrestle-Freakin'-Mania, I'm ordering the show. I have faith WWE will deliver at least a few big surprises, like last year, NOBODY knew Roddy Piper was going to show, so I'll try to stay positive. Now, let's look at the card, and I'll give my predictions.

Brock Lesnar vs Goldberg- Stone Cold Steve Austin is special guest referee
I say this is more than likely the REAL main event, despite how many matches WWE can pimp as a main event, the lat match of the show is the true one. I really couldn't give a crap about this, Brock & Goldberg suck, and Austin is pretty limited in this role. I'd bet the farm on Brock to win, Goldberg is on his way out of WWE.
*Prediction* Brock Lesnar, with Austin stunning each guy at some point.

World title match: Triple-H(c) vs Shawn Michaels vs Chris Benoit
Say what you will about HHH, he is gonna give it his all here, and him and HBK have a great chemistry. This is actually looking really good to me, with no clear cut winner, you can make a strong case for each guy. Less though for Benoit, with Backlash being held in his hometown or Edmonton Alberta Canada, he might win the gold there instead. Then again, he could always be the champ coming home, but if I was booking, I'd hold off for the epic hometown title win, and rumored return of Bret Hart that would cause the wrestling world to shit it's collective pants. HHH is probably going to be gone for movie roles, so HBK is the most likely winner from my vantage point. I also want to note that I'd love to see this as the real main event.
*Prediction* Shawn Michaels

The Dead Man Rises: The Undertaker (old school Undertaker no less) vs Kane
It's been practically confirmed that `Taker will show up with old manager Paul Bearer, who at last sight, was at odds with `Taker, and Kane is his son. That aside, there is absolutely NO POSSIBLE WAY `Taker is losing, and his `Mania undefeated streak will be 12-0.
*Prediction* The Undertaker, and in mere minutes

WWE title match: Eddie Guerrero(c) vs Kurt Angle
Should be good, and Eddie is just getting started, so he's like a 100% lock to win.
*Prediction* Eddie Guerrero

Playboy Evening Gown match: Torrie Wilson & Sable vs Miss Jackie & Stacy Kiebler
If this goes more than 3 minutes, I'll be pissed, it's HUGE waste of time, and the chances for actual nudity are slim here.
*Prediction* Miss Jackie & Stacy Kiebler, hopefully ending this issue nobody cares about

WWE U.S. title match: Big Show(c) vs John Cena
Show could be awesome if he got into the shape he was in early on in his WCW career, and Cena is being groomed for big things, so he's a lock here. For the record, I don't get the big deal with Cena, I think his gimmick is lame, but he has real potential.
*Prediction* John Cena

The Cruiserweight Open: Battle royal for the Cruiserweight title, with Chavo Guerrero(c), Rey Mysterio & others
It could be good, but it's obvious anyone other than Chavo or Rey are only filler. I say Rey wins.
*Prediction* Rey Mysterio

Handicap match: The Rock & Mick Foley (Rock `N Sock Connection) vs Evolution's Ric Flair, Randy Orton & Batista
I don't like Rock & Sock, or Randy Orton on the other team for that matter, but despite my better judgement, I say the heels will win, since they could use the rub from part-timers like Foley & Rock. But, if WWE's age old "person who gets the last shot in before the PPV loses", Rock `N Sock will win.
*Prediction* Ric Flair, Randy Orton, & Batista

WWE Women's title match: Victoria(c) vs Molly Holly- If Molly loses, she gets her head shaved
Victoria rules, but Molly ain't losing her hair.
*Prediction* Molly Holly

Christian vs Chris Jericho
Vitamin C EXPLODE! Sorry, easy joke, but it reeks of the Mega Powers feud. Jericho is another lock to win, since he is the Hogan, and Christian is in the evil Macho Man role. The faces always win in the big Wrestlemania match.
*Prediction* Chris Jericho, and Trish finally professes her love to him

World Tag Team title match: RVD & Booker T(c) vs La Resistance vs The Dudley Boys vs Jindrak & Cade
RVD & Booker just won the titles, and debuted a fusion theme of their singles entrance songs, they are probably going to be around a bit longer.
*Prediction* RVD & Booker T

WWE Tag Team title match: Scotty 2 Hotty & Rikishi vs APA vs WGTT vs The Basham Brothers
This will SUCK. I hope the only good team here, WGTT (the World's Greatest Tag Team) win the gold. I must also point out Rikishi (when he isn't shoving his ass in people's faces and wearing thongs) & Faarooq are cool, but on their own.
*Prediction* WGTT

Other Happenings: The Hall of Fame inductees better get their moment to wave to the MSG fans, the house THEY (most of them) helped build. I'm looking forward to seeing how the MSG fans will respond, since they can say thanks to these greats. I just hope that Piper & Hogan might show up at some point, and I guarantee the roof would blow right off the Garden, and the show would be more than worth the hefty price.

That's all for now, check back after Wrestlemania, sometime Monday where you'll see my recap and thoughts of the show.

Random Stuff! YAY!
Random Stuff, again?!

Yeah, I'm bored, and have decided to make these things a bit more frequent. So, let's do it!

After once again viewing the film Ali G Indahouse, I realize how much that deserves a spot on my favorite movies list. I think Ali G, real name Sacha Baron Cohen, and all his assorted characters are about the funniest things I've seen in a long time, perhaps ever. HBO is said to be giving Ali another season, which is good news for me, since I love that show more than just about anything. Sadly though, when I tuned in to watch the season premiere of The Sopranos, and they advertised all of HBO's programing coming up, they didn't mention the fabulous return of Da Ali G Show. But, from what I gathered, it is slated to return sometime this summer, so maybe advertisements will begin somewhere soon down the road.

Since I brought it up, let's talk Sopranos. Last season was kind of slow, some might say boring, but I know it was all setting up for the mayhem of this season. Think of last season as the calm before the storm, since this one already has me intrigued by a developing feud. Paulie hasn't been himself since getting busted, and going to jail last season, which has caused some tension between him & Christopher. The two almost came to blows within minutes of the episode, then again later, at which time, they accidentally killed some poor waiter. Then, the next day, Paulie calls to "bury the hatchet", and Christopher agrees. I for one, don't buy the truce one bit, I think Paulie has something up his sleeve. This is like a good wrestling feud, it begins to brew, they feign friendship, and BAM, the heel turn. Not that there are many true faces (wrestling lingo for good guy if you didn't know) on the Sopranos, I think Chrissy boy is going to become one by default when Paulie does his metaphorical heel turn. Then, there's Tony & Carmela. They split up last season, at which time Carm told him of her crush on Furio, the Italian solider Tony picked up on a trip to Naples. Furio also felt the same for Carmela, and he took off to avoid doing anything, despite having the chance to kill Tony by pushing his head right into a big saw. Tony makes it clear in this ep that there is a hit out on Furio, should any of his boys see him. With his marriage dissolving, Tony turns to his shrink, Dr. Melfi, who he stopped seeing last season, and always had a thing for. Tony gets stalker-esque, trying to procure a date with Melfi, but she turns him down. Meanwhile, there is a bear loose in the Soprano neighborhood, where only Carmela and Anthony Jr. now reside, and had some run-ins with the animal. Tony sends his people to watch after the fam, armed with a gun, a chore he does himself as the episode ends. This season looks to be good, and other plots are starting to develop, as Tony is prodded to try and kill the big boss, who is near death in the hospital after a stroke, old mobsters finally getting out of jail, and hopefully, Furio's return. I hope Furio does come back, along with the baddest old school Italian gangsters he can find, carrying all kinds of guns, and try to claim his woman. It'd be cool to see Furio and his crew go to war with Tony & the boys, but since this is no longer going to be the final season, it'd have to be the cliffhanger for this one. Another suitable season ender would be the return of Pussy, the beloved character who got "whacked" at the end of season 2. He could be a zombie! Zombie Pussy could team up with Furio to take out Tony, or have his own un-dead army to make a 3 way war. If that happens, The Sopranos might just become the best show ever made. I mean, who would see that coming, or be able to predict the winner of the war? I'd have just about everyone die until it's only Zombie Pussy, Tony, & Furio left, who then battle in hand to hand combat. Maybe Carmela can run-in to help her true love win, and that love is.....ZOMBIE PUSSY! SWEEEEEEEEERRRRRRVE!!!!!!!!! Yeah, that would rock so hardcore.

I was watching MTV2's 22 Greatest Voices of the Past 20 Years special, and it REALLY pissed me off. With MTV, or any of their subsidiaries, it's all politics and glad-handling, since they only picked people they felt either obligated to, or wanted to pimp for the network's benefit. I don't mind a pop star like Christina Aguilera making it, since she actually has an incredible voice, but MARIAH CAREY WAS # 1?! WHAT THE FUCK?!!!! Have they ever tried LISTENING to her voice? When she's not doing that seriously horrendous high pitched wail, she is singing like she can't breathe right or something, or whispering. Well, give that skank a Breathe Right strip, or stop telling secrets and GO THE HELL AWAY. Whitney Houston, who was like # 3 or 4, should have gotten the top spot, or about ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS EVER SANG. Also, somehow Jewel made the list, she sucks. Celine Dion made it too, but some people like her, so that made sense, but I still think she sucks. Kurt Cobain also made it, but let's face facts: he didn't sing all that well. At least 10 guys from his style of music alone sing MUCH better than he ever did. Eddie Vedder comes to mind, and even though little Kurt fanboys and fangirls will be mad, I have to say, PEARL JAM WAS BETTER THAN NIRVANA! So was Alice in Chains, Layne Staley kicked ass much more hardcore than Kurt. If you little blind followers of some sort of god that selfishly killed himself and destroyed his life with drugs have anything to say about it, maybe want to come "beat me up", send me an email @ hulkster316@msn.com. I'll gladly give you my home address, and when you get here, I'll stick my size 11 boot right in your ass, and send you home crying like a bitch. I'd also be happy to serenade you with your favorite Nirvana song while I stomp away on your spine. And for those mature folks out there, let's move on. I give props for including Queen's Freddy Mercury at # 2, but they only did it since there would be a public outcry if he wasn't on the list. As far as I'm concerned, The Beatles BLOW, and Queen is truly the greatest band of all-time. If ripping on the lame-ass, shitty works of The (dung)Beatles pisses you off to the point of violence, feel free to ride with the Cobain fans to my house for your chance to get your ass handed to you. You'd save money by traveling together. Again, mature people, let us proceed. If I had to pick my favorite vocalist EVER, it'd be Amy Lee of Evanescence. Sure, she's rather new, but her voice is MIND BLOWING, simply unreal. That woman has the sort of voice that can make evil itself weep. It's as if she was right there in my head, expressing all my innermost emotions with her siren songs. I always hear about how music really touches people's lives, and while I've enjoyed many songs, and artists over the years, I've never connected with it like I did with Amy/Evanescence. Despite the leaving of Evanescence's guitarist, and lead songwriter, which could spell the end of the band, Amy would be just fine on her own. I know I'd buy ANY music she put out.

