SWF Main Event 10/25/03
SWF Main Event 10/25/03

Vance: Welcome to SWF Main Event! I'm Vance McMillian, along side Dean Bokerlund. We are a mere 6 days away from Halloween Hell, and tonight, we determine who will face the U.S. and TV champions at that PPV!

Dean: It's gonna be an exciting night, here's what's on tap:

The Janitor vs Xavier Hawthorne III

# 1 Contenders Match for the SWF TV title- Randy Mann vs The Great JuJu

# 1 Contenders Match for the U.S. title- Jahalaman Jaffe vs The Mercenary

Another addition of Petey's Parlor

Crazy Phil vs Joe Money

Vance: Well, let's get right to it!

(Cut to the ring for the opening match)

Crazy Phil vs Joe Money
Poor Phil gives all he has, but Joe beats him down rather easily. Phil doesn't give up, but his age and limited wrestling skills are making it hard for him to mount any sort of offense. Joe, being in complete control, opts to humiliate Phil, going outside to retrieve something he placed under the ring. He holds up a bottle of liquid soap, and a bottle of water, what nerve, implying that the downtrodden Phil is dirty! Joe, laughing it up all the way, pours the soap and water on his downed opponent, then scrubs it in with a cloth he pulled from his pocket, all the while insulting Phil. As he does this, Phil, obviously angered, finds the strength to fight back, and unleashes a barrage of punches, then rolling up Joe, almost winning in the process. Having almost been pinned, Joe gets serious, and stomps a mudhole in Phil before hitting The Payoff and going for the pin, but arrogantly gets up at the count of two. Joe opts to administer one more Payoff for good measure, and for Phil embarrassing him by nearly beating him. 1-2-3 that's it.
*Winner* Joe Money

Post Match: Joe continues to assault Phil, all the while screaming derogatory remarks about his financial situation. When he is finally done, he tosses several bills onto Phil, even stuffing one into his mouth, then walks away.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance(disgusted): What a sickening display by Joe Money. Phil is just trying to rebuild his life, and he gets humiliated for it.

Dean(equally disgusted): That wasn't right, I don't see how Joe Money could be pleased by his actions. But moving on, last week, during the Randy Mann vs Jahalaman Jaffe match, Randy received some help from a mystery man, who saved him from quite the beating.

Vance: It is now known who this man is, (footage of the mystery man strutting around some pool area is played over Vance's talking) His name is Beef Macho, he stands 5'11, and weighs 236 lbs, hailing from Hollywood California. He was Randy Mann's mentor in the adult film industry, actually being the man who discovered him, and directed his first few films. Macho and Randy then became partners, and they run a small studio together to this day. Randy trained Macho himself, and the rotund brawler uses a version of the Boss Man Slam, he refers to as the Beefy Bomb. Beef Macho has also selected the Village People's "Macho Man" as his theme music. He is expected to make his wrestling debut at the Soul Survivor PPV.

Dean: Thanks for the info Vance. Now we're ready to see if Beef Macho's buddy, Randy Mann can earn himself a shot at the TV title!

(Cut to the ring for the match)

# 1 Contenders Match for the SWF TV title- Randy Mann vs The Great JuJu
JuJu starts strong , overpowering Randy and using his superior brawling skills. Randy comes back, utilizing his technical wrestling prowess to take control. JuJu uses a low blow (that goes unseen by the ref) to get back on the offense. JuJu, having been significantly injured by Randy's assault, figures he needs his voodoo to win the match. He grabs his "magic" powder, but before he can successfully use it, Beef Macho runs the rescue, jumping on the apron, and drawing JuJu's attention. JuJu tosses the powder at Macho, but as he turns to face his opponent, he walks into a fishermen buster suplex. After nailing the suplex, Randy goes up top, hits the Body Shot, and picks up the three count.
*Winner and # 1 Contender* Randy Mann

Post Match: Randy aides his friend, who shrugs off the earlier powder attack, and celebrates Randy's victory with him.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: It's time now for Petey's Parlor. Let's see what he has in store for us this week, take it Petey!

(Cut to Petey on the set of Petey's Parlor, with Octane and Yeti standing in the background)

Petey(not realizing he's on camera, bickers with Yeti and Octane): Yeti! You can't stand there! (Yeti stands confused) Your blocking the camera! Octane! Work with me, I don't know how to get through to this guy. (notices the camera, and pushes in front of the two large men, who stare down menacingly at him) HI! Welcome to Petey's Parlor. Today we have the three losers me, Yeti, and Octane beat for these (points to the title around his waist, and whispers to his partners to show their titles as well).

Petey(sarcastically): Please welcome, The Generation Gap. (The group enters to The Who's My Generation, which they are apparently now using as their theme, all six men stare each other down before Petey decides to speak up)

Petey(annoyed): Look, I didn't even want to have you on, but I was told you goofs have something to say, so fine, what is it? (X takes the mic)

X: The three of us feel that we deserve another crack at those 6 Man titles. We had to reschedule the initial match, then, (points to Octane and Yeti) those two attacked us before the bell, and you never even had to tag in. (Petey takes the mic)

Petey(looks at his backup in Octane and Yeti): Sure, We'll do it at the PPV, it's not like it's gonna be any different from when we first fought. Well, that was quick, I guess that wraps up Petey's Parlor this week, back to you guys in the booth.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: It was simple and to the point Dean.