Random question: Thinking of the show Oz got me wondering: Hypothetically, if you were on death row, how would you choose to die? This can be any method of sanctioned execution, past or present, even firing squad, burned at the stake, hanging, etc. I would have chose the gas chamber, but it turns out, that's far more horrific than I originally thought, as the gas basically chokes you for sometime before taking effect. I guess I'd go with lethal injection, even though I hate needles. But, if in this scenario I did something worthy of capital punishment, having to be poked by a needle, experiencing some pain and discomfort in my final minutes would serve me right. Also, what would your last meal be? Choosing only 1 beverage, a main course, side dish, and dessert. I'd pick a two liter of Dr. Pepper, a big steak, chicken tenders, and an Oreo Blizzard, or whatever the nearby ice cream shop calls their version of it.

Another Random Question: If you were forced to leave your current home, only to be relocated to a new one at a destination of your choice, where would your new home be? I'd pick somewhere in Florida, Miami or Daytona Beach.

More Random Questions!: Assume you escaped death row, and had no place to put your new home, you are now stuck on a desert island forever. But your in luck, this island is equipt with a house, electricity, and appliances, all with a catch. You might have a sweet setup, but now can only eat/drink one thing, watch, let's say 5 shows, only 5 movies, and listen to 5 CDs for the rest of your life, what are your choices? For me, it'd be the following?

Food: Steak- No carbs! Atkin's Diet baby!

Drink: Cherry Coke

Five Shows
1. Raw- It's been on for over 10 years, and still going, meaning lots of eps. And, I need my wrestling.
2. Quantum Leap- 95 eps is a good amount, plus I'd kill for my Quantum.
3. Oz- Oz rules.
4. WWF Superstars- The old school wrestling show, the big one before Raw, tons of eps.
5. South Park- Hilarious, plus it is still on, which means tons of new eps.

5 Movies
1. Scarface- Just awesome, favorite movie.
2. No Holds Barred- Hogan stars, and is one of my faves ever.
3. Pulp Fiction- It just rules
4. Dawn of the Dead- my favorite horror movie
5. Mannequin- my favorite 80's movie

5 CDs
1. Evanescence's Fallen- Awesome, never gets old
2. WWE Anthology Disc 1- I NEED Real American, and get other classics to boot
3. Nickelback's Silver Side Up- Another one I can listen to everyday
4. Evanescence's Origin- I need as much of the band's music as possible
5. Evanescence's Whisper/Sound Asleep EP- see # 4

I hope you had fun, if you want to talk about this, or just chat since your bored, you can reach me on AIM, username Hulkster841.

Later, people.

SWF Main Event 3/6/04
SWF Main Event 3/6/04

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! Tonight, the last wrestling event before Extrememania, we have 4 GIANT matches to tell you about!

Dean: That's right, and in addition to that, Extreme has just announced, that any wrestler not scheduled in another bout for Extrememania, will be placed into an Endurance Battle Royal, with the winner receiving a free title shot! And, with the clock ticking down to the big show, Extreme is set to announce the 6 Man Title Match, and new SWF Hardcore Champion, Jack Suicide, was granted the request to pick his opponent for the event! But just listen to tonight's card:

The Suicide Brothers vs JuJu & Petey Pizzazz!

Octane & The Freedom Fighter vs The Mercenary & Ayatollah Sheik!

The Janitor & Crazy Phil vs Kings of the Street!

And, in the Main Event, a HUGE 3x3 match up, Cash Inc face The Black Dragons & EXTREME SUPERSTAR!

Vance(shocked): Wow! Well, Let's KICK IT OFF!

The Janitor & Crazy Phil vs Kings of the Street
Phil and Janitor come on strong, and put a hurtin' on KOTs, but Tony nails Phil with The Edge, leaving only the Janitor. Janitor however, fights Tony off, sending him from the ring, and leaving Don as the legal man. It isn't long before Don is hit with the Clean Sweep! 1-2-3, it's over!
*Winners* The Janitor & Crazy Phil

Backstage, we see the Good Ol' Boys, Generation Gap, and Sex Connection & Silkky Smooth, all sitting in the back, apparently told to be there by Extreme. Extreme Superstar then walks in, and wastes no time in telling them why he called them, all three teams will be competing for the 6 Man Titles at Extrememania! He says that it will be elimination rules, with the last team left winning. He wishes all of them luck, then excuses himself to prepare for his match later tonight.

The Suicide Brothers vs JuJu & Petey Pizzazz
The match starts with JuJu basically facing the Suicides alone, since Petey is too concerned about looking for Octane, who's made it a habit of coming after him. Petey turns out to be right, as Octane ends up coming down, and runs him off! As JuJu is distracted at these events, Mike swoops in, and plants him with a running version of the Suicidal Twist! 1-2-3, Mike picks up the win for his team!
*Winners* The Suicide Brothers

Post Match: Jack picks up a mic, and begins to address the crowd:

Jack: Well, I guess now is as good a time as any to announce my Extrememania opponent. For such a huge event, I knew I would need the best opponent possible, and that's why I choose.... You Mike! (The crowd, and Mike are shocked) (to Mike) You are the one who can bring the best out of me, and I of you. We can give these people a match they'll never forget, what do you say?

(Mike says nothing, but nods to the fans delight, and he and Jack shake hands, before having a tense stare down, then leaving)

We head backstage where we see Petey, carrying his gear, and running for his life, as Octane slowly stalks him. Petey makes it to the parking garage, finds his car (a light purple Ferrari), and fumbles for his keys as Octane closes in. He gets in, and starts it up, so Octane decides to go to his black semi, and when Petey peels out of the lot, Octane is ready in his truck, and follows! But what about his match? That's next! I guess Freedom will have to go it alone!

The Freedom Fighter vs The Mercenary & Ayatollah Sheik
Wait! As the three participants enter, Captain Fantastic's music hits! The referee allows the replacement, and the match is on!

The Freedom Fighter & Captain Fantastic vs The Mercenary & Ayatollah Sheik
Fantastic and Freedom rush their opponents, but Sheik bails! Sheik wants no part of his Extrememania opponent tonight! So, Mercenary goes it alone, and beats on Fantastic, who is deemed the legal man. After a while, Fantastic makes the tag, and Freedom easily dispatches him with the Star Spangled Slam! 1-2-3, it's over.
*Winners* The Freedom Fighter & Captain Fantastic


Cash Inc vs The Black Dragons & Extreme Superstar
Cash Inc enter, followed by the Dragons, and they all stare each other down before tearing into one another! The Dragons do alright in holding off their three opponents, then suddenly, Extreme's music hits! The crowd goes nuts and BDM heads for higher ground. Extreme enters, and goes to aid his partners, but Jaffe and Joe break free of the Dragons, and they too bail! The referee begins to count Cash Inc out, but they could care less, and run to the back, then are counted out. I guess we have to wait until Extrememania for these issues to be resolved!
*Winners by Count Out* The Black Dragons & Extreme Superstar

We head back to Vance and Dean, who wrap things up:

Vance: Well, we'll just have to wait until Extrememania to see some resolution to all these feuds, so make sure to join us March 26th, as we broadcast LIVE from the brand new SWF Superdome, where we expect 80,000 fans to be on hand! Speaking of that show, here's Dean to run down the final card for the extravaganza!

Dean (excited): Oh, it will be a big one, listen to this:

An Endurance Battle Royal, featuring the following 13 superstars: Captain Fantastic, JuJu, Tripp, Crazy Phil, The Janitor, Yeti, Tony Ramon, The Reverend, Xavier Hawthorne III, Repo, The Don, The Mercenary, & Boppo The Clown! The winner gets a title shot at any time they request!

The SWF 6 Man titles will be on the line as The Good Ol' Boys defend against TWO teams, being Generation Gap, and Silkky Smooth & The Sex Connection!

As we just heard tonight, Jack Suicide will defend the SWF Hardcore Title against his own brother, Mike Suicide!

Televison Champion, Petey Pizzazz will be forced to face the mighty Octane, for the title, in a Last Man Standing Match!

The Freedom Fighter will have a chance to win back the United States title, as he faces current champ, Ayatollah Sheik, in a Flag Match!

The Black Dragons also look to regain the gold they lost, and get revenge, as they face Cash Inc's Jahalaman Jaffe & Joe Money!

And, the main event, Extreme Superstar puts the SWF on the line, when he squares of with SWF Champion, The Billion Dollar Man, with the title on the line! There will be no DQs, no count outs, no time limit, and falls count anywhere in the building, in what will be the most highly anticipated bout in SWF history!

Vance: We hope to see you there, but remember, we will not be here next week, so tune in on March 20th for The Road to Extrememania special, where we will have a LIVE press conference emanating from SWF Fan Fair!

Dean: We'll see you then!

END OF SHOW!

Random Stuff! Oh No!
Yes, the Random Stuff is BACK, be afraid, be VERY afraid! It is like mere minutes into a Thursday, and here I am, bustin' out the mixed bag of goodness because, you guessed it, I'm bored as hell. Ready? Then On with the show:

Quick notes about Random Stuff column: With presidential elections, hot button political issues, and controversial films dealing with matters of faith, you might expect some of that to factor in here. But, despite my views and opinions on those subjects, I will NOT discuss them here. I respect other people's own thoughts on the matters, and was taught that there are two things you don't discuss, religion, and politics. I want to keep this fun, light and fluffy, not piss people off with opposing viewpoints. I might slam a celeb, tv show, or movie, but I don't want to go any further than that. Cool? Alrighty then, let's get something going.

I was kinda upset to hear that boxing heavyweight champ Lennox Lewis, decided to retire instead of face Vitali Klitchko in a rematch. I understand his choice, but c'mon! Boxing fans want to see that issue resolved! For those who don't know, Klitchko gave a Rocky-esque effort in a fight last year vs Lewis, leading on all 3 judges score cards when a sickening cut over his eye caused the fight to be stopped. I almost thought we'd see a new champ until that, and the world was waiting for the rematch. But, Lewis decided to hang up his gloves for good, and that SUCKS. Jeez, go out there and give it all you've got one last time, win or lose, go out like a MAN. Apollo Creed gave Rocky his rematch, lost, and RESPECTED the winner. Nobody should think any less of you for doing the right thing, and you'd make MILLIONS of dollars for that match. I'm also bummed since I wanted to see Roy Jones Jr. kick his ass too.

In other boxing news, legendary George Foremen, at age 55, has signed on for a return to the ring. George proved the world wrong in his last comeback, even winning the world heavyweight title. I hope he can still go, and will be rooting him on in his latest sojourn into boxing. Kick all their asses George!

Moving on to wrestling, WWE announced the inductees to the WWE Hall of Fame this year, to be presented the night before Wrestlemania XX. I will now comment on each one:

Jesse "The Body" Ventura- He didn't do nearly as much as a wrestler that people think, and the media played up on when he ran (and won) the Governorship of Minnesota. He became one of the best announcers in the business though, and him and Gorilla Monsoon are one of my all-time favorite commentary duos. He deserves to be in the hall for his commentary contributions.

Tito Santana- I am a MASSIVE Tito fan, plus, he was around forever, and kept himself pretty popular from the late 70's, until the end of his WWF (as WWE was known then) run. Tito was one of the best Intercontinental champs ever, a multi-time tag champion, a top star in the wrestling boom of the 1980's, and also was a positive Latino role model for kids like me growing up. Tito TOTALLY deserves his induction, and I was clamoring for it before the announcement.

Don "The Rock"Muraco- He was one of the best Intercontinental champs, and heels in wrestling history. Don, the REAL "Rock" is just as worthy as anyone to get into the hall, and another guy I was hoping would see his induction.

Bobby "The Brain" Heenan- Not only one of the greatest managers ever, but one of the best announcers ever. Him and Gorilla Monsoon are my ultimate favorite announce team ever. Bobby is about as perfect a hall candidate as you can get, and I'm happy he's getting in.

Greg "The Hammer"Valentine- Grizzled, tough, and one of the most hated heels in wrestling history, The Hammer deserves the honor.

Bob Backlund- He was a no-frills, amateur-style wrestler of the late 70's, early 80's who reigned as world champ for about 5 years. He even made one of wrestling's best comebacks in the early 90's, engaging in amazing matches with Bret Hart, was more entertaining than he was in his first run, and he won the world title once again. Bob deserves his induction as well.

Sgt. Slaughter- The man has one of the coolest wrestling names, and was a top star in the 80's wrestling heyday. He even managed to parlay that into a role on 80's classic cartoon, G.I. Joe. Slaughter also had a big comeback, resurfacing in the early 90's where he not only won the WWF title, he main evented Wrestlemania 7 vs Hulk Hogan! The Sarge is a completely worthy induction.

Junkyard Dog- JYD is perhaps one of the most beloved wrestlers in ALL wrestling, being so extremely popular, fans RIOTED when he was beaten up. When he came to the WWF, he retained that popularity, and was one of the most popular stars in perhaps the highest point of wrestling history. Sadly, JYD passed on in 1998 after a car crash claimed his life, but thanks to WWE, this true great will get the recognition he so richly deserves.

Harley Race- He did wrestle in the WWF, but it didn't really pan out, however since WWE now owns NWA/WCW, they are responsible for that history as well. And in the NWA, Harley Race was a true legend, holding the NWA title 8 times in his illustrious career. I think it is a classy gesture on WWE's part to induct a legend of NWA/WCW, when they could just ignore it since the hall name is WWE, and Race is as good a choice as any to be that person.

John Studd- He passed on in 1995 after a battle with Hodgkin's Disease, and I can't come up with solid reasons to induct him over a lot of the obvious guys that could go in his place, but I won't say anything disrespectful. If anything, Studd was a nice hand to have as foil for top faces during his run (70's and 80's), due to his immense size, and was a loyal company man.

"Superstar" Billy Graham- Billy has influenced some of the best wrestlers ever, including Hulk Hogan, and can be considered among the best himself. Graham was a top heel in the 70's, and when he won the world title, despite being a heel, he to sold out arenas across the country! Because of that, you could say he is one of the most successful heels in wrestling, and earned his hall induction.

Pete Rose- Yeah, the baseball player. He did some appearances at Wrestlemanias (14-16), which were pretty funny, as it was like a mini-rivalry with Kane. WWE is obviously doing this for publicity, and it's cute since Pete is banned from the baseball hall for gambling. If it is like a special thing they are doing I'm cool with this, but can't help be insulted if it is a full-blown entry, since wrestling is near and dear to my heart, with people mocking it enough without WWE doing it themselves.

Back to talk about the Hall of Fame, I hope these guys (who are still with us) show up live at Wrestlemania to soak up the cheers, and take a bow, for their dedication and excellence in wrestling, they earned it. But, it makes me SICK Hulk Hogan isn't going to be inducted. Vince might be angry at him for stupid crap, but the man DESERVES IT. Hulk better at least do a cameo at Wrestlemania, and that's all I have to say about that issue. Bruno Sammartino deserves an induction too, but he HATES Vince and WWE with a passion, so won't probably ever show up at a WWE function, but should get in the hall regardless. As for Bret Hart, he SO should get in one day, but he might be too young, so they are holding off on that. Other guys looked over, Roddy Piper & Randy Savage, but I KNOW, somewhere down the line, they too will make the hall.

Onto music, I pretty much hate everything from today, but watch old music videos stuff on specialty shows, or VH1 Classics, where I stumbled on a band that I liked. They were re-broadcasting some "Tuesday 2 Play" thing they have, where they play two videos by one artist back to back, and that's where I heard some great 80's music. Not synthesizer heavy pop, but rock, that had darker, grunge-like sound years ahead of it's time. The band was The Smithereens, and the first video was for a more popish song called "A Girl Like You", that sounded cool, like from the mid-90's, but released in the 80's. I saw it on the channel before, and commented on how nifty it was, but forgot to search for it on Overnet. Then, here it was on again, and I made a point to go after it, and am currently downloading it. The video was pretty cool too, as it was in black and white, with the band jamming on some club stage, auditioning for people seated at a table in front of them. Then, they showed the people at the table, and it was the band, who were continuing the song from there, with the drummer even doing his drumming while sitting there. The next song was one I heard in a movie, but only briefly, and didn't know the name of, called "Blood & Roses", and it's pretty awesome, with the grungy edge mentioned earlier, with some country-esque guitar, and pop vocals tossed in. I found that tune, and am listening to it now. The video was one for a movie, showing clips of it and all, some 80's teen flick, which will be me to the next item I will discuss.

While watching VH1 Classics, I noticed several videos for songs from 80's teen flicks, a genre I LOVE, but somehow, have missed out on the movies they featured in those videos! I am STUNNED. I will watch ANY movie of the genre too, if it was made in the 1980's, hell if it's ABOUT the 1980's, and features teen stars, I'M THERE. I am going to try and track down the movies featured, since I already looked them up to get the plots. There were 3 of them, from the aforementioned "Blood & Roses" Smithereens video was one called Dangerously Close. It is about some kids who decide to kill off people that they feel are lower in the social pecking order. Most of the stars are nobodies, except a girl who was on Law and Order (Carey Lowell is her name), and the male lead from the STELLAR Return of the Living Dead. Sounds good to me. The next movie was featured in some typical 80's pop video for a song titled "Catch Me, I'm Falling" (a song I've heard before), and is called Hiding Out. It stars Jon Cryer, who was in the genre classic Pretty in Pink as "Duckie" with the teen movie goddess Molly Ringwald, and my favorite 80's stars Andrew McCarthy & James Spader! John Cusak and Michael J. Fox complete the holy foursome though, and they rule all with iron fists. Back to this though, Cryer stars as a young stock broker who sees some mob activity, and is forced to hide out as a high school student. I'm down for that. The third movie was called "The Legend of Billie Jean", but sadly, has nothing to do with the Michael Jackson song, OR DOES IT? DUN! DUN! DUN! Sorry, I had to do it. It is about some girl, played by Helen Slater, who was in the HORRENDOUS Supergirl movie, as Supergirl herself. She would redeem herself though, as she starred with the infallible Michael J. Fox in the great Secret of my Success. But back to the premise, a girl (Slater) ends up waging war around her native Texas, tired of people giving her, her brother, and her friends crap, so they all take the law into their own hands. Also feature are Christian Slater (no relation to Helen), who I never really liked, Yeardley Smith, also known as the voice of Lisa Simpson(?!), and DEAN STOCKWELL!!!!! Oh. My. God. If you don't know who Dean is, please, hang your head in shame, but pick it up again soon so I can tell you. Dean is Al from QUANTUM F'N LEAP! Quantum kicks more ass than a team of ass kickers in a worldwide ass kicking contest. And, depending on who you talk to, this movie is the greatest film ever made, or complete garbage. Being someone who loves great movies, AND really, really, bottom of the barrel bad ones, I MUST see this. In other teen movie news, I recently saw Teen Witch, something I saw many moons ago, when I didn't really know what it was I really was seeing. It was a doozy, combining the 80's teen cliches I hold so dear with the LAMEST musical sequences EVER MADE. It kicked so much ass.