Dean: It sure was, moving on, in preparation for his Hardcore title match at Halloween Hell against The Reverend, The Janitor is gonna lock horns with Reverend's good buddy Xavier Hawthorne III. It should be interesting to say the least, let's go to the ring.

(Cut to the ring for the match)

The Janitor vs Xavier Hawthorne III
Xavier is first to the ring , and The Janitor is nowhere to be seen. As Xavier looks to the aisle waiting for his opponent, The Janitor sneaks up from behind, having come from the crowd, and beats him with his signature mop before the match can officially start. Once the bell rings, The Janitor drops the mop, and nails the Clean Sweep for the quick win as The Reverend runs to the ring.
*Winner* The Janitor

Post Match: Reverend finally makes it to the ring , although he's much too late, and is met with a mop shot to the head, delivered by The Janitor. The Janitor then takes the Hardcore title (that was strapped around Reverend's waist) and celebrates with it.

(Back to the announce booth)

Vance: We're gonna keep cruisin' along , as our main event tonight is up next.

Dean: It will determine who faces United States champion, The Freedom Fighter for the title at Halloween Hell. Let's get right to it!


# 1 Contenders Match for the U.S. title- Jahalaman Jaffe vs The Mercenary
Jaffe starts by attempting to bribe Mercenary to lay down, but ends up being nearly run over with a vicious lariat. Mercenary follows up by proceeding to whip the living daylights out of Jaffe. Jaffe escapes to the outside, trying to flee the irate Mercenary. The Mercenary decides to give chase, infuriated by Jaffe's cowardice, and probably motivated by his recent rash of losses. Jaffe runs around the ring , and as Mercenary closes in, Jaffe kicks the steel ring steps out in front of his adversary, which trip him up, and send him face first onto them! Jaffe wisely puts Mercenary back inside quickly, hits his Arabian Goodnight finisher and gets the pin.
*Winner and # 1 Contender* Jahalaman Jaffe

Post Match: Knowing he was lucky to squeak out the win, Jaffe runs for the hills, as his furious opponent comes to in the ring.


(Back to the announce booth)

Vance(chuckles): Jaffe had the right idea by running away after what he did. But nonetheless, he earned a U.S. title shot at Halloween Hell.

Dean: We now have a full card for the event, which looks like this:

Extreme Superstar vs Death Machine?

SWF World Title Match- The Billion Dollar Man vs Silkky Smooth

SWF Tag Team Title Match- The Suicide Brothers. vs The Black Dragons

SWF U.S. title Match.- The Freedom Fighter vs Jahalaman Jaffe

SWF TV Title Match- Randy Mann vs Captain Fantastic

SWF Hardcore Title- The Janitor vs The Reverend- If The Janitor wins, Faith and Devotion must cease in trying to banish the title

SWF Six Man Title Match- Petey Pizzazz/Octane/Yeti vs The Generation Gap

Vance(sighs and speaks in a serious tone): As mentioned above, with Extreme nowhere to be found, and having previously sustained injury at the hands of the inhuman Death Machine, that match in serious question.

Dean(in a similar tone): On the topic of Death Machine, last week he brutally chokeslammed Tony Ramon and Rory Rogers over the top and on to the floor, a week earlier, he did the same to Tripp. Those three are expected back sometime soon after the PPV, but remain sidelined currently due to concussions and other injuries as a result of that madman.

Vance(sighs): At least we haven't had to deal with such a situation tonight. (just as soon as those words are spoken, Death Machine's Music hits)

Dean(scared as the music continues to play with no sign of Death Machine): Oh God. Please, get some help.

Vance(scared as well): I spoke too soon. Somebody get out.....(Vance and Dean's eyes grow wide as saucers at the booth, apparently seeing something shocking off camera. As they cry out for help, Death Machine comes into view at the booth. His music cuts off, and the arena is dead silent in fear, and the two announcers' only exit is blocked by the mammoth man standing before them. Death Machine laughs maniacally as he approaches the trapped announcers, but suddenly, the sound of a whiny guitar blares throughout the arena, soon identified as Nickelback's song , "Where Do I Hide?". The music plays on as Death Machine, the announcers, and the crowd look to the aisle to see who's entrance the song signals. As the chorus hits, EXTREME SUPERSTAR EMERGES FROM THE BACK! HE'S HERE! With bandages still on his head, wearing all black, carrying a big metal pipe, and looking more pissed off than ever, he rushes towards Death Machine as the crowd explodes and chants his name. Death Machine backs off before being hit, and laughs sinisterly at Extreme before leaving the arena. Extreme stands, pipe in hand, saying "This Friday Death Machine, This Friday".

END OF SHOW