Well, this dragged on a lot longer than I would have thought, so that is all for today kids, goodnight.

SWF Main Event 2/28/04
SWF Main Event 2/28/04

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! Last week's show was quite eventful one, with 3 matches for Extrememania being made official! First, Since The Billion Dollar Man was successful at No Escape, Extreme confirmed that their SWF World title match for the big event, was indeed, going to take place! The second was The Freedom Fighter revealing he was granted a shot at Ayatollah Sheik, and the United States title, in a Flag Match! And, to close out the show, The Black Dragons made their return, winning the right to face Cash Inc for the tag team gold! How will those Extrememania matches figure in to tonight's show? We'll soon find out!

Dean: I'll tell you Vance, it already appears that those match have ALREADY figured in, just listen to these matches:

In the Main Event, The Black Dragons will team with The Freedom Fighter vs Cash Inc's Jahalaman Jaffe & Joe Money, & Ayatollah Sheik!

The SWF Hardcore Title will also be on the line as JuJu defends against Beef Macho!

SWF Television Champion Petey Pizzazz will defend against Randy Mann!

And, Crazy Phil, The Janitor, & Octane will take on the team of Faith & Devotion, & The Mercenary!

Vance: With all that action, let's KICK IT OFF!

Crazy Phil, The Janitor & Octane vs Faith & Devotion, & The Mercenary
Phil and Janitor rush F&D right away, while Octane scores with a running big boot on Mercenary. Octane then administers the Empty Tank to Mercenary, before coming to the aid of his partners, who have things well in hand. Phil shoves Xavier over to Octane, who proceeds to plant him with the Empty Tank! Janitor follows suit, sending Reverend to Octane, who gives Rev the Empty Tank. With all the opposition laid out, Octane exits the ring , followed by Janitor, allowing Crazy Phil to take his pick, and pin any of his three opponents! Phil covers the nearby Xavier, 1-2-3! Phil wins again!
*Winners* Crazy Phil, The Janitor, & Octane

Post Match: The Janitor & Phil stop Octane, who had begun to leave before the pin had even took place. The two get him to stop, and extend their hands in friendship! Octane, without losing his stone-faced expression, quickly shakes their hands, and nods, before continuing on his way to the back! The crowd cheered the action, and we finally saw some discernable personality out of Octane.

Backstage, we see the Suicide Brothers, who are talking about losing at No Escape, then the tag title shot last week. They express their disappointment, to which Jack proclaims the duo need to "Shake things up, make some sort of impact". Mike responds by saying that he knows his brother too well, and whatever he plans on doing , is probably not something that he'd want to be involved in. Jack then responds by saying that tonight, he'll live up to his motto, by taking everything "To the limit"!

SWF Hardcore Title Match- JuJu vs Beef Macho
Beef does quite well in the early goings, but JuJu soon takes control, after a hard clothesline. Beef, not to be denied, fires right back, and the two fight to the floor. Beef manages to grab a garbage can lid, but when he goes to use it, JuJu kicks it back in his face! JuJu then rolls him back inside, plants him with the JuJu Driver, and picks up the win.
*Winner, and STILL SWF Hardcore Champion* JuJu

BUT WAIT! Jack Suicide has rushed the ring , attacking JuJu with a steel chair! As per SWF Hardcore rules, the champion has not left the ring yet, and a referee is present, so this is a title match!

SWF Hardcore Title Match- JuJu vs Jack Suicide
Jack really walloped JuJu, sending him to the canvas upon impact, but Jack decides to hit the downed man a few more times before abandoning the chair, and climbing to the top rope! Jack comes off the top with the Suicide Splash! He goes for the cover, 1-2-3! Jack wins! New champ!
*Winner, and NEW SWF Hardcore Champion* Jack Suicide

Post Match: Jack grabs his newly won title, and makes off through the crowd.

We go backstage, where Petey Pizzazz, getting ready to make his way to the ring for his TV title defense, is met by Extreme Superstar. Extreme then begins to talk about what a big show Extrememania will be, so he intends on delivering the sorts of things that fans really want to see, to which Petey responds by saying "What's this got to do with me?". Extreme laughs, then informs Petey that one of those things the fans have been clamoring for is Octane to get his hands on Petey, and get retribution for screwing him over. Petey begins to look scared, knowing where Extreme is going with this. Extreme then announces Petey Pizzazz vs Octane for Extrememania! The fans cheer, and Extreme adds that, the match could very well be for the TV title, but if not, the match will happen regardless. And, Extreme casually mentions that it's gonna be a Last Man Standing Match!

SWF Television Title Match- Petey Pizzazz vs Randy Mann
Petey, having just heard about what he has to look forward to at Extrememania, seems pretty distracted, and upset. This allows Randy to dominate early, but soon, Petey fights back, and he begins to really hammer on Randy, taking all his aggression out on him. Petey is uncharacteristically violent here, just slamming Randy around, screaming at him, before hitting the Piece of Pizzazz. Petey refuses to go for a pin, as he decides to deliver ANOTHER Piece of Pizzazz, then finally goes for the cover, and the 1-2-3.
*Winner, and STILL SWF Televison Champion* Petey Pizzazz

Back at the announce booth, Vance and Dean hype Extrememania, then announce that on March 13, SWF Main Event will not take place, since the SWF stars will be busy touring the continent to promote Extrememania, then have to return in time for SWF Fan Fair. On March 20, the SWF will broadcast a special, live from SWF Fan Fair, entitled "The Road to Extrememania", where the participants will be on hand to discuss their matches, and the participants of the Extrememania Main Event will be face to face for a LIVE press conference!

Main Event: The Black Dragons, & The Freedom Fighter vs Cash Inc, & Ayatollah Sheik
As all 6 enter, Freedom charges Sheik, and those two brawl to the floor, while Cash Inc & the Dragons fight in the ring. On the outside, Sheik has pulled his infamous spike out, and has blasted Freedom with it, busting him open! Sheik then decides to toss the bloody man into the steel steps! Meanwhile, the Dragons fight Cash Inc off long enough for them to launch themselves out, and onto Sheik! Cash Inc then follow the action to the floor, where a real Pier 6er breaks out! All the combatants continue to fire away, and things get so bad, the referee has called for the bell, tossing the match out!
*Double DQ*

Post Match: SWF Security are dispatched, and they pull apart the enemies as we fade out.

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 2/21/04
SWF Main Event 2/21/04

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! After the No Escape PPV, what will happen tonight?

Dean: As of now, only a few things are certain, Extreme Superstar is set to address the crowd, and these matches will take place:

Octane vs The Mercenary

SWF Hardcore Title Match- JuJu vs Yeti

SWF TV Title Match- Petey Pizzazz vs The Janitor

Vance: Well, let's KICK IT OFF!

We head to the ring , and Extreme Superstar's music hits, and he comes out to a huge pop. He looks pretty serious tonight, and he begins to address the crowd:

Extreme(all business): As you all know by now, The Billion Dollar Man successfully defended the SWF World title at No Escape (big boos). And despite neither one of the Suicide Brothers being able to beat him, they are still one of the best tag teams in the business, which brings me to why I'm out here. Extrememania, is set to be the biggest SWF show to date, emanating live from the brand-new SWF Superdome on March 26th, and for that show, we need a stellar tag team title match. It is because of that reason, I'm making tonight's main event, an Invitational Tag Team Gauntlet, with the winners going to Extrememania, and fighting for the tag titles! (big pop) With this match, EVERY SWF team can show what they are made of, and the winners of this match will have really earned the right to face Cash Inc at Extrememania! (almost leaves, but stops) Oh wait, I just happened to remember something , since The Billion Dollar Man retained the SWF title, that means he still has to face me at Extrememania! (huge pop, Extreme is smiling) Well, I'm certainly going to look forward to that match!

Extreme leaves as the crowd cheers, and we cut backstage to see an angry BDM watching from his locker room.

Octane vs The Mercenary
Octane is PISSED tonight, and he just KILLS The Mercenary after fending off an early attack. Octane then lifts The Mercenary, nails the Empty Tank, pins his opponent, and walks off. Octane is a force to be reckoned with.
*Winner* Octane

Backstage, Angelica is standing by with Crazy Phil & The Janitor

Angelica: At No Escape, you two took the SWF Tag Team champions to the limit, almost winning the titles on several occasions, Phil, what are your thoughts on that amazing match?

Phil(solemn): At first, I was disappointed, I mean we had come so close, and at times I felt like we could actually win, then, with my emotions in overdrive, I got pinned. That was one of the biggest letdowns in my whole life, having been built up so high inside myself, only to be knocked down to the deepest depths of the earth. When I realized I had failed, it was the worst possible feeling that I could ever feel, until I heard the crowd. (near tears) For them to stand up, and give us a standing ovation, that made up for everything. That moment will live on forever in my heart as one of the greatest experiences of my life, and I now realize that I have won something more important than any title, respect. I would once again like to thank all the fans for their overwhelming show of support, you can't possibly understand how much that means to me. (huge pop, followed by a "Phil" chant)

Angelica(moved by Phil's words): I would personally like to thank you both for that match. For the effort and emotion you put into it, you deserve any accolades you get. (sighs) Moving on, tonight, you Janitor, have another chance to take home a title, the SWF Television title, which is held by Petey Pizzazz, who has only held the belt since No Escape, where he was lucky to have even won it in the first place. Going into the bout, what are your thoughts?

Janitor: After No Escape, and Phil's phenomenal display of heart, I hope I can follow his example, give it my all, and possibly walk out tonight as the NEW SWF Television champ!

Angelica: Thank you both, and I wish you luck, in your match tonight Janitor. Now, back to the ring for the next match.

SWF Hardcore Title Match- JuJu vs Yeti
This is a pretty uneventful match, until JuJu manages to overtake the giant man, and get him up for the JuJu Driver! 1-2-3! JuJu wins!
*Winner and STILL SWF Hardcore Champion* JuJu

Backstage, The Freedom Fighter confronts Ayatollah Sheik, telling him that Extreme Superstar has granted him a U.S. title match at Extrememania! Ayatollah scoffs, and says that the PPV event will give the entire world the chance to see him humiliate Freedom once again. Freedom then tells Sheik that it will be no ordinary match, but a Flag Match!

We he to the announce booth, where Vance and Dean announce SWF Fan Fair, which will take place the weekend before Extrememania (March 19-21), and all the fans will be able to see cool exhibits, and meet their favorite SWF stars!

SWF Television Title Match- Petey Pizzazz vs The Janitor
The Janitor is dominant early on, but Petey makes his comeback with a running swinging neckbreaker. The Janitor, refusing to stay down, fights back several more times, only to beaten down again. He recovers once more, and manages to evade an attempt of Petey's finishing move, the Piece of Pizzazz. After awhile, Janitor makes a big comeback, and readies to finish Petey off, but as he sets up for the Clean Sweep, Petey elbows out, reaches up, secures Janitor's head, and drops down for the Piece of Pizzazz! 1-2-3, Petey wins!
*Winner and STILL SWF Televison Champion* Petey Pizzazz

Post Match: Petey's celebration is cut short, when Octane makes his way down to the ring , while Petey hastily exits through the crowd.

We go to the announce booth, where Vance & Dean explain that this will work like any other Gauntlet Match, but only one man from each team can wrestle at once, meaning that tags are in effect for this match.

SWF Tag Team Invitational Gauntlet Match
The 1st team makes their way down, Kings of the Street! The # 2 team then enters, Sex Connection! Tony and Randy start, with Tony just mauling Randy from the beginning , forcing him to tag Beef, who doesn't fair much better. It isn't long before Tony destroys Beef, laying a major league beating on him, then blasting him with The Edge for the 1-2-3. Tuns of Fun are next (Team # 3), with Repo doing a Kamala gimmick tonight. The Don tags in, and he nails The Hit on Boppo (the legal man) to put Tuns of Fun out. Crazy Phil & The Janitor rush in as the next team (Team # 4), and Phil sneaks up on Don, rolls him up, and pins him! The crowd goes nuts, and X & Tripp run in as the next team (Team # 5)! X soon blasts Phil with the X-Factor, while Tripp keeps a tired (from the TV title match) Janitor away, so they can pick up the pin. Interestingly enough, Disco Danny & Jimmy Jam have entered into this match, and the two are the next team (Team # 6)! Jimmy and Tripp are soon left as the legal men, allowing Jimmy to plant Tripp with the Rocker Dropper to eliminate that team! Much to the chagrin of Jimmy & Danny, Rory Rogers & Charles Gunn are next (Team # 7), and all four end up brawling , until Rory hits the Roundup on Danny to eliminate them! Team # 8 is the Suicide Brothers, who make short work of Rory & Charles, finishing Charles with their Suicidal Twist/Suicide Splash combo. Faith and Devotion enter as Team # 9, and cowardly attack from behind, allowing Reverend to use his "Good Book" on Mike, and pins him! It appears that is all of the teams, as one fails to immediately run down, as they have been doing , so the ref begins a ten count, and if no team enters by then, Faith and Devotion will win! The ref gets to about 8, when suddenly, we hear a song I recognize as Battle Without Honor or Humanity from the movie Kill Bill. As the music begins to play, Quow Ling and the Shadow run down to the ring! The Black Dragons are back! Quow tears Xavier a new one, while Shadow does the same to Reverend, before they each dismantle their man with their respective finishing moves. Shadow tosses Xavier out, and the Dragons kill Reverend with the Dragon Attack! Quow then pins Reverend for the 1-2-3! The Dragons win! The crowd is cheering wildly, and we cut quickly backstage to catch Jaffe & Joe throwing a fit about who they must now face at Extrememania!
*Winners* The Black Dragons

Post Match: The Dragons celebrate to the delight of the crowd, and signal that they want the titles!

END OF SHOW

SWF No Escape
SWF: No Escape

Vance: Welcome everyone to the SWF's 5th PPV, No Escape! Tonight, we have a packed card, and here's Dean to tell you all about it!

Dean: Vance, just listen to this lineup:

For the SWF 6 Man Titles: Generation Gap defend against their heated rivals, The Good Ol' Boys, in a steel cage match!

JuJu defends his Hardcore title against former friend, Boppo The Clown!

The Mercenary defends the Television title against Petey Pizzazz!

Ayatollah Sheik defends the United States title against Silkky Smooth!

Cash Inc defend the SWF Tag Team gold against Crazy Phil & The Janitor!

And, in the Main Event: The Billion Dollar Man puts the SWF World title on the line, against the Suicide Brothers, in a Triple Threat Match, with special guest referee, the incomparable, Extreme Superstar!

Vance: Let's KICK IT OFF!

SWF Hardcore Title Match- JuJu vs Boppo The Clown
JuJu wastes no time in pretty much killing Boppo, punching and kicking him until he was left laying on the mat. JuJu then goes for a chair, and returns to the ring , where Boppo is beginning to stir. But, as Boppo gets up, he is met with a thunderous chair shot! Boppo just got dropped, and HARD. JuJu decides he isn't done yet, and continues to beat on him with the chair, to the point that the chair becomes distorted. Boppo is bloody by this point, and JuJu abandons use of the mangled chair, and lifts Boppo up again, then nails him with the JuJu Driver! JuJu decides he's not done, and lifts Boppo again, and screams "Why couldn't you be happy for me? You should have been happy for me!", referring to Boppo's disdain of the "new" JuJu. JuJu then hits the JuJu Driver once more, and scored the easy pinfall.
*Winner, and STILL SWF Hardcore Champion* JuJu

We go back to the announcers who tell the fans about a new member of the SWF staff, Angelica Summers, a young lady who will be a backstage interviewer. We see her, and she's a very pretty, and peppy young lady (somewhere around 19 years old), pretty short, probably about 5'3 or less, with raven hair, and a dark skin tone, possibly Latina, or Italian, and also seems to be Asian as well. She's looks like a younger Catherine Zeta Jones actually. Anyways, Angelica goes live for her first interview:

Angelica(very excited): Hello, wrestling fans! (big pop) I'm Angelica Summers, the newest member of the SWF crew, and I'm super psyched to be here! I've always been a devoted wrestling fan, so it's a pleasure to work for the SWF, which I've been following since the beginning! (Another nice pop) And, it's my pleasure to interview the man who's made it all possible, and my favorite SWF personality, Extreme Superstar! (huge pop)

Extreme walks into view, at the backstage interview station, wearing a referee shirt

Angelica(still excited): Extreme, first off it's a pleasure to meet you, (Extreme shakes her hand)

Extreme(humbled): Thank you, and welcome to the SWF! You know that with signing you, we are breaking new ground, you're the first female we've hired, so, I guess we can call you the first lady of the SWF!

Angelica(laughs): Wow. It's such an honor to be here, but now, (getting more serious) on to tonight, you are going to be the special guest referee for the main event, in which the Suicide Brothers will challenge your nemesis, The Billion Dollar Man for his SWF World Title, so me, and the rest of the world are wondering , how are you going to call the match?

Extreme(very serious): I intend to call that match right down the middle. As much as I would love for The Billion Dollar Man to lose the SWF title, I don't think I could live with it if he was to lose it under auspicious circumstances. The Billion Dollar Man's day will come, mark my words, possibly even tonight, and if tonight is that night, you can rest assured that it will be because he lost, fair and square, to the better man.

Angelica(taking in Extreme's words): There you have it, Extreme says he's going to officiate by the book. So, what does that mean for the main event? Will we crown a new champion, or will the current one leave victorious, we'll soon find out, now, back to the ring for the next match.

SWF Television Title Match- The Mercenary vs Petey Pizzazz
Petey enters warily, and with good reason, because The Mercenary assaults him, and tears him up before he can fully enter, which draws an unlikely babyface pop from the crowd. Mercenary continues to pound on Petey, and sets him up in the corner, then goes for an avalanche splash, which misses! Petey then takes the chance to roll up The Mercenary with a school boy, that only gets two. Petey keeps on Mercenary, and dominates, which I think is even surprising to Petey, despite how talented he actually is. Petey keeps Mercenary grounded, and applies the figure four leglock! Petey has things well in hand, but suddenly, a very angry Octane begins making his way down the aisle! Petey sees him, and immediately lets go of the submission hold, and leaves the ring , hiding on the far side, while screaming for the ref to make him leave. Octane, not really caring if the ref calls the match, continues his trek to the ring , and stalks Petey, as he runs frantically around the outside of the ring. The referee screams from the safety of the ring , and The Mercenary recovers at this point, looking puzzled as to what's going on. Petey then slides back in the ring , and is followed by Octane, who the referee cuts off , and Mercenary begins to beat on a distracted Petey. The Mercenary tries to whip Petey into the far ropes, but Petey reverses, and Mercenary is sent hard into the referee, who is still trying to get Octane to leave! The ref was totally smashed, and Octane falls as well, but quickly tosses the ref off of him, which probably won't help him recover any faster. Petey is too busy to see Octane, as he is hammering away on his opponent, and he is suddenly grabbed by the big man, who lifts him up by the back of his neck, and hurls him across the ring! Octane then goes after Petey, but The Mercenary cuts him off, attacking from behind! Octane has no choice but to temporarily forget about Petey, and fend off Mercenary, who gives him quite a beating , while the recovering Petey watches with a smile. Octane fights back though , and nails Mercenary with a big boot, then the Empty Tank! Quickly, Octane turns to grab Petey, and, still dazed, he delivers a half hazzard Empty Tank, just throwing him about five feet outward! The ref begins to get up, and having done his job, Octane walks off, failing to notice the proximity in which he powerbombed Petey to The Mercenary! The jolt of the fall actually cause Petey to land on his side, only inches from his opponent, and he inadvertently rolls towards Mercenary, and his upper body is covering him for the pin! The ref sees this, and counts, 1-2-3! Petey just won the Television title!
*Winner & NEW SWF Television Champion* Petey Pizzazz

Post Match: The groggy ref lays the belt on Petey, who is still practically dead, and hasn't moved from the pin position on his equally out of it opponent. Petey's music plays, and JuJu comes down to drag Petey and his newly won title away, without him even realizing what's gone on, and that he's won the belt!

We go to the announce booth, and Vance clarifies the rules for the upcoming cage match for the 6 Man Titles, saying there is no tagging needed, and that all three members of one team must escape the cage to win.

SWF 6 Man Title Cage Match- Generation Gap vs The Good Ol' Boys
The 6 men meet in the middle of the ring , and begin to brawl, before Tex Gentry tries to climb out, and is stopped by Jimmy Jam. Danny is next to try and escape, but opts for the door, and is stopped by Rory. Charles and X have an dandy little brawl, exchanging rapid punches, and take turns ramming each other into the cage. When Generation Gap all seem to have things under control, they quickly pick a side of the cage, and climb as fast as they can, but the GOBs all end up in hot pursuit, so X, Danny, & Jimmy all decide to jump off onto them! They actually hit their opposition, and continue to fire away at them. Jimmy soon sees his chance, and makes his way to the door, but Rory ends up grabbing him by the foot, and the other Generation Gap members rush to help Jimmy. This gives Charles and Tex a chance to recover, and Charles provides a distraction by scaling the cage, while Tex, who was playing possum, sneaks out the door! The GOBs have one man out! After pulling Charles off, and subduing Rory, Danny realizes that Tex is gone, and he looks for him, but doesn't see him, as Tex is hiding on the outside floor, underneath the cage door. Danny is mad that Tex got away, and takes it out on the remaining GOBs, before he decides to try and leave, so they can even things up. While X & Jimmy beat on the remaining GOBs, Danny climbs the cage, and he soon finds out where Tex was, as he pops up as Danny reaches the top, and shakes him off! Danny hits the mat hard, and draws the attention of his partners, while Tex returns to hiding. Not wanting to waste time, Jimmy and X return to beating Rory and Charles, who seem to be pretty out of it. Jimmy then volunteers to leave the cage, this time using the door, but Tex strikes again, sneaking up and slamming the door into Jimmy's face! X, hearing the commotion turns to see his other partner unconscious, and he's pretty mad now, but is soon attacked by Rory, who has recovered enough to fight back. Meanwhile, Charles sneaks up the cage, and makes it out! Charles then calls out to Rory, signaling him that he made it, which distracts X enough to be planted with the Roundup! Rory then easily walks of the hurt opponents, and goes out the door, where Tex and Charles wait, with the 6 Man Titles, having stole them pre-emptively.
*Winners and NEW SWF 6 Man Champions* The Good Ol' Boys

Backstage, BDM finds Extreme Superstar, and confronts him about the main event, sarcastically commenting that Extreme's commitment to fairness is commendable. Extreme is angered by BDM's taunting , and says he knows that he's only trying to anger him, but it's not gonna work, and tonight, he'll do his job, not letting any biases interfere with the match, or the decision. Before he walks off, Extreme casually tosses in that anyone who dares to interfere will be fired!

SWF Tag Team Title Match- Cash Inc vs Crazy Phil & The Janitor
Janitor & Phil attack upon entry, and The Janitor goes for the Clean Sweep early on Joe, but Jaffe intervenes, and knocks him out of the ring , leaving Cash Inc alone to beat on Phil. The champs pound on Phil, until The Janitor returns with his mop, and they scatter, then Phil leaves the ring so Janitor can be the legal man. Joe decides to enter, and Jaffe takes his place on the apron, and the match is finally in control, and the bell rings. I also must say, this has tremendous amounts of heat on it, with the fans solidly behind Phil & The Janitor. Joe brings the pain, and whips The Janitor for a while, but when the crowd gets behind him to escape a sleeper, The Janitor comes alive, and he fights up, and goes on a rampage, flooring Joe, then going over to knock Jaffe off the apron! The crowd is feeling it too, like I mentioned earlier, because of them wanting to see Cash Inc lose the titles, and Phil & Janitor are really over, probably due to last week's emotional speech by Phil, and dramatic win. Back to the match, Janitor assumes control and does well, until Joe manages to tag Jaffe, who, fueled by being knocked off the apron, takes it to the Janitor. Jaffe does a number on the Janitor, and the fans rally for Phil to get the tag , who is clamoring to get in there. Finally, Janitor makes it to Phil and tags, which elicits a bigger pop than I could have possibly expected. Phil unloads, and even beats up Joe, who rushed in to help Jaffe, and the crowd is loving this. Jaffe gets up though, and is waiting for Phil when he is done with Joe, ready to hit the Arabian Goodnight! Jaffe scored with a setup kick, and hooks Phil for the move, but he backdrops Jaffe to get out of it! Joe, still in the ring after being dropped by Phil, attacks from behind, which brings in Janitor, who tackles him to the outside where the two continue to fight on the floor. Jaffe uses his partner's interference to regain control, and decides to wear Phil down some more before attempting his finisher again. Outside the ring , Joe sends The Janitor into the steel steps, then plants him with
The Payoff on the floor! The Janitor is OUT. Jaffe looks out to see what happened, hearing the noise, and he and Joe give each other a thumbs up, but Phil sneaks from behind, and rolls Jaffe up, 1-2-NO! Phil almost stole the belts right there! Jaffe, furious at almost being pinned, hammers on Phil, but Phil just won't stay down, and fires right back! Phil hasn't looked this good since, well, never actually. Meanwhile, Joe continues punishing Janitor on the floor, making sure he won't be able to tag in. Being in control, Phil rushes out to aid his partner, and wards off Joe with some punches before rolling back in, only to be met with a boot, then the Arabian Goodnight by Jaffe! Jaffe quickly goes for the pin, 1-2-NO! Phil was close enough to get his foot on the rope! The crowd nearly died when Phil took the move, thinking it was over, then let out a collective sigh of relief when the realized he didn't get pinned. Jaffe, getting a little irritated, fires away some more, before turning it over to Joe, so he could try his luck. As Joe comes in, Phil hooks him in an inside cradle! 1-2-NO! That was as close as it gets. Phil then pushes Joe into Jaffe, then catches him as he bounces off with a backslide, 1-2-NO! Phil was SO close. Joe, also becoming frustrated, just hammers away, and Phil is pretty much running on fumes by this point anyways, but somehow, kicks out of a pin after a running powerslam. Joe, not wanting to deal with this anymore, tags Jaffe back in, then reassumes his position on the outside, incapacitating The Janitor. The tired Phil pulls it all out, unleashing it all on Jaffe, then setting him up for the Crazy Crusher! The crowd is on their feet, sensing a victory for him, but Jaffe turns himself out of it, boots Phil, and hit the Arabian Goodnight! As Jaffe goes for the pin, The Janitor suddenly rushes in, finally having recovered, and escaping Joe, to break up the pin! The crowd goes nuts, and Joe rushes into the ring , then nails The Janitor with The Payoff, before tossing him back outside. Jaffe and Phil are left alone again, and when Phil staggers to his feet, Jaffe nails the Arabian Goodnight once more, and goes for the pin, 1-2-3, it's over. Phil gave it his all, and this is an SWF Match of the Year candidate for sure.
*Winners and STILL SWF Tag Team Champions* Cash Inc

Post Match: Jaffe & Joe leave with their belts, exhausted, never thinking they'd get that kind of fight from Phil & The Janitor, while Phil recovers, and The Janitor pulls himself into the ring to help him. When Phil sits up, he looks near tears, disappointed at losing , but The Janitor consoles him, and when they are to their feet, the crowd give then a standing ovation. Phil then is definitely in tears, and Janitor raises his hand, to which the crowd EXPLODES. What a great moment.

SWF United States Title Match- Ayatollah Sheik vs Silkky Smooth
Silkky comes on strong , really feeling it tonight, but Sheik feels the same, and fires right back, and the two engage in a slugfest. Silkky ends up the man in control, and wasting no time, signals for the Silkky Slam! But, Sheik secretly reaches into his tights, pulling out that damn metal spike again, which he then clocks Silkky with! Sheik slips the object back into his tights, and the ref is none the wiser about it. Sheik then covers a bloodied Silkky and picks up the win.
*Winner and STILL SWF U.S. Champion* Ayatollah Sheik

Post Match: Before Sheik can inflict any more damage on Silkky, the Freedom Fighter rushes out, making his first appearance since being re-injured at the SWF Rumble! Freedom goes right for Sheik, and nails him with a few shots before Sheik scurries off. I'm guessing the feud between those two isn't over yet! Freedom then helps Silkky up, and assists him in walking to the back.

Main Event: Triple Threat SWF World Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Jack Suicide vs Mike Suicide
Before we begin, this is one fall to a finish, NOT elimination rules. Extreme comes out first, to his usual big pop, wearing a referee's shirt, stylish leather shorts, and a look that says that he's all business. BDM is next, who upon entering , tries to goad Extreme into hitting him, or just get on his nerves. The Suicides enter together, and stop in the aisle, wish each other luck, then storm the ring , teaming up to attack BDM! Extreme rings the bell, and we're off! BDM basically is on the tail end of a beating , until he bails to the outside, and Extreme doesn't hesitate beginning to count him out! BDM is pissed by that, and Extreme is obviously enjoying this, saying "Hey, I'm just doing my job", while grinning ear to ear. With no other choice, BDM quickly rolls back in, and manages to fend off his two opponents, and rolling up Jack for a pin, but Extreme never gets the chance to count it, because Mike breaks it up. BDM then decides to go after Mike, and the two fight it out, until Jack recovers, launching himself at the two of them, knocking them both to the canvas. Jack then begins to pound away on BDM, but when Mike gets up, he pushes his brother off, and the two begin to argue! The dissension is starting now, and with the World title on the line, we hear the two basically agree to not work together, and let it be any man for himself. With that, the two shake hands, before tearing into each other, while BDM pulls himself up, and watches them from a distance. Both brothers duke it out furiously, but neither get a clear cut advantage, so BDM reenters the picture, and clips Mike's knee from behind, and works away on it. Jack, unsure what to do, stands still for a few seconds, and decides to pull BDM off his brother, and they fight again, a decision the crowd supports. Jack actually gets the better of BDM, using his speed to attack and evade any possible offense. BDM retaliates though, and whips Jack into the corner, charges, but nobody's home, as Jack jumped up, and he spins around to get the Jack Brisco rollup! However, Mike, who was waiting for the right time to rejoin the fight, drills Jack with a front dropkick as soon as he completes the flip for the pin! That was some great timing by Mike, who then drags BDM away, and sets him up near the ropes, preparing to come off the top on him. Mike never gets the chance, as BDM leaps up, and crotches him on the top, then goes up himself, bringing Mike down with a superplex! In another bit of good timing , Jack, who was perched on the top rope across from them, dives off for a Suicide Splash! BDM, landing while still maintaining the suplex position, rolls himself and Mike slightly to the side, so Jack misses! BDM must've seen Jack as he was coming down. Jack it is out of it, really hitting hard, so BDM goes over to him, and tosses him out of the ring. He then yells at Extreme to count him out, but he shakes his head no! BDM is mad about this, but Extreme explains that if he is counted out, BDM will win cheaply, and urges him back to fight Mike. BDM, upset, leaves the ring , and proceeds to DDT Jack on the floor! Then, BDM grabs the mic, demanding Extreme to count him out, while the awakening Mike watches the situation unfold on the other side of the ring. BDM (still on the mic), accuses Extreme of showing bias, having almost counted him out earlier, but Extreme rebuts saying that was merely a threat, because BDM would have stayed outside forever if he knew he could keep his title like that. Extreme then clarifies that NOBODY will be counted out in this match, only a pinfall or submission will end it. BDM doesn't have a chance to say anything else, because Mike, seeing his chance, sneaks up and school boys BDM, and Extreme counts a CLOSE two count. When BDM kicks out, he goes right after Mike, angry and embarrassed that he almost lost the belt right then and there. Mike fires back, and Jack is starting to make his way back in, pulling himself up on the apron, so BDM whips Mike right into him, sending Jack, who (could barely even hold on) flying off into the guardrail! When Mike bounces back, BDM kicks him, then hits the Styles Clash/Crash Landing , which the announcers inform us BDM calls the Billion Dollar Bomb, and is BDM's new non-submission finisher. The moment of truth is here, BDM just blasted Mike, and Jack is out cold, and BDM has rolled his new move into a pin, but will Extreme count? Yes, reluctantly, Extreme gets in position, and fairly begins the count, 1-2-3. BDM is giddy with excitement, as Extreme calls for the bell.
*Winner, and STILL SWF World Champion* The Billion Dollar Man

Post Match: BDM demands Extreme, as the referee, to hand him his title, and he does, before disappointedly walking off to the back, while BDM celebrates.

We head back to Vance and Dean, who inform us, that due to some prior network commitments, SWF Main Event will not be shown this week, and will return on the 21st.
END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 2/7/04
SWF Main Event 2/7/04

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event, tonight looks to be a huge night, with quite possibly the BIGGEST main event match in this show's history! Dean, tell the good folks what we've got lined up!

Dean: Certainly Vance. This addition, just ONE WEEK away from No Escape looks to be off the charts with the following five matches:

Kings of the Street will take on Crazy Phil & The Janitor, with Phil & The Janitor's PPV title shot on the line!

JuJu & Petey Pizzazz will take on the Unlikely team of Boppo The Clown & The Mercenary!

Octane will face Captain Fantastic, which is said to have the winner in title contention once again!

Silkky Smooth will face Xavier Hawthorne III!

And, in our big main event, all 3 members of Cash Inc will face The Suicide Brothers, & a Mystery Partner! Who will the Suicides choose? If any of the several names that have been brought up in the rumor mill are their choice, it's gonna be one for the books!

Vance: Let's KICK IT OFF!

Silkky Smooth vs Xavier Hawthorne III
Silkky looks pumped tonight, and he dominates, until Ayatollah Sheik wanders to ringside, which provides enough of a distraction for Xavier to take control. Silkky finally manages to rally, and it isn't long before he hits the Silkky Slam, which, immediately after, Sheik jumps on the apron to cause another distraction. His plan backfires, as Silkky sends him flying off the apron with one good shot, and quickly goes for the successful pin attempt!
*Winner* Silkky Smooth

Post Match: Sheik recovers, and interrupts any sort of victory celebration, and he and Silkky fight to the back. I'm glad these two will get to settle their issues at No Escape!

Backstage, Generation Gap go to Extreme's office, upset that Tex cheated to beat Danny last week, earning the Good Ol' Boys a 6 Man title shot for No Escape. Extreme says he's sorry, but the referee's decision is final, so he can't change the decision, but he lets Generation Gap put any stipulation on the title match they wish. After a brief discussion, they decide on a steel cage match!

Octane vs Captain Fantastic
Octane starts fast and furious, but after quite a beating , Fantastic scores with a clothesline to take control. Fantastic shows some great power, executing suplexes and slams on his significantly larger opponent. Octane refuses to stay down, and when Fantastic tries to get him up for the Crime Stopper, he jumps down, and nails a DDT! Octane, in a horribly foul mood, lifts Fantastic back up, whips him into the ropes, and runs full tilt at him for a vicious avalanche splash! He's not done yet though, he picks up Fantastic once more, this time, kneeing him hard several times, before lifting him up for the Empty Tank, which he basically THROWS Fantastic straight up, and lets him fall to the mat, instead of pulling him back down to the canvas as per normal. That was BRUTAL. Octane covers Fantastic and gets the academic pin, and walks off almost as soon as the three count is finished. I would so hate to be whoever his next opponent is, he's just beyond pissed after losing to Petey.
*Winner* Octane

Backstage, The Janitor and Phil are shown talking. A very emotional Phil expresses his concern about losing their title shot, as he will have the chance to prove that he isn't a loser with the title match, and winning the tag belts would go a long way in rebuilding his life, as being tag champs would give him enough money to buy a nice home, and maybe mend fences with his estranged family, by proving that he's changed for the better. Phil also says how he's dreamed of one day winning a championship belt, and that he'd like nothing better than to beat Cash Inc, who've taunted him since day one. The Janitor, touched by Phil's sentiments, vows that he will fight to the very end to ensure Phil has his chance to show the world what kind of man he really is, a good one.

Kings of the Street vs Crazy Phil & The Janitor- Winners Face Cash Inc for the tag belts at No Escape
All four men start slugging it out as soon as they get into the ring , before Phil & The Don are left as the legal men. Phil seems really motivated, as he actually gets the better of Don, drawing a huge pop, and forcing him to tag Tony. Tony is met with some spirited punches, but soon takes control. Phil bows out soon after, and Janitor, honoring his promise, unloads on Tony, to the delight of the crowd. Tony has no choice but to tag Don back in, and The Janitor continues kickin' some major league ass. Soon however, Don cheats by using a low blow, and Janitor is left in deep trouble, because Don hammers away on him. The fans rally behind the Janitor, and a worried Phil looks on, reaching for the tag. Finally, The Janitor breaks loose, and tags Phil, who fights like a man possessed, and dismantles Don, before hitting the Crazy Crusher! The crowd just about lost it, and he quickly goes for the pin, as Tony rushes in to stop it, but Janitor recovers enough to cut him off! 1-2-3! Phil just won the match! The crowd goes APESHIT as Phil and Janitor celebrate. This marks the first time Phil has ever actually beaten anyone, but he has won one time, but was not involved in the decision.
*Winners* Crazy Phil & The Janitor

Post Match: Phil gets teary eyed as the crowd chants for him, and he goes up to Janitor, and says "Thank you", and extends his hand, to which Janitor brushes away and embraces him! The crowd continues to pop huge as they leave.

JuJu & Petey Pizzazz vs Boppo The Clown & The Mercenary
Boppo & Petey start, but when Petey dominates, Boppo quickly tags Mercenary, Petey's No Escape opponent, and judging by his actions, a man he wants nothing to do with, so he tag JuJu. JuJu and Mercenary go back and forth, evenly, but after a few minutes, Octane, in search of Petey slides right into the ring , and makes his way over to Petey's corner, but Petey is long gone by that point, running off through the crowd. The referee makes the mistake of trying to tell Octane to leave, and he gets the Empty Tank! JuJu and Mercenary decide to call it a night, stop fighting , and along with Boppo, run to the back. Octane stands in the middle of the ring , angry that Petey got away, then decides to leave, but isn't happy he couldn't get to his nemesis.
*No Contest*

We head to the back, where we see Cash Inc, and they sit confident, talking about how they know who the mystery partner is, and that "He won't be a problem".

Main Event: Cash Inc vs The Suicide Brothers & ???
Cash Inc make their way down, in high spirits, and the Suicides run down before their intro, without their third man, the mystery partner. All five go at it mid ring , but the Suicides are soon beaten down, and the three Cash Inc members stomp them into the mat. The Suicides are in desperate need of whoever their third man is, and soon EXTREME SUPERSTAR'S MUSIC HITS! EXTREME MUST BE THE MYSTERY PARTNER! The crowd explodes as the man himself walks with a purpose to the ring , clutching a steel chair. Cash Inc suddenly stop beating their opponents, seemingly shocked that Extreme was the third man. BDM and company argue, and we hear them yell about Extreme was certainly not who they expected as the mystery man, which allows Mike and Jack to attack from behind, as Extreme rushes as fast as he can the rest of the way to the ring. Extreme starts swinging the chair, and all three Cash Inc members roll out of the ring. Extreme then turns around and HITS JACK WITH THE CHAIR?! Extreme then blasts Mike, and Cash Inc smile, and Extreme smiles back?! The crowd is IRATE. Extreme kicks the two brothers out of the ring , and Cash Inc reenter, and they HUG Extreme! Extreme has aligned with Cash Inc! The victorious four men strut around, and BDM grabs a mic, then begins to address the crowd, who are hurling anything not nailed down at this new alliance.

BDM(all smiles and laughing): You people are SO gullible! How could you possibly believe that Extreme would risk his whole company to get rid of me! Sure, we've had our differences, but all it took to resolve that was a truce. Extreme, why don't you tell the people how this alliance, the NEW Cash Inc came to be?

(Extreme is handed the mic)

Extreme(grinning from ear to ear): Well, it was true, I did have a problem with BDM here in the beginning , and, yes, the whole Julio Maniaco thing was indeed a way to try and secretly take him out. But, after I won the Rumble, something that shocked even me, BDM showed up at my dressing room, and wanted to have a sit-down, which was after the whole Extrememania contract signing thing actually. So, I explained my problems with how he was doing business, and he explained that he was only doing it as a way to raise the ire of the fans, because we all know, a cheating heel is a surefire way to draw money. I understood, and even commended him for trying to shake things up, for the sake of the business, to which he pitched the idea that we join forces, a move that would certainly draw attention to the SWF, and be beneficial to Cash Inc. I was leery at first, but he then payed me a whole hell of a lot of money, that will go a long way in creating a better product for you all, so I agreed. Oh, yeah, one more thing , in case you were still wondering how this new alliance effects the Extrememania match, it's off! (the crowd boos heavily) And, as the special guest referee for No Escape, I can make sure that The Billion Dollar Man will walk out the SWF World champion! (the crowd boos loudly)

(BDM takes the mic, but is cut off, when the Suicides rush back into the ring , and attack the nearby Jaffe & Joe, while Extreme & BDM rush towards the aisle, and Mike picks up the microphone)

Mike(angry): Hey Extreme, you coward, why don't you want to fight now? C'mon! I guess you prefer to attack from behind huh?

Extreme and BDM are seen, and the camera picks up them shouting things at the Suicides, then the two opt to go back and fight, but when BDM begins to walk to the ring , Extreme spins him back around, and NAILS HIM WITH THE LIGHTS OUT! The crowd seems confused as to what is going on. The Suicides are then shown, cheering , and Extreme gives them a thumbs up! Extreme walks back to the ring , and shakes hands with the Suicides before taking the mic.

Extreme(to the Suicides): Sorry about the hard chair shots, but it had to be done to make our plan work, right? (The brothers agree and says it was ok) Well, well, well, how does it feel to be played BDM? You see fans, while BDM DID try and call a truce after we signed the contract for Extrememania, I didn't actually buy into what he was saying , I was only going along with it, so he could see what it's like to be screwed over! (the fans cheer, realizing that Extreme is true-blue after all) Sure, the Extrememania match might be off, but only because at No Escape, and with me as the referee, The Billion Dollar Man will be forced to defend his title, fair and square! (the crowd cheers again, and we pan to a dazed, but alert, and angry BDM)

END OF SHOW

SWF Main Event 1/31/04
SWF Main Event 1/31/04

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! Tonight, the road to SWF's next PPV, No Escape, continues, here's Dean to tell you more.

Dean: Vance, tonight we'll see 3 matches to determine the contenders for the SWF 6 Man titles! Each member of the Good Ol' Boys will face a member of the reigning 6 Man champs, Generation Gap, and if they fail to win the majority (or one win, in case of a no contest match), some other threesome will get the title shots, but if successful, they get the chance once more to be SWF 6 Man champions! Also, the two newest tag teams, the Kings of the Streets, consisting of The Don & Tony Ramon, will face Tuns of Fun, the duo of Boppo The Clown & Repo, in match that will be very important, if either of these teams wish to get a shot at tag team gold. We are also told, Extreme Superstar has yet ANOTHER announcement that will raise the ire of SWF World champion, The Billion Dollar Man!

Vance: Well, as I always say, let's KICK IT OFF!

Charles Gunn vs Jimmy Jam
Jimmy comes on strong , taking the early lead after dazzling his opponent with some aerial maneuvers. Too many of those moves prove to be his downfall however, because Charles catches a Jimmy as he comes off the top with a flying body press! Without hesitation, Charles swings Jimmy's body out, turning it into a Gunn Slinger! With Jimmy's own momentum, Charles really planted him into the mat, 1-2-3, it's over! Charles scores one important win for the Good Ol' Boys, just one more is needed for the title shot!
*Winner* Charles Gunn

The announcers recap Petey's win last week, then announce that Octane has a slight concussion, and won't be here tonight, due to being hit with the ring bell. He is however going to be back next week, for an important match with Captain Fantastic, who Petey also shafted out of the TV title shot.

Rory Rogers vs X
X makes a good go of it for the first few minutes, but Rory fights back, and hits the Roundup! 1-2- NO! Unfortunately for Rory, he nailed his finisher too close to the ropes, and X had enough presence of mind to out his foot on the rope. Rory, a little upset, argues with the ref, but then goes back to X, and looks to try the move again, but this time, further away from the ropes. Rory wasted too much time though, and out of NOWHERE, X rolls Rory up in the inside cradle, and gets the 1-2-3! X pulls one out for his team!
*Winner* X

We go backstage, where Tony and Don are preparing for their match, which we learn is NEXT!

Kings of the Street vs Tuns of Fun
As per usual, Repo comes out last, this time as One Man Gang! Once everyone is in the ring , the two teams go right at each other, and Boppo & Repo have things well in hand, before Tony & Don make the comeback. The ref has a hard time getting the obligatory member of each team to leave, but soon help is on the way, as JuJu's pyro goes off, and he comes storming the ring , making a beeline to his No Escape opponent, Boppo. JuJu quickly nails Boppo with the JuJu Driver, as the bells rings for the DQ , and leaves before anyone can touch him.
*Winners by DQ* Tuns of Fun

Post Match: The angry Kings of the Street attack Repo, and hit him with their finishing moves, before demanding the referee count as Don "pinned" him. KOTS (which I'll use for short when referring to Kings of the Street), beat on Repo some more, and kick a downed Boppo before walking off.

We cut to all 3 members of Cash Inc, who are watching the show in their dressing room, and when Jaffe & Joe inquire as to what BDM thinks of Extreme's supposed announcement, BDM laugh it off, saying it's just Extreme "Playing mind games".

Main Event: Tex Gentry vs Disco Danny
Tex & Danny TEAR IT DOWN with a fast paced little match, and each man gets their fair share of offense in. Both keep trying for a quick pin, like X got earlier, and after a REALLY close call attempt by Danny, Tex bails to the outside. Danny, not wanting to wait, rushes out after him, but when the ref can't get them to return, and knowing what is at stake, doesn't want to count them out, goes out after them, he accidentally collides with Tex, who Danny was trying to whip into the ring post, and the poor ref is sent into the post instead! With the ref out, Danny opts to toss a dazed Tex back in, and nails the Disco Drop! But, with nobody there to count, Rory and Charles storm the ring , hoping to aid their partner, who is out cold. X & Jimmy soon come down to stop a potential beat down, and all 3 members of Generation Gap are drawn into a brawl with Rory & Charles, leaving Tex by himself. This proves to be a mistake, as Tex recovers, then drags himself outside, to where the guitar he carries to the ring is sitting! Tex sneaks back inside with his weapon, and pulls Danny from the fray, and LEVELS him with a guitar shot, then rolls him up for the pin! Danny is OUT. By this time, the dazed referee is pulling himself up on the apron, so all the illegal men in the ring hightail it, but not before Rory sneaks up, and rolls the ref inside, where he manages to count the 1-2-3!
*Winner* Tex Gentry

As everyone leaves the ringside area, we go backstage, and see Extreme walking down the hall, apparently on his way to the ring.

Extreme Superstar's music hits, and comes out to a big pop, smiling the whole way, and holding a microphone. Extreme waits for the music to stop, and goes right into what he wants to say:

Extreme(in a particularly good mood): As you may know, I'm out here to make an announcement, but not just any announcement, one that is allegedly gonna get under the skin of the good ol' Billion Dollar Man. (The crowd cheers) Well, we'll have see about that, c'mon out BDM.

(BDM makes his way to the ring, and with a mic of his own)

BDM(somewhat upset): I'm getting REAL tired of all these big announcements you keep making , ones that always end being just another way to screw me over. (begins to smile) But, since I ALWAYS end up coming out on top, I'm not too worried about what it is you've got planned, so, by all means, tell me and all these people what it is this time.

Extreme: Ok then. BDM, next week, you, and your Cash Inc buddies will participate in a 6 Man Tag Match.

BDM(not letting Extreme say another word): Against who? (uneasily smiles) I know you too well, what's the catch?

Extreme(playing it off like no big deal): Hmmmm, a catch? Let's see, two of your opponents are the Suicide Brothers (big pop for that), and the third, is ANY partner they choose! (another big pop) Yep, could be just about anyone, someone you know, someone you've screwed over, or someone you've never even seen before. Wait a minute, if it could be anyone (fakes being shocked) why it could even be (the crowd cheers, and BDM looks furious, knowing where he's going with this)....(Extreme points to himself, pretending that he's all surprised, and the crowd pops big again) That match is certainly gonna be interesting , (playfully pats BDM on the back) good luck!

(Extreme walks off as BDM stands still, just totally pissed off)

END OF SHOW